Too many attractive distractions?

October 9, 2021 Michele Anastasi

Family, Making positive change, Marriage

One of the topics we’re discussing in our Sacred Marriage class this session is “marriage disciplines” or “marriage priorities” that will help strengthen and grow your relationship. One of those priorities is having a regular date night.

I’m sure you’ve heard many times that date nights are important and valuable in marriage. Yet, you probably still don’t have one, right? We asked the couples in our class “Why?” Many said they were just “too busy to fit one more thing in” their schedule. When delving a little deeper, we saw that the couples were prioritizing their jobs, their children, church activities and just about everything else above their marriage!

When a couple is over-committed and under-connected, they begin to live their marriage in stress mode.

Schedule your priorities

Are you living with too many “attractive distractions” and “confused priorities”? The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule—but to schedule your priorities. When a couple is over-committed and under-connected, they begin to live their marriage in stress mode. This is not what God had in mind when he created marriage. So we gave the couples in Sacred Marriage an exercise to do. Why not try it yourself?

Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

First, list in order the 5 top priorities in your life, things that take up most of your time.
Now re-order your list in a way that would honor your commitment to God in your marriage. Just a little hint: God should be number one, and your spouse should be number two.

Make a meaningful connection

The benefits you’ll receive from spending “couple time” together will far outweigh the benefits you receive from your over-scheduled calendar and taking each other for granted. Statistics show that couples who don’t have at least one mutually meaningful connection a week are at greater risk for divorce.

The benefits you’ll receive from spending “couple time” together will far outweigh those from your over-scheduled calendar…

Having a regular date night helps build communication. It gives you the opportunity to stay current with each other’s lives and continue to grow together. It’s the perfect chance to relax and take a break from the everyday daily grind. A time to draw closer together and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Here’s an advantage you may not have thought of. Going on dates is a great role model for your kids! It teaches them that the husband-and-wife relationship is important and separate from them. It was there before they were born and will be there long after they leave home to start their own lives. What an amazing gift to give your children!

It’s not the what but the why

Planning a date night doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s spending the time together that counts. And these mate dates don’t necessarily have to involve going out. We know that couples raising young children don’t always have a reliable sitter or finances. So get creative. One idea may be to put the children to bed and get your favorite take-out delivered. Light some candles, put on romantic music and simply enjoy each other’s company.

If you’re able to go out, make a list of fun activities you’d both enjoy. Maybe a picnic at the park, a concert, a flea market, browsing a bookstore, taking a day trip… (It’s important that you both contribute to the list). Now this is the fun part: Each of you, take turns choosing from the list and plan the date to surprise your partner.

So give it a try. Set up some weekly date nights with your spouse, get creative and most importantly: Enjoy!

We love to hear from you! Won’t you take a moment to comment below?…

Married to a stranger?

September 11, 2021 Michele Anastasi

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Finding direction, Making positive change, Marriage

We’re often asked “What is the key to a happy marriage?” There are many, but if we had to choose one, it would be good communication. I would say that 90% of the couples who join our Sacred Marriage class ask if we’re going to discuss communication. Communication seems to be an area where couples struggle.

Can you believe that, according to statistics, most married couples spend as little as 5 minutes a day in meaningful conversation!

If that’s anywhere near true, no wonder marriages are struggling.

As a mother of 3 boys (now all grown men), I’ve observed that most men see communication as a by-product of a shared activity. Whereas, women see communication as the main event. I know this may sound simplistic, but I promise you we’ve witnessed this stark contrast in numerous couples.

The way forward

The way to begin rebuilding your communication is to start doing things together. For instance, Gaspar and I are big proponents of a weekly date night. I’ll share more about that in a future blog.

Just think back to your courting days. Your best conversations probably happened during dates where you were doing things together. Your communication grew out of shared activities. What things did you enjoy?

Make time for those activities again. Find something new you’d both like to do or take turns planning. What matters most is that you’re together.

Never stop talking

Unfortunately, when the everyday stresses of life and marriage hit us, the very ﬁrst thing to go is time together. We stop talking. We stop sharing. We stop being each other’s friend and having fun together—enjoying “you and me” time. After all, laughter, is the best medicine.

Of course, more serious conversations must take place, and there will be time for that. But for the moment, enter into a rebuilding process. Reconnect and open up to each other. Remove walls that have been built. Restore trust that has been lost.

Learn each other

Probably no one ever told you this, but… A big part of being married is learning about each other and discovering how to meet each other’s needs. Marriage requires learning your husband/wife’s likes and dislikes. And that never ends, no matter how many years you’re married because we are ever changing and growing—or at least we should be. Not one of us wants to wake up one day and ﬁnd ourselves married to a stranger.

