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Posts by Michele Anastasi

couple in airport

Drama in the airport

The rude couple

A couple of weeks ago we were in the airport waiting for a flight. I can’t help it, but I’m an incurable people-watcher. Sitting directly across from us was a couple, mid to late thirties.

The husband went to get something to eat and a coffee for his wife. As she placed the coffee on the floor near her bag, he started ravenously eating his food—seriously, like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. Food was falling everywhere and splattered her pants. As she tried to clean the food off of her, he just kept munching away.

I couldn’t help myself and my mother instinct said, “You better say sorry, or the rest of your day isn’t going to go well.” He ignored me and, shifting his weight in his seat, kicked her coffee all over her feet. She jumped up and headed to either the ladies room or to call her attorney. Can you believe he just looked at the mess and continued eating!

Another passenger, also watching, went for some paper towel… Finally the husband got the hint, stopped eating and attended to what was left of the mess. Wow! Where has care, kindness and even simple manners gone in today’s marriages?

If this were an isolated incident I probably wouldn’t be writing this. But being a people-watcher and traveling a lot, I see such bad behavior and downright rudeness in couples. I was so upset I started writing about what happened in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew and He already had the ending planned out.

The desperate couple

Several days later, there we were in the airport again. The last thing you want to hear after two flights and a long trip is that your bags are on another plane, and there will be a slight delay. So back to people-watching… You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

I didn’t hear this couple say a word, but I knew they were Christians. We started talking about the delay, making small talk. They were returning from a trip to see a new grandbaby. Asked if we had been on vacation, Gaspar shared about the church and that we were away writing new material for our Sacred Marriage group. That’s when they shared their story.

Up until a few years ago their marriage had been in deep trouble. They were going in separate directions, totally shut down to each other. Then, struck by a series of painful events with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord. They leaned on Him, sought His will and, most of all, reconnected to Him as a couple. And in the process, Jesus transformed their troubled marriage into an awesome one.

What a different story from the other couple! I suddenly felt very sad that we hadn’t had the chance to tell them about the Lord. But since then, we’ve prayed for God to put believers in their path.

Every couple’s greatest need

The only way to have a healthy, thriving marriage is with Jesus. He is what every marriage needs at its center. If you let Him, God will give you the relationship you’ve always longed for. He will make a good marriage great; get a struggling marriage back on track; and bring a dead marriage back to life. He does what no one and nothing else can.

Marriages are hurting today more than ever. My husband and I feel the Lord leading us to take a slight detour with this blog and focus on marriage for awhile. We would love to hear your thoughts. Are marriages today changing? If so, why? Do you see changes in your own marriage? …

Life wins coaching

Your marriage wins with a good coach!

We recently added Marriage Coaching to the services we offer at our Breaking Free Living Well Counseling Center. When I (Michele) received my certification as a Life Coach this past November, we realized life coaching is a perfect tool to assist people in learning how to live well, especially in marriage.

Of course, there’s nothing better than inner healing prayer and counseling. Why? It helps couples break free from past hurts and negative behaviors they brought into the marriage.

Miracles happen every day

We see miracles every day! Couples come in on the verge of divorce. Then, after receiving Stop Hurting Start Healing prayer and counseling, their hearts amazingly soften and change. Husband and wife develop a renewed desire to forgive each other and work at their marriage. It’s at this point that marriage coaching becomes so beneficial!

I (Gaspar) am also excited about the marriage coaching program we’re now offering. It’s the next step and follow-up for a couple who have gone through Stop Hurting Start Healing. In our sessions, Michele and I diagnose the couple’s problems, pray for inner healing, counsel them and prescribe solutions.

Go “all in”

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills. That way, husbands and wives can use those learned skills outside of the coaching sessions to develop their own solutions. However, marriage coaching serves only couples who want to grow and change. These are husbands and wives who are willing to work the process together in order to accomplish something they both want.

The couple doesn’t have to come to the coaching session knowing exactly what changes they want to make. As coaches, we help them to clarify how they want to grow by asking insightful questions that can draw out their thoughts, feelings and desires. We then take them through exercises that help them communicate to each other what they want.

“We” wins

In time, couples start to focus on the “we” in their relationship. That’s one of the most important things that marriage coaching accomplishes. Husbands and wives emerge, no longer as two individuals just living for self. They become a team embarking on a journey to fulfill the purpose God has for them as a couple. And, make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together! Sometimes winning takes a good coach.


