Leaving the past behind you

February 14, 2026 Gaspar Anastasi

Most marriage conflicts arise from one of three sources: 1) Past incidents that happened between you and your mate; 2) Things that offended you and never got resolved; or 3) Things that happened before you even met, but resurface repeatedly to torment you. It’s like having a deep cut in your hand that never fully heals. And, every time you bump it against something, it gets reinjured. Not only does the wound never heal properly, but it gets worse.

A stumbling block to growth

As I said, some past hurts didn’t even happen between you and your mate. They might have taken place before you met, but they were never resolved in your heart. As long as these offenses stay there, the devil will continually bring them back up. He will taunt you that your marriage can’t succeed or—worse—that you married the wrong person. Other times, your mate will remind you of someone who hurt you before. Regardless of where they originated, hurts from the past will always present a stumbling block that keeps your marriage from growing stronger.

As long as these offenses stay there, the devil will continually bring them back up.

Spot the source

Recognizing the source of your marriage conflicts will help you overcome them. But you must be transparent and let the Holy Spirit show you the roots of what you’re feeling during a conflict. Let Him show you why you feel angry, or betrayed, or rejected by your mate. I know that sounds risky.

We automatically think, “I’m blaming myself and letting him/her off the hook!” But a little self-examination allows the Holy Spirit to check your heart—just in case part of the problem is hurts you suffered in the past.

Share ownership

In all marital conflicts, we must both share ownership of the problem. When we point the finger at our spouse as the ultimate perpetrator, it never ends well. It will always put your mate on the defensive, causing more rejection and deep inner hurts.

It only takes one of you to recognize the warfare you’re in and trust the Lord to fight the battle.

Instead of finding a solution, instead of approaching the conflict together, it divides you more and creates a negative atmosphere going forward. The problem was only made worse—not resolved. As couples, we need to look inside ourselves with the help of the Holy Spirit, instead of just looking at our mate and finding fault with them.

When one or both of you humble yourself and listen to the Holy Spirit’s counsel—not only will there be hope for the conflict to end, but—healing to start between you both. I say “one or both” because it only takes one person to recognize the warfare he or she is in and trust the Lord to fight the battle.

Spend more time with the Solution

Spending more personal time with the Lord will give Jesus a chance to express His unconditional love through you.Being aware of your words and weighing them before you speak will give the Holy Spirit in you the advantage to overcome the devil’s plan. Realize that satan wants to sabotage your happiness and healing.

Spending more personal time with the Lord will give Jesus a chance to express His unconditional love through you.

Remember that your mate isn’t your enemy. You must break the habit of the dysfunctional way you both resolve conflict in your marriage. These are learned behaviors, picked up by watching your parents or others solve conflict ineffectively.

Get on the same team

Make a decision, along with your mate, to start over with conflict resolution. Agree that how you do it now doesn’t produce healing results or bring you any closer together. Then give each other the grace to make mistakes, ask forgiveness, and keep trying with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Remember you are on the same team. In just a few months, if you’ll both commit to see change (or if just one of you commits to it), you will start to see great peace in your marriage. Don’t give up! Nothing is impossible with Jesus. He equipped you to be successful and have dominion over your real enemy, satan. As a couple, decide to break the dysfunctional way you solve conflicts—and you will see change.

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Lessons in rebellion, pt. 2

July 26, 2025 Michele Anastasi

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Relationship with God, Success & victory

A while ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. What started out as rejection grew into outright rebellion. Read part 1 here. Now, here’s how to recognize rebellion in your own life.

Do you have these traits of rebellion?

Faithlessness. You have trouble being loyal to God, so you keep falling away.
Hostility. You have a chip on your shoulder. You cause turmoil and strife wherever you go.
Superiority. You think you know it all. You’re arrogant.
Controlling. You’re strong-willed; it’s got to be your way.
Rigid. You won’t bend or compromise.
Bitter and resentful.
Critical. You always have something negative to say, always find fault.
Unteachable. You know it all, so you set yourself up as judge and final
authority…as God. No one can teach you anything.These aren’t very nice qualities. Hopefully, if you see yourself in them, it will give you the desire to repent, and ask God to forgive you and change you.