Question for today: What can you do to become a more eﬀective communicator with your spouse?…

Why your marriage needs a vision

August 7, 2021 Gaspar Anastasi

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Finding direction, Making positive change, Marriage

Many married couples never actually grow in oneness. Nor do they experience the true joy in marriage God intended. Why? They have no vision.

Proverbs 29:18 says where there is no vision my people perish. That literally means “my people accomplish nothing; nor have a real purpose in life.”

You have a purpose together

A vision acts like railroad tracks that your life runs on. It provides stability, direction, a known destiny and, most importantly, it provides purpose. Without these elements, a marriage will be—at best—stuck in a rut… going around in circles. At its worst—headed for destruction and divorce.

Make no mistake: Every marriage has a God-given purpose. The vision is simply one of the ways God speaks to us about our purpose. He brought you together for a reason. The vision reveals the direction and steps you are to take to fulfill His reason or purpose.

Ways to envision

Thoughts, dreams, imaginations and visual downloads of things yet to come… These are all ways that God reveals His vision for you as a couple. Now these visions will often seem impossible. That’s normal. If it were possible without God, it wouldn’t be from God. The Almighty specializes in the impossible, but He needs our cooperation. Our part is to believe and act in faith for what He shows us.

God always speaks the end from the beginning—showing us what our future could look like; giving you a vision for what it could be; and then encouraging you to act on the plan with Him by setting goals to get there. This requires you to spend time together praying and dreaming about what your marriage could be and, most importantly, what God truly wants it to be.

Create a vision board

A while back, Michele and I made up a vision board which expresses our envisioned destiny through pictures and words. We decided what we believed God wanted to accomplish through our marriage and then found pictures and words that expressed those God-inspired ideas. We then glued them on a large tag board so that we could keep God’s vision for our marriage before our eyes daily.

Remember, a vision is God’s road map that leads us to a chosen destination (a married life of success and fulfillment).

Fight, fight, fight

However, know this: Our enemy satan will do everything he can to keep couples at odds with each other and distracted with a cluttered life, so that we don’t reach God’s destiny for us.

Fight through all those distractions. And set aside time to come together with the purpose of hearing from God. Make it a priority. This act of agreement helps Him to download His vision for your marriage.

Start where you are

You might not see very far in the beginning, but start anyway. As you are faithful with what He initially shows you, God will increase your ability to hear and see even more of His destiny for you as a team. Remember, it will take the both of you to hear clearly what God has planned for your marriage.

As you journey into getting God’s vision for your marriage, let us know how it worked out. What were some of the obstacles you encountered, and how did you overcome them? Michele and I look forward to hearing from you!…

Your marriage wins with a good coach!

July 24, 2021 Michele Anastasi

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Making positive change, Success & victory

We recently added Marriage Coaching to the services we offer at our Breaking Free Living Well Counseling Center. When I (Michele) received my certification as a Life Coach this past November, we realized life coaching is a perfect tool to assist people in learning how to live well, especially in marriage.

Of course, there’s nothing better than inner healing prayer and counseling. Why? It helps couples break free from past hurts and negative behaviors they brought into the marriage.

Miracles happen every day

We see miracles every day! Couples come in on the verge of divorce. Then, after receiving Stop Hurting Start Healing prayer and counseling, their hearts amazingly soften and change. Husband and wife develop a renewed desire to forgive each other and work at their marriage. It’s at this point that marriage coaching becomes so beneficial!

I (Gaspar) am also excited about the marriage coaching program we’re now offering. It’s the next step and follow-up for a couple who have gone through Stop Hurting Start Healing. In our sessions, Michele and I diagnose the couple’s problems, pray for inner healing, counsel them and prescribe solutions.

Go “all in”

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills. That way, husbands and wives can use those learned skills outside of the coaching sessions to develop their own solutions. However, marriage coaching serves only couples who want to grow and change. These are husbands and wives who are willing to work the process together in order to accomplish something they both want.

The couple doesn’t have to come to the coaching session knowing exactly what changes they want to make. As coaches, we help them to clarify how they want to grow by asking insightful questions that can draw out their thoughts, feelings and desires. We then take them through exercises that help them communicate to each other what they want.

“We” wins

In time, couples start to focus on the “we” in their relationship. That’s one of the most important things that marriage coaching accomplishes. Husbands and wives emerge, no longer as two individuals just living for self. They become a team embarking on a journey to fulfill the purpose God has for them as a couple. And, make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together! Sometimes winning takes a good coach.

If you are interested in getting coached personally or as a couple, please visit the Breaking Free Living Well Counseling Center website or call 239.244.3912. Feel free to share your thoughts below.…

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

July 17, 2021 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change

One day I was given a picture of a living room and asked to identify what was wrong with it. After looking at the picture a few seconds, the answer was obvious. I noticed that next to the couch, coffee table, lamp and television there sat a stove.