If you are interested in getting coached personally or as a couple, please visit the Breaking Free Living Well Counseling Center website or call 239.244.3912. Feel free to share your thoughts below.…

Refuting the 3 BIG LIES

LIE #1: I am what I do. 

Every day, our culture fosters the belief that our value is based on what we do. However, the Bible says just the opposite. Our value is based—not on what we do, but—on whose we are!

Before Jesus performed a single miracle or did anything noteworthy, His heavenly Father said of Him: “This is My beloved Son in whom I am well pleased (Matthew 3:17).” He was well pleased simply because Jesus was His Son.

I’m so grateful that God’s love for me and you isn’t based on our performance. That’s a fact we each need to remind ourselves of several times a day. As children of God, He loves us just the way we are—the good, the bad and the ugly!  Yet, churches are filled with people performing religious duties, longing to earn God’s love, acceptance and approval.

LIE #2: I am what others think about me. 

People’s opinions can affect our behavior until we lose sight of who we really are. We end up burying the real us, the authentic us created by God, and we live a false identity.

We do everything we can to become who the important people in our lives think we should be. You and I may live a big lie, never truly satisfied and fulfilled. Living life based on other people’s expectations is stressful and sets us up for rejection and failure.

When each of us lives to impress other people, we behave like the religious leaders of Jesus’ day. They performed rituals to gain honor among the people and to attract attention to themselves. How empty!

God’s opinion of you is the same as His opinion of His Son. You are His beloved son or daughter and He is well pleased with you. Whether or not you’ve done anything significant, His love for you is unshakeable.

LIE #3: I am what I own.

The American dream says that the more stuff I have, the more valuable and successful I am. In that case, the reverse is also true. If I don’t have the big house, two cars and the latest electronic bells and whistles I am an absolute failure, because our self-worth is based on outward appearances.

How to defeat these three lies:

Admit that you have been influenced by these three lies, but have the courage to resist them. Soak yourself daily in the knowledge that God loves you just the way you are. Throughout the Bible, He expresses who you are in Him. Find some of those scriptures and read them every day until you believe them for yourself and not just believe in them.

To cultivate self-awareness of who you truly are and who God truly is, worship Him for one minute three times a day (without music). You can’t know who God is until you know the authentic you and the depth of His love for you.

Remember the words God said to His Son Jesus in Matthew 3:17. In Jesus, you are His son or daughter too, and He is well pleased with you!…

man on swing

Discover the true you

Our blog on Life Coaching stirred a lot of interest. A number of you were curious about what kind of tools a coach uses. Actually, that depends on what area the client desires to work on. One tool we use if the client is unsure of where they’d like to start is the Wheel of Life Assessment. This exercise helps you see areas where your life is out of balance and where there’s need for change.

Life wheel assessment

The first step is to rank your satisfaction in each of these areas of life from one to ten. The categories together create a picture of a balanced life for you. If necessary, you can split a category segment to add something that’s missing, or re-label an area to make the Wheel more applicable to your life.

 8 Most Common Life Areas:

  • God: Your spiritual life
  • Family: Spouse, children, significant other
  • Work: Your career, ministry, volunteering
  • Finances: Budget, income, investments, retirement 
  • Living Environment: Home, apartment, office, car, etc.
  • Personal Growth: What you do to learn and improve yourself 
  • Health: Everything you do to take care of yourself
  • Community: Friends, social life, recreation 

Using the Assessment: 

Once the assessment is filled out your coach would discuss some of the following general questions with you and see which area you’d like to work on.

  • How do you feel about your life as you look at your Wheel?
  • Are there any surprises for you?
  • Which of these categories would you most like to improve? 
  • What would make a lasting difference, not just a temporary one?
  • If making this change was easy, you would have done it already. What makes it difficult?

More specific questions if you chose one of these areas:

God

  • Describe your relationship with God. What is it like?
  • What do you aspire to in this area? What is your ideal? 
  • What is the gap? What’s missing?

Family

  • What’s best about your marriage/family life? What would you most to like to see change?
  • Paint me a picture of what a great marriage or family life would look like to you.
  • What are you committed to in this area?

Work

  • What makes you satisfied/dissatisfied with your work?
  • What’s most important to you in a job? How well does your current job supply that?
  • What needs to change?

Finances

  • What led you to rank ‘Finances’ as a_______?
  • Give me a quick overview of what’s going on in your financial life. What’s got your attention?
  • What would you like to see change this year in your finances?

