First things first

December 10, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

Twice a year, Michele and I teach a 10-week Sacred Marriage course with 10 to 15 couples. Our goal is to help them develop biblical principles to live by and make their marriage succeed. It’s not counseling, but a marriage-building session.

The one primary principle is to set divine order in our homes. Without it, your marriage will never reach its intended purpose: To please God and to bring joy and fulfillment to you both. It is so simple, but most couples miss it.

A marriage out of order

The world says, “Find someone you think you love, and your marriage will be successful forever.” Wrong! You might have thought the same thing, only to find a lot of disappointment, heartbreak and failure.

That perfectly described our marriage for a long time. Although Michele and I were born again and filled with the Holy Spirit, our relationship was a blueprint for discouragement, heartbreak and failure.

We were pastoring a church in Freeport, Long Island, and you would think we were at the pinnacle of success. Not so. I was spending a lot of time ministering in the church: I preached 3 services every Sunday; led prayer meetings throughout the week; attended midweek home groups; oversaw the New Life Centers (a residential men’s and women’s drug and alcohol program)… I could go on and on. Was I serving God? Yes and no.

Many lives were saved and transformed—except ours. My priorities were out of order and our marriage suffered because of it. I was neglecting the most priceless gift God had given me: My wife and children. Yes, I came home every day and spent some time with my children, but I was missing out on the true joy and fulfillment God intended for our marriage and family.

Yes, I came home every day… but I was missing out on the true joy and fulfillment God intended for our marriage and family.

Do you dread the holidays? Break Free and learn to put past hurts behind you! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Seek the kingdom first

It was painful, but our pain led us to cry out to Jesus. I believe God allows certain problems to arise so that we seek Him for help. I hope that’s what you do too. We tend to take our marriage for granted, thinking it can sustain itself without God’s presence. Trust me, and don’t find this out the hard way: Being a Christian married to Christian isn’t enough.

I was missing the simple formula found in Matthew 6:33: Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and then everything else will be added to you. Oneness with God equals oneness with your mate.

I was seeking God for my ministry called the church, but not for my most important ministry—my marriage. We can spend a lot of time pursuing our own personal agendas with God and miss this simple principle: Put first things first. In fact, it’s very easy to get distracted and put a lot of last things first. How much time do you invest in your relationship with God and with your mate?

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

Get your marriage in divine order

Today there are as many divorces in the church as in the world. This is proof that we need new wine skins to hold God’s presence in our marriages. All we have to do is put our relationship with God concerning our marriage first. Once that is established, everything else in life will find its place.

It sounds simple. But the devil will fight you with every strategy he has, because he knows great power and authority is released through marriages that put God first. Jesus prayed in John 17, “Father, I pray that they would be one as we are one so that my glory can be released on their lives.” The glory is the manifest presence of God that no devil in hell could stand against.

So make a decision to put first things first in your marriage. Strategize together how you can—and must—make this happen. Then sit back and watch God iron out all the wrinkles.

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.

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What I learned the last 55 years

December 3, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage

This past February, Gaspar and I celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary. That’s quite a few years! It even amazes me… and I lived it! In my mind, I’m still that 19-year-old blushing bride, but I’ve learned a lot in those years. It seems like we always learn the most from the difficult times. And like most couples, we’ve had our share.

So what nuggets of wisdom have I gleaned over five decades? Here are my top 10 ingredients for a successful marriage. They’re not in any particular order because I believe they all play an equally important role in a strong marriage.

