Even more fluent in love

August 15, 2026 Michele Anastasi

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”. Since then, a number of spouses said to me they wish I had included specific suggestions for each one of the love languages.

Taking the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved and then intentionally loving them in that way is a great gift. My first suggestion is, when you take the Love Language Quiz and get the results, spend some time discussing it together. (Just because you know your spouse’s love language doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know what they personally need to feel loved.)

Physical touch

When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, don’t think only of the act of love making. Physical touch includes so much more! Don’t let the day go by without touching them in a meaningful way. Some suggestions:

Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before getting up.
Always kiss hello and goodbye.
Hold hands often.
Give them a shoulder, neck or foot massage.
Cuddle while watching a movie together.
Hold hands and pray together.
Hug often.
Don’t forget at least one passionate kiss daily.
Put on some romantic music and dance together.
Cuddle before falling asleep.

Acts of service

For this love language, you’ll want to know what your spouse would like you to do. Acts of service require thought and effort. Some ideas:

Do a chore your spouse hates to do.
Ask what they need help with at the beginning of the week.
Respond to requests in a positive way rather than acting put off.
Make up a goody basket with their favorite treats.
Fill the car with gas.
Help prepare dinner or help clean up.
Make their coffee or tea in the morning.
Polish their shoes.
Make a coupon book of things you’ll do for them.
Make their favorite meal and dessert.

`Does your marriage need a little more care? Reach out to our amazing marriage counselors to find the help and healing you need. Call (239) 244-3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com.`

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy.

Quality time

The quality time love language centers around togetherness and giving your mate your undivided attention. Put your cell phone away. Shut down all electronics, and focus on your partner. When you do that, it touches their heart and makes them feel loved and important. Some suggestions to get you started:

Plan a special date night.
Take turns reading a book aloud together.
Go for coffee or ice cream and leave your phone in the car.
Cook dinner together.
Go for a walk around your neighborhood.
Start and end your day spending time talking.
Discuss and plan some marriage goals together.
Do a home project together.
Look for and start a hobby you’d both enjoy.
Once you make plans to do something, don’t cancel.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation include so much. Kindness. Encouragement. Empathy. And seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Think about what they would want to hear. For example:

“I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.”
“Thank you for all you do for me.”
“I admire the way you ______________.”
“I wouldn’t want to go through life without you.”
“No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together.”
“I love every minute we’re together.”
“Thank you for being my best friend.”
“The best day of my life was the day I married you.”
“You make me feel safe.”
“You’re the best _____________ ever!”

Receiving gifts

Store-bought gifts aren’t the only way to speak this love language. And it’s not about how much you spend either. It’s the thought that goes into the gift. One wife told me her husband buys her gifts she doesn’t really want. Here’s a suggestion: If your spouse is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, a box of candy wouldn’t be the ideal gift. The gift should have special meaning to them. Always keep an eye out for things they’d love to be surprised with. Some ideas:

Place a small gift or love note in the bag they take to work or on a trip.
Listen for hints of things they love and make special occasions a big deal.
Give them a small gift every hour on the hour for their birthday.
Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
Fill a notebook with one thing you love about them every day for a year. Include pictures of the two of you.
Order a favorite childhood candy or snack.
Be willing to invest in something that matters to them.
After a trip, bring home a souvenir that made you think of them.
Make their favorite meal and dessert for no special reason.
Make a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy. Hope you find these ideas helpful! You can always discover more suggestions on the internet. Regardless, we’d love to hear how these love language tips worked out for you!

If this blog has blessed you, leave a comment below and let us know. We love hearing from you! …

Become fluent in love

August 1, 2026 Michele Anastasi

0 Comment

Making positive change, Marriage

Twenty-plus years ago, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote his bestseller “The Five Love Languages”. We read it back then and, over the years, have even taught the principles in our marriage groups. We found that Chapman’s insights are key to building intimacy and understanding in marriage. I highly recommend it if you’ve never read it.

The book explains five ways people give and receive love: 1. words of affirmation, 2. acts of service, 3. physical touch, 4. quality time, and 5. receiving gifts. Every person has at least one primary love language. But rarely does a couple share the same one which, of course, complicates things. It’s as if you speak English and your spouse only understands Portuguese. Because you express your love for them in your language, they can’t understand or receive it.

Every person has at least one primary love language. But rarely does a couple share the same one…

Commit to learning

My primary love language is words of affirmation, with acts of service running a close second. If Gaspar brings me flowers and candy, that’s nice. But they don’t touch my heart like him looking deep into my eyes and saying, “Michele, you’re amazing!”…and then helping me clean out the garage. Crazy right? But that’s what floats my boat.

