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First things first

March 23, 2024 Gaspar Anastasi
1 Comment
unity in marriage, unity with God

Twice a year, Michele and I teach a 10-week Sacred Marriage course with 10 to 15 couples. Our goal is to help them develop biblical principles to live by and make their marriage succeed. It’s not counseling, but a marriage-building session.

The one primary principle is to set divine order in our homes. Without it, your marriage will never reach its intended purpose: To please God and to bring joy and fulfillment to you both. It is so simple, but most couples miss it.

A marriage out of order

The world says, “Find someone you think you love, and your marriage will be successful forever.” Wrong! You might have thought the same thing, only to find a lot of disappointment, heartbreak and failure.

That perfectly described our marriage for a long time. Although Michele and I were born again and filled with the Holy Spirit, our relationship was a blueprint for discouragement, heartbreak and failure.

We were pastoring a church in Freeport, Long Island, and you would think we were at the pinnacle of success. Not so. I was spending a lot of time ministering in the church: I preached 3 services every Sunday; led prayer meetings throughout the week; attended midweek home groups; oversaw the New Life Centers (a residential men’s and women’s drug and alcohol program)… I could go on and on. Was I serving God? Yes and no.

Many lives were saved and transformed—except ours. My priorities were out of order and our marriage suffered because of it. I was neglecting the most priceless gift God had given me: My wife and children. Yes, I came home every day and spent some time with my children, but I was missing out on the true joy and fulfillment God intended for our marriage and family.

Yes, I came home every day… but I was missing out on the true joy and fulfillment God intended for our marriage and family.

Breaking Free Wellness Center_Broken Fixed
Call today for marriage counseling or coaching in person or via Zoom: 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Seek the kingdom first

It was painful, but our pain led us to cry out to Jesus. I believe God allows certain problems to arise so that we seek Him for help. I hope that’s what you do too. We tend to take our marriage for granted, thinking it can sustain itself without God’s presence. Trust me, and don’t find this out the hard way: Being a Christian married to Christian isn’t enough.

I was missing the simple formula found in Matthew 6:33: Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and then everything else will be added to you. Oneness with God equals oneness with your mate.

I was seeking God for my ministry called the church, but not for my most important ministry—my marriage. We can spend a lot of time pursuing our own personal agendas with God and miss this simple principle: Put first things first. In fact, it’s very easy to get distracted and put a lot of last things first. How much time do you invest in your relationship with God and with your mate?

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

Get your marriage in divine order

Today there are as many divorces in the church as in the world. This is proof that we need new wine skins to hold God’s presence in our marriages. All we have to do is put our relationship with God concerning our marriage first. Once that is established, everything else in life will find its place.

It sounds simple. But the devil will fight you with every strategy he has, because he knows great power and authority is released through marriages that put God first. Jesus prayed in John 17, “Father, I pray that they would be one as we are one so that my glory can be released on their lives.” The glory is the manifest presence of God that no devil in hell could stand against.

So make a decision to put first things first in your marriage. Strategize together how you can—and must—make this happen. Then sit back and watch God iron out all the wrinkles.

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.

…

How to outlast storms and still stand

January 13, 2024 Gaspar Anastasi
2 Comments
Healing in marriage, unity in marriage

There is one key that—not only holds marriages together, but—brings them into the fullness of God’s glory. That one key is comprised of at least five core values. Values are those things that you have deep convictions about in your heart. Values are non-negotiable. They govern the direction your marriage takes and form its walls of protection. 

Values are like the fence around your house. That fence defines, protects and identifies your house and its property. That’s what having at least five core values does for your marriage. Now we all have values individually but, most of the time, we don’t recognize them. These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day. Sadly, those same principles—when brought into your marriage—often cause conflict. 

These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day.  

Conflicting values

One spouse may place high value on their social life, and he or she pursues social interactions all the time. Meanwhile, the other mate values the opposite. They desire personal intimacy and that is their major focus. Both are good values, but they oppose each other and will eventually bring conflict in the marriage.  

