Learn to move in divine favor

As we discussed at the time, 2023 was a year of Divine Favor. But God’s favor is always available to His precious children who make Him a priority. Nowhere is divine favor more abundant and needed than in marriage. Let’s face it: Two people becoming one is impossible in our own strength. As couples, we have missed out on this crucial and rich heritage of divine favor that God set aside especially for us. So many of us have either been unaware of it or have lived without expectation that His favor will work in our marriage.

Divine favor is defined as unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do. Amazingly, you and I can be empowered by the Holy Spirit to both give divine favor to our mate and to receive divine favor from them. And when we do so, our marriages prosper exponentially.

Divine favor is unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do.

Favor in action

Here’s an example. Let’s say you have an argument with your mate, and it is severe enough that you want to separate. But suddenly, grace from God comes upon you to forgive with no strings attached! Not only do you close the door on satan to hurt your marriage further, but you open the door to reconciliation. You must recognize that something supernatural just happened. That was God releasing divine favor in you to accomplish what you couldn’t!

Or let’s say… you plan a much-needed getaway, but when the time comes, you don’t have enough money. Then, miraculously, the vacation destination lowers their rates for the time period you planned to go, and now you can make it. That is divine favor! In reality, you and I have been living with God’s unearned kindnesses all along, but without recognizing what it was and where it came from.

God makes His favor readily available for you every day of your life—multiple times a day. And don’t say, “I wish that were true” because it is! Below, I have listed steps that will secure your heritage of divine favor our Father intended for our marriages. Maybe you’ve been living outside of His abundant blessing and realize it’s time for a turnaround.

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How to secure divine favor

  1. Ask the Lord to forgive you for taking for granted His favor in your life and marriage. Too many of us live with an entitlement attitude—not being sufficiently grateful and humbled by God’s goodness.
  2. Expect God’s favor to manifest in your home daily. His favor is your heritage as a believer in Christ. Rather than expecting trouble, anticipate goodness instead.
  3. Recognize where divine favor comes from. It’s not your own doing. That’s pride. Just take note of the grace God gives you every day to live a successful marriage.
  4. Get a bigger vision than just being happily married. Think about God’s kingdom and His purposes for your union. Recognize the much-needed example of marriage fulfillment you can provide to struggling couples.  
  5. Seed favor into your mate and watch God multiply His abundance back to you through your mate.
  6. Give your tithes and offerings. Keep your heart close to God by sharing with Him the fruits of your labor. Where your money is, that’s where your heart is (Matt. 6:21). Giving is especially key if you want God’s favor released in your finances.

Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality.

There it is! A strategy to receive God’s abundant favor in your marriage. Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality. I have lived married life with the abundance of favor that God made available for me… and I’ve also lived without it. Guess which I like best!


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Making miracles from mistakes

Every marriage on planet earth is made up of people like you and me who make  a lot of mistakes. None of us is perfect. God knew that when He created us. In Isaiah 46:9-11, our loving Heavenly Father says He knows the end of our life before it begins. That means, every day, He wants to direct us onto the right path to travel. Even though, we often go our own way, He never gives up offering us opportunities for miracles in place of our mistakes. 

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.  I will call a swift bird of prey from the east— a leader from a distant land to come and do my bidding. I have said what I would do, and I will do it.

Isaiah 46:9-11 (NLT)

Admit your mistakes

In marriage, we often fail to admit our mistakes to God. Instead, we blame our mate or someone else for why we didn’t do the right thing. I know from experience that, if I get out of denial and admit my error (with the help of our mutual enemy satan), I might feel like a failure in the sight of God. And worse, that God would never work in the mess I made. Sound familiar?

However, the Lord, in His awesome love and understanding knows we aren’t perfect and has already made ways of escape for us. You could call them “premeditated miracles”.  When Jesus was dying on the cross, long before you and I ever knew Him or accepted Him as Lord and Savior, He prayed, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing”. Jesus understood that our human nature, corrupted by sin, would lead us to rebel against His plans for us. 

God has premeditated miracles waiting for you.

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Master of storms

So when you find yourself angry at your mate (who seems to bring out the worse in you), know that God is in the midst of your storm. Sometimes He allows the storm to come your way. Why do I say that? 

Jesus sent His disciples out on a boat, into a storm, and then walked on the water to meet them where they were. According to Mark 6:48, He intended to go past them because they were not expecting Him. 

Are you expecting the Almighty God to show up during your storm? He called out to them, “Don’t be afraid. Take courage! I am here!” (Mark 6:50). The disciples weren’t expecting Jesus and thought He was a ghost.