Top 10 ingredients to a successful marriage

Demonstrate Unconditional Love and Forgiveness.
I know that’s two things, but a big part of unconditional love is forgiving each other. Not one of us is perfect. We all sin and make mistakes. We all cause each other hurt and pain, from the smallest slights to the deepest wounds. Could we really eliminate either of these ingredients and still call ourselves a Christian couple? Both are commands from God for all believers.
Be Honest and Truthful.
I can’t separate these two either. They’re a solid couple. Honesty involves a few key practices like never lying, never hiding the truth—or even purposely omitting it. Honesty in marriage means always telling your spouse the truth, even if they won’t like it. It builds a strong foundation for trust and, eventhough there are many ways besides dishonesty to break trust, honesty is key. Once trust has been broken, it’s a long hard road back to rebuilding it.
Never Use the “D” Word.
When we were young, foolish and unsaved, I would threaten divorce often. It was so destructive to our marriage and brought us to the brink of breaking up several times. I didn’t realize that was a word of death I was confessing over our marriage. After we came to the Lord, we promised—no matter how angry we got—we’d never use the “D” word again…and we haven’t. Marriage is a commitment between you, your mate and God. When you’re going through a rough time turn to the Lord, listen to Him, and do what He says. I promise He’ll see you through every time.
Keep Intimacy Alive.
Keep love alive with romance and physical intimacy. Both are so important to a healthy marriage. You’d be surprised how far a little romance will go toward strengthening your relationship. Tender touches, hugs, kisses and saying “I love you” every day will lead to even deeper, more gratifying intimacy.
Communicate Well.
Communication is probably one of the biggest struggles in marriages. But it’s worth working through because it affects every other area. A big part of communication is being a good listener and taking time to understand what your spouse needs. Of course, there will be disagreements. You and your mate have different personalities and see things differently. But successful couples respect each other’s opinions and learn the art of compromise.
Get on the Same Team.
You and your spouse have a common enemy—and it isn’t each other. His name is satan. Spiritual warfare in marriage is real. Satan wants to steal your joy and destroy your marriage. Even in the middle of a disagreement, it’s important to remember that your spouse is not your enemy. Remind each other that you’re on the same side. And unity—more than who’s right or wrong—is crucial.
Accept Each Other.
Lack of acceptance is a major relationship killer. We marry our spouse because we love who they are, not who we can change them into. It’s not our responsibility to play Holy Spirit for them. If we’re not careful, we can slip into thinking “I know best” in every matter. To build a strong marriage, we must focus on how we can become more Christlike and entrust our spouse to the Lord.
Prioritize Couple’s Time.
With work and family responsibilities, it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner and take each other for granted. DON’T!!! We’ve said over and over how important it is to make time for just the two of you. Have a date night as often as you can, even if you can’t go out. Put the children to bed and plan a special evening for just the two of you. The most successful couples vouch for this and agree it’s been a life-saver for their marriage.
Encourage and Inspire.
One of the most effective ways to help your spouse is to offer encouraging words. The word encourage means to “inspire courage.” We all have areas and times in which we feel insecure. Your words can be a powerful tool to lift each other up and inspire the best in each other. Make this a practice: Look for one way to encourage the best in each other everyday.
Put God at the Center.
In everything you do, put God at the center of your marriage. Invite His Presence into everything. Make time to pray together each day. It only takes a few minutes to ask God to bless and protect each other. Consistently attend church. Share what you received from the message. Sharing your insights helps the message to become a part of you and draws you closer spiritually. What an awesome role model and legacy to leave your children and grandchildren!

Hope for the holidays — Do you dread the holidays? Break Free of past hurts! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com today!

Whether you’re a newlywed or an oldie-wed like us, every marriage has its share of ups and downs: stress, poor communication, financial difficulties…. As we always say, marriage is hard work and, for Christian couples, the work is all about growing up and becoming more like Jesus. I pray the things I’ve shared with you today will help make your marriage even stronger.

If this blog has blessed you, please take a moment to comment below.

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Rejecting rejection: My story

September 17, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Rejection, Success & victory

Rejection is one of the most painful wounds you could ever receive. Not only does it damage your self-image and confidence, but rejection wounds your soul and spirit like nothing else can. Because God is Love, rejection is one of Satan’s weapons of choice. He works very hard using whatever and whomever he can to make us feel unloved and worthless.

Born unwanted

In my own life, seeds of rejection budded in me while still in my mother’s womb. As my tiny fingers and toes formed, so did the knowledge that I was unwanted. That might seem strange, but our spirit is fully formed at conception and can pick up on our mother’s feelings. Even medical science has proven that infants in utero are aware of and react to external stimuli.

