If you work it—it will work

June 14, 2025 Gaspar Anastasi

As you’ve heard me say before, a good marriage takes hard work. What you put into it is what you get out of it. Nevertheless, so many people are deceived into thinking Love is all you need. But they soon find out that love alone won’t keep them together.

You may have heard people complain (as they dial up their divorce attorney), “We just fell out of love.” Yes, a successful marriage does produce joy, fulfillment and happiness. But there’s one important principal that we accept in every other area of life except marriage: Success requires hard work.

Smarter, not harder

Ask any accomplished person—a businessman, an athlete, an artist or anyone successful in their chosen field. They will tell you that they worked very hard to get where they are. And continue to do so to maintain their success.

So let’s get this truth established once and for all. If you want a lasting, successful marriage that will leave a great legacy for the next generation, you will have to work at it. Now, for some who read this blog, that statement will automatically turn you off. For those eager to invest effort into their marriage, here are some smart tips. They will pay great dividends in the end. Working hard is good, but working smart is better.

If you want a lasting, successful marriage that leaves a great legacy for the next generation, you will have to work at it.

Breaking Free Wellness Center will help you heal from past hurts and look forward to a productive tomorrow. Visit our website or call to schedule an appointment with one of our amazing counselors and coaches or Call (239)244-3912.

1. Listen to each other

Focus on the areas of your marriage that are the most needful first. For most couples, that’s the area of communication. Schedule at least one hour each week. During this time, give your undivided attention to one another. Talk about hot button issues. Be intentional about the topics, giving your mate the first opportunity to share their heart. Listen with the intent of hearing your husband or wife’s heart cry. Then you share while they listen.

2. Empathize with each other

The key is to develop empathy for one another. Listen then speak without being judgmental, critical, or condemning. Agree beforehand that this will be a time of transparency. The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather to listen to your mate’s heart. This will help you both to develop a greater ability to walk in God’s grace towards one another.

Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (AMP)

The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather listen to your mate’s heart.

3. Pray for each other

Pray together once a week. This too will take planning. Pray for your mate’s needs and then conclude by praying a blessing over them. Yes, we should pray for each other more than once a week, but do so individually. Every day, take time to lift up your husband or wife in prayer. Keep a prayer journal with a list of needs they have as God shows them to you. That way, you can mark off each one as God answers your requests. Don’t allow a week to go by without doing that.

The Holy Spirit will help you

I know we are all busy. But this is more important than most of the things we put before our marriages. Learning to share does take work, but doesn’t everything that we want to be successful at? Working these few items into your marriage will bring great fruitfulness in a very short time. Start today, and trust the Holy Spirit to help you. It will work if you work it!

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How to heal what’s broken

May 31, 2025 Michele Anastasi

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Forgiveness, Healing in marriage, Marriage

Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? You may have even thought it was impossible. The hurt and pain went so deep that you didn’t even want to think about forgiving. I know. I’ve been there and, if you’re married, I’m sure you have too.

My own struggle

Right from the start, let me say I (Michele) have struggled with forgiveness. It hasn’t come easy. And my heart goes out to those of you who have been wounded and are struggling too. It’s especially difficult when it’s your own spouse that has failed you somehow. You know, the one who promised to love and cherish you?

Over the years, we found that unforgiveness and past hurts are at the root of most marital problems.

Having been raised by a very wounded and abusive parent, I came into marriage with a lot of unresolved anger. I stumbled onto a long road toward inner healing. Along the way, I uncovered the resentment and anger I was carrying in my soul. In fact, that’s one of the reasons Gaspar and I got into inner healing so many years ago. It’s because of the past hurts we each carried. So what does healing have to do with forgiveness?

testimonial — Breaking Free Wellness Center will help you heal from past hurts and look forward to a productive tomorrow. Visit our website or call to schedule an appointment with one of our amazing counselors and coaches or Call (239)244-3912.

We must go back to move forward

When a couple comes into the Breaking Free office for counseling, we often suggest that they both go through inner healing prayer. And that’s before they even start counseling. Why? Over the years, we found that unforgiveness and past hurts are at the root of most marital problems.

Uncovering and identifying past wounds from childhood begins to open the couple’s eyes. They start to see how these hurts have—not only affected them individually, but still are—affecting their marriage. Often, we must go back before we can go forward (Gaspar just wrote a great blog about that). Looking to the past to understand the present gives us a new perspective and, hopefully, more compassion for each other.

Looking to the past to understand the present gives us a new perspective and, hopefully, more compassion for each other.