Exactly what was God after, leading these men into a dangerous storm? He wanted them to change directions and follow the path to prosperity and freedom. The moment they invited Jesus into their boat, the storm ceased, and He led them to a totally different destination. 

“Don’t be afraid. Take courage! I am here!”

Mark 6:50

Instead of a household of anger, filled with threats of divorce, God wants to change your direction into one of peace, safety, and happiness. Our Father wants to turn your mistakes into   miracles—if you’ll let Him. 

Although Jonah clearly heard from God, he went in the opposite direction. The prophet also wound up on a boat, and the Lord sent a storm after him (Jonah 1:4). Once the captain woke him, Jonah admitted to the terrified sailors that he was running from God’s direction and plan. 

Own it

When the sailors asked Jonah what could be done, he said, “Throw me into the sea, and it will become calm again. I know that this terrible storm is all my fault” (Jonah 1:12). 

Like most of us, Jonah probably thought, since he messed up, God would have nothing to do with him. Once the sailors threw the man of God off the boat, the storm immediately stopped. This gives us a hint why some marriages are in constant storms. One or both of us haven’t admitted our mistakes. And until we do, storms continue to rage.

Until we admit our mistakes, storms will continue to rage.

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Now God sent a big fish to swallow Jonah and take him back to his destiny: Getting Nineveh to repent of their sins. Once Jonah repented of his own disobedience, “Then the Lord ordered the fish to spit Jonah out onto the beach” (Jonah 2:10). Finally, God gave him the same message to preach again. 

Steps to your miracle

All of us, at one time or another, have heard from God what we should do and how we should act toward our mate. But, like this obstinate prophet, we decided to go a different direction. And God, in His faithfulness, sent storms in our lives to get our attention. 

  1. The first step in getting your miracle out of your mistake is to get out of denial
  2. The second step is: Don’t quit! Go back, listen to God, and know that He has a great plan— even amid your mistakes. He hasn’t turned his back on you. In fact, He has been there all along saying, “I’m here. Trust me, and follow me.” 
  3. The third step is: Get a vision of where God wants to take you. Once they brought Jesus into the boat, the disciples changed direction and wound up in Gennesaret, a fruitful and prosperous place. 

God wants to take your marriage to a prosperous and fruitful place as well. Take the time to admit your mistakes to God and to your mate. This gets a release for the miracle in your marriage. Miracles are available to all of us if we will follow God’s plan. God’s love can never be turned off. He is always ready to turn your mistakes into miracles.


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Just one thing

Most problems in marriage come down to just “one thing”. If only that “one thing”— the root of the disagreement—could be easily identified and dealt with, many arguments would cease. But the roots of trouble, much like actual tree roots in the ground, usually go unnoticed. We get so caught up with peripheral issues that we never spot the real culprit, the one thing that caused it from the start. For that reason, many marriages only obtain temporary peace and unity. We only deal with what we see and feel at that moment. Therefore, the root—the one thing—stays hidden and couples fight the same battles again and again. 

If the “one thing”— the root of the disagreement—could be easily identified and dealt with, many arguments would cease.

A case in point 

Let’s say, for example, you both have a financial issue. The one partner overspends. Meanwhile, the other partner is so tight with money, when they walk, their shoes squeak. This financial disparity creates much tension and even builds walls between the two. The wife accuses the husband of being selfish and spending money like a drunken sailor, not caring about their financial security and their future. On the other side, the husband calls the wife a control freak, saying she makes the marriage miserable by allowing no freedom to have fun. Here’s the question: Is spending money the real issue? Or is it something deeper? 

The root of the problem usually goes a lot deeper than it appears on the surface. In this real-life example, the wife is very frugal with money because she was raised in poverty. Growing up, she and her family had little to nothing. In fact, the lack of basic needs drove them from home to home throughout her childhood. Deep down, she lives in fear of being homeless and destitute again. This constant fear is the “one thing” that causes this couple’s marital issues. Sadly, if they never discover this hidden root, their financial disagreement will arise over and over again. It never goes away.

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It could be you

You can insert any marriage problem. It all comes down to the same thing. As individuals, we must be willing to look deep inside ourselves and answer the question: “Why I am reacting to my mate this way?” I’m sure if we would take the time to dig out the “one thing” that causes us to respond negatively when faced with a persistent problem, we could more constructively confront it. But it takes courage to face ourselves and risk discovering we are the cause of the problem. “I’ve found the enemy, and it’s me.”

Be willing to look deep inside yourself and answer the question: “Why I am reacting to my mate this way?”

