Rejecting rejection, pt 2

September 24, 2022 Michele Anastasi

Last week in Part 1, I told my story of rejection. If you didn’t already, read it here.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. So why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

Forty years ago, emotional healing was rarely spoken of. Somehow, I came across a book by John and Paula Sandford, pioneers on the subject of inner healing. Being the mess I was, it spoke to my heart. And Gaspar and I started our quest to learn more.

Thus began our prayer counseling ministry—which more than 3 decades later has grown into Breaking Free Wellness Center. It’s my number one solution for rejection and other emotional healing. To have a trained prayer minister guide you through painful issues from the past is invaluable. Often the journey takes you along such dark, dismal paths that—without help—many of us would give up.

When people reject you, without realizing it, you feel betrayed by God. “Where was He in my pain?” you ask. Of course, Satan uses that opportunity to plant seeds of deception in your heart about yourself, about others and especially about God.

Expose inner vows

Growing up with an abusive mom, I believed I was bad. I couldn’t be any good for her to treat me the way she did. I thought God must not love me either to let me hurt like this. As a child, I remember thinking When I grow up, no one is ever going to hurt me or tell me what to do again. I had no idea I was making a vow that would profoundly affect my life.

You may not even realize that you’ve made vows. But think back to all the times you said, “I’ll never do this…” or “I’ll never do that….” We make vows because we think we can protect ourselves from future hurt. In actuality, these inner vows harden our hearts to the point that we can never fully give or receive love. Can you relate to this?

Ungodly beliefs are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God.

Maybe it wasn’t a parent who hurt you. It could have been a failed marriage—and you vowed you’d never trust again, marry again or let anyone get close to you. As a teen, you might have been betrayed by a group of girls and vowed never to trust females.

Lies are always at the root of such inner vows, forming ungodly beliefs. Every one of us holds some beliefs that aren’t true. When these beliefs are contrary to God’s Truth, we call them “ungodly beliefs.” They are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God. They affect our entire lives: every relationship we have; every decision we make; how we act and react; our very destiny.

Breaking Free Inner Healing — Do you suffer from rejection? We’re here to help. Go to BreakingFreeCC.com or call 239.244.3912.

Reject the lies

Hurt, rejection, negative experiences and trauma create ungodly beliefs in us. The child whose father walks out on his family can grow up believing I’m not important or dad wouldn’t have left… People will always fail me.

Being made fun of, called names by siblings or peers, being criticized by a teacher or authority figure—all these can form the ungodly beliefs: No one will ever want me…I’m fat, I’m stupid…I’ll never amount to anything. These ungodly beliefs follow us right into adulthood and become assignments against us.

In the healing process, it’s very important to renounce these lies and break agreement with them. By believing lies, you forge an alliance with the enemy, giving him easy access to your life.

Start by forgiving

After renouncing Satan’s lies, it’s even more important to agree with what God says about you.

Start by forgiving those who contributed to forming the ungodly belief in you.
Ask God to forgive you for believing a lie and for judging those who hurt you. Pray and break the power of the lies from your life.
Find scripture that speaks Truth to these areas. This is the last and most important step to forgiving. Read those verses daily. Meditate on them. Memorize them until your mind becomes renewed with the Truth. Stick with it. Renewing your mind takes time.

Often, that’s why people don’t maintain their healing. Getting prayer is just one part of it. The most important part is renewing our mind with God’s Word.

Get to know the Healer

The next strategy is to develop intimacy with the Lord. I can hear you saying, “Yeah, I know that already.” But really spend time in His Word the Bible daily. Hear what He has to say to you through His word. Then pray, bringing Him your needs. Jealously guard this devotional time. Otherwise, other things will take its place.

Attend a good Bible-believing church where you can receive strength and support for your journey. Find a place where the uncompromised Word of God is taught.

Man praying with Bible — Spend time in the Bible daily. Hear what God has to say through His word. Then bring Him your needs.

Identify with the cross

Let me explain what I mean by identifying with the cross. Often we have a very limited concept of the cross. We know that Jesus died on the cross for our sin. He took our place and, when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord, when we die we go to Heaven. Yes, that’s true, but it doesn’t end there. That’s only one aspect of the cross. To identify with the cross, everything about the old me can and should die there. The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

When Jesus hung on the cross He said, “It is finished.” It’s at the cross that all the power Satan had over us is broken. When you take what you’re still struggling with to the cross, it will be finished in your life too. Keep in mind that when you bring something to the cross, everything isn’t automatically fixed.