P-R-I-D-E

The root sin of rebellion is pride. You have so much pride you don’t think you even need God. If you look at the word P R I D E, what’s in the middle of it? ” I “. That’s exactly what’s in the middle of S I N, ” I “……..”SELF.” “I’m going to do it my way.”

Rebellion and pride go way back to the Garden of Eden, to the first couple. Satan has been using the same old tricks since the beginning of time–trying to convince us that God is holding out on us. God can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Satan made Eve feel like God was holding out on her. That caused her to rebel, and Adam went along with her.

Rebellion and pride go way back to the first couple.

Adam blamed Eve, said it wasn’t his fault. Eve blamed the serpent, said she was deceived, said “It’s not my fault.” If you’re deceived, it most certainly is your fault, because you should know what God’s Word says!

Don’t let rebellion destroy you. Get help.

Instead of blaming someone else, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. Are you rebellious? Are you bitter? Critical? Stubborn? Hard-hearted? Holding unforgiveness in your heart? Are you doing things your way, instead of God’s way? Because if you are, you’re deceived and it is your fault.

Rebellion brings destruction! The only way to prevent destruction is to admit the rebellion and quit it. Stop blaming others. Maybe others have sown a lot of bad seeds into your life. You’ve been hurt, rejected, abused… but God is saying today, “This is about you. You need to repent. Just do it.” So get alone with God and just do it.

Are you struggling with rejection, rebellion or another area of your life? Don’t go it alone. Seeing a tr ained counselor doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It means you’re wise enough to get help to become emotionally healthy. Growth comes when things are brought out of the dark into the light. Let there be light!

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The beauty and glory of frustration

March 22, 2025 Michele Anastasi

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Success & victory, unity in marriage

Yep, love is blind

Why is it that the very things we find so cute and endearing about someone we’re dating drive us nuts once we say “I do?” I truly admired my future husband’s generous, I’ll-give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back character. People were always more important to him than things, and it amazed me how easily he gave. It was sweet until…

We got married, and he started giving away my things too!

We got married, and he started giving away my things too! Things like my favorite Bible… the last kitten from the litter (one I wanted to keep)…. His answer always went something like… “But, Babe, you got other Bibles, and you have mama cat. They fell in love with that kitten.”

After several years of this, I’d tease him on my way out to run errands: “We have 3 children, and I expect to find 3 when I get back. Do not give one away.” That was a lot of years ago. And we laugh about it today, but way back then it was frustrating. (I’m sure my husband has his share of stories of how I drove him crazy, but this is my blog!)

Marriage Coaching — Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

God’s plan and our annoyance

Have you ever wondered why opposites attract? Why are we so different? Why didn’t we spot this problem when we were dating? Does God get a chuckle out of putting such contrary personalities together?

It took me many years to realize that God, in His infinite wisdom, had a plan and purpose for pairing up opposites like us. He knew that our differences could be used as a tool to chip off each other’s rough edges. An instrument to change and mature us into something better than we were… The people He created us to be.

Let’s face it, left to ourselves, we all think we’re just fine the way we are. It’s our mate that has issues and needs to change. So God uses marriage to help us work out our salvation—to show us what’s inside us that needs to go.

There’s good in the bad and ugly

Did you ever notice how your spouse has a way of bringing out the worst in you? They push all the right buttons that turn you into the ugliest version of yourself.

Marriage is such a deeply intimate relationship that our spouse sees and exposes the junk in us, the parts we work hard to keep hidden from everyone else. Marriage has a way of confronting our weaknesses, our emotional immaturity and transforming us in a way nothing else can. And we sure don’t appreciate that!

Marriage has a way of confronting our weaknesses, our emotional immaturity and transforming us in a way nothing else can.

To receive all that God intended from marriage, we must be transparent and honest with Him, ourselves, and our mate. We must give up our unrealistic expectations; set aside hurts and disappointments; crucify ugly attitudes, selfish and self-centered actions. God never intended marriage to be easy. But He did intend our differences and unmet needs to drive us closer to Him.

