Relax. It’s hard on purpose.

July 9, 2022 Michele Anastasi

As I was reading John 17 the other morning, Jesus is at the end of His earthly ministry. The cross looms before Him. It’s the last time He will be alone with His chosen 12. The words He shares aren’t for the whole world. They are for those who left everything to follow Him.

Over and over, Jesus speaks of His love for His disciples and how they are to love one another. Our Savior prays for Himself; He prays for His followers; He prays for those who were yet to believe—you and me. In verse 11, He prays for us to be one with each other just as He and the Father are one. Oneness is unity. Oneness is being like Christ.

…Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, so that they may be one just as We are.
John 17:11 (AMP)

I couldn’t help but think how this applies to marriage. I wondered, Do people see Jesus in my marriage? Multitudes have accepted Christ without ever reading a Bible or setting foot in a church, all because they’ve seen the reality of God in the lives of His children.

The point of trouble

Why is unity in Christian marriages so important? Because it has the ability impact the world like nothing else. Believe me. People are watching—not only how we relate to each other, but—how we deal with everyday trials like big unexpected bills, inconsiderate family members, rebellious kids, a demanding boss, broken promises…. Funny isn’t it?

Like me, you’ve probably thought If I didn’t have all these problems, I’d be able to serve God better, not realizing our Father uses those very difficulties to draw us closer to Him.

Just like Jesus, we’re here in this world to testify that God is real, that the change He makes in us is real. We can’t live this Christian life without the power of His Holy Spirit. We can’t have a strong, godly, loving marriage without the power of the Holy Spirit making us one in spirit.

Trials and difficulties keep pulling us back to the cross (at least they’re suppose to).

Did you ever wonder why marriage is so difficult at times? Why it’s sometimes easier to be nice to friends and acquaintances than to your spouse and family? It’s probably because your mate often makes life difficult for you. Yet it’s through your spouse and closest relationships that God draws you into oneness with Him and each other.

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Without the Holy Spirit, we can’t do it. We can’t keep loving unconditionally, keep forgiving and staying in unity in our own strength. Trials and difficulties keep pulling us back to the cross… (at least they are suppose to).

One thing God hates

While in the store the other day, I saw two mugs sold together. One said Mr. Right, and the other said Mrs. Always Right. It reminded me of how our marriage started out. We fell head-over-heels in love. Soon we were planning our wedding. I’m sure some friends or family warned us that marriage isn’t easy, that we would have big adjustments to make. But we tuned them out and tuned in to our song—“Happy Together” by the Turtles (stop laughing).

So maybe like us, you became man and wife. Eventually, you had your first big fight. Disillusionment set in. Maybe those friends and family knew what they were talking about. Marriage began to put demands on you, and you weren’t so sure it was worth it. You started to wonder, Maybe we’re not as compatible as I thought… (and that Turtle’s song was stupid anyway).

We often agree to disagree and then totally support each other.

As I’ve shared before, Gaspar and I are total day-and-night opposites. Our opinions differ on everything. But, with the Holy Spirit, we’re in complete unity. Now being in unity doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything. We often agree to disagree and then totally support each other.

By contrast, I used to think Gaspar had to agree with me on everything because, after all, I was Mrs. Always Right. And I had to prove it to him one way or another. Oh, how God hates dissension! He hates anything that breaks unity.

He’s using your spouse

If He hates dissension, then why does God put opposites together? Because He expects your infuriating incompatibility to keep drawing you back to the cross, to die to self, die to pride, die to self-will, die to control and realize yet again you can’t have peace or unity in your marriage without the Holy Spirit.

If you’re married, rest assured that your spouse is one of the tools God will use to make you more like Jesus. So SMILE BIG… really big, and say, “God, will use my spouse to make me more like Jesus.”

I can’t hear you! “God will use my spouse to make me more like Jesus.”

Remember John 17. Jesus Himself is praying for us to be one. And, friends, it doesn’t get any better than that!

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When stress comes knocking

February 26, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Healing in marriage, unity in marriage

It’s been a super stressful couple of weeks at the Anastasi house. You know the kind I’m talking about… where everything that could go wrong, does. I think we could all say that the past year or two with COVID outbreaks throughout our country and the world has raised the stress level in most families and marriages.

It happens to the best of us

Every marriage faces stress on a regular basis. In fact, the strongest couples you know are probably the ones who have endured the most challenges together.

Unfortunately, the pandemic just added to our already stressful lives by closing down schools, putting people out of work, stripping away many of our regular stress outlets like church services, getting together with friends, going out to dinner and a movie—all the things that gave us a sense of well-being and normalcy in life. So here we were housebound, lives turned upside down, with nothing left to do but get on each other’s nerves.

At this time more than ever, we need to take a more relaxed stance toward things. Overlook petty annoyances and be patient and kind to each other. Make an effort to appreciate the little things in each other that we may have taken for granted.

There will always be stress in marriage. Every season and stage brings challenges.

Popular stressors

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When Gaspar and I were first married, we dealt with in-law stress. Merging two families with different backgrounds is always challenging. But together we worked through it.

For years, with a growing family, there was always financial stress making ends meet. Too much week and not enough paycheck. But with God’s help, we always managed to have enough.

Working at our jobs is demanding and brings stress. Being in ministry is no different. Sometimes I think the stress is greater. It’s difficult not sharing the burden when you see people hurting and with so many needs.

“I know best”

Add to that, the stress of parenting today. It’s unbelievable! So glad ours are all adults now. But whether small or grown, our precious gifts from God bring stress—probably because we want so badly to do right by them.

I remember more than one disagreement when our kids were small, and it was usually my fault. I didn’t agree with the way my husband disciplined the children. I thought because I was with them more, I knew better than he did (and told him so over and over and over again). Until one day while I was in prayer probably complaining to God about my husband, the Lord stopped me in my tracks: “Michele, your children don’t need two mothers. So let Gaspar be the father I’ve called him to be.” Wow! That was the end of me telling him, “I know best”.

Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

“In sickness and in health”

The stress I mentioned at the beginning of the blog had to do with an accident I had and then a health issue. It made me think of our wedding vows… “in sickness and health.” When you or your spouse face health challenges and stress knocks at your door, it’s a time to give your love and support to each other more than ever.

So where am I going with this blog? I just want to encourage you. We’re living in the most stressful of times, and stress comes in all sizes and shapes. Keep God in the center of your marriage. He’ll never fail you. Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork, and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

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