Couples need to decide what values are most important for their marriage, even if certain ones are unimportant to the other. The marriage needs to be the major focus and not our own selfish needs and desires. Remember there are three entities in a marriage: You, your spouse and your marriage itself. Ultimately, a couples’ decisions should always come down to what’s best for their marriage—not what’s best for either individual.

Define, define, define

So take the time to identify what your marriage values should be, and discuss them with your mate. Talk about whether or not those ideals are already in place and, if not, what you can do as a couple to build them in. 

These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. 

Identifying your current values will help you to decide which ones to let go of and which ones to embrace. These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. You will never reach that place of marriage wholeness unless you have at least 5 core values that become the foundation of your marriage.

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Get your joy back this season! Call for Free Consultation at 239.244.3912 or BreakingFreeCC.com

A tale of two marriages

Matthew 7:24-27 describes two kinds of houses (we’ll say marriages). One marriage is built on a foundation of sand (having no defined core values). The other is built on a solid rock (having very well-defined values). Both couples face the same troubles in life, but the marriage without a strong foundation is destroyed. The one built on the rock survived the same storms that took the other one out, but didn’t collapse. Rather, that marriage stood firm in the midst of all the problems it faced. 

Your values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection.

Let me suggest a few marriage values that you and your spouse might like to build upon. Though values are necessary for success, this list is by no means a guarantee for achieving success. Values must come from both of your hearts. These values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection. It is definitely worth taking the time to discover what those ideals need to be for you as a couple. 

Suggested values

  1. Loving God. This one is a no-brainer, and every marriage needs to stand on it as a foundational principle. Whenever you put God first, everything just seems to work out better—no matter what storms come. I believe that we really don’t have financial or relationship problems. We have lordship problems. But when both mates pursue God as the number one value, the best is yet to come—and always will be! 
  2. Honesty is another value I highly recommend. You could define honesty as a willingness to be transparent with one another without having to pay a price. Most marriages fail because of poor communication. However, if you both establish honesty as a marriage value, your communication level will increase exponentially.
  3. Happiness is a core value I would NOT recommend. It sounds funny to say it, but if you make happiness a foundation for your marriage, you will be very disappointed… and your marriage will fail. Happiness is a fruit of having core values—but not a value itself. Yes, we all want happiness, but it will only result from a lot of hard work and living out our marriage values. If you read my blog from 2 weeks ago, you know that a good marriage requires self-sacrifice. But in the end, it will produce the fruit of happiness. 

Can you name at least 3 more core values that you think should be added to a marriage? I would be interested in hearing from you.

We love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing, please let us know by leaving a comment.…

God’s delay is not His denial

March 4, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
0 Comment
Relationship with God, unity in marriage

Waiting for God to answer our prayers is one of hardest things we face in life—and marriage. We all want Him to see our needs and respond immediately. But it rarely happens that way. When our “suddenly” doesn’t come, we may start to doubt God’s love. That’s because we base His love on the outcome rather than on who He is.

God is love, and everything He does (or doesn’t do) is because of that Love. We wrongly expect God to think and respond like us. Meanwhile, Isaiah 55:8 clearly tells us “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

Our Father’s love language

We all have a love language that makes us feel special and valued. My wife’s love language is words of affirmation. When I affirm her with my words, she feels my affection more strongly than a thousand I love you‘s.

God’s love language is trust. When you and I try to pull Him down into our understanding and our time frame to get the answers to our crisis situations, we reveal our lack of love for God. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us see what God the Father is doing or not doing in our marriage and line ourselves up with Him, instead of trying to fit Him into our natural understanding. God’s delay is not His denial.

When we patiently wait for God to answer our prayers, He receives our love.

Because God’s love language is trust, when you and I patiently wait for His answers to prayer, He receives our love.  And many times, His answers are delayed. What is God doing during those times?

Settle it in your heart that God’s love for you is unconditional. It’s always there being poured over us, even when we don’t feel or see it.