If couples could both agree to resolve conflicts in their marriage that way, they—not only gain greater respect for each other, but—become more merciful toward one another.  Sooner or later, it will be the other partner’s turn to fess up to the “one thing” that is the root problem. That way, couples gain a lot of respect and honor towards each other because we all want peace, joy and harmony at all cost. Right?

Put your marriage first

When we couples put our marriage first, before our own desires and the need to be right all the time, we pave the way for true unity. Just one thing could be the cause of so many other issues in marriage. 

Here are some other examples of marriage problems with hidden roots: 

  • Feeling rejected all the time
  • The need to control our mate
  • Fear of being alone
  • Constant mistrust of our husband/wife

When trouble rises, first, be still and know that He is God

~Psalm 46:10

These issues and many others can have devastating consequences in marriage, if not dealt with correctly. I encourage you to make an agreement with your mate that, when trouble rises, the first thing you both will do is be still and know that He is God(Psalm 46:10). 

What I mean is this. Let God show you both what the root of the problem you’re facing really is. You’ll probably discover that, most of the time, it’s not what you thought. Sometimes it’s just that one thing, when discovered and dealt with, can make the difference between divorce and a blessed, fulfilled marriage. 


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Lessons in rebellion, pt. 2

A while ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. What started out as rejection grew into outright rebellion. Read part 1 here. Now, here’s how to recognize rebellion in your own life.

Do you have these traits of rebellion?

  1. Faithlessness. You have trouble being loyal to God, so you keep falling away.
  2. Hostility. You have a chip on your shoulder. You cause turmoil and strife wherever you go.
  3. Superiority. You think you know it all. You’re arrogant.
  4. Controlling. You’re strong-willed; it’s got to be your way.
  5. Rigid. You won’t bend or compromise.
  6. Bitter and resentful.
  7. Critical. You always have something negative to say, always find fault.
  8. Unteachable. You know it all, so you set yourself up as judge and final
    authority…as God. No one can teach you anything.These aren’t very nice qualities. Hopefully, if you see yourself in them, it will give you the desire to repent, and ask God to forgive you and change you.

P-R-I-D-E

The root sin of rebellion is pride. You have so much pride you don’t think you even need God. If you look at the word  P R I D E, what’s in the middle of it?  ” I “.  That’s exactly what’s in the middle of  S I N,  ” I “……..”SELF.”  “I’m going to do it my way.”

Rebellion and pride go way back to the Garden of Eden, to the first couple. Satan has been using the same old tricks since the beginning of time–trying to convince us that God is holding out on us. God can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Satan made Eve feel like God was holding out on her. That caused her to rebel, and Adam went along with her.

Rebellion and pride go way back to the first couple.

holy-bible300x197

Adam blamed Eve, said it wasn’t his fault. Eve blamed the serpent, said she was deceived, said “It’s not my fault.” If you’re deceived, it most certainly is your fault, because you should know what God’s Word says!

Don’t let rebellion destroy you. Get help.

Instead of blaming someone else, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. Are you rebellious? Are you bitter? Critical? Stubborn? Hard-hearted? Holding unforgiveness in your heart? Are you doing things your way, instead of God’s way? Because if you are, you’re deceived and it is your fault.

Rebellion brings destruction! The only way to prevent destruction is to admit the rebellion and quit it. Stop blaming others. Maybe others have sown a lot of bad seeds into your life. You’ve been hurt, rejected, abused… but God is saying today, “This is about you. You need to repent. Just do it.” So get alone with God and just do it.

Are you struggling with rejection, rebellion or another area of your life? Don’t go it alone. Seeing a trained counselor doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It means you’re wise enough to get help to become emotionally healthy. Growth comes when  things are brought out of the dark into the light. Let there be light!


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Lessons in rebellion, pt. 1

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. I’d like to share the flip side of rejection: Rebellion.

Rebellion: the result of rejection

Rebellion often results from rejection. If you get hurt in some way—any kind of emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or abandonment—it opens the door to rejection in your life.  If you don’t turn to God and let Him heal you, you sink deeper and deeper into pain and depression; and, eventually, rebellion kicks in.

You can even see this in some children who’ve been hurt over and over again. One day something snaps inside of them, and they vow: “I’m never going to cry again…. You can beat me to a pulp, but I won’t shed a tear.” A hardness grows inside of them.

That’s what I did as a child and, over the years, the anger and rebellion grew. I used my anger and defensiveness as a form of protection. It wasn’t until I came to Christ, that I started to realize what was going on inside of me.

Destruction: The result of rebellion

God tells us in Proverbs 29:1, “Whoever remains stiff-necked [rebellious] after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed without remedy.”

It’s not that God’s grace doesn’t extend to you anymore, or that He wouldn’t forgive you if you turned to Him. Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear Him anymore.

Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear God anymore.

That’s what happened to the children of Israel in the Old Testament. God would tell them what to do, and they wouldn’t do it. Of course, they felt they had good reason for refusing: They were full of fear and unbelief. They actually  believed if they did what God said, they would be destroyed. They didn’t trust Him.

“I just can’t do it, God… It’s too hard… I hurt too much… You don’t understand…   I’m so lonely… Yes, I know but….” It doesn’t matter how good you think your excuses are. Rebellion is going to cost you big time. It will harden your heart.

Wandering in your own personal wilderness

wilderness300x198

The children of Israel ignored God’s leading so often, that finally He just sent them into the wilderness. They were so rebellious He couldn’t lead them into the blessings He had planned for them. We need to learn from that. When God tells you what to do, don’t put it off, just do it.

The longer you stay in sinful habits, the more they become a part of you; the more your heart becomes calloused to the fact that it’s sin. The first time you blow up in a rage, you know it’s wrong and you’re sorry. The second time, it doesn’t bother you quite so much. The sixth time, you’re pretty sure you’re justified. Your heart hardening. That’s how strongholds form in people’s lives.

Wrong choices, wrong results

If you go against what God says, it won’t go well for you. You’re headed for destruction, because wrong choices always bring wrong results. God can’t bless what’s contrary to His Word.

The root sin of rejection is unbelief, a  lack of  trust in God. That’s why rejection will eventually lead to rebellion. If you believe that God cares about you, if you know He wants to bless you, then you’ll obey Him. But if you don’t trust Him, you’ll rebel.

I Samuel 15:23, tells us that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Why? Because you’re making something else God, namely yourself. You’re saying, “I’ll do it my way, I’ll be the god of my life.… Yes Lord, I know what You want me to do, but I’m going to do it my way.” That’s rebellion!  The thing that guides your life–even if it’s you–is your god. (To be continued in next post.)


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Going back to go forward

In our Sacred Marriage group, we hold a session we call Going Back to Go Forward. That’s because the childhood wounds and experiences of one or both partners often resurface in our marriage relationship. They certainly did in ours. In fact, it was our own brokenness that brought us into inner healing ministry. Way back then, there was very little information on healing damaged emotions. But we absorbed whatever we could find, and the Holy Spirit taught us the rest.

The past isn’t always behind us

One thing we came to realize is that our marital problems didn’t start at the altar. Our difficulties were rooted in childhood wounds that were never healed or dealt with. Our patterns of relating to each other were formed in those early experiences and the way our parents related to us and to each other.

We all lug around emotional baggage we aren’t aware of.

We tend to think that what happened to us in the past is just that—the past. Why should it affect us today? And why our marriage? The truth is: We all lug around emotional baggage that we aren’t even aware of.

Most everything we learn about life, we learn from our parents or whoever raised us. Their issues are automatically passed down and ingrained in us. If your parents didn’t live godly, committed lives, you probably weren’t exposed to the presence of God or taught His ways. Therefore, during our formative years, we learned how to cope and survive without Him. 

Unrealistic expectations

In addition to emotional baggage, we bring into our union unrealistic expectations. Personally, I looked to my new husband to make up for everything my wounded childhood lacked. I thought if he loved me the right way, that would make me whole. We both desperately looked to each other like that. It took us years to learn that what we needed could only be found in Christ. 

The thing is, when we come to Christ, no one pushes the “clear” button to wipe away all the negative defense mechanisms we acquired to protect ourselves—things like blame-shifting, denial, anger, shutting down, etc. 

There’s a great quote by author Pete Scazzero: “Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.” That means Jesus saves us the moment we come to Him, but we still have a lifetime of experiences to work through. That’s where transformation takes place.

Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.

—Pete Scazzero
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Overcoming strongholds

Growing up, both our environment and experiences erect strongholds in our minds. This results in deep-set patterns of behavior that remain with us until they’re broken through prayer and then continually worked out by the renewing of our mind in God’s Word. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 that we must no longer be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…

Romans 12:2

Beyond the blame game

Please keep in mind: The goal in exposing and healing childhood wounds isn’t to blame our parents. They, no doubt, suffered from their own wounded pasts. There are many ways we can be wounded in childhood: The death of a parent, divorce, learning disabilities, chronic childhood illness, being bullied, being given too much responsibility, poverty, all sorts of abuse… Life is not easy.

The good news is God can heal any wound—no matter how deep or painful. He just needs us to be honest and transparent with Him; to own up to the struggles that hold us hostage. It’s through our brokenness that God can bring healing. As we learn to forgive each other and those who have hurt us, we enable God to step in and give us beauty for ashes.


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