How to outlast storms and still stand

There is one key that—not only holds marriages together, but—brings them into the fullness of God’s glory. That one key is comprised of at least five core values. Values are those things that you have deep convictions about in your heart. Values are non-negotiable. They govern the direction your marriage takes and form its walls of protection. 

Values are like the fence around your house. That fence defines, protects and identifies your house and its property. That’s what having at least five core values does for your marriage. Now we all have values individually but, most of the time, we don’t recognize them. These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day. Sadly, those same principles—when brought into your marriage—often cause conflict. 

These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day.  

Conflicting values

One spouse may place high value on their social life, and he or she pursues social interactions all the time. Meanwhile, the other mate values the opposite. They desire personal intimacy and that is their major focus. Both are good values, but they oppose each other and will eventually bring conflict in the marriage.  

Couples need to decide what values are most important for their marriage, even if certain ones are unimportant to the other. The marriage needs to be the major focus and not our own selfish needs and desires. Remember there are three entities in a marriage: You, your spouse and your marriage itself. Ultimately, a couples’ decisions should always come down to what’s best for their marriage—not what’s best for either individual.

Define, define, define

So take the time to identify what your marriage values should be, and discuss them with your mate. Talk about whether or not those ideals are already in place and, if not, what you can do as a couple to build them in. 

These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. 

Identifying your current values will help you to decide which ones to let go of and which ones to embrace. These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. You will never reach that place of marriage wholeness unless you have at least 5 core values that become the foundation of your marriage.

A tale of two marriages

Matthew 7:24-27 describes two kinds of houses (we’ll say marriages). One marriage is built on a foundation of sand (having no defined core values). The other is built on a solid rock (having very well-defined values). Both couples face the same troubles in life, but the marriage without a strong foundation is destroyed. The one built on the rock survived the same storms that took the other one out, but didn’t collapse. Rather, that marriage stood firm in the midst of all the problems it faced. 

Your values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection.

Let me suggest a few marriage values that you and your spouse might like to build upon. Though values are necessary for success, this list is by no means a guarantee for achieving success. Values must come from both of your hearts. These values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection. It is definitely worth taking the time to discover what those ideals need to be for you as a couple. 

Suggested values

1. Loving God. This one is a no-brainer, and every marriage needs to stand on it as a foundational principle. Whenever you put God first, everything just seems to work out better—no matter what storms come. I believe that we really don’t have financial or relationship problems. We have lordship problems. But when both mates pursue God as the number one value, the best is yet to come—and always will be! 
2. Honesty is another value I highly recommend. You could define honesty as a willingness to be transparent with one another without having to pay a price. Most marriages fail because of poor communication. However, if you both establish honesty as a marriage value, your communication level will increase exponentially.
3. Happiness is a core value I would NOT recommend. It sounds funny to say it, but if you make happiness a foundation for your marriage, you will be very disappointed… and your marriage will fail. Happiness is a fruit of having core values—but not a value itself. Yes, we all want happiness, but it will only result from a lot of hard work and living out our marriage values. If you read my blog from 2 weeks ago, you know that a good marriage requires self-sacrifice. But in the end, it will produce the fruit of happiness. 

Can you name at least 3 more core values that you think should be added to a marriage? I would be interested in hearing from you.

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