Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if they lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one stay warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Making marriage out of mess

Do you know that God has a plan and purpose to use you and your spouse together? That He designed a purpose specifically for your marriage? If you have your doubts, just look back to the very first couple in the garden.

God created man and woman in His image to represent Him on the earth. They were the crowning jewel of His creation. His purpose for them together was to fill the earth and subdue it. God has not altered His plan since then. God’s purpose for the first couple lives on in you and your spouse.

When I first heard a teaching on this many years ago, I quickly dismissed it. Maybe this applied to my pastor and his wife… or the elders and their wives… but for Gaspar and me? No way. How could God possibly have a purpose for our marriage? There were times when we thought our marriage wouldn’t even make it. With all the trials we’d been through—selfishly separating, each fighting to get our own way—we brought new meaning to the phrase “God will bring ministry out of your mess.” He sure did.

So think again. God does have a plan and purpose for every marriage, including yours. I remember saying, “Ok, Lord, here we are; we’re available. Lead the way.” And lo and behold, to our amazement, He did!

An unstoppable force

God created you and your spouse for a work that only the two of you can accomplish together. He foreknew all your differences and carefully put them together so you would compliment each other. Then He blended together all those qualities for His planned purpose. Why? Because together you can accomplish more and greater things than either of you could on your own. Together you’re a powerful force. And, with God, you’re unstoppable.

Together you’re a powerful force and, with God, you’re unstoppable.

Probably your next questions are: “Where do we start? How do we know the purpose God has for us?” To start, the best way any Christian couple can serve God is to glorify Him in their marriage.

Married couples possess the power to create what many people hunger for: Family and Belonging. We live in such a fractured world. Many people live and work hundreds of miles from their nearest relatives. Families crack and break apart. People are lonely and isolated and, inside, are longing for a place to belong. They long for family.

A healthy relationship builds hope

Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the lonely in families.” Often, as married couples, we can become “family” for those without one.

Many people today don’t even know what a healthy marriage looks like. They’ve seen so many fractured relationships and divorces, they’ve lost hope that any marriage can last. Married Christians have an incredible opportunity to model what Christ designed marriage to be. That may not sound like a “ministry,” since you aren’t actually “doing” something other than being yourselves. But in our society, simply staying together and working at your marriage sends a powerful message.

And you don’t have to be perfect to do that. When people see that you and your spouse love and respect each other they take notice. You can provide hope for those who have lost hope for a healthy relationship.

Regardless of the ministry God leads you and your spouse to fulfill, together you can draw strength from each other. As a couple, you have instant access to another person’s skills. If you remember, Jesus always sent His disciples out in teams of two. When two people work together, they protect each other, encourage and support one another, share the workload, offset each other’s weaknesses and draw on each other’s strengths.

When two people work together, they… offset each other’s weaknesses and draw on each other’s strengths.

Blended callings

Today, Jesus sends out couples just like He sent out His disciples—in pairs. Why? Because there’s power in pairs.

Christians often think of serving God individually. But think how much your ministry and marriage can be strengthened if you could blend both your callings! God has called you to serve Him and He has called you to be married. Those two callings—not only can go together, they—should go together. When they do, you’ll have a stronger Christian walk and a stronger Christian marriage.

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.…

A great marriage takes a lot of work. Too many people give up when the going gets tough. And by doing so, they miss out on the tremendous blessing that God has planned for them as a couple. 

We hear a lot of negative things, especially today, about how bad it is being married. But you don’t hear very much about the good that a godly marriage produces in a person’s life. The problem is: We look at marriage through a wrong lens. It’s not what it looks like. 

What’s happiness got to do with it?

The same erroneous viewpoint that dominates the world today also dominates our marriages. This view tells us that the main goal of marriage is “happiness”. Happiness comes and happiness goes. Therefore, starting off a marriage with happiness as the goal will ultimately lead to disaster. It’s not that happiness is a bad thing, but it is dependent on so many other factors in the marriage going right. 

Starting off a marriage with happiness as the goal will ultimately lead to disaster.

Because we are two different people, we will invariably rub each other the wrong way. Happiness during those times is usually the last thing you will experience. But that doesn’t make your marriage a failure—not unless happiness was your main goal. 

Discover a greater love

Working out our differences and resolving conflict in our marriage with the help of the Holy Spirit not only produces a greater love and respect for one another but, in the end, it bears the fruitfulness of happiness. 

