God’s delay is not His denial

March 4, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

Relationship with God, unity in marriage

Waiting for God to answer our prayers is one of hardest things we face in life—and marriage. We all want Him to see our needs and respond immediately. But it rarely happens that way. When our “suddenly” doesn’t come, we may start to doubt God’s love. That’s because we base His love on the outcome rather than on who He is.

God is love, and everything He does (or doesn’t do) is because of that Love. We wrongly expect God to think and respond like us. Meanwhile, Isaiah 55:8 clearly tells us “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

Our Father’s love language

We all have a love language that makes us feel special and valued. My wife’s love language is words of affirmation. When I affirm her with my words, she feels my affection more strongly than a thousand I love you‘s.

God’s love language is trust. When you and I try to pull Him down into our understanding and our time frame to get the answers to our crisis situations, we reveal our lack of love for God. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us see what God the Father is doing or not doing in our marriage and line ourselves up with Him, instead of trying to fit Him into our natural understanding. God’s delay is not His denial.

When we patiently wait for God to answer our prayers, He receives our love.

Because God’s love language is trust, when you and I patiently wait for His answers to prayer, He receives our love. And many times, His answers are delayed. What is God doing during those times?

Settle it in your heart that God’s love for you is unconditional. It’s always there being poured over us, even when we don’t feel or see it.

The power in waiting

When God does answer our prayer, the answer isn’t only to benefit us. It is to benefit our mate as well. Seeing prayer through His eyes helps us get out of our selfcenteredness. Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness. If we ever get past the “what’s in it for me” mentality, we may see how the answer to my prayer can and should benefit my mate and our marriage. That transition is the beginning of your maturity as a husband or wife. And your value to your mate and your marriage increases exponentially.

Unfortunately, many of us live like married singles where it’s all about “me” —not us. We easily get annoyed with God when He doesn’t respond in our way and our timing. That causes a breach between us and Him. Our Father holds the key to our marital success. His love cannot be forced into our time frame and it cannot be manipulated for our own selfish purposes.

Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness.

Above all, God’s love should never be measured by the outcome. Because of His love, God may not answer your prayer at all. Or His answer may come when it seems “too late”. But that doesn’t change the fact that God loves you and wants to bless you, your mate, and ultimately your marriage.

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God gets the glory

When Lazarus was sick, his sister Martha called for Jesus to come right away, before he died. But because Jesus loved Lazarus, He waited two more days to come. ^“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was,” (John 11:5, 6).

The God of the Universe finally showed up 4 days late! The Bible tells us “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). But His weeping had nothing to do with Lazarus’ death. God cried because Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary, whom He also loved, didn’t trust Him.

It was Jesus’ plan all along to raise Lazarus from the dead. His “delay” powerfully impacted—not just Lazarus and his sisters, but—all the people around them. Because Jesus lingered and didn’t come immediately, the people witnessed the glory of God. His delay caused many to believe and follow Him from that day on.

Never doubt the fact that God loves you. He honors your mate and your marriage. But it’s not just about you. Trust your Father to bring about the best possible outcome in His timing. God’s delay is not His denial.

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Understanding the seasons of marriage

February 25, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

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Finding direction, unity in marriage

Everything in life grows, changes, moves and matures according to seasons. This includes your marriage. Depending on the season your marriage is in, you can do things that you couldn’t do at other times. Once you understand this principal, you can find a place of peace and prosperity regardless of all the benefits and limitations of this present moment.

To everything, a season

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven” (AMP). In other words, if you are trying to accomplish something in your marriage and it isn’t the right season, your efforts will likely end in frustration and anger. For example, you want to increase intimacy with your spouse. Trying to force open that door will only delay the change you seek.

There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven..
Ecclesiastes. 3:1 (AMP)

Too often couples find themselves out of season with their desires, and they wind up living continually out of season. They dress for winter and feel its chill all their life; meanwhile spring, summer and fall come and go unnoticed. It takes a sensitive heart to know when the cycle changes.