The power in waiting

When God does answer our prayer, the answer isn’t only to benefit us. It is to benefit our mate as well. Seeing prayer through His eyes helps us get out of our selfcenteredness. Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness. If we ever get past the “what’s in it for me” mentality, we may see how the answer to my prayer can and should  benefit my mate and our marriage. That transition is the beginning of your maturity as a husband or wife. And your value to your mate and your marriage increases exponentially.

Unfortunately, many of us live like married singles where it’s all about “me” —not us. We easily get annoyed with God when He doesn’t respond in our way and our timing. That causes a breach between us and Him. Our Father holds the key to our marital success. His love cannot be forced into our time frame and it cannot be manipulated for our own selfish purposes.

Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness.

Above all, God’s love should never be measured by the outcome. Because of His love, God may not answer your prayer at all. Or His answer may come when it seems “too late”. But that doesn’t change the fact that God loves you and wants to bless you, your mate, and ultimately your marriage.

Marriage Coaching
Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

God gets the glory

When Lazarus was sick, his sister Martha called for Jesus to come right away, before he died. But because Jesus loved Lazarus, He waited two more days to come. “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was,” (John 11:5, 6). 

The God of the Universe finally showed up 4 days late! The Bible tells us “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). But His weeping had nothing to do with Lazarus’ death. God cried because Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary, whom He also loved, didn’t trust Him.

It was Jesus’ plan all along to raise Lazarus from the dead. His “delay” powerfully impacted—not just Lazarus and his sisters, but—all the people around them. Because Jesus lingered and didn’t come immediately, the people witnessed the glory of God. His delay caused many to believe and follow Him from that day on.

Never doubt the fact that God loves you. He honors your mate and your marriage. But it’s not just about you. Trust your Father to bring about the best possible outcome in His timing. God’s delay is not His denial.

If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.

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Hope in the face of failure

February 18, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
2 Comments
unity in marriage


A setback is not a failure

I developed a saying over the years that you’ll hear me use often: “Don’t let your setback cause you to step back”. What I mean is: Just because a certain plan failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.


Every marriage experiences setbacks from time to time. When the strategies and plans that you make as a couple to see your goals, dreams and visions come to pass fail miserably—that’s what I call a major setback. However, I see too many couples give up at this point. Quitting—that’s the failure—not the setback.

The fact that your plans failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

For instance, maybe together you decided to take quarterly time away as a couple/family. But because of unexpected circumstances, your plans fell apart. Or maybe you both agreed to put money aside each week for future investments. But one of you spent what you both agreed to save. Regardless of the disappointment, setbacks aren’t a signal to quit and give up on your dreams. 

Now prepare for success

Here are some pointers to help you both overcome the temptation to step back from your dreams and, instead, stay focused and hopeful. 

1). Be clear about your dreams and visions. One or both of you may not be convinced in your heart that this is what you really want to do or the direction to take. Sometimes we say “yes” just to avoid conflict. In other words, we’re not always honest about our feelings. Maybe that decision seemed great at the time, but you didn’t count the cost. You didn’t know what it would take to see it through. Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts. 

Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts.

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Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

A good idea or a GOD idea?

2). Be sure it’s what God wants for your marriage. There are three entities in marriage: you, your spouse and the marriage itself. Sometimes a certain choice isn’t convenient for one or the other spouse, but it is what’s best for the marriage. It might appear to be a great idea, but make sure it’s a God idea. As Michele said in her 2-part blog posts “You, me and Him”, the point of couple’s devotions is to hear from God together—not just one of you. Yes, take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions. 

Take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions.

3). Be prepared for your enemy to test your marriage dreams and visions. Satan will always challenge your marriage destiny. However, your flesh can also get in the way, but it must be denied. In order for God’s dreams and visions to come to pass, you both have to live a disciplined life. So count the cost before you go forward. God doesn’t always change your challenges, but He will often change the both of you to meet those challenges. That’s what it means to live by faith. 

