Relax. It’s hard on purpose.

May 9, 2026 Michele Anastasi

As I was reading John 17 the other morning, Jesus is at the end of His earthly ministry. The cross looms before Him. It’s the last time He will be alone with His chosen 12. The words He shares aren’t for the whole world. They are for those who left everything to follow Him.

Over and over, Jesus speaks of His love for His disciples and how they are to love one another. Our Savior prays for Himself; He prays for His followers; He prays for those who were yet to believe—you and me. In verse 11, He prays for us to be one with each other just as He and the Father are one. Oneness is unity. Oneness is being like Christ.

…Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, so that they may be one just as We are.
John 17:11 (AMP)

I couldn’t help but think how this applies to marriage. I wondered, Do people see Jesus in my marriage? Multitudes have accepted Christ without ever reading a Bible or setting foot in a church, all because they’ve seen the reality of God in the lives of His children.

The point of trouble

Why is unity in Christian marriages so important? Because it has the ability to impact the world like nothing else. Believe me. People are watching—not only how we relate to each other, but—how we deal with everyday trials like big unexpected bills, inconsiderate family members, rebellious kids, a demanding boss, broken promises…. Funny isn’t it?

Like me, you’ve probably thought If I didn’t have all these problems, I’d be able to serve God better, not realizing our Father uses those very difficulties to draw us closer to Him.

Just like Jesus, we’re here in this world to testify that God is real, that the change He makes in us is real. We can’t live this Christian life without the power of His Holy Spirit. We can’t have a strong, godly, loving marriage without the power of the Holy Spirit making us one in spirit.

Trials and difficulties keep pulling us back to the cross (at least they’re suppose to).

Did you ever wonder why marriage is so difficult at times? Why it’s sometimes easier to be nice to friends and acquaintances than to your spouse and family? It’s probably because your mate often makes life difficult for you. Yet it’s through your spouse and closest relationships that God draws you into oneness with Him and each other.

Marriage-two become one — Cultivate the kind of oneness in marriage God desires. Call Breaking Free Wellness Center for an appointment with one of our amazing Marriage Counselors. (239) 244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Without the Holy Spirit, we can’t do it. We can’t keep loving unconditionally, keep forgiving and staying in unity in our own strength. Trials and difficulties keep pulling us back to the cross… (at least they are suppose to).

One thing God hates

While in the store the other day, I saw two mugs sold together. One said Mr. Right, and the other said Mrs. Always Right. It reminded me of how our marriage started out. We fell head-over-heels in love. Soon we were planning our wedding. I’m sure some friends or family warned us that marriage isn’t easy, that we would have big adjustments to make. But we tuned them out and tuned in to our song—“Happy Together” by the Turtles (stop laughing).

So maybe like us, you became man and wife. Eventually, you had your first big fight. Disillusionment set in. Maybe those friends and family knew what they were talking about. Marriage began to put demands on you, and you weren’t so sure it was worth it. You started to wonder, Maybe we’re not as compatible as I thought… (and that Turtle’s song was stupid anyway).

We often agree to disagree and then totally support each other.

As I’ve shared before, Gaspar and I are total day-and-night opposites. Our opinions differ on everything. But, with the Holy Spirit, we’re in complete unity. Now being in unity doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything. We often agree to disagree and then totally support each other.

By contrast, I used to think Gaspar had to agree with me on everything because, after all, I was Mrs. Always Right. And I had to prove it to him one way or another. Oh, how God hates dissension! He hates anything that breaks unity.

He’s using your spouse

If He hates dissension, then why does God put opposites together? Because He expects your infuriating incompatibility to keep drawing you back to the cross, to die to self, die to pride, die to self-will, die to control and realize yet again you can’t have peace or unity in your marriage without the Holy Spirit.

If you’re married, rest assured that your spouse is one of the tools God will use to make you more like Jesus. So SMILE BIG… really big, and say, “God, will use my spouse to make me more like Jesus.”

I can’t hear you! “God will use my spouse to make me more like Jesus.”

Remember John 17. Jesus Himself is praying for us to be one. And, friends, it doesn’t get any better than that!

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Rejecting rejection: My story

April 4, 2026 Michele Anastasi

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Rejection, Relationship with God

Rejection is one of the most painful wounds you could ever receive. Not only does it damage your self-image and confidence, but rejection wounds your soul and spirit like nothing else can. Because God is Love, rejection is one of Satan’s weapons of choice. He works very hard using whatever and whomever he can to make us feel unloved and worthless.