The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

Let’s say you fly into a rage, start throwing things and kick over the trash can. All of a sudden you catch yourself and run to the cross. “Lord, help me. Forgive me for this anger. Cleanse me.” God says, “Of course you’re forgiven.” What a relief! But guess what? There’s still garbage and broken stuff all over the place. Who has to clean it up? You do! But God gives you the grace and the strength to do it. One by one you pick up the pieces. It’s all a part of identifying with the cross. It’s finished the moment you take it there. The rest is clean-up.

You have to take it there and let it die. Often, that’s where we get discouraged because we think it isn’t working. Satan is whispering in your ear, “I’m back. You’re not free. This doesn’t work.” He wants to scare you into giving up.

Keep your eyes on Jesus

Jesus heals the brokenhearted — Help and healing could be closer than you think! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Stop looking at the junk and look at Jesus! He set you free to live that way forever. Not just free from sin, but free from rejection, a wounded spirit, depression, self-hatred, anger—and the list goes on and on. Galatians 5:1 tells us: “Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

“Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “
Galatians 5:1

So when Satan brings back those old feelings of rejection, pain, or bad memories, tell him where to go. Say, “Shut up, in Jesus’ name. You’re a liar! I am crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Rejection doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. It’s nailed to the cross, and it died there.” Remember, healing is yours. Christ set you free. Keep standing firm!

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Rejecting rejection: My story

September 17, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Rejection, Success & victory

Rejection is one of the most painful wounds you could ever receive. Not only does it damage your self-image and confidence, but rejection wounds your soul and spirit like nothing else can. Because God is Love, rejection is one of Satan’s weapons of choice. He works very hard using whatever and whomever he can to make us feel unloved and worthless.

Born unwanted

In my own life, seeds of rejection budded in me while still in my mother’s womb. As my tiny fingers and toes formed, so did the knowledge that I was unwanted. That might seem strange, but our spirit is fully formed at conception and can pick up on our mother’s feelings. Even medical science has proven that infants in utero are aware of and react to external stimuli.

In the 1940’s, many women who conceived out of wedlock used homemade remedies to try to abort unwanted pregnancy. Thankfully for me, none of those remedies did away with my physical existence. To add to my mother’s fear, doctors had warned her that giving birth could kill her because of a severe heart condition she had since childhood. I heard this sad story constantly growing up—reinforcing the fact that I was a mistake.

In my childhood and teen years, I endured physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. She too grew up in an abusive home. All this turned me into one rejected mess! It was etched onto my soul that I was unwanted, had no value, and shouldn’t even exist.

Rebellion takes hold

As it often does, rejection turned into rebellion. A hardness began to grow inside me. I remember lying in bed as a child and vowing that I would never let anyone hurt me again. Subconsciously I said, “No more” and put on a defensive front for self-protection.

When I came to Christ in my twenties, I brought all that ugly baggage. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

I loved God. I knew if I died I’d go to heaven, but I couldn’t get victory over the anger, rage, and rejection that controlled me. Yes, I let Christ touch and heal some areas. But in areas where I was most wounded, I remained unchanged. Healing takes time and commitment. It’s a process. After all these years, God is still working in me, still healing me.

When I came to Christ, I brought all that ugly baggage with me. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

God is still working

I shared all that because most people don’t like to admit that they deal with rejection. They’ve spent much of their lives trying to cover it up with all kinds of defense mechanisms. You might be thinking, I’m ok. This isn’t for me. Trust me, God isn’t finished with you either. We all need more healing.

If you carry hurt or offense; if you get defensive at times; if anger sometimes rises up from nowhere; if you blame-shift or gossip even once in a while—guess what? You need more healing. Emotional healing is key to our spiritual growth. It’s key to breaking free and living well. You can’t mature spiritually while wounded emotionally.

You can’t mature spiritually if you are wounded emotionally.

His plan is perfect

Couple with adopted child — In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents.

The way I grew up—and maybe you too—was the exact opposite of what God planned for us. In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents. Our earthly father would be a reflection of God Himself: loving, caring, protecting. In this ideal world, our parents would lead us into a personal relationship with Christ, teach us the Word, take us to church and live godly lives before us. That was God’s perfect plan.

