Everything in life grows, changes, moves and matures according to seasons. This includes your marriage. Depending on the season your marriage is in, you can do things that you couldn’t do at other times. Once you understand this principal, you can find a place of peace and prosperity regardless of all the benefits and limitations of this present moment.

To everything, a season

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven” (AMP). In other words, if you are trying to accomplish something in your marriage and it isn’t the right season, your efforts will likely end in frustration and anger. For example, you want to increase intimacy with your spouse. Trying to force open that door will only delay the change you seek.

Too often couples find themselves out of season with their desires, and they wind up living continually out of season. They dress for winter and feel its chill all their life; meanwhile spring, summer and fall come and go unnoticed. It takes a sensitive heart to know when the cycle changes.

The danger of offense

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life. It’s easy to feel hurt when your mate doesn’t respond to your likes and desires. Then bitterness sets in when you try to force them to change against their will.

Bitterness can blind you to change. But it doesn’t have to. Ask God to forgive you for not recognizing the seasons of your marriage. Then commit to be on the alert for the periodic changes that signal the start of a new cycle. It’s possible to live your whole marriage out of season. It’s like trying to dance to a song you like but you have no rhythm, and you feel and look awkward.

Like a beautiful dance, each marriage has its own rhythm. When you discover it, this rhythm will bring you both into a place of unity and wholeness. Here are a few signs to look for that signal the start of a new marriage season. However, realize that once the season begins to change, it’s up to you to enter it and do what you couldn’t do before.

Signs of change

1). Attitude changes. All of a sudden, you have a change of heart toward things that you once resisted or were set against. That’s one sign that your marriage is entering into a new cycle or season. 

2). Romance increases. One spouse becomes more attentive in touching, embracing and kissing for no special reason. That is another sure sign that your marriage is entering a new season.

3). Communication grows. When one spouse seeks to talk or openly share their thoughts and feelings more than ever before, this too signals a change in season.  

4). More time spent at home. Maybe your spouse stops avoiding being at home. Again, that’s a sure sign of a season change.

Set the right atmosphere

There are many other signs of change to look for. But the most important thing to remember is your attitude. Your positive response to these signals is imperative in order to benefit from each new cycle of life. No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Free your heart from any anger and bitterness toward your mate. Instead exhibit patience and have faith that God’s plan for your marriage will come to pass. And, if you have missed or misinterpreted previous cycles in your marriage because of things I mentioned earlier, don’t worry. Life is cyclical. Those seasons will come around again.

Whatever season your marriage is in right now, it’s always the right time to sow patience and understanding. Only then you will succeed in reaping true happiness.

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First, a setback is not a failure

I developed a saying over the years that you’ll hear me use often: “Don’t let your setback cause you to step back”. What I mean is: Just because a certain plan failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

Every marriage experiences setbacks from time to time. When the strategies and plans that you make as a couple to see your goals, dreams and visions come to pass fail miserably—that’s what I call a major setback. However, I see too many couples give up at this point. Quitting—that’s the failure, not the setback.

For instance, maybe together you decided to take quarterly time away as a couple/family. But because of unexpected circumstances, your plans fell apart. Or maybe you both agreed to put money aside each week for future investments. But one of you spent what you both agreed to save. Regardless of the disappointment, setbacks aren’t a signal to quit and give up on your dreams. 

Now prepare for success

Here are some pointers to help you both overcome the temptation to step back from your dreams and, instead, stay focused and hopeful. 

1). Be clear about your dreams and visions. One or both of you may not be convinced in your heart that this is what you really want to do or the direction to take. Sometimes we say “yes” just to avoid conflict. In other words, we’re not always honest about our feelings. Maybe that decision seemed great at the time, but you didn’t count the cost. You didn’t know what it would take to see it through. Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts. 

Is it a good or GOD idea?

2). Be sure it’s what God wants for your marriage. There are three entities in marriage: you, your spouse and the marriage itself. Sometimes a certain choice isn’t convenient for one or the other spouse, but it is what’s best for the marriage. It might appear to be a great idea, but make sure it’s a God idea. As Michele said in her 2-part blog posts “You, me and Him”, the point of couple’s devotions is to hear from God together—not just one of you. Yes, take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions. 

3). Be prepared for your enemy to test your marriage dreams and visions. Satan will always challenge your marriage destiny. However, your flesh can also get in the way, but it must be denied. In order for God’s dreams and visions to come to pass, you both have to live a disciplined life. So count the cost before you go forward. God doesn’t always change your challenges, but He will often change the both of you to meet those challenges. That’s what it means to live by faith. 

4). Finally above all, trust God to make it come to pass—not your mate. Ultimately, only He can navigate our marriage safely through all of the land mines of life and bring your marriage into its destiny. Remember this: Things aren’t always as they appear. Don’t make quick decisions based on your circumstances. That opens the door for the devil to convince you to step back from your marriage dreams and visions.

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To recap last week’s blog post: Having devotions as a couple is very important. I’m convinced that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. Unlike them however, you and I don’t need to be afraid to face the Father because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced to us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

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Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is difficult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reflect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctified is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed off.

God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because the were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Set a goal

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left off.

Be sure to look for next week’s blog post. I’ll shed more light on this important topic and share a good sample devotional. In the meantime, why not discuss doing devotions as a couple with your husband or wife and carve out a time to make it happen! [Continued next week]

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