So often in marriage, both partners feel a lack of intimacy. Each is frustrated that their needs aren’t being met. For instance, you can feel unloved even though your spouse thinks they’re lavishing affection on you. That’s because they are speaking their own love language, totally oblivious to yours.

Intimacy doesn’t come naturally. Couples need to become students of each other and never quit learning. The better you know your partner’s likes, dislikes, desires, frustrations, joys, and love language, the deeper and closer your intimacy becomes.

God has a plan uniquely for you. He loves you with an unending love. Our amazing counselors will help you overcome hurts from the past and discover His love. Call 239.244.3912 for an appointment.

Intimacy takes time

Developing intimacy takes spending quality time together, sharing your hearts, your feelings, thoughts and needs with each other. It doesn’t happen amid texts and rushed conversations. Before long and without considerable effort, problems arise and rejection creeps in.

Couples need to become students of each other and never quit learning.

Do everything you can to develop and protect the intimacy in your marriage. Putting in the work to better understand each other is the ultimate labor of love and will benefit every part of your relationship. I always want to share resources with you that have helped our marriage, and “The Five Love Languages” certainly has. We know and love each other better because of it. Thank you, Dr. Chapman.

We love hearing from you! If you were blessed by this blog, why not leave a comment below?

…

Don’t look back

July 18, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

0 Comment

Making positive change, Marriage

Every day that God blesses you to be married is a gift. But if you are always looking back on yesterday’s failures, how can you fully enjoy this wonderful gift of God? Failure is not the biggest problem we face in life, but not understanding why we failed is. Not knowing will keep us repeating the same mistakes over and over, which leads to boredom and stagnation.

The great news is that your marriage has a purpose! But if you’re both going around and around like a ferris wheel, you’re not growing and fulfilling the purpose for which God brought you together. If you’re just going through the motions and the fire you once had has gone out, you’re not alone. But don’t worry or give up. Let’s talk about how to restart the fire and feel fulfilled again.

God didn’t make a mistake

Start by recognizing that God didn’t make a mistake by putting the two of you together. He knew that you were a world apart, and yet He brought you into each other’s lives by design. Accept your mate’s differences instead of trying to change them into a little version of you. That is a major first step in re-lighting the fire in your marriage.

In our early years of marriage, I tried to make Michele more like me—and she did the same thing. That didn’t work out so well. In fact, our efforts brought us to the brink of divorce. Eventually, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and He revealed that it takes two to become one. You need what your spouse has, and it’s something you could never attain alone.

Seeing your differences as a plus and not a minus, a blessing and not a curse, will revolutionize the way you look at your marriage. Just think: You never could have fulfilled God’s ultimate purpose for your life alone. You need your marriage partner, and he or she needs you. That revelation alone should radically change your view of your mate from one of resentment or annoyance to great appreciation and thankfulness.

God designed us so that we need someone different from ourselves or even completely opposite. Every day you both have an opportunity to fulfill God’s purpose: To change and be more Christ-like. You can thank your mate’s differences for helping you accomplish that.

Eventually, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and He revealed that it takes two to become one.

I will give you rest. — Do you or someone you know need Counseling or Life Coaching? Healing may be closer than you think. Call (239) 244.3912 or go to BreakingFreecc.com

Celebrate God’s gift

Instead of rejecting your better half and complaining about how much trouble they cause you, celebrate them by expressing your love to them and thanksgiving for them. No matter what they do or don’t do, focus on the fact that God designed them as a gift specially you.

So what! You’ve made mistakes along the way. Like I said, failing doesn’t make you a failure. The strongest, most successful couples you know experience moments of failure in marriage. Giving up is simply not an option, especially because we have Jesus living in us and the Holy Spirit empowering us to see our marriages correctly.

Choose to see your mate through the eyes of God.

Choose to see your mate through the eyes of God. That might just cause you to repent and ask their forgiveness for the way you have treated them and taken him or her for granted. Remember, your marriage partner is your best asset to fulfill God’s plans and purposes for your life—something you couldn’t have done yourself.

So stop looking back and letting the devil tell you that your marriage was a mistake and your life is ruined because of it. Close the door on satan, and open the doorway of your mind to God. Now take hold of the precious gift God has given you, and love them with all your heart.

We love hearing from you! If this blog post has blessed you, please comment below.

…

Make room for new!