In marriage, we hurt each other. It’s inevitable. And forgiveness is the most effective way to heal. If you’re still thinking “But you don’t know what he/she did,” no, I don’t. And like I said before, my heart hurts for the pain you’re going through. But my prayer is to see you freed from that pain. I know from my own personal experience and years of counseling others. The only way that pain will go away is by forgiving them.

Stop killing yourself

Trying to punish your partner by hanging on to anger and bitterness only hurts you. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. (You’ve heard that before right?) Forgiving an offending spouse isn’t a sign of weakness. Nor does it mean you’re condoning your husband or wife’s actions. Forgiving means that you want to let go of the pain and start to heal. You want to please God and move forward.

Hanging on to bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Think about it. The greatest gift God gave us is the gift of forgiveness—through Jesus giving His life for us. He liberally pours out His unconditional forgiveness on us and in us so that we, in turn, can forgive others.

Choosing to forgive is one of the healthiest, most transformative decisions you can ever make for your marriage—and for yourself. Please know that you can forgive. Make the choice, and God will give you the help you need to heal what’s broken.

For more on this topic, read Gaspar’s blog post Forgiveness: The breakfast of champions or mine When forgiving is hard….

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Going back to go forward

May 17, 2025 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage, Relationship with God

In our Sacred Marriage group, we hold a session we call Going Back to Go Forward. That’s because the childhood wounds and experiences of one or both partners often resurface in our marriage relationship. They certainly did in ours. In fact, it was our own brokenness that brought us into inner healing ministry. Way back then, there was very little information on healing damaged emotions. But we absorbed whatever we could find, and the Holy Spirit taught us the rest.

The past isn’t always behind us

One thing we came to realize is that our marital problems didn’t start at the altar. Our difficulties were rooted in childhood wounds that were never healed or dealt with. Our patterns of relating to each other were formed in those early experiences and the way our parents related to us and to each other.

We all lug around emotional baggage we aren’t aware of.

We tend to think that what happened to us in the past is just that—the past. Why should it affect us today? And why our marriage? The truth is: We all lug around emotional baggage that we aren’t even aware of.

Most everything we learn about life, we learn from our parents or whoever raised us. Their issues are automatically passed down and ingrained in us. If your parents didn’t live godly, committed lives, you probably weren’t exposed to the presence of God or taught His ways. Therefore, during our formative years, we learned how to cope and survive without Him.

Unrealistic expectations

In addition to emotional baggage, we bring into our union unrealistic expectations. Personally, I looked to my new husband to make up for everything my wounded childhood lacked. I thought if he loved me the right way, that would make me whole. We both desperately looked to each other like that. It took us years to learn that what we needed could only be found in Christ.

The thing is, when we come to Christ, no one pushes the “clear” button to wipe away all the negative defense mechanisms we acquired to protect ourselves—things like blame-shifting, denial, anger, shutting down, etc.

There’s a great quote by author Pete Scazzero: “Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.” That means Jesus saves us the moment we come to Him, but we still have a lifetime of experiences to work through. That’s where transformation takes place.

Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.
—Pete Scazzero

Overcoming strongholds

Growing up, both our environment and experiences erect strongholds in our minds. This results in deep-set patterns of behavior that remain with us until they’re broken through prayer and then continually worked out by the renewing of our mind in God’s Word. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 that we must no longer be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…
Romans 12:2

Beyond the blame game

Please keep in mind: The goal in exposing and healing childhood wounds isn’t to blame our parents. They, no doubt, suffered from their own wounded pasts. There are many ways we can be wounded in childhood: The death of a parent, divorce, learning disabilities, chronic childhood illness, being bullied, being given too much responsibility, poverty, all sorts of abuse… Life is not easy.

The good news is God can heal any wound—no matter how deep or painful. He just needs us to be honest and transparent with Him; to own up to the struggles that hold us hostage. It’s through our brokenness that God can bring healing. As we learn to forgive each other and those who have hurt us, we enable God to step in and give us beauty for ashes.

We pray that this blog has been blessing to you. Why not leave a comment below? We love hearing from you!…

Scars that speak

April 5, 2025 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage

Michele and I celebrated 58 years of marriage last month. And though there have been a lot of great times, we have had our share of hurt and suffering as well. Two becoming one takes a lot of God’s grace and hard work on both of our parts. Blending our lives together so that we can become a blessing to each other and the people we serve has been a great challenge and blessing.

We have become more aware of the power of the cross and more grateful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.

We have become more aware of the power of the cross and more grateful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Without His presence and power, we never would have been able to overcome the many obstacles our marriage faced. Living life always presents great challenges and opportunities to see ourselves the way God sees us and to see God for who He is. Each of us has learned to run to Jesus when our differences caused pain, rather than to take things into our own hands.