As obvious as that is, many of us have things in our lives that are just as out of place! Let me name a few and see if you can identify some of them in your own Christian life. By calling ourselves Christians, you and I identify with Jesus Christ, the Architect of a Christ-like life.

So what doesn’t belong?

Refusing to forgive. We forgive with conditions (if at all), forgetting that God loves us unconditionally. He forgave our sins while we were yet enemies of the cross. We mistakenly believe that we can forgive or not whenever and whomever we want! (Mark 11:25,26 & Matthew 5:44)
Holding back our first fruits to God (tithes and offerings). We give when it is convenient and hold back when it isn’t. We assume that God really doesn’t care when or how much we give. WRONG! (Proverbs 3:9)
Not attending or belonging to a local church. We say things like “I don’t have to be part of a corporate body to serve God.” Is that what God says? Of course not! God requires us to come together! (Hebrews 10:24, 25) We see in the word that the first church God started on the day of Pentecost, met in the homes and the synagogue, daily and weekly.
Keeping silent about Jesus. Every day we pass a multitude of people who are on their way to hell. We take for granted that we are on our way to heaven, so it doesn’t matter. Yet one of our primary purposes as Christ’s ambassador is to be a witness (share Jesus) to every person God puts in our path. That’s how Jesus our architect designed us. (Romans 10:13-15)

Covenant or convenient

There are many other things that don’t belong in the life of a true Christian, but I believe that if you will remove these four, the others will also go. We are not our own anymore. We belong to Jesus because He purchased us with His precious blood.

We can no longer live on the premise that we’ll only do what’s convenient. We’re called to live every day for Him, through Him and by Him (Galatians 2:20).

That is the lifestyle we were created and designed for, the most fulfilling life we could live (Ephesians 2:10).

Remove what’s wrong

Jesus is our Creator and Architect. If you want your “living room” to reflect the Architect who designed it and His plans and purposes for such a creation, remove the things that don’t belong in the picture. Let’s glorify Him and stop taking Him for granted. He really does care how we live our Christian life. Ask yourself today: What’s wrong with this picture? And make a conscious effort to remove the things that don’t belong! It’s a great way to start every day.…

Don’t just believe…Act!

July 10, 2021 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, Success & victory

Most Christians know that the will of God is His word and that His word is His will. But we’re not supposed to just believe in God’s word. We’re to demonstrate it!

There’s a big difference between knowing the right thing to do and actually doing it. Our job is to genuinely demonstrate to the world who God is and His will for us.

The power of the miraculous

Romans 12:2 says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Did you catch that? We are to prove the will of God to the world. That proof is exhibited through miracles. Miracles provide irrefutable evidence of God and His will to every human on planet earth.

The Apostle Paul said it this way in 1 Corinthians 2:4: ”And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power.” In other words, Paul proved that the God he was preaching about was real by the miracles he performed, not by his eloquent speech.

Like Paul, you can operate in miracles and present the true Bible Jesus to the world. We serve a powerful omnipotent Savior, not a counterfeit religious character with no power to change our lives or circumstances! Here are some points to help you demonstrate God’s power.

How to demonstrate His power

1. Have a consuming love for God’s word. Smith Wigglesworth, the famous Englishman of faith who lived in the early 1900’s, never went more than 15 minutes without reading God’s word. Today we label people like him religious fanatics. But very few people have walked in the miraculous like Smith Wigglesworth.

2. Have an overwhelming confidence in the word of God and the God of the word. Know that He meant what He said and said what He meant. Believe that God’s word is the final authority in any given situation. His word cancels everybody else’s opinion. God tells the prophet Jeremiah that He put His word in his mouth. And when Jeremiah declares it, God will hasten to perform it.

3. Speak, declare and confess God’s word. Let God’s opinion (the only one that counts) be released concerning your situation. When you say the same thing God says and believe what you say, watch out! A miracle is just about to manifest!

Let your words be few

4. When you’ve walked out the first 3 steps, keep your mouth shut. When you speak God’s word about the circumstance, nothing else is needed. Just “be still and know that He is God”. We try to help God by adding words that are often negative, cancelling out what God started.

The more you speak, the greater the risk of opening the door for Satan. The less said the better. However, if you can’t hold your tongue, use it to praise God! Exalt God with your words, giving Him access to the atmosphere around you. God inhabits the praises of His people. Remember, the world needs to see the Jesus we love, the real Jesus. Prove His will to them by putting His will on display. Demonstrate His word and His will to a lost and dying world!

If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.…