Sadly, sin entered that beautiful picture and perverted everything. Parents are more likely to pass on to their children the same brokenness and dysfunction in which they were raised. You can’t give what you don’t receive. Satan is a very real enemy, and he wants to destroy you any way he can. The younger the victim, the better he likes it.

When we don’t receive unconditional love and nurturing but get the exact opposite—abuse, criticism, anger, sarcasm, rejection—these things sink their roots deep into our souls. When you hear daily: “You always mess up… You can’t do anything right… You’re stupid… clumsy… ugly…(you fill in the blank)”—hear it enough and you begin to believe it. Inferiority, self-hatred, fear, and depression set in.

Rejection causes you to live life by your feelings. Your emotions control you. You make wrong choices to accommodate your fears and insecurities, and life keeps getting worse.

Your Father yearns to fill up all of your empty, broken places. He longs to make you whole.

It’s time you win

The Father yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. He longs to make you whole.

Know this: God has healing for you! Not only does He want to heal you, the Lord wants to be that perfect, loving Daddy to you. He desires to love you with a pure, healthy love. He yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. The Father longs to make you whole.

You may still carry pain from things you experienced many years ago. Satan was the one in control of those bad situations or people who hurt you. I think it’s time to take back what’s been stolen! Don’t you? It’s time you and I win! That’s what we’ll talk about next week: Solutions and strategies in the healing process.

We would love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.

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More fluent in love

August 20, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage, Success & victory

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”. Since then, a number of spouses said to me they wish I had included specific suggestions for each one of the love languages.

Taking the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved and then intentionally loving them in that way is a great gift. My first suggestion is, when you take the Love Language Quiz and get the results, spend some time discussing it together. (Just because you know your spouse’s love language doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know what they personally need to feel loved.)

Physical touch

“We know and love each other better because of it.”

When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, don’t think only of the act of love making. Physical touch includes so much more! Don’t let the day go by without touching them in a meaningful way. Some suggestions:

Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before getting up.
Always kiss hello and goodbye.
Hold hands often.
Give them a shoulder, neck or foot massage.
Cuddle while watching a movie together.
Hold hands and pray together.
Hug often.
Don’t forget at least one passionate kiss daily.
Put on some romantic music and dance together.
Cuddle before falling asleep.

Acts of service

For this love language, you’ll want to know what your spouse would like you to do. Acts of service require thought and effort. Some ideas:

Do a chore your spouse hates to do.
Ask what they need help with at the beginning of the week.
Respond to requests in a positive way rather than acting put off.
Make up a goody basket with their favorite treats.
Fill the car with gas.
Help prepare dinner or help clean up.
Make their coffee or tea in the morning.
Polish their shoes.
Make a coupon book of things you’ll do for them.
Make their favorite meal and dessert.

BF__Next level — Do you need spiritual healing? Come to the right place: www.BreakingFreeCC.com. Or call 239.244.3912.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy.

Quality time

The quality time love language centers around togetherness and giving your mate your undivided attention. Put your cell phone away. Shut down all electronics, and focus on your partner. When you do that, it touches their heart and makes them feel loved and important. Some suggestions to get you started:

Plan a special date night.
Take turns reading a book aloud together.
Go for coffee or ice cream and leave your phone in the car.
Cook dinner together.
Go for a walk around your neighborhood.
Start and end your day spending time talking.
Discuss and plan some marriage goals together.
Do a home project together.
Look for and start a hobby you’d both enjoy.
Once you make plans to do something, don’t cancel.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation include so much. Kindness. Encouragement. Empathy. And seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Think about what they would want to hear. For example:

“I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.”
“Thank you for all you do for me.”
“I admire the way you ______________.”
“I wouldn’t want to go through life without you.”
“No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together.”
“I love every minute we’re together.”
“Thank you for being my best friend.”
“The best day of my life was the day I married you.”
“You make me feel safe.”
“You’re the best _____________ ever!”

