As we discussed during our New Years’ service, 2023 is the year of Divine Favor. Nowhere is divine favor more abundant and needed than in marriage. Let’s face it: Two people becoming one is impossible in our own strength. As couples, we have missed out on this crucial and rich heritage of divine favor that God set aside especially for us. So many of us have either been unaware of it or have lived without expectation that His favor will work in our marriage.

Divine favor is defined as unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do. Amazingly, you and I can be empowered by the Holy Spirit to both give divine favor to our mate and to receive divine favor from them. And when we do so, our marriages prosper exponentially.

Divine favor is unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do.

Favor in action

Here’s an example. Let’s say you have an argument with your mate, and it is severe enough that you want to separate. But suddenly, grace from God comes upon you to forgive with no strings attached! Not only do you close the door on satan to hurt your marriage further, but you open the door to reconciliation. You must recognize that something supernatural just happened. That was God releasing divine favor in you to accomplish what you couldn’t!

Or let’s say… you plan a much-needed getaway, but when the time comes, you don’t have enough money. Then, miraculously, the vacation destination lowers their rates for the time period you planned to go, and now you can make it. That is divine favor! You and I have been living with God’s unearned kindnesses all along, but without recognizing what it was and where it came from.

God makes His favor readily available for you every day of your life—multiple times a day. And don’t say, “I wish that were true” because it is! Below, I have listed steps that will secure your heritage of divine favor our Father intended for our marriages. Maybe you’ve been living outside of His abundant blessing and realize it’s time for a turnaround.

How to secure divine favor

1. Ask the Lord to forgive you for taking for granted His favor in your life and marriage. Too many of us live with an entitlement attitude—not being sufficiently grateful and humbled by God’s goodness.
2. Expect God’s favor to manifest in your home daily. His favor is your heritage as a believer in Christ. Rather than expecting trouble, anticipate goodness instead.
3. Recognize where divine favor comes from. It’s not your own doing. That’s pride. Just take note of the grace God gives you every day to live a successful marriage.
4. Get a bigger vision than just being happily married. Think about God’s kingdom and His purposes for your union. Recognize the much-needed example of marriage fulfillment you can provide to struggling couples.  
5. Seed favor into your mate and watch God multiply His abundance back to you through your mate.
6. Give your tithes and offerings. Keep your heart close to God by sharing with Him the fruits of your labor. Where your money is, that’s where your heart is (Matt. 6:21). Giving is especially key if you want God’s favor released in your finances.

Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality.

There it is! A strategy to receive God’s abundant favor in your marriage. Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality. I have lived married life with the abundance of favor that God made available for me… and I’ve also lived without it. Guess which I like best!

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Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if they lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one stay warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Making marriage out of mess

Do you know that God has a plan and purpose to use you and your spouse together? That He designed a purpose specifically for your marriage? If you have your doubts, just look back to the very first couple in the garden.

God created man and woman in His image to represent Him on the earth. They were the crowning jewel of His creation. His purpose for them together was to fill the earth and subdue it. God has not altered His plan since then. God’s purpose for the first couple lives on in you and your spouse.

When I first heard a teaching on this many years ago, I quickly dismissed it. Maybe this applied to my pastor and his wife… or the elders and their wives… but for Gaspar and me? No way. How could God possibly have a purpose for our marriage? There were times when we thought our marriage wouldn’t even make it. With all the trials we’d been through—selfishly separating, each fighting to get our own way—we brought new meaning to the phrase “God will bring ministry out of your mess.” He sure did.

So think again. God does have a plan and purpose for every marriage, including yours. I remember saying, “Ok, Lord, here we are; we’re available. Lead the way.” And lo and behold, to our amazement, He did!

An unstoppable force

God created you and your spouse for a work that only the two of you can accomplish together. He foreknew all your differences and carefully put them together so you would compliment each other. Then He blended together all those qualities for His planned purpose. Why? Because together you can accomplish more and greater things than either of you could on your own. Together you’re a powerful force. And, with God, you’re unstoppable.

Together you’re a powerful force and, with God, you’re unstoppable.

Probably your next questions are: “Where do we start? How do we know the purpose God has for us?” To start, the best way any Christian couple can serve God is to glorify Him in their marriage.

Married couples possess the power to create what many people hunger for: Family and Belonging. We live in such a fractured world. Many people live and work hundreds of miles from their nearest relatives. Families crack and break apart. People are lonely and isolated and, inside, are longing for a place to belong. They long for family.

A healthy relationship builds hope

Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the lonely in families.” Often, as married couples, we can become “family” for those without one.