The danger of offense

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life. It’s easy to feel hurt when your mate doesn’t respond to your likes and desires. Then bitterness sets in when you try to force them to change against their will.

Bitterness can blind you to change. But it doesn’t have to. Ask God to forgive you for not recognizing the seasons of your marriage. Then commit to be on the alert for the periodic changes that signal the start of a new cycle. It’s possible to live your whole marriage out of season. It’s like trying to dance to a song you like but you have no rhythm, and you feel and look awkward.

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life.

Like a beautiful dance, each marriage has its own rhythm. When you discover it, this rhythm will bring you both into a place of unity and wholeness. Here are a few signs to look for that signal the start of a new marriage season. However, realize that once the season begins to change, it’s up to you to enter it and do what you couldn’t do before.

Signs of change

1). Attitude changes. All of a sudden, you have a change of heart toward things that you once resisted or were set against. That’s one sign that your marriage is entering into a new cycle or season.

2). Romance increases. One spouse becomes more attentive in touching, embracing and kissing for no special reason. That is another sure sign that your marriage is entering a new season.

3). Communication grows. When one spouse seeks to talk or openly share their thoughts and feelings more than ever before, this too signals a change in season.

4). More time spent at home. Maybe your spouse stops avoiding being at home. Again, that’s a sure sign of a season change.

No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Set the right atmosphere

There are many other signs of change to look for. But the most important thing to remember is your attitude. Your positive response to these signals is imperative in order to benefit from each new cycle of life. No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Free your heart from any anger and bitterness toward your mate. Instead exhibit patience and have faith that God’s plan for your marriage will come to pass. And, if you have missed or misinterpreted previous cycles in your marriage because of things I mentioned earlier, don’t worry. Life is cyclical. Those seasons will come around again.

Whatever season your marriage is in right now, it’s always the right time to sow patience and understanding. Only then you will succeed in reaping true happiness.

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Hope in the face of failure

February 18, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

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unity in marriage

A setback is not a failure

I developed a saying over the years that you’ll hear me use often: “Don’t let your setback cause you to step back”. What I mean is: Just because a certain plan failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

Every marriage experiences setbacks from time to time. When the strategies and plans that you make as a couple to see your goals, dreams and visions come to pass fail miserably—that’s what I call a major setback. However, I see too many couples give up at this point. Quitting—that’s the failure—not the setback.

The fact that your plans failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

For instance, maybe together you decided to take quarterly time away as a couple/family. But because of unexpected circumstances, your plans fell apart. Or maybe you both agreed to put money aside each week for future investments. But one of you spent what you both agreed to save. Regardless of the disappointment, setbacks aren’t a signal to quit and give up on your dreams.

Now prepare for success

Here are some pointers to help you both overcome the temptation to step back from your dreams and, instead, stay focused and hopeful.

1). Be clear about your dreams and visions. One or both of you may not be convinced in your heart that this is what you really want to do or the direction to take. Sometimes we say “yes” just to avoid conflict. In other words, we’re not always honest about our feelings. Maybe that decision seemed great at the time, but you didn’t count the cost. You didn’t know what it would take to see it through. Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts.

Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts.

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A good idea or a GOD idea?

2). Be sure it’s what God wants for your marriage. There are three entities in marriage: you, your spouse and the marriage itself. Sometimes a certain choice isn’t convenient for one or the other spouse, but it is what’s best for the marriage. It might appear to be a great idea, but make sure it’s a God idea. As Michele said in her 2-part blog posts “You, me and Him”, the point of couple’s devotions is to hear from God together—not just one of you. Yes, take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions.

Take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions.

3). Be prepared for your enemy to test your marriage dreams and visions. Satan will always challenge your marriage destiny. However, your flesh can also get in the way, but it must be denied. In order for God’s dreams and visions to come to pass, you both have to live a disciplined life. So count the cost before you go forward. God doesn’t always change your challenges, but He will often change the both of you to meet those challenges. That’s what it means to live by faith.