Oh, and to that man I married 58 years ago, I say “Thank you, Honey, for helping God chip away my rough edges!”

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Awaken the superhero in you

January 18, 2025 Gaspar Anastasi

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Faith, Marriage, Success & victory

A healthy spirit enables us to communicate with God and one another. Spiritually healthy couples can meet each other through their spirit being—not just their emotions and physical body. Your human spirit, when healthy and fully awake, connects with your mate and demonstrates empathy for them.

That means your spirit can identify with your mate’s deep inner needs and actually feels what they feel. We become aware of our mate’s emotions beyond just our intellect. Being spiritually awake gives us the ability to know what he or she needs and how to meet the need without having to guess. Couples that are spiritually healthy can discern when their mate needs a hug; when they need to be left alone; and when it’s important to reach out and invade their space.

Sleeping spirits and hurting hearts

Couples with slumbering spirits are relegated to guessing what’s right to do and what’s not. Most of the time, they miss prime opportunities to communicate the kind of love for each other that will keep them together. The inability to connect with each other’s spirit (where true life and love stem from), is one of the major causes of divorce.

A husband’s slumbering spirit makes him selfish and self-centered, unable to connect with God and his mate as well. This husband thinks all is well, and he doesn’t understand why his wife is shutting down emotionally. He is disconnected from her heart because he is asleep spiritually.

A wife whose spirit is asleep might not recognize when her husband needs a word of encouragement instead of judgment. Therefore, she misses her opportunity to connect her love to his. We pay a lot of attention to the physical and emotional parts of us but very little to the spiritual.

Life that makes us one

Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.”

“Life” in this scripture refers to the God-kind of life that, when released in and through us, will bring the two of you into true oneness. As husband and wife, you will never reach true oneness unless you live your marriage out of a healthy spirit. True oneness is a place of joy, peace and fulfillment in your marriage. You can tell your spirit is slumbering when your love for one another is stale, stuck in the past or the romance/passion is gone.

Thankfully, there is something you both can do to revitalize your marriage and protect it from collapsing: Wake up your spirit. Here are a few suggestions.

How to awaken your spirit

1). Get out of denial and recognize that you need a new fire for your mate lit in your heart.

2). Recognize that you are a spirit, have a soul and live in a body. Ask God to forgive you for not nurturing your spirit. You nurture your spirit by feeding it the word of God and watching what enters your ear and eye gates.

3). Let your mate know that you desire a closer relationship with them. And whether they do or not, you will pursue oneness with your whole heart. That’s when your faith in God will be released in and through your spirit to remove the mountains of indifference and slumber in your spirit.

4). Don’t give up. God’s life will be pumped into your spirit as you reconnect with His Spirit through His word. You will begin to discern your mate’s needs and navigate through their mood swings. You’ll begin to meet them right where they are and connect with their hearts.

It won’t be long before your husband or wife is inspired to awaken their slumbering spirit. I will give you more tips in my next blog. God bless you and thank you for reading our blogs. I hope they are helpful. If they are, I would like to hear from you.

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Understanding God’s plan for you

August 3, 2024 Michele Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage, Success & victory

I had to laugh when a good friend read last week’s blog about Gaspar and me making a Vision Board. She said, “That’s fine for you ‘crafty’ people, but my husband and I aren’t the creative types.” Little did she know that the vision board we made was just one of the things we did at our annual Marriage Retreat in May. And 20 couples—both creative and non-creative types—had a blast doing it.

Gaspar & Michele’s vision board created during the 2021 marriage retreat

Maybe making a vision board isn’t your thing, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from coming up with a vision statement for your marriage.

Few couples ever think about their life vision or articulate it. In our society, life visions usually sound something like this: Get an education. Get a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Make more money. Buy a bigger house. Enjoy a nice retirement. These aren’t bad things to want and may very well be a part of God’s plan for you, but it’s not all He wants.

Wait, there’s more!