July 4, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

0 Comment

Getting past the past, Marriage

As you’ve heard me (Gaspar) say before, marriage requires a lot of adjustments. If you’re not aware or prepared for change, you could get stuck in a holding pattern and stop growing. Maybe, like many couples, you think the honeymoon will last forever. If you’re newly married and “didn’t get the memo”— it won’t. For those of us who have been married more than a year, this is not news.

The key to more and better

If you’re not prepared for change, you will likely fail and drop out of the marriage. Make room for the new! That’s the key to success when faced with continual change. Making room for the new is also necessary for growth, peace and joy in your marriage.

Now that doesn’t mean that what you two had before was wrong or bad. But for God to give you something better, you have to make room for better. Getting to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses helps to develop a deeper, more lasting love. Though that might be uncomfortable at times—let’s be real, all the time—the dividends will far surpass the price you pay.

For God to give you better, you have to make room for better.

As I always say, the best is yet to come. Holding on to yesterday’s victories and blessings will hinder God from releasing greater ones. So how do you make room for the new in your marriage? I’m glad you asked.

Where growth ends, death begins

1. You need what I call a “holy dissatisfaction”. That means you are grateful for all the victories you have won and the love and respect that you have for one another—but you are not satisfied. Thankful, yes! But satisfied? No, because you know there is more. God has much more for you both, but He can’t bring it if you are not expecting anything better. Satisfaction with the status quo is often the greatest hinderance to receiving the new and better.

2. Ask God to give you a greater passion for growth. Many of us have stopped growing in our love for God, and that fact is reflected in our love for our mate. Ask forgiveness for your indifference and apathy. When we—and therefore, our marriage—stop growing, then the opposite will happen. Our union will start dying.

We all need help from time to time. God made us that way. So, if what you need is Life or Marriage Coaching, make an appointment with Michele Anastasi. We believe you’ll find exactly what you need. Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Could it be that, even though you have had some really good times together, your marriage is actually dying? There is so much more God wants for your marriage! He brought you together as a couple so that you could experience greater fruitfulness in life than you could individually. Often, what our Father wants for us is more than we want or expect for ourselves!

Ask your wife (just kidding)

3. Talk to your mate. Discover the ideas, dreams and thoughts God has given him or her for this next season of life. You might be surprised at how many new things God has placed in their heart. But they never get revealed because you don’t open yourselves up to each other. Sometimes we are afraid to rock the boat. Other times, we fear that our mate will think we “lost it”.

It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage.

Sometimes couples get stuck trying to recreate the honeymoon phase, when that was only the starting gate—not the finish line. It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage. And make room for the new He has in store. It can never happen until we let go of the old.

What blessings from yesterday do you still hold on to? You see, that’s where the new must start: In your heart. Don’t chase the blessing; start chasing after God. Yes, make room in your heart for the new. But trying to change your mate won’t make it happen. Stay focused on you, and ask God to help you let go of the good so He can give you better. Your destiny awaits.

We love to hear from you! Why not take a moment to comment below?

…

Take your marriage to the next level

June 20, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

0 Comment

Making positive change, Marriage

Marriage can be like an elevator, going up or going down quickly. One important variable that triggers this sudden rise and fall is our thought life. If you can get free in your mind and take control of your thoughts, you can change your marriage for the better in a very short time. I’m here to tell you: Discipline your thoughts, and you will take your marriage to the next level!

A deeper unity

The devil hates your marriage from the start, because a unified couple is his greatest threat. The Bible tells us that where two or three agree, God Himself shows up (Matt. 18:19-20). Satan greatly fears that, so he bombards us with negative thoughts almost every moment of the day. That’s why unity—even in how we think about each other—is crucial.

Unity involves more than a couple agreeing not to divorce. It’s more than sharing similar taste in food or clothes or homestyle. Superficial unity like that won’t hold the marriage together when storms hit. I’m talking about a deeper agreement that truly binds you together, making the two one. I’m talking about achieving oneness of mind and thought about each other and your marriage.

The Bible says where two or three agree, God Himself shows up.
Matthew 18:19-20

Marriage Coaching — Get your home life back on track. Visit BreakingFreecc.com or give us a call at (239) 244-3912.

Stop listening

Often we’re not even aware of the thoughts that are bombarding us moment by moment. And not every thought that passes through your mind is your thought. Too often, we listen to the devil’s messages about our mate. They come in unfiltered and unchecked; and these notions influence how we treat our husband or wife. Rather than God’s Eden, our mind can act as satan’s playground. When that happens, the elevator goes down swiftly.

