Michele and I just started a 10-week Sacred Marriage course dealing with what I believe is one of satan’s greatest tools to destroy marriages today. Stress. It’s a major reason people’s lives are cut short. We know that heart attacks, mental illness, suicide, and drug abuse result from living with high levels of stress. But let’s talk specifically about how it affects your marriage. 

Hidden danger

Stress is present in everybody’s life, but it mostly goes unnoticed. We are so used to living with tension that, unless it reaches a breaking point, we don’t pay much attention. Meanwhile, stress quietly damages us individually and maritally. 

Stress quietly damages us individually and maritally.

Think about it. We marry somebody who is our total opposite. Just the fact that females are completely different from males is enough to create stress. Now factor in the different cultures and belief systems we grew up with. Then add the many changes and adjustments required of us just to live in harmony together. That’s a HUGE amount of stress every day!  Yet, you may not even detect it as the cause of your marriage troubles. 

Wounded love

Stress affects our spirit from which God’s unconditional love flows. Pressure shuts down, wounds, or causes our spirit to fall asleep. The enduring love that God placed in us for our mate is then turned off. So that leaves us with only the human kind of love that is easily offended and withdrawn. 

Most of the time, couples deal with the symptoms of their problems but rarely the roots. Marital stress results in bad attitudes, jealousy, criticism, unforgiveness and bitterness toward each other. We can sense the world closing in on us and feel our backs against the wall. These bad feelings lead us to make bad choices. Unfortunately, many effects of those unwise decisions can never be undone.

So what can couples do since stress has become part of our married lifestyle? 

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, and He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].

Proverbs 3:5-6 (AMP)

To start the healing process:

1. Accept the man or woman you married. Make a conscious decision to stop trying to force your spouse to be what you want. Your husband or wife might not do everything right; but changing them is God’s job—not yours. That alone will immediately eliminate 50% of your stress. If God wanted another you, He would have created one. Trying to control your mate just causes more stress in the marriage and separation between the two of you. 
2. Trust God to form your mate into the partner you need. In the meantime, love them unconditionally without compromising your own values. And watch what God can do! While Jesus slept in a boat on the stormy sea, His disciples stressed and feared they would die (Mark 4:35-41). But Jesus was resting in the will of God which was to take them to other side. Jesus trusted His Father’s heart concerning His destiny. Do you?
3. Find your resting place in God and your marriage. Jesus woke up and asked His disciples (in my words), “Why are you so stressed out? Where is your faith and trust in God for your life?” Your marriage may not be where you want it, but rest in God (Prov. 3:5-6). Our Father provided you with a resting place in Him; you need to find it. When you let stress push you to control your mate and the direction of your marriage, it opens the door for satan to divide and separate. Simply trust and believe that God is with you and that His promise for your marriage will come to pass. Rest alleviates stress. 

Finally, get your hands off your marriage. Put yourself and your mate back in God’s hands. Remember “what God has put together (not you), let no man put asunder”.

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