In the 1940’s, many women who conceived out of wedlock used homemade remedies to try to abort unwanted pregnancy. Thankfully for me, none of those remedies did away with my physical existence. To add to my mother’s fear, doctors had warned her that giving birth could kill her because of a severe heart condition she had since childhood. I heard this sad story constantly growing up—reinforcing the fact that I was a mistake.

In my childhood and teen years, I endured physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. She too grew up in an abusive home. All this turned me into one rejected mess! It was etched onto my soul that I was unwanted, had no value, and shouldn’t even exist.

Rebellion takes hold

As it often does, rejection turned into rebellion. A hardness began to grow inside me. I remember lying in bed as a child and vowing that I would never let anyone hurt me again. Subconsciously I said, “No more” and put on a defensive front for self-protection.

When I came to Christ in my twenties, I brought all that ugly baggage. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

I loved God. I knew if I died I’d go to heaven, but I couldn’t get victory over the anger, rage, and rejection that controlled me. Yes, I let Christ touch and heal some areas. But in areas where I was most wounded, I remained unchanged. Healing takes time and commitment. It’s a process. After all these years, God is still working in me, still healing me.

When I came to Christ, I brought all that ugly baggage with me. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

Breaking Free Inner Healing — Do you suffer from rejection? We’re here to help. Go to BreakingFreeCC.com or call 239.244.3912.

God is still working

I shared all that because most people don’t like to admit that they deal with rejection. They’ve spent much of their lives trying to cover it up with all kinds of defense mechanisms. You might be thinking, I’m ok. This isn’t for me. Trust me, God isn’t finished with you either. We all need more healing.

If you carry hurt or offense; if you get defensive at times; if anger sometimes rises up from nowhere; if you blame-shift or gossip even once in a while—guess what? You need more healing. Emotional healing is key to our spiritual growth. It’s key to breaking free and living well. You can’t mature spiritually while wounded emotionally.

You can’t mature spiritually if you are wounded emotionally.

His plan is perfect

Couple with adopted child — In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents.

The way I grew up—and maybe you too—was the exact opposite of what God planned for us. In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents. Our earthly father would be a reflection of God Himself: loving, caring, protecting. In this ideal world, our parents would lead us into a personal relationship with Christ, teach us the Word, take us to church and live godly lives before us. That was God’s perfect plan.

Sadly, sin entered that beautiful picture and perverted everything. Parents are more likely to pass on to their children the same brokenness and dysfunction in which they were raised. You can’t give what you don’t receive. Satan is a very real enemy, and he wants to destroy you any way he can. The younger the victim, the better he likes it.

When we don’t receive unconditional love and nurturing but get the exact opposite—abuse, criticism, anger, sarcasm, rejection—these things sink their roots deep into our souls. When you hear daily: “You always mess up… You can’t do anything right… You’re stupid… clumsy… ugly…(you fill in the blank)”—hear it enough and you begin to believe it. Inferiority, self-hatred, fear, and depression set in.

Rejection causes you to live life by your feelings. Your emotions control you. You make wrong choices to accommodate your fears and insecurities, and life keeps getting worse.

Your Father yearns to fill up all of your empty, broken places. He longs to make you whole.

It’s time you win

The Father yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. He longs to make you whole.

Know this: God has healing for you! Not only does He want to heal you, the Lord wants to be that perfect, loving Daddy to you. He desires to love you with a pure, healthy love. He yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. The Father longs to make you whole.

You may still carry pain from things you experienced many years ago. Satan was the one in control of those bad situations or people who hurt you. I think it’s time to take back what’s been stolen! Don’t you? It’s time you and I win! That’s what we’ll talk about next week: Solutions and strategies in the healing process.

We would love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.

