Take your marriage to the next level

December 24, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

Marriage can be like an elevator, going up or going down quickly. One important variable that triggers this sudden rise and fall is our thought life. If you can get free in your mind and take control of your thoughts, you can change your marriage for the better in a very short time. I’m here to tell you: Discipline your thoughts, and you will take your marriage to the next level!

A deeper unity

The devil hates your marriage from the start, because a unified couple is his greatest threat. The Bible tells us that where two or three agree, God Himself shows up (Matt. 18:19-20). Satan greatly fears that, so he bombards us with negative thoughts almost every moment of the day. That’s why unity—even in how we think about each other—is crucial.

Unity involves more than a couple agreeing not to divorce. It’s more than sharing similar taste in food or clothes or homestyle. Superficial unity like that won’t hold the marriage together when storms hit. I’m talking about a deeper agreement that truly binds you together, making the two one. I’m talking about achieving oneness of mind and thought about each other and your marriage.

The Bible says where two or three agree, God Himself shows up.
Matthew 18:19-20

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Stop listening

Often we’re not even aware of the thoughts that are bombarding us moment by moment. And not every thought that passes through your mind is your thought. Too often, we listen to the devil’s messages about our mate. They come in unfiltered and unchecked; and these notions influence how we treat our husband or wife. Rather than God’s Eden, our mind can act as satan’s playground. When that happens, the elevator goes down swiftly.

We discipline our diet, our body, and any number of other things. Yet our mind, one of the most powerful life forces on earth, we let roam free. No matter how bad or good your marriage may be right now, your thinking is key to reaching the next level of joy and fulfillment. As a discipline, talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. That’s how you push the up button.

Stop listening to yourself, and start talking to yourself instead.

Start talking

If you pay attention to what you’re thinking, it’s easy to discern where your thoughts originate and from whom. God wants your marriage to be successful, fulfilling and to re-present Him on this earth. Therefore, thoughts of kindness, empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love toward your mate proceed directly from Him.

Criticism, unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, and condemnation all come from the devil. Every time you let such thoughts control how you view your mate, you push the down button on your union.

It’s time you stop listening to thoughts satan plants in your mind and tune in to the mind of Christ. Most importantly, speak God’s words to yourself. For a season, stop listening to yourself and start speaking instead. Discern what God is saying about you and your mate and speak His words; echo His sentiments.

Thoughts of kindness, empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love toward your mate come from God.

We all need to discipline our minds. And we do that by rejecting bad thoughts and choosing good thoughts instead. By doing that, you also declare war on satan. Filtering out demonic thinking and embracing God’s mind about your mate and marriage will immediately take your union upward.

So don’t let the devil push the down button on your marriage. Mark my words: If you guard your thoughts every day and check negative ones at the door, your elevator will rise quickly. Choose today! Make Jesus lord over your thoughts, and you’ll automatically take your marriage to the next level!

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What I learned the last 55 years

December 3, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage

This past February, Gaspar and I celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary. That’s quite a few years! It even amazes me… and I lived it! In my mind, I’m still that 19-year-old blushing bride, but I’ve learned a lot in those years. It seems like we always learn the most from the difficult times. And like most couples, we’ve had our share.

So what nuggets of wisdom have I gleaned over five decades? Here are my top 10 ingredients for a successful marriage. They’re not in any particular order because I believe they all play an equally important role in a strong marriage.