Receiving gifts

Store-bought gifts aren’t the only way to speak this love language. And it’s not about how much you spend either. It’s the thought that goes into the gift. One wife told me her husband buys her gifts she doesn’t really want. Here’s a suggestion: If your spouse is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, a box of candy wouldn’t be the ideal gift. The gift should have special meaning to them. Always keep an eye out for things they’d love to be surprised with. Some ideas:

Place a small gift or love note in the bag they take to work or on a trip.
Listen for hints of things they love and make special occasions a big deal.
Give them a small gift every hour on the hour for their birthday.
Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
Fill a notebook with one thing you love about them every day for a year. Include pictures of the two of you.
Order a favorite childhood candy or snack.
Be willing to invest in something that matters to them.
After a trip, bring home a souvenir that made you think of them.
Make their favorite meal and dessert for no special reason.
Make a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy. Hope you find these ideas helpful! You can always discover more suggestions on the internet. Regardless, we’d love to hear how these love language tips worked out for you!

If this blog post has blessed you, please comment below.

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What exactly is godly submission?

June 11, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage, Success & victory

We were in a small group of couples a few weeks ago when the topic of submission in marriage came up. It didn’t take long for sparks to fly. Every man and woman had a different opinion or story to share. Thankfully, my husband stepped in with God’s opinion and tempers began to cool down. We can argue with each other all day long, but no one in the group wanted to dispute the Word of God.

Submission has nothing to do with equality or superiority and everything to do with function.

Submission has nothing to do with equality or superiority and everything to do with function. God holds every husband accountable for the way his family is managed. Most of the husbands in our group didn’t come right out and say it, but they inferred that being the head of their home meant whatever they say is law.

Given authority vs earned authority

Godly headship involves not only “given” authority because God says the husband is the head, but it includes “earned” authority. The husband earns authority because of the quality of life and character he displays before his family.

At the root of godly headship lies unconditional love.

At the root of godly headship lies unconditional love. The apostle Paul wrote “husbands love your wives just as Christ loves the church” (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus loves us unconditionally. He didn’t say, “I’ll love you if you obey me and do everything I say.” No, His love is unconditional no matter how we respond to Him.

Jesus displayed His love for us by sacrificing His own life. When a husband puts his family first before his own needs and desires, he not only operates in his “given” authority, but he has earned their hearts as well. He has a family that wants to follow his lead out of love and respect.

What's broken gets fixed — It’s never too late to make your marriage great! For marriage counseling or coaching, call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Let me tell you…

Submission did not come easy to this strong-willed girl. The first time I heard about submission in marriage was shortly after I became a Christian, and I said to the sweet woman leading the Bible Study, “You’ve got to be kidding!” Well she wasn’t, and neither were the scriptures she shared with me that day. She patiently dealt with my baby Christian rough edges.

She explained that my earthly marriage was to be a reflection of my relationship with Christ. It made me think how many times I fail to submit to Jesus—my perfect, loving Savior. How many times I choose not to trust Him and insist on doing things my way. Ouch! Believe me, submission was and still is a struggle at times, but God lovingly deals with my heart. I’m also blessed with a very patient husband who shows me much grace.

The truth is, when we refuse to submit to our husbands we’re really saying, “God, you clearly don’t have control here. Do you see what my husband is doing? This decision is a bad one, and You aren’t doing anything about it. I’ll just step in and help You, until You have time to fix it.”

What does godly submission look like?

For wives…

Godly submission doesn’t mean

accepting bad behavior
allowing abuse or violence
giving sex on demand
allowing your husband to control your relationships with God or family

It does mean

showing your husband respect
building him up
honoring him
following him as he leads you in a Christlike way.

For husbands…

Godly submission doesn’t mean

forcing your wife to yield to your demands through control or intimidation.

It does mean

you lead with the same unconditional love, sacrifice and servanthood that Christ demonstrated.
like Christ, you give yourself in a way that makes her want to submit to your leading.

God honors and blesses the couple that live in submission to Him.

Let’s not forget that submission in marriage is difficult for both husbands and wives, because we have a very real enemy who uses this topic to stir up hurt and negative feelings. Be patient and show each other grace. The benefits make it well worth the effort to keep at it. God honors and blesses the couple that live in submission to Him.

We love hearing from you. Please leave a message below if this blog has been a blessing.

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Why your marriage needs a vision

May 21, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage, Success & victory

Many married couples never actually grow in oneness. Nor do they experience the true joy in marriage God intended. Why? They have no vision. Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” That literally means we “accomplish nothing nor have a real purpose in life.”

A vision acts like railroad tracks that your life runs on.

Two become one — It’s never too late to make your marriage great! For marriage counseling or coaching, call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Together you have a purpose

A vision acts like railroad tracks that your life runs on. It provides stability, direction, a known destiny—and most importantly, it provides purpose. Without these elements, a marriage will be—at best—stuck in a rut… going around in circles. At its worst—headed for destruction and divorce.