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A time to flourish

July 16, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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healing, unity in marriage, unity with God

We’ve never been this way before. Things we once took for granted are no longer the norm. The pandemic changed so many ways in which we live, especially our relationships. Gathering with friends and family used to be such a natural part of life. Then suddenly, for a while at least, everything we did revolved around our health and concerns about catching or transmitting the virus.

Now, despite all of the fear and division generated by the news and social media and the economic pressures rising in society, this is actually an opportune time for our marriages to grow stronger and flourish. Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

It’s all good

ALL things work together for GOOD. Can you see that happening in this season? It is a great occasion to strengthen your marriage, especially if you are intentional about it. Couples now have the time to communicate honestly and transparently in areas where they may have neglected each other previously.

You might discover that you have put other things ahead of your husband or wife. Recognize that God is giving us this chance to rediscover our love for one another and the reason we married in the first place. Of course, you have to want a better marriage. Many of us have grown apart without really knowing it. Outside interests, career pressures and even other relationships have robbed time and interest that once belonged to our mate.

The most important relationship you have in life is with God. The second is with your mate. By God’s grace, He is giving us pause to put things back in proper alignment with Himself and each other. See the good in this season and not just the bad.

Nothing ever catches God by surprise. Even though God didn’t stir up all the stressful circumstances around us, He can and will use them for our benefit, if we look at life through His eyes.

The most important relationship you have is with God.

Do you or someone you know need Counseling or Life Coaching? Healing may be closer than you think. Call (239) 244.3912 or go to BreakingFreecc.com

Rediscover happiness, restore hope

God’s destiny for couples is a happy and fulfilled marriage. So let’s use this time to make a plan. Here are a few things you can do to start the journey to happiness and fulfillment.

1. Talk about it. Discuss ways you could both work to make your marriage better. Be intentional about it, allowing honesty and transparency without judgment or criticism.

2. Act quickly. Put into motion right away the few concepts you agreed to in Number 1.

3. Ask forgiveness. Look at ways you have neglected your partner and take responsibility for your actions (or lack thereof). Don’t blame-shift. Make sure to truly forgive each other from your hearts.

4. Pray for revival. Join your hearts together in prayer to re-ignite the love you once shared.

Over time, couples can become calloused toward each other. The small steps above can start the process of melting your hardened hearts and restoring hope.

The devil is against you, but you have God on your side. GOD IS GREATER, so start praying now for His grace over your marriage. Then watch Him do great things through you. In these unprecedented times, expect extraordinary blessings. It’s never too late to make your marriage great!

We would love to hear what steps you agreed on to bring life back to your marriage! Please comment below.

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Watch out for the enemy you don’t see

March 5, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage, Success & victory

Michele and I just started a 10-week Sacred Marriage course dealing with what I believe is one of satan’s greatest tools to destroy marriages today. Stress. It’s a major reason people’s lives are cut short. We know that heart attacks, mental illness, suicide, and drug abuse result from living with high levels of stress. But let’s talk specifically about how it affects your marriage.

Hidden danger

Stress is present in everybody’s life, but it mostly goes unnoticed. We are so used to living with tension that, unless it reaches a breaking point, we don’t pay much attention. Meanwhile, stress quietly damages us individually and maritally.

Stress quietly damages us individually and maritally.

Think about it. We marry somebody who is our total opposite. Just the fact that females are completely different from males is enough to create stress. Now factor in the different cultures and belief systems we grew up with. Then add the many changes and adjustments required of us just to live in harmony together. That’s a HUGE amount of stress every day! Yet, you may not even detect it as the cause of your marriage troubles.

Good-Better — It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Wounded love

Stress affects our spirit from which God’s unconditional love flows. Pressure shuts down, wounds, or causes our spirit to fall asleep. The enduring love that God placed in us for our mate is then turned off. So that leaves us with only the human kind of love that is easily offended and withdrawn.

Most of the time, couples deal with the symptoms of their problems but rarely the roots. Marital stress results in bad attitudes, jealousy, criticism, unforgiveness and bitterness toward each other. We can sense the world closing in on us and feel our backs against the wall. These bad feelings lead us to make bad choices. Unfortunately, many effects of those unwise decisions can never be undone.