Many people today don’t even know what a healthy marriage looks like. They’ve seen so many fractured relationships and divorces, they’ve lost hope that any marriage can last. Married Christians have an incredible opportunity to model what Christ designed marriage to be. That may not sound like a “ministry,” since you aren’t actually “doing” something other than being yourselves. But in our society, simply staying together and working at your marriage sends a powerful message.

And you don’t have to be perfect to do that. When people see that you and your spouse love and respect each other they take notice. You can provide hope for those who have lost hope for a healthy relationship.

Regardless of the ministry God leads you and your spouse to fulfill, together you can draw strength from each other. As a couple, you have instant access to another person’s skills. If you remember, Jesus always sent His disciples out in teams of two. When two people work together, they protect each other, encourage and support one another, share the workload, offset each other’s weaknesses and draw on each other’s strengths.

When two people work together, they… offset each other’s weaknesses and draw on each other’s strengths.

Blended callings

Today, Jesus sends out couples just like He sent out His disciples—in pairs. Why? Because there’s power in pairs.

Christians often think of serving God individually. But think how much your ministry and marriage can be strengthened if you could blend both your callings! God has called you to serve Him and He has called you to be married. Those two callings—not only can go together, they—should go together. When they do, you’ll have a stronger Christian walk and a stronger Christian marriage.

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.…

A great marriage takes a lot of work. Too many people give up when the going gets tough. And by doing so, they miss out on the tremendous blessing that God has planned for them as a couple. 

We hear a lot of negative things, especially today, about how bad it is being married. But you don’t hear very much about the good that a godly marriage produces in a person’s life. The problem is: We look at marriage through a wrong lens. It’s not what it looks like. 

What’s happiness got to do with it?

The same erroneous viewpoint that dominates the world today also dominates our marriages. This view tells us that the main goal of marriage is “happiness”. Happiness comes and happiness goes. Therefore, starting off a marriage with happiness as the goal will ultimately lead to disaster. It’s not that happiness is a bad thing, but it is dependent on so many other factors in the marriage going right. 

Starting off a marriage with happiness as the goal will ultimately lead to disaster.

Because we are two different people, we will invariably rub each other the wrong way. Happiness during those times is usually the last thing you will experience. But that doesn’t make your marriage a failure—not unless happiness was your main goal. 

Discover a greater love

Working out our differences and resolving conflict in our marriage with the help of the Holy Spirit not only produces a greater love and respect for one another but, in the end, it bears the fruitfulness of happiness. 

So happiness can come and go throughout years of marriage. That’s because of the need to develop oneness and spiritual growth in our lives and in our mutual bond. So maybe our definition of happiness needs to change, because it’s not what it looks like. 

Happiness in God’s eyes is two people learning to put Him in the center of their lives and union. It happens when, as a couple, we put the interest of our mate and our marriage before our own and gain the capacity to be selfless—instead of selfish. 

Happiness is not what it looks like through our natural understanding: Me first and you second. The thinking that goes: “As long as I am happy, then and only then do we have a good marriage—no matter how you feel”—that thinking is absolutely wrong. It even sounds kind of ridiculous but, honestly, that’s how most of us live. So how can we turn this around and line ourselves up with God’s concept of happiness?  

The beauty of shared values

First of all, we need to decide what our values are and how necessary they are in our ability to enjoy a happy marriage. Understand that happiness isn’t a value, but the result of having defined values that both of us agree with.

Understand that happiness isn’t a value, but the result of having defined values that both of you agreement with.

Let me list some of the values that are in our marriage. 

Value #1: Our relationship with God is our top priority—not only individually but also—as a couple. So Michele and I pray together, study together, teach together, go to church together…. All these shared values produce a lot of happiness in our lives. Can you see how knowing and applying your values create boundaries in your marriage which produce the fruit of happiness? 

Let’s talk about another value that Michele and I share that greatly enriches our marriage. It is the value of honoring one another. 

Value #2: Honoring each other includes understanding our likes and dislikes, our interests, wants and needs. This value hinges on communication which brings us into a greater oneness with each other. And unity produces the fruit of happiness. 

Again, notice how happiness isn’t the main goal, but living together with shared values produces a high level of happiness. Can you see that? 

Define your shared values

What are your values? Can you list at least 3 that you and your spouse agree on and are striving to live out? What will it take to switch from pursuing “happiness” to pursuing godly values as your road map to a successful marriage? What do you think is the greatest stumbling block to accomplishing that?

Why not take a moment to comment? We love to hear from you.…