I am a better pastor because of my marriage. As discussed in past blogs, we tend to marry our opposite. Michele and I are so different that, early in our marriage, we both thought we had missed God and married the wrong person. In fact, the reverse was true. We couldn’t have known it then but, looking back, both she and I see how we have grown in the Lord by staying together. Our marriage has made us better people. 

Our marriage has made us better people. 

Lessons learned

I would have never been the kind of pastor I am today if I hadn’t learned to be patient and understanding with my wife. I learned empathy by putting myself in her place and seeking to understand her needs. Marriage made me a good listener, helped me give good, godly counsel and show compassion. 

It didn’t look like it at first, but God had a destiny for us individually and as a team. We were pushed into our destiny. Because we were so very different, we each needed to change just to make our marriage successful and pleasing to God. 

So be encouraged. The thing you are struggling with today could very well be God pushing you into your destiny as a couple. Left to yourself, shifting your personality and outlook on life would never happen. You would be stuck in a prison seeing yourself, your mate, and life itself through your own limited understanding. 

Pushing is necessary. We get pushed into making right choices; pushed into surrounding ourselves with right people; and pushed into letting go of the wrong people (those no longer called to walk with us into our destiny). 

Be encouraged. The thing you are struggling with today could very well be God pushing you into your destiny.

God’s creativity at work

Marriage is unique because It provides an atmosphere for God’s designs and plans to be accomplished in both your and your mate’s lives. Because of Michele’s and my differences, I recognized the value of reflecting and developing patience. For example, we were very dissimilar when it came to walking by faith and not by sight. Once I believe God is in something, I go for it immediately. Michele, on the other hand, is willing to wait as long as it takes for it to come to pass. 

We learned that sometimes she was right, and sometimes I was right. We got pushed into trusting God more and more. Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding”. I have been pushed into trusting the Lord so much more than I ever have. Remember God is your designer and He will push you throughout life to have you conformed to the destiny he has planned for you from the beginning of time. 

For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].

Ephesians 2:10, AMP

Ephesians. 2:10 says “We are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Instead of getting angry and bitter because you’re being forced to change because of your mate’s differences, thank the Lord for using those moments to push you into your God-given destiny.

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Every day that God blesses you to be married is a gift. But if you are always looking back on yesterday’s failures, how can you fully enjoy this wonderful gift of God? Failure is not the biggest problem we face in life, but not understanding why we failed is. Not knowing will keep us repeating the same mistakes over and over, which leads to boredom and stagnation.

The great news is that your marriage has a purpose! But if you’re both going around and around like a ferris wheel, you’re not growing and fulfilling the purpose for which God brought you together. If you’re just going through the motions and the fire you once had has gone out, you’re not alone. But don’t worry or give up. Let’s talk about how to restart the fire and feel fulfilled again. 

God didn’t make a mistake

Start by recognizing that God didn’t make a mistake by putting the two of you together. He knew that you were a world apart, and yet He brought you into each other’s lives by design. Accept your mate’s differences instead of trying to change them into a little version of you. That is a major first step in re-lighting the fire in your marriage. 

In our early years of marriage, I tried to make Michele more like me—and she did the same thing. That didn’t work out so well. In fact, our efforts brought us to the brink of divorce. Eventually, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and He revealed that it takes two to become one. You need what your spouse has, and it’s something you could never attain alone. 

Seeing your differences as a plus and not a minus, a blessing and not a curse, will revolutionize the way you look at your marriage. Just think: You never could have fulfilled God’s ultimate purpose for your life alone. You need your marriage partner, and he or she needs you. That revelation alone should radically change your view of your mate from one of resentment or annoyance to great appreciation and thankfulness. 

God designed us so that we need someone different from ourselves or even completely opposite. Every day you both have an opportunity to fulfill God’s purpose: To change and be more Christ-like. You can thank your mate’s differences for helping you accomplish that. 

Eventually, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and He revealed that it takes two to become one.

Celebrate God’s gift

Instead of rejecting your better half and complaining about how much trouble they cause you, celebrate them by expressing your love to them and thanksgiving for them. No matter what they do or don’t do, focus on the fact that God designed them as a gift specially you. 

So what! You’ve made mistakes along the way. Like I said, failing doesn’t make you a failure. The strongest, most successful couples you know experience moments of failure in marriage. Giving up is simply not an option, especially because we have Jesus living in us and the Holy Spirit empowering us to see our marriages correctly. 

Choose to see your mate through the eyes of God.

Choose to see your mate through the eyes of God. That might just cause you to repent and ask their forgiveness for the way you have treated them and taken him or her for granted. Remember, your marriage partner is your best asset to fulfill God’s plans and purposes for your life—something you couldn’t have done yourself. 

So stop looking back and letting the devil tell you that your marriage was a mistake and your life is ruined because of it. Close the door on satan, and open the doorway of your mind to God. Now take hold of the precious gift God has given you, and love them with all your heart.

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