Hope in the face of failure

February 18, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

A setback is not a failure

I developed a saying over the years that you’ll hear me use often: “Don’t let your setback cause you to step back”. What I mean is: Just because a certain plan failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

Every marriage experiences setbacks from time to time. When the strategies and plans that you make as a couple to see your goals, dreams and visions come to pass fail miserably—that’s what I call a major setback. However, I see too many couples give up at this point. Quitting—that’s the failure—not the setback.

The fact that your plans failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

For instance, maybe together you decided to take quarterly time away as a couple/family. But because of unexpected circumstances, your plans fell apart. Or maybe you both agreed to put money aside each week for future investments. But one of you spent what you both agreed to save. Regardless of the disappointment, setbacks aren’t a signal to quit and give up on your dreams.

Now prepare for success

Here are some pointers to help you both overcome the temptation to step back from your dreams and, instead, stay focused and hopeful.

1). Be clear about your dreams and visions. One or both of you may not be convinced in your heart that this is what you really want to do or the direction to take. Sometimes we say “yes” just to avoid conflict. In other words, we’re not always honest about our feelings. Maybe that decision seemed great at the time, but you didn’t count the cost. You didn’t know what it would take to see it through. Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts.

Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts.

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A good idea or a GOD idea?

2). Be sure it’s what God wants for your marriage. There are three entities in marriage: you, your spouse and the marriage itself. Sometimes a certain choice isn’t convenient for one or the other spouse, but it is what’s best for the marriage. It might appear to be a great idea, but make sure it’s a God idea. As Michele said in her 2-part blog posts “You, me and Him”, the point of couple’s devotions is to hear from God together—not just one of you. Yes, take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions.

Take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions.

3). Be prepared for your enemy to test your marriage dreams and visions. Satan will always challenge your marriage destiny. However, your flesh can also get in the way, but it must be denied. In order for God’s dreams and visions to come to pass, you both have to live a disciplined life. So count the cost before you go forward. God doesn’t always change your challenges, but He will often change the both of you to meet those challenges. That’s what it means to live by faith.

4). Finally above all, trust God to make it come to pass—not your mate. Ultimately, only He can navigate our marriage safely through all of the land mines of life and bring your marriage into its destiny. Remember this: Things aren’t always as they appear. Don’t make quick decisions based on your circumstances. That opens the door for the devil to convince you to step back from your marriage dreams and visions.

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You, me and Him—pt. 2

January 21, 2023 Michele Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

To recap last week’s blog post: Having devotions as a couple is very important. I’m convinced that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. Unlike them however, you and I don’t need to be afraid to face the Father because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.
Matthew 18:19-20

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced to us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer.

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Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

Newlywed Couple’s Devotional by Chris & Jamie Bailey

Preparing Your Heart for Marriage by Gary Thomas

Christian Marriage Devotional for Couples by Teri Reeves

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You, me and Him—pt. 1

January 14, 2023 Michele Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is diﬃcult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reﬂect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctiﬁed is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed oﬀ.

God knows exactly what we need to grow and get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because the were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

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God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Set a goal

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left oﬀ.

Be sure to look for next week’s blog post. I’ll shed more light on this important topic and share a good sample devotional. In the meantime, why not discuss doing devotions as a couple with your husband or wife and carve out a time to make it happen! [Continued next week]

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Learn to move in divine favor

January 7, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

As we discussed during our New Years’ service, 2023 is the year of Divine Favor. Nowhere is divine favor more abundant and needed than in marriage. Let’s face it: Two people becoming one is impossible in our own strength. As couples, we have missed out on this crucial and rich heritage of divine favor that God set aside especially for us. So many of us have either been unaware of it or have lived without expectation that His favor will work in our marriage.

Divine favor is defined as unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do. Amazingly, you and I can be empowered by the Holy Spirit to both give divine favor to our mate and to receive divine favor from them. And when we do so, our marriages prosper exponentially.

Divine favor is unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do.

Favor in action

Here’s an example. Let’s say you have an argument with your mate, and it is severe enough that you want to separate. But suddenly, grace from God comes upon you to forgive with no strings attached! Not only do you close the door on satan to hurt your marriage further, but you open the door to reconciliation. You must recognize that something supernatural just happened. That was God releasing divine favor in you to accomplish what you couldn’t!

Or let’s say… you plan a much-needed getaway, but when the time comes, you don’t have enough money. Then, miraculously, the vacation destination lowers their rates for the time period you planned to go, and now you can make it. That is divine favor! You and I have been living with God’s unearned kindnesses all along, but without recognizing what it was and where it came from.