4). Finally above all, trust God to make it come to pass—not your mate. Ultimately, only He can navigate our marriage safely through all of the land mines of life and bring your marriage into its destiny. Remember this: Things aren’t always as they appear. Don’t make quick decisions based on your circumstances. That opens the door for the devil to convince you to step back from your marriage dreams and visions.

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You, me and Him—pt. 2

January 21, 2023 Michele Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

To recap last week’s blog post: Having devotions as a couple is very important. I’m convinced that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. Unlike them however, you and I don’t need to be afraid to face the Father because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.
Matthew 18:19-20

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced to us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer.

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Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

Newlywed Couple’s Devotional by Chris & Jamie Bailey

Preparing Your Heart for Marriage by Gary Thomas

Christian Marriage Devotional for Couples by Teri Reeves

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You, me and Him—pt. 1

January 14, 2023 Michele Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is diﬃcult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reﬂect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctiﬁed is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed oﬀ.

God knows exactly what we need to grow and get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because the were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

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God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Set a goal

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left oﬀ.

Be sure to look for next week’s blog post. I’ll shed more light on this important topic and share a good sample devotional. In the meantime, why not discuss doing devotions as a couple with your husband or wife and carve out a time to make it happen! [Continued next week]

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Learn to move in divine favor

January 7, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

As we discussed during our New Years’ service, 2023 is the year of Divine Favor. Nowhere is divine favor more abundant and needed than in marriage. Let’s face it: Two people becoming one is impossible in our own strength. As couples, we have missed out on this crucial and rich heritage of divine favor that God set aside especially for us. So many of us have either been unaware of it or have lived without expectation that His favor will work in our marriage.

Divine favor is defined as unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do. Amazingly, you and I can be empowered by the Holy Spirit to both give divine favor to our mate and to receive divine favor from them. And when we do so, our marriages prosper exponentially.

Divine favor is unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do.

Favor in action

Here’s an example. Let’s say you have an argument with your mate, and it is severe enough that you want to separate. But suddenly, grace from God comes upon you to forgive with no strings attached! Not only do you close the door on satan to hurt your marriage further, but you open the door to reconciliation. You must recognize that something supernatural just happened. That was God releasing divine favor in you to accomplish what you couldn’t!

Or let’s say… you plan a much-needed getaway, but when the time comes, you don’t have enough money. Then, miraculously, the vacation destination lowers their rates for the time period you planned to go, and now you can make it. That is divine favor! You and I have been living with God’s unearned kindnesses all along, but without recognizing what it was and where it came from.

God makes His favor readily available for you every day of your life—multiple times a day. And don’t say, “I wish that were true” because it is! Below, I have listed steps that will secure your heritage of divine favor our Father intended for our marriages. Maybe you’ve been living outside of His abundant blessing and realize it’s time for a turnaround.

How to secure divine favor

Ask the Lord to forgive you for taking for granted His favor in your life and marriage. Too many of us live with an entitlement attitude—not being sufficiently grateful and humbled by God’s goodness.
Expect God’s favor to manifest in your home daily. His favor is your heritage as a believer in Christ. Rather than expecting trouble, anticipate goodness instead.
Recognize where divine favor comes from. It’s not your own doing. That’s pride. Just take note of the grace God gives you every day to live a successful marriage.
Get a bigger vision than just being happily married. Think about God’s kingdom and His purposes for your union. Recognize the much-needed example of marriage fulfillment you can provide to struggling couples.
Seed favor into your mate and watch God multiply His abundance back to you through your mate.
Give your tithes and offerings. Keep your heart close to God by sharing with Him the fruits of your labor. Where your money is, that’s where your heart is (Matt. 6:21). Giving is especially key if you want God’s favor released in your finances.

Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality.

There it is! A strategy to receive God’s abundant favor in your marriage. Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality. I have lived married life with the abundance of favor that God made available for me… and I’ve also lived without it. Guess which I like best!

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