4). Finally above all, trust God to make it come to pass—not your mate. Ultimately, only He can navigate our marriage safely through all of the land mines of life and bring your marriage into its destiny. Remember this: Things aren’t always as they appear. Don’t make quick decisions based on your circumstances. That opens the door for the devil to convince you to step back from your marriage dreams and visions.

We love to hear from you! Why not take a moment to comment below?…

First things first

December 10, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
1 Comment
unity in marriage, unity with God

Twice a year, Michele and I teach a 10-week Sacred Marriage course with 10 to 15 couples. Our goal is to help them develop biblical principles to live by and make their marriage succeed. It’s not counseling, but a marriage-building session.

The one primary principle is to set divine order in our homes. Without it, your marriage will never reach its intended purpose: To please God and to bring joy and fulfillment to you both. It is so simple, but most couples miss it.

A marriage out of order

The world says, “Find someone you think you love, and your marriage will be successful forever.” Wrong! You might have thought the same thing, only to find a lot of disappointment, heartbreak and failure.

That perfectly described our marriage for a long time. Although Michele and I were born again and filled with the Holy Spirit, our relationship was a blueprint for discouragement, heartbreak and failure.

We were pastoring a church in Freeport, Long Island, and you would think we were at the pinnacle of success. Not so. I was spending a lot of time ministering in the church: I preached 3 services every Sunday; led prayer meetings throughout the week; attended midweek home groups; oversaw the New Life Centers (a residential men’s and women’s drug and alcohol program)… I could go on and on. Was I serving God? Yes and no.

Many lives were saved and transformed—except ours. My priorities were out of order and our marriage suffered because of it. I was neglecting the most priceless gift God had given me: My wife and children. Yes, I came home every day and spent some time with my children, but I was missing out on the true joy and fulfillment God intended for our marriage and family.

Yes, I came home every day… but I was missing out on the true joy and fulfillment God intended for our marriage and family.

Do you dread the holidays? Break Free and learn to put past hurts behind you! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Seek the kingdom first

It was painful, but our pain led us to cry out to Jesus. I believe God allows certain problems to arise so that we seek Him for help. I hope that’s what you do too. We tend to take our marriage for granted, thinking it can sustain itself without God’s presence. Trust me, and don’t find this out the hard way: Being a Christian married to Christian isn’t enough.

I was missing the simple formula found in Matthew 6:33: Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and then everything else will be added to you. Oneness with God equals oneness with your mate.

I was seeking God for my ministry called the church, but not for my most important ministry—my marriage. We can spend a lot of time pursuing our own personal agendas with God and miss this simple principle: Put first things first. In fact, it’s very easy to get distracted and put a lot of last things first. How much time do you invest in your relationship with God and with your mate?

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

Get your marriage in divine order

Today there are as many divorces in the church as in the world. This is proof that we need new wine skins to hold God’s presence in our marriages. All we have to do is put our relationship with God concerning our marriage first. Once that is established, everything else in life will find its place.

It sounds simple. But the devil will fight you with every strategy he has, because he knows great power and authority is released through marriages that put God first. Jesus prayed in John 17, “Father, I pray that they would be one as we are one so that my glory can be released on their lives.” The glory is the manifest presence of God that no devil in hell could stand against.

So make a decision to put first things first in your marriage. Strategize together how you can—and must—make this happen. Then sit back and watch God iron out all the wrinkles.

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.

…

What I learned the last 55 years

December 3, 2022 Michele Anastasi
5 Comments
Marriage
Gaspar-Michele-3pics

This past February, Gaspar and I celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary. That’s quite a few years! It even amazes me… and I lived it! In my mind, I’m still that 19-year-old blushing bride, but I’ve learned a lot in those years. It seems like we always learn the most from the difficult times. And like most couples, we’ve had our share.

So what nuggets of wisdom have I gleaned over five decades? Here are my top 10 ingredients for a successful marriage. They’re not in any particular order because I believe they all play an equally important role in a strong marriage.