The Bible teaches us that we have a God who created each of us, then brought us together for a purpose—more than for just our own happiness. What would your marriage be like if you asked, “Father, what do you want our lives to accomplish for You?” Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Simply put, your life vision is what you’re living for, your ultimate purpose, what your life is all about. It can be summed up in one sentence, or it may be an entire page. The important thing is that it clearly states the purpose and goals of your life together.

God’s plans for you are so much greater than your own for yourself!

Where to begin?

Talk

Start by talking about your mutual goals and dreams. I know, it can be a little difficult to be open about something so personal, even to a spouse. One partner may feel the other won’t understand or may be critical. But you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Pray

Finding A life vision obviously must involve prayer since we are seeking God’s plan for us. There are so many things that we can do and many things that need to be done. So we need God‘s guidance in what His plan is for us. Just ask Him and He’ll show you—maybe not the full plan all at once, but He’ll show you.

Write

There’s something about writing a life vision that solidifies it in you mind and lends it added importance. It also helps keep you on track when life gets hectic. Read it often and it will bring you back to your priorities and what you really want to spend your time on.

As you talk, pray and write, two questions may help:

1) Does this vision speak to who we are? (Does it fit our gifts and strengths?)

2) If we focus on these areas, will we feel that we’ve fulfilled our destiny? Your life vision starts out with who you are and the gifts and interests God has put in both of you. But it needs to end by benefiting and helping others.

Your life vision starts with you, but it should end with helping others.

Yours, mine and ours

You may be wondering, “How do we combine our interests when we have two very different calls?” Combining two life visions into one calls for creative give and take. It’s sort of a yours-mine-and-ours approach.

In our marriage, Gaspar does a wide variety of things in the ministry that I’m not involved in. Likewise, I do women’s ministry, Bible Studies and Life Coaching—things that he isn’t involved in. But then, together, we share this blog, our weekly marriage group, and marriage counseling and coaching.

Christian couples can make an impact in many places: Community programs, schools, businesses, hospitality, encouraging and, of course, the church, to name a few.

It’s bigger than you.

Studies have shown that one constant in the lives of couples with strong marriages is their mutual devotion to a cause or purpose beyond themselves. This was God’s original plan, and following His plans and principles will always lead to happiness and success.

If you would like more details on how to make a Vision Board or write a Vision Statement, just leave your request and email in the comment box, we’ll be happy to send it to you.

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Rejecting rejection: pt 2

January 6, 2024 Michele Anastasi

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Rejection, Success & victory, unity in marriage

Last week in Part 1, I told my story of rejection. If you didn’t already, read it here.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. So why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

Forty years ago, emotional healing was rarely spoken of. Somehow, I came across a book by John and Paula Sandford, pioneers on the subject of inner healing. Being the mess I was, it spoke to my heart. And Gaspar and I started our quest to learn more.

Thus began our prayer counseling ministry—which more than 3 decades later has grown into Breaking Free Wellness Center. It’s my number one solution for rejection and other emotional healing. To have a trained prayer minister guide you through painful issues from the past is invaluable. Often the journey takes you along such dark, dismal paths that—without help—many of us would give up.

When people reject you, without realizing it, you feel betrayed by God. “Where was He in my pain?” you ask. Of course, Satan uses that opportunity to plant seeds of deception in your heart about yourself, about others and especially about God.

Expose inner vows

Growing up with an abusive mom, I believed I was bad. I couldn’t be any good for her to treat me the way she did. I thought God must not love me either to let me hurt like this. As a child, I remember thinking When I grow up, no one is ever going to hurt me or tell me what to do again. I had no idea I was making a vow that would profoundly affect my life.

You may not even realize that you’ve made vows. But think back to all the times you said, “I’ll never do this…” or “I’ll never do that….” We make vows because we think we can protect ourselves from future hurt. In actuality, these inner vows harden our hearts to the point that we can never fully give or receive love. Can you relate to this?

Ungodly beliefs are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God.

Maybe it wasn’t a parent who hurt you. It could have been a failed marriage—and you vowed you’d never trust again, marry again or let anyone get close to you. As a teen, you might have been betrayed by a group of girls and vowed never to trust females.