Out of our hands and into His

We’ve tried enough to fix our problems ourselves to know it doesn’t bring any real solutions. In fact, our efforts drive us back into a self-centered, selfish life. We have come to understand, with our Father’s help, that pain isn’t our enemy. Rather, it is His voice letting us know that there is a deeper issue at the root of our problems.

No, pain isn’t the main problem. Even though our words and actions sometimes cause hurt, the pain is just a symptom of something that goes deeper. It’s God’s way of saying you need to look deeper into yourself so that I could heal you at your core. When couples take their eyes off each other and stop blame-shifting and condemning each other, our Father is able to work on us personally.

It’s hard to admit that we are damaged goods and that we need to be repaired. It takes a willingness to admit that we are still under construction. God our creator is the only one Who can fix us and make us whole. He is the only One—not your mate, not yourself.

Fixing the foundation

Jesus not only died on the cross for our sins; He bore our sufferings. As a couple, knowing that should give us hope and strength to know “this too shall pass”.

In times of pain and suffering, we need to run to the cross—not our mate or somebody outside of our marriage. When Jesus resurrected, He still bore the scars in His hands and the wound in His side. Those injuries became His identifying marks. So we can relate to them.

Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

Then he showed them the wounds of his hands and his side—they were overjoyed to see the Lord with their own eyes! …One of the twelve wasn’t present when Jesus appeared to them—it was Thomas, whose nickname was “the Twin.” So the disciples informed him, “We have seen the Lord with our own eyes!”

John 20:20, 24 & 25 (TPT)

Though he suffered the same hurts that we suffer, He also overcame them. That’s great news! It means we too can overcome our pain with His help. So run to the cross!

The scars on Jesus’ resurrected body say that He is committed to us long-term. He continues to restore and heal us. His scars tell us that He not only identifies with our sufferings, but He also participates in them.

Make the cross the center of your marriage, and happiness will become its by-product.

Run to the cross

Here are some choices that have helped me in my personal times of pain.

It required courage and determination on my part to face my own weaknesses and failures and not blame my wife. Jesus’ death and resurrection brought encouragement to me to “keep on keeping on”.
I had to make a conscious choice to run after the cross and make the way of the cross a lifestyle, accepting Father God’s unconditional love rather than denying it.
I chose not to take satan’s bait and believe his lie that God doesn’t really care; that it’s my problem to fix—not His.
I needed to confront myself by listening to the voice of my hurts and ask God to show me the real cause of my pain. I had to choose to take my eyes off my mate as the cause of my suffering and begin to look deep into myself with the help of the Holy Spirit. Most often we conceal the roots of our suffering and prolong the healing of our own lives and our marriage.
I chose to shut out all the other options the enemy provided. The road to hell is paved with many lies and selfish options that, if you accept them, will leave you worse off than when you started.
I reminded myself that happiness isn’t my main purpose in marriage. It’s holiness. Once I got that fact into my heart, true happiness became a fruit of my marriage. If happiness is your main goal in marriage, you will always avoid self-examination and godly change.

Make the cross the center of your marriage, and happiness will become its by-product. This year, bring your marital hurts to the cross. Make that a goal. I did, and happiness and fulfillment have become a way of life for me.

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How to reap the right rewards

March 22, 2025 Gaspar Anastasi

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Marriage

When you were growing up, somebody taught you how to ride a bike and drive a car. But I bet they never showed you how to live happily ever after. Yet God desires that you and I live—not just a good marriage—but a GREAT one. And, fortunately, He hasn’t left it up to us to accomplish. He yearns to co-labor with you to make it happen… if you’ll let Him.

Even though as Christians we can access God’s help, we mostly go it alone. So after a while, some of us conclude that a successful marriage is a myth. But I have good news for you: A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality!

A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality!

An amazing spiritual law

God has set into motion the amazing spiritual law of sowing and reaping. And it can radically change your relationship for the better. When applied the right way, the law of sowing and reaping guarantees marriage success. Misapply it and it can actually make your marriage worse.

Notice we sow first, then reap. Sowing requires giving something—whether words spoken or deeds done. Every time we sow we are assured a result. Of course, if you plant something bad or ungodly, you can expect the same in return. So mishandling the law works against you.

The law of sowing and reaping was meant for us to increase in peace, harmony, joy, love, romance, understanding and prosperity. But a failure to understand this law has caused catastrophic results for many married couples. So let’s get it straight today.

Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

Fruit in action

Here’s how to use this law on purpose in a positive way. Let’s say you want your mate to show you more respect and honor than they presently do. Through your words and good deeds, start sowing seeds of respect and honor into your mate—whether or not they reciprocate. Now you have just planted seeds that God will water. And He guarantees that it will bring you a 30, 60, or 100-fold harvest of fruit, the same kind you sowed. Blessings of respect and honor will begin to flow out of your mate toward you.

Wow! It’s that simple with every good seed that we sow. God wants to co-labor with you in your marriage. Why not let Him by putting this spiritual law into practice on purpose in a positive way?

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
‑ Galatians 6:7

On the other hand, you may have been sowing negative seeds, unaware that this powerful spiritual law was at work. Now that you know, you can turn it around and work this law to benefit your marriage. Start right now planting love, peace, affection, encouragement and good deeds into your mate.

A due season harvest

Be patient. Whether your relationship is good or “borderline hopeless”, diligently apply God’s law. In due season, you will begin to see amazing results working in your marriage. With God nothing is impossible! Patiently sow good, and within a month’s time your marriage can become all that you dreamed.

Start by asking God to forgive you for sowing bad seeds like criticism, unforgiveness, bitterness, coldness, etc. into your mate in the past. With that kind of seed, your marriage can’t grow better—only worse.

Discover the power of one

All it takes is one of you to begin using this spiritual law the right way to turn your whole marriage around for the better. All the things you complain about, things your mate does or doesn’t do that irk you will turn around and become a blessing. In less than a month!

Why wait for your husband or wife to make the first move? Start sowing into your marriage right now! You’ll see the power of one that God has offered to you. He wants to co-labor with you in your marriage to bring true fulfillment for the both of you. It only takes one to start the process. Why not you? Why not now?

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Awaken the superhero in you

January 18, 2025 Gaspar Anastasi

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Faith, Marriage, Success & victory

A healthy spirit enables us to communicate with God and one another. Spiritually healthy couples can meet each other through their spirit being—not just their emotions and physical body. Your human spirit, when healthy and fully awake, connects with your mate and demonstrates empathy for them.

That means your spirit can identify with your mate’s deep inner needs and actually feels what they feel. We become aware of our mate’s emotions beyond just our intellect. Being spiritually awake gives us the ability to know what he or she needs and how to meet the need without having to guess. Couples that are spiritually healthy can discern when their mate needs a hug; when they need to be left alone; and when it’s important to reach out and invade their space.

Sleeping spirits and hurting hearts

Couples with slumbering spirits are relegated to guessing what’s right to do and what’s not. Most of the time, they miss prime opportunities to communicate the kind of love for each other that will keep them together. The inability to connect with each other’s spirit (where true life and love stem from), is one of the major causes of divorce.

A husband’s slumbering spirit makes him selfish and self-centered, unable to connect with God and his mate as well. This husband thinks all is well, and he doesn’t understand why his wife is shutting down emotionally. He is disconnected from her heart because he is asleep spiritually.

A wife whose spirit is asleep might not recognize when her husband needs a word of encouragement instead of judgment. Therefore, she misses her opportunity to connect her love to his. We pay a lot of attention to the physical and emotional parts of us but very little to the spiritual.

Life that makes us one

Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.”

“Life” in this scripture refers to the God-kind of life that, when released in and through us, will bring the two of you into true oneness. As husband and wife, you will never reach true oneness unless you live your marriage out of a healthy spirit. True oneness is a place of joy, peace and fulfillment in your marriage. You can tell your spirit is slumbering when your love for one another is stale, stuck in the past or the romance/passion is gone.

Thankfully, there is something you both can do to revitalize your marriage and protect it from collapsing: Wake up your spirit. Here are a few suggestions.

How to awaken your spirit

1). Get out of denial and recognize that you need a new fire for your mate lit in your heart.

2). Recognize that you are a spirit, have a soul and live in a body. Ask God to forgive you for not nurturing your spirit. You nurture your spirit by feeding it the word of God and watching what enters your ear and eye gates.

3). Let your mate know that you desire a closer relationship with them. And whether they do or not, you will pursue oneness with your whole heart. That’s when your faith in God will be released in and through your spirit to remove the mountains of indifference and slumber in your spirit.

4). Don’t give up. God’s life will be pumped into your spirit as you reconnect with His Spirit through His word. You will begin to discern your mate’s needs and navigate through their mood swings. You’ll begin to meet them right where they are and connect with their hearts.

It won’t be long before your husband or wife is inspired to awaken their slumbering spirit. I will give you more tips in my next blog. God bless you and thank you for reading our blogs. I hope they are helpful. If they are, I would like to hear from you.

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