More fluent in love

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”. Since then, a number of spouses said to me they wish I had included specific suggestions for each one of the love languages. 

Taking the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved and then intentionally loving them in that way is a great gift. My first suggestion is, when you take the Love Language Quiz and get the results, spend some time discussing it together. (Just because you know your spouse’s love language doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know what they personally need to feel loved.)

Physical touch

When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, don’t think only of the act of love making. Physical touch includes so much more! Don’t let the day go by without touching them in a meaningful way. Some suggestions:

1. Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before getting up.
2. Always kiss hello and goodbye.
3. Hold hands often.
4. Give them a shoulder, neck or foot massage.
5. Cuddle while watching a movie together.
6. Hold hands and pray together.
7. Hug often.
8. Don’t forget at least one passionate kiss daily.
9. Put on some romantic music and dance together.
10. Cuddle before falling asleep.

Acts of service

For this love language, you’ll want to know what your spouse would like you to do. Acts of service require thought and effort. Some ideas:

1. Do a chore your spouse hates to do.
2. Ask what they need help with at the beginning of the week.
3. Respond to requests in a positive way rather than acting put off.
4. Make up a goody basket with their favorite treats.
5. Fill the car with gas.
6. Help prepare dinner or help clean up.
7. Make their coffee or tea in the morning.
8. Polish their shoes.
9. Make a coupon book of things you’ll do for them.
10. Make their favorite meal and dessert.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy.

Quality time

The quality time love language centers around togetherness and giving your mate your undivided attention. Put your cell phone away. Shut down all electronics, and focus on your partner. When you do that, it touches their heart and makes them feel loved and important. Some suggestions to get you started:

1. Plan a special date night.
2. Take turns reading a book aloud together.
3. Go for coffee or ice cream and leave your phone in the car.
4. Cook dinner together.
5. Go for a walk around your neighborhood.
6. Start and end your day spending time talking.
7. Discuss and plan some marriage goals together.
8. Do a home project together.
9. Look for and start a hobby you’d both enjoy.
10. Once you make plans to do something, don’t cancel.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation include so much. Kindness. Encouragement. Empathy. And seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Think about what they would want to hear. For example:

1. “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.”
2. “Thank you for all you do for me.”
3. “I admire the way you ______________.”
4. “I wouldn’t want to go through life without you.”
5. “No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together.”
6. “I love every minute we’re together.”
7. “Thank you for being my best friend.”
8. “The best day of my life was the day I married you.”
9. “You make me feel safe.”
10. “You’re the best _____________ ever!”

Receiving gifts

Store-bought gifts aren’t the only way to speak this love language. And it’s not about how much you spend either. It’s the thought that goes into the gift. One wife told me her husband buys her gifts she doesn’t really want. Here’s a suggestion: If your spouse is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, a box of candy wouldn’t be the ideal gift. The gift should have special meaning to them. Always keep an eye out for things they’d love to be surprised with. Some ideas:

1. Place a small gift or love note in the bag they take to work or on a trip.
2. Listen for hints of things they love and make special occasions a big deal.
3. Give them a small gift every hour on the hour for their birthday.
4. Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
5. Fill a notebook with one thing you love about them every day for a year. Include pictures of the two of you.
6. Order a favorite childhood candy or snack.
7. Be willing to invest in something that matters to them.
8. After a trip, bring home a souvenir that made you think of them.
9. Make their favorite meal and dessert for no special reason.
10. Make a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy. Hope you find these ideas helpful! You can always discover more suggestions on the internet. Regardless, we’d love to hear how these love language tips worked out for you! 

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