We discipline our diet, our body, and any number of other things. Yet our mind, one of the most powerful life forces on earth, we let roam free. No matter how bad or good your marriage may be right now, your thinking is key to reaching the next level of joy and fulfillment. As a discipline, talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. That’s how you push the up button.

Stop listening to yourself, and start talking to yourself instead.

Start talking

If you pay attention to what you’re thinking, it’s easy to discern where your thoughts originate and from whom. God wants your marriage to be successful, fulfilling and to re-present Him on this earth. Therefore, thoughts of kindness, empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love toward your mate proceed directly from Him.

Criticism, unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, and condemnation all come from the devil. Every time you let such thoughts control how you view your mate, you push the down button on your union.

It’s time you stop listening to thoughts satan plants in your mind and tune in to the mind of Christ. Most importantly, speak God’s words to yourself. For a season, stop listening to yourself and start speaking instead. Discern what God is saying about you and your mate and speak His words; echo His sentiments.

Thoughts of kindness, empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love toward your mate come from God.

We all need to discipline our minds. And we do that by rejecting bad thoughts and choosing good thoughts instead. By doing that, you also declare war on satan. Filtering out demonic thinking and embracing God’s mind about your mate and marriage will immediately take your union upward.

So don’t let the devil push your relationship down. Mark my words: If you guard your thoughts every day and check negative ones at the door, your marriage will rise quickly. Choose today! Make Jesus lord over your thoughts, and you’ll automatically take your marriage to the next level!

We love to hear from you! Won’t you take a moment to comment below?

…

Maintain a well-oiled marriage

June 6, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

0 Comment

Marriage, Success & victory

Without God at the center, a successful, prosperous marriage is impossible. His presence is the oil that makes everything run smoothly. His strength and courage help us keep on keeping on even when things seem impossible. Without His presence being manifested, we are left trying to have a successful relationship—guided only by our faults, limitations, and past failures.

Without His presence being manifested, we are left trying to have a successful relationship—guided only by our faults, limitations, and past failures.

You and I are like Adam and Eve who walked away from God’s presence after choosing to do things their own way. Right away, this first couple recognized their nakedness and tried to hide behind fig leaves. This represents the shame of living in sin and apart from God.

Time for an oil change

God’s presence is like the engine oil that constantly lubricates all the various moving parts of your car. You see, when we’re dating and during the honeymoon phase of marriage, there’s plenty of natural oil flowing to help us overlook each other’s faults. All our moving parts (our quirks and unique differences) just work together—even creating joy, happiness, and great expectations for the future.

Once the oil runs low, however, all we can see is each other’s faults and imperfections. At best, married life becomes a struggle. At worst, it comes to a grinding halt. That annoying, fault-filled person lying next to you is the same one you fell in love with. But over time, our fig leaves wear thin, and we start seeing each other the way we’ve always been—flawed.

So are you rubbing each other the wrong way, creating friction that makes a breakdown inevitable? Most of us check our car’s engine oil regularly because we value our automobile and fear the price of letting it run out. Well, your marriage is much more valuable than your car (or should be).

Over time, our fig leaves wear thin, and we start seeing each other the way we’ve always been—flawed.

Like I said before, the oil of God’s presence is key to the success of your marriage, and it’s available free of charge 24/7 to all of us who recognize Him as a necessity. You can stop your marriage from coming to a screeching halt. Pouring in fresh oil will give your relationship new life and stoke the motivation to go higher and fulfill God’s purpose as a couple. But just like your car, you must be aware and intentional about giving your marriage the regular maintenance it needs.

Schedule maintenance

Recognize your need for God’s presence. Just think about how quick you are to dwell on your mate’s faults and how easily they annoy you. That’s a sure sign you need a fresh oil change.
On purpose, fill your marriage with God’s anointing. Set aside time to thank and praise Him for who He is and for your mate. You can do this alone or together. Suddenly, the oil will start flowing, and it won’t be long before the honeymoon returns. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
Put God first by praying together and attending a corporate gathering where others value God’s oil in their lives. There’s just something special about getting filled with His presence corporately.
Keep a fresh supply on hand. Again, like your car, your marriage can die from friction. Fortunately, God’s oil is free and available. All you have to do is open up your heart and your marriage and invite Him in.

With God’s presence, nothing will be impossible for your marriage to overcome or accomplish. So why not add it today? It’s never too late to experience a revival in your relationship. In fact, this could be your best year ever! Your children and everyone else in your sphere of influence will be blessed by it!

If this blog blessed you, we want to hear from you. Leave a comment below.…