So happiness can come and go throughout years of marriage. That’s because of the need to develop oneness and spiritual growth in our lives and in our mutual bond. So maybe our definition of happiness needs to change, because it’s not what it looks like. 

Happiness in God’s eyes is two people learning to put Him in the center of their lives and union. It happens when, as a couple, we put the interest of our mate and our marriage before our own and gain the capacity to be selfless—instead of selfish. 

Happiness is not what it looks like through our natural understanding: Me first and you second. The thinking that goes: “As long as I am happy, then and only then do we have a good marriage—no matter how you feel”—that thinking is absolutely wrong. It even sounds kind of ridiculous but, honestly, that’s how most of us live. So how can we turn this around and line ourselves up with God’s concept of happiness?  

The beauty of shared values

First of all, we need to decide what our values are and how necessary they are in our ability to enjoy a happy marriage. Understand that happiness isn’t a value, but the result of having defined values that both of us agree with.

Understand that happiness isn’t a value, but the result of having defined values that both of you agreement with.

Let me list some of the values that are in our marriage. 

Value #1: Our relationship with God is our top priority—not only individually but also—as a couple. So Michele and I pray together, study together, teach together, go to church together…. All these shared values produce a lot of happiness in our lives. Can you see how knowing and applying your values create boundaries in your marriage which produce the fruit of happiness? 

Let’s talk about another value that Michele and I share that greatly enriches our marriage. It is the value of honoring one another. 

Value #2: Honoring each other includes understanding our likes and dislikes, our interests, wants and needs. This value hinges on communication which brings us into a greater oneness with each other. And unity produces the fruit of happiness. 

Again, notice how happiness isn’t the main goal, but living together with shared values produces a high level of happiness. Can you see that? 

Define your shared values

What are your values? Can you list at least 3 that you and your spouse agree on and are striving to live out? What will it take to switch from pursuing “happiness” to pursuing godly values as your road map to a successful marriage? What do you think is the greatest stumbling block to accomplishing that?

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.…

Marriage should be the second highest priority in our lives as Christians. “What is my first priority?” you ask. That’s simple. It’s found in Mark 12:30: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.”

The second highest priority is found in verse 31: “And the second, like it, is this:‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” These two commandments—and notice they are commandments—represent the cross.

The geometry of the cross

The perpendicular beam of the cross represents our relationship and intimacy with God. The horizontal part corresponds to our relationship with our mate. Notice that our horizontal relationship between each other depends on our vertical connection to God. Both are important and necessary if we desire to please and serve God acceptably.

When you fight your mate, you fight the wrong battle.

Unfortunately in today’s church, working at our marriages is given lower priority. Meanwhile church involvement, our careers and our own self-interests are encouraged moreso. No wonder there are so many troubled marriages today!

Yes, marriage is made in heaven—meaning, ordained by God—but it must be worked out here on earth. Notice I used the word “work” because that’s what it takes (and a lot of it) to not only have a good marriage, but just to stay married. So let’s talk about what kind of effort it will take once you decide to make your marriage priority #2. Below I list a few things that will improve your marriage, and you can both start as soon as you finish reading this blog.

How to build a better marriage

1. Realize that you are not each other’s enemy. When you fight your mate, you are fighting the wrong battle. You should be fighting for and not against each other. Often the Goliaths we need to confront are inside of us—not outside. Fear of rejection, anger, unforgiveness or even feeling put down and condemned—these are the real enemies that God is exposing. Once exposed, you can fight the right battle in Jesus. Notice that I didn’t mention satan. Even though he is our enemy he isn’t directly attacking us but through some of the open doors that i mentioned above.
2. Give and receive forgiveness. You have both made mistakes. But more than anything, humbling yourself in this way gives God permission to enter your relationship. Meanwhile, unforgiveness blocks His presence and gives satan greater access to create turmoil.
3. Pray for your marriage. Set aside time every day to agree together, even for just a few minutes. “Where two or three are gathered together God is in the midst of you”. What a great promise that is!
4. Lastly, hold each other in your arms. Embrace for just 30 seconds at various times during each day without saying anything. This simple act allows your spirit and your mate’s to connect in a very special way. Walls will come down, and God’s love will begin to flow supernaturally.

For where two or three are gathered in my name, I’m there with them.

Matt. 18:20 (CEB)

Now the challenge is to take these simple but profound steps, and put them into action—whether you feel like it or not. I am telling you that miracles will start happening in your marriage—even after just one week! Send me your testimonies and I will announce them in my next blog.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.