Make no mistake: Every marriage has a God-given purpose. The vision is simply one of the ways God speaks to us about our purpose. He brought you together for a reason. The vision reveals the direction and steps you are to take to fulfill His reason or purpose.

Ways to envision

Thoughts, dreams, imaginations and visual downloads of things yet to come… These are all ways that God reveals His vision for you as a couple. Now these visions will often seem impossible. That’s normal. If it were possible without God, it wouldn’t be from God. The Almighty specializes in the impossible, but He needs our cooperation. Our part is to believe and act in faith for what He shows us.

Every marriage has a God-given purpose.

God always speaks the end from the beginning—showing us what our future could look like; giving you a vision for what it could be; and then encouraging you to act on the plan with Him by setting goals to get there. This requires you to spend time together praying and dreaming about what your marriage could be and, most importantly, what God truly wants it to be.

Gaspar & Michele's vision board — Gaspar & Michele’s vision board created during the 2021 marriage retreat

Create a vision board

A while back, Michele and I made up a vision board which expresses our envisioned destiny through pictures and words. We decided what we believed God wanted to accomplish through our marriage and then found pictures and words that expressed those God-inspired ideas. We then glued them on a large tag board so that we could keep God’s vision for our marriage before our eyes daily.

Remember, a vision is God’s road map that leads us to a chosen destination (a married life of success and fulfillment).

As you are faithful with what He shows you, God will increase your ability to hear and see even more of His destiny for you as a team.

Fight, fight, fight

However, know this: Our enemy satan will do everything he can to keep couples at odds with each other and distracted with a cluttered life, so that we don’t reach God’s destiny for us.

Fight through all those distractions. And set aside time to come together with the purpose of hearing from God. Make it a priority. This act of agreement helps Him to download His vision for your marriage.

Start where you are

You might not see very far in the beginning, but start anyway. As you are faithful with what He initially shows you, God will increase your ability to hear and see even more of His destiny for you as a team. Remember, it will take the both of you to hear clearly what God has planned for your marriage.

As you journey into getting God’s vision for your marriage, let us know how it worked out. What were some of the obstacles you encountered, and how did you overcome them? Michele and I look forward to hearing from you!

We love hearing from you! If this blog has blessed you, please leave a comment below and let us know.

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Your marriage wins with a good coach!

April 16, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage, Success & victory

We recently added Marriage Coaching to the services we offer at our Breaking Free Wellness Center. When I (Michele) received my certification as a Life Coach in November 2020, we realized life coaching is a perfect tool to assist people in learning how to live well, especially in marriage.

Of course, there’s nothing better than inner healing prayer and counseling. Why? It helps couples break free from past hurts and negative behaviors they brought into the marriage.

Miracles happen every day

We see miracles every day! Couples come in on the verge of divorce. Then, after receiving Stop Hurting Start Healing prayer and counseling, their hearts amazingly soften and change. Husband and wife develop a renewed desire to forgive each other and work at their marriage. It’s at this point that marriage coaching becomes so beneficial!

I (Gaspar) am also excited about the marriage coaching program we’re now offering. It’s the next step and follow-up for a couple who have gone through Stop Hurting Start Healing. In our sessions, Michele and I diagnose the couple’s problems, pray for inner healing, counsel them and prescribe solutions.

Go “all in”

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills. That way, husbands and wives can use those learned skills outside of the coaching sessions to develop their own solutions. However, marriage coaching serves only couples who want to grow and change. These are husbands and wives who are willing to work the process together in order to accomplish something they both want.

The couple doesn’t have to come to the coaching session knowing exactly what changes they want to make. As coaches, we help them to clarify how they want to grow by asking insightful questions that can draw out their thoughts, feelings and desires. We then take them through exercises that help them communicate to each other what they want.

“We” wins

In time, couples start to focus on the “we” in their relationship. That’s one of the most important things that marriage coaching accomplishes. Husbands and wives emerge, no longer as two individuals just living for self. They become a team embarking on a journey to fulfill the purpose God has for them as a couple. And, make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together! Sometimes winning takes a good coach.

If you are interested in getting coached personally or as a couple, please visit the Breaking Free Wellness Center website or call 239.244.3912. Feel free to share your thoughts below.…