Lies are always at the root of such inner vows, forming ungodly beliefs. Every one of us holds some beliefs that aren’t true. When these beliefs are contrary to God’s Truth, we call them “ungodly beliefs.” They are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God. They affect our entire lives: every relationship we have; every decision we make; how we act and react; our very destiny.

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Reject the lies

Hurt, rejection, negative experiences and trauma create ungodly beliefs in us. The child whose father walks out on his family can grow up believing I’m not important or dad wouldn’t have left… People will always fail me.

Being made fun of, called names by siblings or peers, being criticized by a teacher or authority figure—all these can form the ungodly beliefs: No one will ever want me…I’m fat, I’m stupid…I’ll never amount to anything. These ungodly beliefs follow us right into adulthood and become assignments against us.

In the healing process, it’s very important to renounce these lies and break agreement with them. By believing lies, you forge an alliance with the enemy, giving him easy access to your life.

Start by forgiving

After renouncing Satan’s lies, it’s even more important to agree with what God says about you.

Start by forgiving those who contributed to forming the ungodly belief in you.
Ask God to forgive you for believing a lie and for judging those who hurt you. Pray and break the power of the lies from your life.
Find scripture that speaks Truth to these areas. This is the last and most important step to forgiving. Read those verses daily. Meditate on them. Memorize them until your mind becomes renewed with the Truth. Stick with it. Renewing your mind takes time.

Often, that’s why people don’t maintain their healing. Getting prayer is just one part of it. The most important part is renewing our mind with God’s Word.

Get to know the Healer

The next strategy is to develop intimacy with the Lord. I can hear you saying, “Yeah, I know that already.” But really spend time in His Word the Bible daily. Hear what He has to say to you through His word. Then pray, bringing Him your needs. Jealously guard this devotional time. Otherwise, other things will take its place.

Attend a good Bible-believing church where you can receive strength and support for your journey. Find a place where the uncompromised Word of God is taught.

Man praying with Bible — Spend time in the Bible daily. Hear what God has to say through His word. Then bring Him your needs.

Identify with the cross

Let me explain what I mean by identifying with the cross. Often we have a very limited concept of the cross. We know that Jesus died on the cross for our sin. He took our place and, when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord, when we die we go to Heaven. Yes, that’s true, but it doesn’t end there. That’s only one aspect of the cross. To identify with the cross, everything about the old me can and should die there. The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

When Jesus hung on the cross He said, “It is finished.” It’s at the cross that all the power Satan had over us is broken. When you take what you’re still struggling with to the cross, it will be finished in your life too. Keep in mind that when you bring something to the cross, everything isn’t automatically fixed.

The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

Let’s say you fly into a rage, start throwing things and kick over the trash can. All of a sudden you catch yourself and run to the cross. “Lord, help me. Forgive me for this anger. Cleanse me.” God says, “Of course you’re forgiven.” What a relief! But guess what? There’s still garbage and broken stuff all over the place. Who has to clean it up? You do! But God gives you the grace and the strength to do it. One by one you pick up the pieces. It’s all a part of identifying with the cross. It’s finished the moment you take it there. The rest is clean-up.

You have to take it there and let it die. Often, that’s where we get discouraged because we think it isn’t working. Satan is whispering in your ear, “I’m back. You’re not free. This doesn’t work.” He wants to scare you into giving up.

Keep your eyes on Jesus

Jesus heals the brokenhearted — Help and healing could be closer than you think! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Stop looking at the junk and look at Jesus! He set you free to live that way forever. Not just free from sin, but free from rejection, a wounded spirit, depression, self-hatred, anger—and the list goes on and on. Galatians 5:1 tells us: “Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

“Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “
Galatians 5:1

So when Satan brings back those old feelings of rejection, pain, or bad memories, tell him where to go. Say, “Shut up, in Jesus’ name. You’re a liar! I am crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Rejection doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. It’s nailed to the cross, and it died there.” Remember, healing is yours. Christ set you free. Keep standing firm!

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