Top 10 ingredients to a successful marriage

Demonstrate Unconditional Love and Forgiveness.
I know that’s two things, but a big part of unconditional love is forgiving each other. Not one of us is perfect. We all sin and make mistakes. We all cause each other hurt and pain, from the smallest slights to the deepest wounds. Could we really eliminate either of these ingredients and still call ourselves a Christian couple? Both are commands from God for all believers.
Be Honest and Truthful.
I can’t separate these two either. They’re a solid couple. Honesty involves a few key practices like never lying, never hiding the truth—or even purposely omitting it. Honesty in marriage means always telling your spouse the truth, even if they won’t like it. It builds a strong foundation for trust and, eventhough there are many ways besides dishonesty to break trust, honesty is key. Once trust has been broken, it’s a long hard road back to rebuilding it.
Never Use the “D” Word.
When we were young, foolish and unsaved, I would threaten divorce often. It was so destructive to our marriage and brought us to the brink of breaking up several times. I didn’t realize that was a word of death I was confessing over our marriage. After we came to the Lord, we promised—no matter how angry we got—we’d never use the “D” word again…and we haven’t. Marriage is a commitment between you, your mate and God. When you’re going through a rough time turn to the Lord, listen to Him, and do what He says. I promise He’ll see you through every time.
Keep Intimacy Alive.
Keep love alive with romance and physical intimacy. Both are so important to a healthy marriage. You’d be surprised how far a little romance will go toward strengthening your relationship. Tender touches, hugs, kisses and saying “I love you” every day will lead to even deeper, more gratifying intimacy.
Communicate Well.
Communication is probably one of the biggest struggles in marriages. But it’s worth working through because it affects every other area. A big part of communication is being a good listener and taking time to understand what your spouse needs. Of course, there will be disagreements. You and your mate have different personalities and see things differently. But successful couples respect each other’s opinions and learn the art of compromise.
Get on the Same Team.
You and your spouse have a common enemy—and it isn’t each other. His name is satan. Spiritual warfare in marriage is real. Satan wants to steal your joy and destroy your marriage. Even in the middle of a disagreement, it’s important to remember that your spouse is not your enemy. Remind each other that you’re on the same side. And unity—more than who’s right or wrong—is crucial.
Accept Each Other.
Lack of acceptance is a major relationship killer. We marry our spouse because we love who they are, not who we can change them into. It’s not our responsibility to play Holy Spirit for them. If we’re not careful, we can slip into thinking “I know best” in every matter. To build a strong marriage, we must focus on how we can become more Christlike and entrust our spouse to the Lord.
Prioritize Couple’s Time.
With work and family responsibilities, it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner and take each other for granted. DON’T!!! We’ve said over and over how important it is to make time for just the two of you. Have a date night as often as you can, even if you can’t go out. Put the children to bed and plan a special evening for just the two of you. The most successful couples vouch for this and agree it’s been a life-saver for their marriage.
Encourage and Inspire.
One of the most effective ways to help your spouse is to offer encouraging words. The word encourage means to “inspire courage.” We all have areas and times in which we feel insecure. Your words can be a powerful tool to lift each other up and inspire the best in each other. Make this a practice: Look for one way to encourage the best in each other everyday.
Put God at the Center.
In everything you do, put God at the center of your marriage. Invite His Presence into everything. Make time to pray together each day. It only takes a few minutes to ask God to bless and protect each other. Consistently attend church. Share what you received from the message. Sharing your insights helps the message to become a part of you and draws you closer spiritually. What an awesome role model and legacy to leave your children and grandchildren!

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Whether you’re a newlywed or an oldie-wed like us, every marriage has its share of ups and downs: stress, poor communication, financial difficulties…. As we always say, marriage is hard work and, for Christian couples, the work is all about growing up and becoming more like Jesus. I pray the things I’ve shared with you today will help make your marriage even stronger.

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Give the unique gift of you

November 26, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage

One recurring theme in marriage books that I have read over the years involve sacrificing yourself for your mate. But after repeatedly trying it in my own marriage, I’ve concluded that the so-called experts are wrong about that. When God created you, He didn’t make junk. Our Lord designed you to be a gift to your mate—and He didn’t make a mistake.

Now I do understand that you and I are a work in progress, and the Holy Spirit helps us become more Christ-like in the way He created us. But changing into a cheap copy of someone else will not make your marriage better. In fact, if you never get to know and celebrate who you really are—the one God designed in His likeness and image—you will never excel in your marriage. Stop trying to be somebody else! Instead, work on becoming who God uniquely intended you to be.

Discover the one-of-a-kind you

God is pleased with the you He created. In Genesis, at the end of the sixth day, “God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good! (Gen. 1:31, MSG)” He designed each of us to express different facets of Himself, because no one individual can reflect the fullness of our omnipotent God. Each of us reveals Him in very different ways.

When I sacrifice my unique self to be somebody else “for the sake of my marriage” — I limit God’s ability to reveal Himself in me and my marriage. Plus, I cheat my mate out of getting to know God-in-me better. Our differences allow us to experience His love, mercy, and grace in many ways.

Instead of sacrificing yourself to please your partner, work to improve the true you. It’s hard to love somebody who doesn’t know who they are, because that person is putting all their energy into being somebody else.

God is pleased with the you He created…. He reveals Himself in each of us in very different ways.

As a couple, agree to stop believing the lie that you must become another person to make your marriage work. When you first met, your husband or wife fell in love with you—not a phony replica. So why not just accept each other the way you are?

Yes, there is always room for improvement. And you should discuss what improvements will make the original you better. But sacrificing the real you to improve your marriage is a lost cause. This pretense will only draw you further apart. Marriage was created to refine—not replace—the real you.