Born unwanted

In my own life, seeds of rejection budded in me while still in my mother’s womb. As my tiny fingers and toes formed, so did the knowledge that I was unwanted. That might seem strange, but our spirit is fully formed at conception and can pick up on our mother’s feelings. Even medical science has proven that infants in utero are aware of and react to external stimuli.

In the 1940’s, many women who conceived out of wedlock used homemade remedies to try to abort unwanted pregnancy. Thankfully for me, none of those remedies did away with my physical existence. To add to my mother’s fear, doctors had warned her that giving birth could kill her because of a severe heart condition she had since childhood. I heard this sad story constantly growing up—reinforcing the fact that I was a mistake.

In my childhood and teen years, I endured physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. She too grew up in an abusive home. All this turned me into one rejected mess! It was etched onto my soul that I was unwanted, had no value, and shouldn’t even exist.

Rebellion takes hold

As it often does, rejection turned into rebellion. A hardness began to grow inside me. I remember lying in bed as a child and vowing that I would never let anyone hurt me again. Subconsciously I said, “No more” and put on a defensive front for self-protection.

When I came to Christ in my twenties, I brought all that ugly baggage. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

I loved God. I knew if I died I’d go to heaven, but I couldn’t get victory over the anger, rage, and rejection that controlled me. Yes, I let Christ touch and heal some areas. But in areas where I was most wounded, I remained unchanged. Healing takes time and commitment. It’s a process. After all these years, God is still working in me, still healing me.

When I came to Christ, I brought all that ugly baggage with me. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by Godly parents.

God is still working

I shared all that because most people don’t like to admit that they deal with rejection. They’ve spent much of their lives trying to cover it up with all kinds of defense mechanisms. You might be thinking, I’m ok. This isn’t for me. Trust me, God isn’t finished with you either. We all need more healing.

If you carry hurt or offense; if you get defensive at times; if anger sometimes rises up from nowhere; if you blame-shift or gossip even once in a while—guess what? You need more healing. Emotional healing is key to our spiritual growth. It’s key to breaking free and living well. You can’t mature spiritually while wounded emotionally.

You can’t mature spiritually if you are wounded emotionally.

His plan is perfect

The way I grew up—and maybe you too—was the exact opposite of what God planned for us. In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents. Our earthly father would be a reflection of God Himself: loving, caring, protecting. In this ideal world, our parents would lead us into a personal relationship with Christ, teach us the Word, take us to church and live godly lives before us. That was God’s perfect plan.

Sadly, sin entered that beautiful picture and perverted everything. Parents are more likely to pass on to their children the same brokenness and dysfunction in which they were raised. You can’t give what you don’t receive. Satan is a very real enemy, and he wants to destroy you any way he can. The younger the victim, the better he likes it.

When we don’t receive unconditional love and nurturing but get the exact opposite—abuse, criticism, anger, sarcasm, rejection—these things sink their roots deep into our souls. When you hear daily: “You always mess up… You can’t do anything right… You’re stupid… clumsy… ugly…(you fill in the blank)”—hear it enough and you begin to believe it. Inferiority, self-hatred, fear, and depression set in.

Rejection causes you to live life by your feelings. Your emotions control you. You make wrong choices to accommodate your fears and insecurities, and life keeps getting worse.

Michele- move forward — Don’t let a bad chapter dictate the rest of the story. Make an appointment with Michele, our certified Life Coach, and start moving forward! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com.

Your Father yearns to fill up all of your empty, broken places. He longs to make you whole.

Know this: God has healing for you! Not only does He want to heal you, the Lord wants to be that perfect, loving Daddy to you. He desires to love you with a pure, healthy love. He yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. The Father longs to make you whole.

You may still carry pain from things you experienced many years ago. Satan was the one in control of those bad situations or people who hurt you. I think it’s time to take back what’s been stolen! Don’t you? It’s time you and I win!That’s what we’ll talk about next week: Solutions and strategies in the healing process.

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Bringing back the spark

March 7, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

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Healing in marriage, Relationship with God

Just like your walk with God, your marriage will go through phases. When we first met Jesus we were consumed with His love. He was our everything. Jesus was all we wanted to talk about, the only One we wanted to spend time with every day. But as time went by, the newness faded, other responsibilities grew, and intimacy began to take a backseat.

In Revelation 3, Jesus warned the church that they had left the most important aspect of their relationship with him—their first love. Even though they were still doing good things in His name, their passion for Him was the most important aspect of their relationship with Him. There was a danger that, if the passion wasn’t restored, they could lose relationship with Him altogether. What was the solution? He instructed them to repent before it was too late and return to their first love.

I want to show you how you can bring the passion, intimacy and first love back into your marriage.