Living Environment 

  • How do the things you own enhance your life? How do they detract from it?
  • What in your environment bothers you or drains your energy? 
  • If you could make one change in your living environment what would it be?

Personal Growth

  • Where are you motivated to improve yourself or your abilities right now?
  • What one new skill would make all the difference right now in reaching your dreams?
  • What skills, attributes or areas do you want to develop this year?

Health (Self Care)

  • How’s your health?
  • What are you tolerating or coping with in this area?
  • Where do you need to take better care of your body, mind, or emotions?

 Community 

  • Describe your social life. How satisfied are you with that?
  • What do you want in a friend? Where are those kind of people in your life?
  • Tell me about the last time you planned some fun time?

Seeing these areas laid out before you with the ratings you’ve given them, should give you some idea of where you’d like to focus your efforts for change. Of course, many people come to coaching already knowing what they want to work on. Setting boundaries, dealing with obstacles, how to detox a toxic relationship, to name a few.

A take away assignment could be to brainstorm some actions to raise your satisfaction in the areas you scored lowest in, or would most like to improve.

I hope this was helpful and gave you some further insight into coaching. Maybe even some things to think about in your own life. If you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box. I’ll be happy to answer.…

BFLW-LIFE-COACHING

Do you know who you are?

Today’s Blog is a little different than usual. We want to take this time to introduce the new Breaking Free Living Well offices in Fort Myers, FL. At Word of Life, we’ve counseled and prayed inner healing for thousands of people over the past 35 years, and God said it was time to take this very special ministry into the community and beyond. 

We’re also adding a new component of Life Coaching which ties in perfectly helping people to, “Live Well.” We’ve wanted to do this for a long time, and I’m excited to share that we’ve recently received our Life Coaching certification. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Life Coaching let me explain what it’s all about.

Why would someone want Life Coaching?

  • Coaches help people to set and reach specific goals.
  • Coaches help in developing a closer walk with God.
  • Coaches walk with people through life transitions and other changes.
  • Coaches help stimulate and clarify vision.

Often a person may feel like something is missing in their life, but not know what that something is. One of the coach’s first tasks is to help a counselee become aware of what is creating that sense of dissatisfaction.

How is Coaching different from counseling?

  • Coaching is not for people who need to overcome painful influences from the past. That’s where inner healing prayer and counseling are invaluable.
  • Coaching helps you build vision and move toward the future.
  • Coaching is not about looking back; it’s about looking ahead.
  • Coaching is not about healing; it’s about growing.

What happens in Coaching?

Coaching is client-centered and goal-directed. Every coaching situation is unique, but usually coaches will begin by exploring the issues the person wants to change. In what areas do they want to grow? Christians in coaching may seek to determine where God appears to be leading them.

There is also the need for awareness of where the person is at present.

What are their strengths, weaknesses, abilities, spiritual gifts, interests, passions, values and hopes? Often the coach will use assessment tools to enable people to learn more about themselves.

Then comes vision. Coaches might assist in helping the person in formulating their life-vision or mission statement. Without a clear vision, people tend to drift with no direction. 

Coaches will also help people set  goals and plan ways to reach these goals.

When obstacles get in the way, coaches challenge, encourage and give accountability so the person can get past the obstacles and experience success. A coach can help you remove the blinders, allowing you to see what you may not recognize and give support as you move forward. 

A Christian coach is there for you, prayerfully listening to your concerns and asking questions that will give you clarity on your situation, get you past roadblocks, realize your God-given potential, and challenge you to be your best. So let’s get started!

Location is no obstacle. We can counsel or coach you online using Zoom. Call (239) 244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com for more information on how you can benefit from Life Coaching or Counseling from our experienced and compassionate. team.

rebellion

Lessons in Rebellion

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. I’d like to share the flip side of rejection: Rebellion.

Rebellion: the result of rejection

Rebellion often results from rejection. If you get hurt in some way—any kind of emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or abandonment—it opens the door to rejection in your life.  If you don’t turn to God and let Him heal you, you sink deeper and deeper into pain and depression; and, eventually, rebellion kicks in.

You can even see this in some children who’ve been hurt over and over again. One day something snaps inside of them, and they vow: “I’m never going to cry again…. You can beat me to a pulp, but I won’t shed a tear.” A hardness grows inside of them.

That’s what I did as a child and, over the years, the anger and rebellion grew. I used my anger and defensiveness as a form of protection. It wasn’t until I came to Christ, that I started to realize what was going on inside of me.