Top 10 ingredients to a successful marriage

  1. Demonstrate Unconditional Love and Forgiveness.
    I know that’s two things, but a big part of unconditional love is forgiving each other. Not one of us is perfect. We all sin and make mistakes. We all cause each other hurt and pain, from the smallest slights to the deepest wounds. Could we really eliminate either of these ingredients and still call ourselves a Christian couple? Both are commands from God for all believers.

  2. Be Honest and Truthful.
    I can’t separate these two either. They’re a solid couple. Honesty involves a few key practices like never lying, never hiding the truth—or even purposely omitting it. Honesty in marriage means always telling your spouse the truth, even if they won’t like it. It builds a strong foundation for trust and, eventhough there are many ways besides dishonesty to break trust, honesty is key. Once trust has been broken, it’s a long hard road back to rebuilding it.

  3. Never Use the “D” Word.
    When we were young, foolish and unsaved, I would threaten divorce often. It was so destructive to our marriage and brought us to the brink of breaking up several times. I didn’t realize that was a word of death I was confessing over our marriage. After we came to the Lord, we promised—no matter how angry we got—we’d never use the “D” word again…and we haven’t. Marriage is a commitment between you, your mate and God. When you’re going through a rough time turn to the Lord, listen to Him, and do what He says. I promise He’ll see you through every time.

  4. Keep Intimacy Alive.
    Keep love alive with romance and physical intimacy. Both are so important to a healthy marriage. You’d be surprised how far a little romance will go toward strengthening your relationship. Tender touches, hugs, kisses and saying “I love you” every day will lead to even deeper, more gratifying intimacy.

  5. Communicate Well.
    Communication is probably one of the biggest struggles in marriages. But it’s worth working through because it affects every other area. A big part of communication is being a good listener and taking time to understand what your spouse needs. Of course, there will be disagreements. You and your mate have different personalities and see things differently. But successful couples respect each other’s opinions and learn the art of compromise.

  6. Get on the Same Team.
    You and your spouse have a common enemy—and it isn’t each other. His name is satan. Spiritual warfare in marriage is real. Satan wants to steal your joy and destroy your marriage. Even in the middle of a disagreement, it’s important to remember that your spouse is not your enemy. Remind each other that you’re on the same side. And unity—more than who’s right or wrong—is crucial.

  7. Accept Each Other.
    Lack of acceptance is a major relationship killer. We marry our spouse because we love who they are, not who we can change them into. It’s not our responsibility to play Holy Spirit for them. If we’re not careful, we can slip into thinking “I know best” in every matter. To build a strong marriage, we must focus on how we can become more Christlike and entrust our spouse to the Lord.

  8. Prioritize Couple’s Time.
    With work and family responsibilities, it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner and take each other for granted. DON’T!!! We’ve said over and over how important it is to make time for just the two of you. Have a date night as often as you can, even if you can’t go out. Put the children to bed and plan a special evening for just the two of you. The most successful couples vouch for this and agree it’s been a life-saver for their marriage.

  9. Encourage and Inspire.
    One of the most effective ways to help your spouse is to offer encouraging words. The word encourage means to “inspire courage.” We all have areas and times in which we feel insecure. Your words can be a powerful tool to lift each other up and inspire the best in each other. Make this a practice: Look for one way to encourage the best in each other everyday.

  10. Put God at the Center.
    In everything you do, put God at the center of your marriage. Invite His Presence into everything. Make time to pray together each day. It only takes a few minutes to ask God to bless and protect each other. Consistently attend church. Share what you received from the message. Sharing your insights helps the message to become a part of you and draws you closer spiritually. What an awesome role model and legacy to leave your children and grandchildren!
Hope for the holidays
Do you dread the holidays? Break Free of past hurts! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com today!

Whether you’re a newlywed or an oldie-wed like us, every marriage has its share of ups and downs: stress, poor communication, financial difficulties…. As we always say, marriage is hard work and, for Christian couples, the work is all about growing up and becoming more like Jesus. I pray the things I’ve shared with you today will help make your marriage even stronger.

Gaspar-Michele-retreat
Gaspar & Michele young

If this blog has blessed you, please take a moment to comment below.

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