Marriage is much the same. Our first love fades with time and circumstances. Many couples end up living together as married singles. That simply means each mate does their own thing with little or no intimacy and passion for the other. Or they just continue to be distant, which leads to divorce. Now if that’s you, don’t lose hope. There is a solution. I want to show you how you can bring the passion, intimacy and first love back into your marriage.

1. Shift your mindset.

There is a misconception we have about passion in our marriage: It should be effortless. It should just happen when the moment and circumstances are right. The truth is that getting that spark back takes deliberate effort on our part. Even if you’re not on the same page, one of you can make a difference. But it must be the right kind of effort.

We must prioritize our connecting together, our playfulness and novelty. Passion isn’t just about sex. It’s about energy and anticipation between the two of you. You both need to create anticipation by doing these few things. Why? In the early days of your marriage, you looked forward to seeing each other.

You need to shake things up. Do the little things again like sending a romantic text from time to time; planning a surprise date night; or simply start kissing each other out of nowhere.

Do you notice negative life cycles physically, emotionally or financially? Take initiative! Attend this FREE Workshop on Sat., March 21st at 10am. Register at (239) 244.3912. It’s at Word of Life Church, 6111 South Pointe Blvd, Fort Myers, FL 33919.

Break the habit of doing the same thing over and over again. Our emotions crave new things. So try something new together, whether its traveling somewhere different or exploring some new hobbies together. Just find creative ways to break your usual routine. You need to put in some time and effort to accomplish this. Let me tell you: It is really worth it. When your first love kicks in, it will be like a second honeymoon phase that will last for the long-term in your marriage.

You both have deep desires to be needed, loved and accepted. Those simple moments will disarm the devil’s strategy to separate you.

2. Listen to each other.

Make quality time to share and listen to each other’s conversations. It goes deeper than just asking, “How was your day?”. Allow your hearts to be vulnerable with each other by expressing your deep feelings.

You will discover that your mate also has some of those same emotions and feelings. It is amazing how shared emotions will bring you closer together emotionally. I believe you will realize that you aren’t that much different. You both have deep desires to be needed, loved and accepted. Those simple moments will disarm the devil’s strategy to separate you.

3. Repent.

Repent of letting grass grow under your feet in your marriage. Choose to live out of that first love in your marriage. And it is a choice. Keep in mind that nothing is impossible with God. No matter how impossible it may look right now, know that you can re-ignite that spark. You can return to your first love. It’s not to late!

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You, me and Him

February 21, 2026 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage, Relationship with God

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is diﬃcult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reﬂect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctiﬁed is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed oﬀ.

God knows exactly what we need to grow and get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because they were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left oﬀ.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.
Matthew 18:19-20

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer.

Make your marriage all that God intended it to be. Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com.

Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

Newlywed Couple’s Devotional by Chris & Jamie Bailey

Preparing Your Heart for Marriage by Gary Thomas

Christian Marriage Devotional for Couples by Teri Reeves

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The power of encouragement

February 7, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

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Relationship with God

In marriage as in life, it’s easy to ridicule each other’s weaknesses and faults, to pour cold water on your mate’s enthusiasm. The world is full of discouragers. But as Christians, we have a duty to love and encourage one another just as God encourages us. Often, just receiving a word of praise, thanks, or appreciation from my wife has kept me on my feet and given me strength to fight through life’s difficulties.

Be otherly

Because human beings tend to be self-centered, criticism comes as naturally to us as flying does to an eagle. In fact, our selfishness makes it easier to criticize than to encourage. We can discourage our mate daily without considering the damage our words and behavior create. When our focus is mainly on self, we don’t think about the other person’s feelings—only our own.

I encourage you: Strive to be “otherly”. Find ways to edify or lift up your mate with your words and behavior. The very thing that you need from them you will receive once you give it. It’s not all about you. It’s really about God and your relationship with your mate.

We live in God’s kingdom which is upside-down. The world says “Take what you need and put yourself first.” But God says, “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over… For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you” (Luke 6:38). It’s the law of sowing and reaping. We reap what we sow.

Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over… For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.
Luke 6:38

woman and man hugging — Your willingness to sow kindness and encouragement will reap amazing results for your marriage!

Sticks and stones

The old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” simply isn’t true. That’s why I have made it a habit to carefully evaluate my communication pattern to avoid negative and critical speech. But my technique includes not just my words, but also my tone of voice and actions. It’s possible to say one thing with our lips and relay an entirely different message with our behavior. Bottom line: Our heart has to be right with God before it can be right with our mate. “For out of the abundance of the heart [our] mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). When we fail to encourage, when we’re critical, we slowly chip away at the foundation of our own marriage.