Lose the fig leaf

Repenting and crucifying our flesh is not easy. So instead we may put on a fig leaf. But I encourage you to admit your faults and let the Holy Spirit transform you into an even better version of yourself. Agree with your partner once again to accept the authentic you with all your various idiosyncrasies. It will take a great burden off you both. It’s amazing how much pressure comes against us every day to conform to some other image. Do it long enough and we forget who we really are and why you first fell in love.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out…. God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:2 (MSG)

You fell in love with the real John, the real Pam, the real Angela or Derrick. But living together exposes all our hidden faults. Agree to work on those exposed faults and fall in love with your partner all over again. Rediscover what you love about each other. Point out the things that first turned you on. It could be a very romantic and exhilarating experience.

Don’t let the devil’s lies make you settle for just getting along when you can make your marriage great! With God, it’s never too late!

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A season of repositioning

October 22, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Marriage, unity with God

We are recovering from a major hurricane that hit Southwest Florida three weeks ago. The storm changed so many things that it made me take a closer look at my life. I think the same thing happens when we hit a wall in our marriage. You could call it a marriage hurricane. During a season like this, there is no place to go but forward.

Everything that happens in our lives comes through the hands of God— whether good or bad. The most important thing to concentrate on at this time is how we can cooperate with God to fulfill His destiny for our marriage.

Everything that happens in our lives comes through the hands of God— whether good or bad.

A lesson from Isaiah

I think of the prophet Isaiah who ministered to four kings of Judah during his lifetime. In Isaiah 6:1, the prophet tells us that King Uzziah died. As God’s voice to the nation, Isaiah would guide kings into God’s will. But at this moment there is no king to serve, none to guide. At this moment, this godly man gets a fresh revelation of the God he would speak for for years. He sees the Lord “sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple (v. 4).” Judah lost their king, but in the process Isaiah rediscovered THE KING.

He had a new vision of the same God he had been serving for years—and a new vision of himself. The storm in his life caused him to seek God like never before.

That’s what we need to do when we hit a wall in our marriages. We can’t solve our problems by our wisdom, intellect, or natural ability alone. It’s only through the Lord. You and I need to see Him in a different way, even in a different form. We get used to putting God in a box, expecting Him to do the same things he did in our marriage in past seasons.

Judah lost their king, but in the process Isaiah rediscovered THE KING.

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See God anew

How big and powerful is your God? Too often we make wrong decisions in marriage because we haven’t seen God clearly enough in our own lives—much less in our relationship. God will sometimes allow storms to come into our marriage to get us to rethink our position with Him. That is His way of pushing us to seek Him deeper. Problems give us that option. Now I say “option” because it’s a choice. Each of us must choose to put aside everything and pursue God with all our heart.

Usually, life is filled with more pleasant options and distractions the devil conveniently provides. Storms remove those options. God might move out of your life ungodly counselors for a period. In their place, He may insert a new desire to cry out to God for help. He might close the door to the escape plan you prepared in case your marriage failed. Our loving Father could allow you to lose a job and suffer financial loss. He may simply put a new desire and passion for your mate.

No matter what storms bring into your marriage, God’s hand is in it. He wants you to seek Him and get a fresh revelation of who He is in your life and marriage. He wants you to really know that if God is for you, no enemy can proper against you (Rom. 8:31) and greater is He that’s in you than he that’s in the world (I John 4:4).

God wants you to know that you can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens you (Phil. 4:13).

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

God’s plan for your marriage

Once you have a new outlook concerning God and who you are in Him, your marriage can be repositioned for a great turnaround. It’s never too late to make your marriage great. And a great marriage is our God’s plan for the both of you. But if the storm doesn’t rage and our backs aren’t against the wall, would we be willing to reposition ourselves for greater blessings? The very thing we think is a curse may turn out to be a great blessing! Do the right thing in the season of trouble. Let God reposition you. And the best is yet to come!

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How to outlast storms and still stand

October 1, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Marriage, Success & victory

There is one key that—not only holds marriages together, but—brings them into the fullness of God’s glory. That one key is comprised of at least five core values. Values are those things that you have deep convictions about in your heart. Values are non-negotiable. They govern the direction your marriage takes and form its walls of protection.

Values are like the fence around your house. That fence defines, protects and identifies your house and its property. That’s what having at least five core values does for your marriage. Now we all have values individually but, most of the time, we don’t recognize them. These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day. Sadly, those same principles—when brought into your marriage—often cause conflict.

These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day.

Conflicting values

One spouse may place high value on their social life, and he or she pursues social interactions all the time. Meanwhile, the other mate values the opposite. They desire personal intimacy and that is their major focus. Both are good values, but they oppose each other and will eventually bring conflict in the marriage.