Destruction: the result of rebellion

God tells us in Proverbs 29:1, “Whoever remains stiff-necked [rebellious] after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed without remedy.”

It’s not that God’s grace doesn’t extend to you anymore, or that He wouldn’t forgive you if you turned to Him. Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear Him anymore.

That’s what happened to the children of Israel in the Old Testament. God would tell them what to do, and they wouldn’t do it. Of course, they felt they had good reason for refusing: They were full of fear and unbelief. They actually  believed if they did what God said, they would be destroyed. They didn’t trust Him.

“I just can’t do it, God… It’s too hard… I hurt too much… You don’t understand…   I’m so lonely… Yes, I know but….” It doesn’t matter how good you think your excuses are. Rebellion is going to cost you big time. It will harden your heart.

Wandering in your own personal wilderness

wilderness300x198The children of Israel ignored God’s leading so often, that finally He just sent them into the wilderness. They were so rebellious He couldn’t lead them into the blessings He had planned for them. We need to learn from that. When God tells you what to do, don’t put it off, just do it.

The longer you stay in sinful habits, the more they become a part of you; the more your heart becomes calloused to the fact that it’s sin. The first time you blow up in a rage, you know it’s wrong and you’re sorry. The second time, it doesn’t bother you quite so much. The sixth time, you’re pretty sure you’re justified. Your heart hardening. That’s how strongholds form in people’s lives.

Wrong choices, wrong results

If you go against what God says, it won’t go well for you. You’re headed for destruction, because wrong choices always bring wrong results. God can’t bless what’s contrary to His Word.

The root sin of rejection is unbelief, a  lack of  trust in God. That’s why rejection will eventually lead to rebellion. If you believe that God cares about you, if you know He wants to bless you, then you’ll obey Him. But if you don’t trust Him, you’ll rebel.

I Samuel 15:23, tells us that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Why? Because you’re making something else God, namely yourself. You’re saying, “I’ll do it my way, I’ll be the god of my life.… Yes Lord, I know what You want me to do, but I’m going to do it my way.” That’s rebellion!  The thing that guides your life–even if it’s you–is your god.

Do you have these traits of rebellion?

  1. Faithlessness. You have trouble being loyal to God, so you keep falling away.
  2. Hostility. You have a chip on your shoulder. You cause turmoil and strife wherever you go.
  3. Superiority. You think you know it all. You’re arrogant.
  4. Controlling. You’re strong-willed; it’s got to be your way.
  5. Rigid. You won’t bend or compromise.
  6. Bitter and resentful.
  7. Critical. You always have something negative to say, always find fault.
  8. Unteachable. You know it all, so you set yourself up as judge and final
    authority…as God. No one can teach you anything.These aren’t very nice qualities. Hopefully, if you see yourself in them, it will give you the desire to repent, and ask God to forgive you and change you.

P-R-I-D-E

The root sin of rebellion is pride. You have so much pride you don’t think you even need God. If you look at the word  P R I D E, what’s in the middle of it?  ” I “.  That’s exactly what’s in the middle of  S I N,  ” I “……..”SELF.”  “I’m going to do it my way.”

Rebellion and pride go way back to the Garden of Eden, to the first couple. Satan has been using the same old tricks since the beginning of time–trying to convince us that God is holding out on us. God can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Satan made Eve feel like God was holding out on her. That caused her to rebel, and Adam went along with her.

holy-bible300x197Adam blamed Eve, said it wasn’t his fault. Eve blamed the serpent, said she was deceived, said “It’s not my fault.” If you’re deceived, it most certainly is your fault, because you should know what God’s Word says!

Don’t let rebellion destroy you. Get help.

Instead of blaming someone else, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. Are you rebellious? Are you bitter? Critical? Stubborn? Hard-hearted? Holding unforgiveness in your heart? Are you doing things your way, instead of God’s way? Because if you are, you’re deceived and it is your fault.

Rebellion brings destruction! The only way to prevent destruction is to admit the rebellion and quit it. Stop blaming others. Maybe others have sown a lot of bad seeds into your life. You’ve been hurt, rejected, abused… but God is saying today, “This is about you. You need to repent. Just do it.” So get alone with God and just do it.

Are you struggling with rejection, rebellion or another area of your life? Don’t go it alone. Seeing a trained prayer minister doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It means you’re wise enough to get help to become emotionally healthy. Growth comes when  things are brought out of the dark into the light. Let there be light!


We love to hear from you! If this message has been a blessing to you, please comment!

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