So what can couples do since stress has become part of our married lifestyle?

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, and He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].
Proverbs 3:5-6 (AMP)

To start the healing process:

Accept the man or woman you married. Make a conscious decision to stop trying to force your spouse to be what you want. Your husband or wife might not do everything right; but changing them is God’s job—not yours. That alone will immediately eliminate 50% of your stress. If God wanted another you, He would have created one. Trying to control your mate just causes more stress in the marriage and separation between the two of you.
Trust God to form your mate into the partner you need. In the meantime, love them unconditionally without compromising your own values. And watch what God can do! While Jesus slept in a boat on the stormy sea, His disciples stressed and feared they would die (Mark 4:35-41). But Jesus was resting in the will of God which was to take them to other side. Jesus trusted His Father’s heart concerning His destiny. Do you?
Find your resting place in God and your marriage. Jesus woke up and asked His disciples (in my words), “Why are you so stressed out? Where is your faith and trust in God for your life?” Your marriage may not be where you want it, but rest in God (Prov. 3:5-6). Our Father provided you with a resting place in Him; you need to find it. When you let stress push you to control your mate and the direction of your marriage, it opens the door for satan to divide and separate. Simply trust and believe that God is with you and that His promise for your marriage will come to pass. Rest alleviates stress.

Finally, get your hands off your marriage. Put yourself and your mate back in God’s hands. Remember “what God has put together (not you), let no man put asunder”.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.…

When stress comes knocking

February 26, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Healing in marriage, unity in marriage

It’s been a super stressful couple of weeks at the Anastasi house. You know the kind I’m talking about… where everything that could go wrong, does. I think we could all say that the past year or two with COVID outbreaks throughout our country and the world has raised the stress level in most families and marriages.

It happens to the best of us

Every marriage faces stress on a regular basis. In fact, the strongest couples you know are probably the ones who have endured the most challenges together.

Unfortunately, the pandemic just added to our already stressful lives by closing down schools, putting people out of work, stripping away many of our regular stress outlets like church services, getting together with friends, going out to dinner and a movie—all the things that gave us a sense of well-being and normalcy in life. So here we were housebound, lives turned upside down, with nothing left to do but get on each other’s nerves.

At this time more than ever, we need to take a more relaxed stance toward things. Overlook petty annoyances and be patient and kind to each other. Make an effort to appreciate the little things in each other that we may have taken for granted.

There will always be stress in marriage. Every season and stage brings challenges.

Popular stressors

It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

When Gaspar and I were first married, we dealt with in-law stress. Merging two families with different backgrounds is always challenging. But together we worked through it.

For years, with a growing family, there was always financial stress making ends meet. Too much week and not enough paycheck. But with God’s help, we always managed to have enough.

Working at our jobs is demanding and brings stress. Being in ministry is no different. Sometimes I think the stress is greater. It’s difficult not sharing the burden when you see people hurting and with so many needs.

“I know best”

Add to that, the stress of parenting today. It’s unbelievable! So glad ours are all adults now. But whether small or grown, our precious gifts from God bring stress—probably because we want so badly to do right by them.

I remember more than one disagreement when our kids were small, and it was usually my fault. I didn’t agree with the way my husband disciplined the children. I thought because I was with them more, I knew better than he did (and told him so over and over and over again). Until one day while I was in prayer probably complaining to God about my husband, the Lord stopped me in my tracks: “Michele, your children don’t need two mothers. So let Gaspar be the father I’ve called him to be.” Wow! That was the end of me telling him, “I know best”.

Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

“In sickness and in health”

The stress I mentioned at the beginning of the blog had to do with an accident I had and then a health issue. It made me think of our wedding vows… “in sickness and health.” When you or your spouse face health challenges and stress knocks at your door, it’s a time to give your love and support to each other more than ever.

So where am I going with this blog? I just want to encourage you. We’re living in the most stressful of times, and stress comes in all sizes and shapes. Keep God in the center of your marriage. He’ll never fail you. Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork, and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.…