Couples need to decide what values are most important for their marriage, even if certain ones are unimportant to the other. The marriage needs to be the major focus and not our own selfish needs and desires. Remember there are three entities in a marriage: You, your spouse and your marriage itself. Ultimately, a couples’ decisions should always come down to what’s best for their marriage—not what’s best for either individual.

Define, define, define

So take the time to identify what your marriage values should be, and discuss them with your mate. Talk about whether or not those ideals are already in place and, if not, what you can do as a couple to build them in.

These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple.

Identifying your current values will help you to decide which ones to let go of and which ones to embrace. These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. You will never reach that place of marriage wholeness unless you have at least 5 core values that become the foundation of your marriage.

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A tale of two marriages

Matthew 7:24-27 describes two kinds of houses (we’ll say marriages). One marriage is built on a foundation of sand (having no defined core values). The other is built on a solid rock (having very well-defined values). Both couples face the same troubles in life, but the marriage without a strong foundation is destroyed. The one built on the rock survived the same storms that took the other one out, but didn’t collapse. Rather, that marriage stood firm in the midst of all the problems it faced.

Your values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection.

Let me suggest a few marriage values that you and your spouse might like to build upon. Though values are necessary for success, this list is by no means a guarantee for achieving success. Values must come from both of your hearts. These values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection. It is definitely worth taking the time to discover what those ideals need to be for you as a couple.

Suggested values

Loving God. This one is a no-brainer, and every marriage needs to stand on it as a foundational principle. Whenever you put God first, everything just seems to work out better—no matter what storms come. I believe that we really don’t have financial or relationship problems. We have lordship problems. But when both mates pursue God as the number one value, the best is yet to come—and always will be!
Honesty is another value I highly recommend. You could define honesty as a willingness to be transparent with one another without having to pay a price. Most marriages fail because of poor communication. However, if you both establish honesty as a marriage value, your communication level will increase exponentially.
Happiness is a core value I would NOT recommend. It sounds funny to say it, but if you make happiness a foundation for your marriage, you will be very disappointed… and your marriage will fail. Happiness is a fruit of having core values—but not a value itself. Yes, we all want happiness, but it will only result from a lot of hard work and living out our marriage values. If you read my blog from 2 weeks ago, you know that a good marriage requires self-sacrifice. But in the end, it will produce the fruit of happiness.

Can you name at least 3 more core values that you think should be added to a marriage? I would be interested in hearing from you.

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Marriage pushes you into your destiny

August 27, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage

I am a better pastor because of my marriage. As discussed in past blogs, we tend to marry our opposite. Michele and I are so different that, early in our marriage, we both thought we had missed God and married the wrong person. In fact, the reverse was true. We couldn’t have known it then but, looking back, both she and I see how we have grown in the Lord by staying together. Our marriage has made us better people.

Our marriage has made us better people.

Lessons learned

I would have never been the kind of pastor I am today if I hadn’t learned to be patient and understanding with my wife. I learned empathy by putting myself in her place and seeking to understand her needs. Marriage made me a good listener, helped me give good, godly counsel and show compassion.

It didn’t look like it at first, but God had a destiny for us individually and as a team. We were pushed into our destiny. Because we were so very different, we each needed to change just to make our marriage successful and pleasing to God.

So be encouraged. The thing you are struggling with today could very well be God pushing you into your destiny as a couple. Left to yourself, shifting your personality and outlook on life would never happen. You would be stuck in a prison seeing yourself, your mate, and life itself through your own limited understanding.

Pushing is necessary. We get pushed into making right choices; pushed into surrounding ourselves with right people; and pushed into letting go of the wrong people (those no longer called to walk with us into our destiny).

Be encouraged. The thing you are struggling with today could very well be God pushing you into your destiny.

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God’s creativity at work

Marriage is unique because It provides an atmosphere for God’s designs and plans to be accomplished in both your and your mate’s lives. Because of Michele’s and my differences, I recognized the value of reflecting and developing patience. For example, we were very dissimilar when it came to walking by faith and not by sight. Once I believe God is in something, I go for it immediately. Michele, on the other hand, is willing to wait as long as it takes for it to come to pass.

We learned that sometimes she was right, and sometimes I was right. We got pushed into trusting God more and more. Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding”. I have been pushed into trusting the Lord so much more than I ever have. Remember God is your designer and He will push you throughout life to have you conformed to the destiny he has planned for you from the beginning of time.

For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].
Ephesians 2:10, AMP

Ephesians. 2:10 says “We are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Instead of getting angry and bitter because you’re being forced to change because of your mate’s differences, thank the Lord for using those moments to push you into your God-given destiny.

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