God makes His favor readily available for you every day of your life—multiple times a day. And don’t say, “I wish that were true” because it is! Below, I have listed steps that will secure your heritage of divine favor our Father intended for our marriages. Maybe you’ve been living outside of His abundant blessing and realize it’s time for a turnaround.

How to secure divine favor

Ask the Lord to forgive you for taking for granted His favor in your life and marriage. Too many of us live with an entitlement attitude—not being sufficiently grateful and humbled by God’s goodness.
Expect God’s favor to manifest in your home daily. His favor is your heritage as a believer in Christ. Rather than expecting trouble, anticipate goodness instead.
Recognize where divine favor comes from. It’s not your own doing. That’s pride. Just take note of the grace God gives you every day to live a successful marriage.
Get a bigger vision than just being happily married. Think about God’s kingdom and His purposes for your union. Recognize the much-needed example of marriage fulfillment you can provide to struggling couples.
Seed favor into your mate and watch God multiply His abundance back to you through your mate.
Give your tithes and offerings. Keep your heart close to God by sharing with Him the fruits of your labor. Where your money is, that’s where your heart is (Matt. 6:21). Giving is especially key if you want God’s favor released in your finances.

Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality.

There it is! A strategy to receive God’s abundant favor in your marriage. Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality. I have lived married life with the abundance of favor that God made available for me… and I’ve also lived without it. Guess which I like best!

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Kick off a successful partnership

December 31, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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unity in marriage

In my last blog post, I (Michele) shared all the benefits of having a regular date night and how much it will improve your marriage. Another discipline that Gaspar and I recently added to our weekly schedule is a marriage meeting. (We never suggest couples do something that we haven’t ﬁrst tried ourselves and ﬁnd valuable.)

So we’ve been having a weekly marriage meeting for a while now. And to be honest, I don’t know how we functioned for so many years without one. All I can say is, life in our household is running so much smoother.

To be honest, I don’t know how we functioned for so many years without a marriage meeting.

I can already hear some of you saying, “That’s crazy, having a formal weekly meeting with my spouse. I don’t need to make life any more diﬃcult.”

My response: “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” Think of it as investing time and energy in your marriage to keep it working well. We promise: If you give it a try, after a very short time, you’ll see the beneﬁts.

The business of marriage

Imagine if you and a partner were running a successful business. I’m sure you’d meet together at least once a week to discuss the goals and priorities for that week. Well you and your spouse are partners together in running a family business, your household, your ﬁnances, your children…. Isn’t that at least as important as running any company?

Until my husband and I started having weekly meetings, often we were going in opposite directions, which caused many frustrating issues.

What does a marriage meeting look like? We like to open our meeting in prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit’s Presence. You and your spouse are partners in this company, but God is the CEO.

A helpful meeting agenda

Our meeting consists of 5 parts: Appreciation, Catch-up questions, Chores, Good Times, and Problems and Challenges.

1. Appreciation

Each partner shares something they appreciate about the other person. Don’t skip this part thinking it’s silly. Appreciation is like a healing balm for a relationship. It heals hurts and softens diﬃcult issues. It starts the meeting oﬀ on a positive note.

2. Catch-up questions

Be sure and have your calendar with you. You’re going to be scheduling things you’ll have to write down. Some suggestions for questions: What brought you joy this week? What was diﬃcult for you this week? Is there anything I can do to help you this week? During this time you would discuss upcoming events that will take place between now and your next meeting. Also, review future dates on your calendar that might need extra planning like Birthdays, Holidays, out of town guests. This is also a good time to discuss work schedules, kids’ activities, church functions, appointments that need to be made and other commitments.

3. Chores

Chores and Finances: No one is looking for more work to do. But think of chores as tasks worth investing energy in to have a pleasant environment to live in. Discuss and agree on what needs to get done this week and who will do each task. It isn’t necessary to discuss chores that you’ve already established a routine for and are working well. Discuss chores and errands that aren’t getting done. Repairs that need to be made. Writing out a “to do” with speciﬁc deadlines is very helpful. Don’t demand your spouse do a certain chore.

Work at compromise. Remember, you’re on the same team. Strive to be ﬂexible, helpful, and reasonable. Of course, if one partner works outside the home and the other doesn’t, chore division will fall more, but not totally, on the stay-at-home partner.

Strive to be ﬂexible, helpful and reasonable.

