Hint: It makes the dream work
Today’s Blog might ruffle a few feathers, but here goes. Finances are one of the greatest areas of tension in marriage. In fact, most divorced couples list unresolved financial conflict as the primary reason for their marital breakup. So if you and your spouse have argued about money, you’re not alone.
Good communication is key to success with your finances, and the ideal time to discuss finances is before you marry. Unfortunately, most couples don’t. They think that because they’re in love, everything will just fall into place. But they find out all too quickly it doesn’t work that way. So if you’ve just muddled along and argued your way through one financial situation after another, now’s the time to talk. As they say, teamwork makes the dream work.
Open up about money
If you haven’t already, now is a good to share your financial background with each other: How you were raised… how your parents handled money… how they influenced you…. These conversations will give your spouse insight into how you view money.
One question always comes up when we’re counseling couples: “Is it okay to keep our money separate?” (Each having their own separate account and splitting up the household bills.) My husband and I don’t agree with this method and believe it only leads to problems down the road. Marriage is a partnership. It’s no longer “my money” and “your money.” The two become one, so it’s “our money.”
Be sure to agree ahead of time that there will be no arguing, blaming or bringing up past failures.
At this point, someone always complains: “But my spouse got us in debt awhile back and can’t be trusted with a joint account.” I can sympathize. Gaspar and I have had our share of financial mess-ups over the years. Some people are just naturally better with money than others, but honesty and trust are a must in all areas of marriage. A marriage is no place for secret accounts, clandestine credit cards or money stashed away. That’s deceitful and, if this describes you, it’s time to own up to the truth and begin working together toward financial trust.
It’s a good idea to have a monthly budget meeting. If you want unity in your finances, husband and wife need to work on them together.
Here’s a good place to start
If you’ve never worked with a budget before, here’s a good place to start. Take inventory of where your money is going. Write down every penny each of you spends over a one-month period and what it was spent on. After you have a list of spending and expenses, you’ll be able to see what adjustments need to be made and a budget set up that’s brought under the Lordship of Christ. It’s His perspective we want to live by.
You need to set aside a regular time each month where both of you discuss the budget for the upcoming month. Avoid having one partner creating the budget and the other just listening with no input. Remember the two become one—you’re a team.
It’s His perspective we want to live by.
A budget is a chance to set goals you both agree on. It’s also an opportunity to review the previous month. Be sure to agree ahead of time that there will be no arguing, blaming, or bringing up past failures. If you want your finances to be a blessing, you need to develop your plan together.
Surely, there’s more to marriage than just money, but if you want to have a healthy partnership with your spouse, you both need to be on the same page. You need each other’s insights and strengths, especially the ones you’re weaker in. Together, you make a great team.
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