For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Matt. 12:34

You might have been raised that way. Maybe your parents used negative words to motivate you to do what they wanted. So, without realizing it, you brought that same detrimental behavior into your marriage. Think how much your parents’ hurtful words didn’t motivate you, and they won’t work on your spouse either. Instead, they built walls between you—maybe even to this day. If you see those same walls rising between you and your mate, it’s time to make a change.

Thorns into roses

Your willingness to sow kindness and encouragement (to be otherly) will reap amazing results for your marriage! To get you started, here are some edifying words to insert into your daily communications with your mate.

I appreciate you because __________________
I admire you for __________________
Thank you for __________________
You made me feel loved when __________________
I like being with you because __________________
You look terrific in that __________________
I’m so blessed that you’re my ___________________

Just sprinkling words of kindness like these into your marriage daily will radically transform your relationship from a patch of thorns to a bed of roses. You’ll need the help of the Holy Spirit to remind you and instruct you how and when to say them.

Bad habits take time to break, but it’s worth the effort. Make yourself available to hear from the Holy Spirit. This right turn toward encouragement and away from criticism will start you on a journey to jubilee—the recovery of everything that has been lost from your marriage or stolen by the enemy. Trust me, it works!

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We not me

January 24, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

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Relationship with God

When we marry, we all must adjust our thinking from “me” to “we”. In the past, our decisions centered on what blessed me and what was better for my life. We didn’t think about what was good for our mate. Rarely did we ask ourselves “Will this decision work for the both of us?” It’s a natural human tendency to be selfish and self-centered.

Remember, Jesus taught his disciples to pray “Our Father who art in heaven”. God is not only my Father, but your Father as well. In other words, if my prayers and desires are just about me, He won’t answer them! If what you are asking won’t bless your mate as well, He will turn a deaf ear. Why? Because selfishness is not the will of God.

If my prayers are just about me, He won’t answer them!

It takes Him

It took a few years to change my view of marriage from how it could benefit me to how it could bless us. The closer God drew me to Himself, the more I recognized my own selfishness. Changing our thinking from “me” to “we” will drastically cut down on the many conflicts we face. In fact, I believe that many of our marriage problems would disappear completely. This adjustment in thought and lifestyle will also point out our need for more of God’s presence in our lives.

This shift from me-thinking to we-thinking requires Him. Only the Holy Spirit can help you to accomplish this goal. Couples, after all, are more than roommates. Your partner must be included in every decision you make. When the Holy Spirit wakes us up to start making choices with our mate in mind, it creates an atmosphere where God’s presence can dwell.

This is a powerful revelation you need to—not only grasp, but—live out. You don’t need to force your mate to join you. It will become a revelation to them when you consistently live the “we-not-me” married life. Just live it out, and watch how life changes for the better in a very short time. It doesn’t need to be a point of discussion, but a transformative action on your part.

When the Holy Spirit wakes us up to make choices with our mate in mind, it creates an atmosphere where God’s presence can dwell.

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Self in action

One husband I counseled had decided to buy a very expensive recreational vehicle—without first discussing it with his wife. He thought, “Now that I’m retired, I’m gonna travel and enjoy my life!” However, he didn’t want his wife’s opinion to influence his decision. And traveling the country in an RV was not her idea of a good time. In fact, it was the opposite of what she wanted to do. But he couldn’t see how self-centered his decision was.

Obviously, his choice created a major conflict in their marriage. Not only that, his RV put them both in great financial debt. It wasn’t his wife’s choice, but he made that decision anyway and it created a great division. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it were just this one decision. But this choice is just one example of an on-going lifestyle of “me-not-we”.

Unity starts with u

Now take a few minutes and reflect on how you have been living your married life. Has it been all about me—and not us? Do you have a lot of conflict because you’re not getting what you want or doing it your way? Has bitterness crept in because you feel your mate doesn’t care about your thoughts or feelings?

Living like roommates isn’t what we sign up for when we marry, but many couples do just that. We…. It only takes one person to change, and he or she will cause the whole marriage to shift from me, myself and I. It is worth the effort to examine your heart, and let God make you more like Him. Your happiness and fulfillment as a married couple depends on it.

One person can shift the whole marriage from me, myself and I.

This one revelation can change your life. Even though marriage is a team effort, this transformation must start with you. And it needs to start right now! Reading this blog should raise some conviction in your heart. Will you allow the Holy Spirit to take you to the next step: repentance? Repent of your selfishness in your marriage. Be honest, and let God help you become the best marriage partner your mate could ever have. You won’t be sorry, and neither will they. Start right now and don’t put it off until tomorrow. It’s never too late to make your marriage great!

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