Couples and Finances: If you and your spouse have an established plan for dealing with ﬁnances, then just a brief update on current bills, expenses, and savings can be discussed at this time. One of you might bring up a large expense like school tuition, or a needed major repair, and discuss how it will be paid. The topic of money is often emotionally charged because money often symbolizes control, power and security. If this is a sensitive topic in your marriage, it’s best to discuss it at the end during the Problems and Challenges part of your meeting.

4. Good Times

Planning for Good Times: This is a fun section. In this part of the meeting, you make plans for your Date Night. Remember, even if you’re busy or feel you can’t aﬀord a night out, you can always plan a romantic at-home date. Family fun time is also important. The family that plays together, stays together. It’s easy to talk about date night and family outings, but if you don’t decide on a speciﬁc activity and time and put it on your calendar, you’ll usually end up doing nothing. By intentionally making plans for couple and family times, you’ll end up with a lot more fun in your life.

5. Problems & Challenges

This is your opportunity to bring up anything on your mind that is an issue or problem. How you address this section of your meeting is critical. Approach it with kindness and a mindset to solve problems—not argue. Try to reach mutually agreed upon decisions. Don’t blame. Attack the problem, not each other. If you discover over time that you’re unable to resolve a conﬂict and it’s driving a wedge between you, seek help from your Pastor or a counselor.

Some tips for success:

Follow the recommended sequence: Appreciation, Catch-up questions/Calendar, Chores, Plan for Good Times, Problems and Challenges.
Bring your appointment book or calendar.
Keep meetings positive and upbeat.
Don’t meet when either of you are hungry or tired.
Don’t meet while eating a meal.
Meeting at home is best.
Don’t allow interruptions.
Schedule your next Marriage Meeting before your current meeting ends, unless you’ve already established a set day and time each week.

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Make it a date

December 17, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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unity in marriage, unity with God

One of the many important topics we’ve discussed in our Sacred Marriage class is “marriage disciplines” or “marriage priorities” that will help strengthen and grow your relationship. One of those priorities is having a regular date night.

I’m sure you’ve heard many times that date nights are important and valuable in marriage. Yet, you probably still don’t have one, right? We asked the couples in our class “Why?” Many said they were just “too busy to fit one more thing in” their schedule. When delving a little deeper, we saw that the couples were prioritizing their jobs, their children, church activities and just about everything else above their marriage!

When a couple is over-committed and under-connected, they begin to live their marriage in stress mode.

Schedule your priorities

Are you living with too many “attractive distractions” and “confused priorities”? The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule—but to schedule your priorities. When a couple is over-committed and under-connected, they begin to live their marriage in stress mode. This is not what God had in mind when he created marriage. So we gave the couples in Sacred Marriage an exercise to do. Why not try it yourself?

First, list in order the 5 top priorities in your life, things that take up most of your time.
Now re-order your list in a way that would honor your commitment to God in your marriage. Just a little hint: God should be number one, and your spouse should be number two.

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Make a meaningful connection

The benefits you’ll receive from spending “couple time” together will far outweigh the benefits you receive from your over-scheduled calendar and taking each other for granted. Statistics show that couples who don’t have at least one mutually meaningful connection a week are at greater risk for divorce.

The benefits you’ll receive from spending “couple time” together will far outweigh those from your over-scheduled calendar…

Having a regular date night helps build communication. It gives you the opportunity to stay current with each other’s lives and continue to grow together. It’s the perfect chance to relax and take a break from the daily grind—a time to draw closer together and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Here’s an advantage you may not have thought of. Going on dates is a great role model for your kids! It teaches them that the husband-and-wife relationship is important and separate from them. It was there before they were born and will be there long after they leave home to start their own lives. What an amazing gift to give your children!

It’s not the what but the why

Planning a date night doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s spending the time together that counts. And these mate dates don’t necessarily have to involve going out. We know that couples raising young children don’t always have a reliable sitter or finances. So get creative. One idea may be to put the children to bed and get your favorite take-out delivered. Light some candles, put on romantic music and simply enjoy each other’s company.

If you’re able to go out, make a list of fun activities you’d both enjoy. Maybe a picnic at the park, a concert, a flea market, browsing a bookstore, taking a day trip… (It’s important that you both contribute to the list). Now this is the fun part: Each of you, take turns choosing from the list and plan the date to surprise your partner.

So give it a try. Set up some weekly date nights with your spouse, get creative and most importantly: Enjoy!

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