God’s delay is not His denial

March 4, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

Relationship with God, unity in marriage

Waiting for God to answer our prayers is one of hardest things we face in life—and marriage. We all want Him to see our needs and respond immediately. But it rarely happens that way. When our “suddenly” doesn’t come, we may start to doubt God’s love. That’s because we base His love on the outcome rather than on who He is.

God is love, and everything He does (or doesn’t do) is because of that Love. We wrongly expect God to think and respond like us. Meanwhile, Isaiah 55:8 clearly tells us “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

Our Father’s love language

We all have a love language that makes us feel special and valued. My wife’s love language is words of affirmation. When I affirm her with my words, she feels my affection more strongly than a thousand I love you‘s.

God’s love language is trust. When you and I try to pull Him down into our understanding and our time frame to get the answers to our crisis situations, we reveal our lack of love for God. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us see what God the Father is doing or not doing in our marriage and line ourselves up with Him, instead of trying to fit Him into our natural understanding. God’s delay is not His denial.

When we patiently wait for God to answer our prayers, He receives our love.

Because God’s love language is trust, when you and I patiently wait for His answers to prayer, He receives our love. And many times, His answers are delayed. What is God doing during those times?

Settle it in your heart that God’s love for you is unconditional. It’s always there being poured over us, even when we don’t feel or see it.

The power in waiting

When God does answer our prayer, the answer isn’t only to benefit us. It is to benefit our mate as well. Seeing prayer through His eyes helps us get out of our selfcenteredness. Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness. If we ever get past the “what’s in it for me” mentality, we may see how the answer to my prayer can and should benefit my mate and our marriage. That transition is the beginning of your maturity as a husband or wife. And your value to your mate and your marriage increases exponentially.

Unfortunately, many of us live like married singles where it’s all about “me” —not us. We easily get annoyed with God when He doesn’t respond in our way and our timing. That causes a breach between us and Him. Our Father holds the key to our marital success. His love cannot be forced into our time frame and it cannot be manipulated for our own selfish purposes.

Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness.

Above all, God’s love should never be measured by the outcome. Because of His love, God may not answer your prayer at all. Or His answer may come when it seems “too late”. But that doesn’t change the fact that God loves you and wants to bless you, your mate, and ultimately your marriage.

Marriage Coaching — Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

God gets the glory

When Lazarus was sick, his sister Martha called for Jesus to come right away, before he died. But because Jesus loved Lazarus, He waited two more days to come. ^“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was,” (John 11:5, 6).

The God of the Universe finally showed up 4 days late! The Bible tells us “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). But His weeping had nothing to do with Lazarus’ death. God cried because Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary, whom He also loved, didn’t trust Him.

It was Jesus’ plan all along to raise Lazarus from the dead. His “delay” powerfully impacted—not just Lazarus and his sisters, but—all the people around them. Because Jesus lingered and didn’t come immediately, the people witnessed the glory of God. His delay caused many to believe and follow Him from that day on.

Never doubt the fact that God loves you. He honors your mate and your marriage. But it’s not just about you. Trust your Father to bring about the best possible outcome in His timing. God’s delay is not His denial.

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What’s time got to do with it?

June 18, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage, Relationship with God

God wants you to have a great marriage, but sometimes we work against His will. Truly, we talk about positive steps we can take to grow and strengthen our marriages. But rarely do we take note of the steps we make that destroy our marriage. So let me share a few very important ways couples cause their relationships to grow cold and even die.

By the way, you don’t have to be a non-Christian for these marital ills to work against you. We may think that going to church and reading our Bibles once in a while will make our marriages fireproof. That thinking only blinds us to the smoldering embers ready to ignite. When we enter into our marriage covenant, few of us see failure—quite the opposite. In our minds, we envision living happily ever after with the one who captured our heart… the one who chose us above all others. Right?

But somehow, we forget the steps that brought us to the altar in the first place—that place of true joy, happiness and fulfillment. Let me jog your memory and hopefully help you turn the ship around to fulfill the God-given dreams and expectations you both had.

Time with them

Remember how you used to make time for each other, no matter what? Even though you had a full-time job among many other demands and distractions, your girl/your guy was always your top priority. Remember the many sacrifices you made to safeguard those precious moments together? Above all others, they came first…

Work, other people, our personal pleasures—they all take precedent over our mate and the time we used to value with them.

Fast forward a few years and you let so many other things get in the way of what used to be non-negotiable. Work, other people, our personal pleasures—they all take precedent over our mate and the time we used to value with them. What happened? What changed?

Time with Him

Where what's broken gets fixed — It’s never too late to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

We also get very lax in our relationship with God—personally and as a couple. Remember when you used to invest time praying for your future mate, never letting a day go by when you didn’t lift them up. We made sure God was the most important asset in our new life together.

Sadly, our relationship with God is usually the first to take a hit when we get married. We stop seeking Him for ourselves and for our partner’s protection and peace. We also quit praying together for our marriage success. God gets put on the shelf even for the most important things in life.

This immediately opens the door for satan. Of course, our enemy gets to work making us hurt each other through rejection, anger, bitterness, etc. Thus, the walls of protection begin to come down around us. Couples start to take each other’s love, acts of kindness and mercy for granted and even respond instead with sarcasm and condemnation.

Return to your first love

Thankfully, all of these things I mentioned can be reversed. Choose to get out of denial and admit that you have left your first love for God and your mate. No, these problems didn’t happen overnight, but they will likely continue to grow the longer we refuse to stop and take inventory. Look at how far your marriage has fallen from your original dreams and hopeful expectations. Put your priorities back on your God and your mate. Make a U-turn toward success.

By now, you may have given up trying to make your marriage work— much less make it better. You think the scales have been tipped in the wrong direction for too long. Failure is not a given; so the choice is yours. God didn’t create you to fail, nor to be hopeless.

Put your priorities back on your God and your mate. Make a U-turn toward success.

The Lord doesn’t lose

The Lord has never lost a battle. And, because He is with you, you are on the winning side.You can win the battle against indifference, lack of desire and the impulse to give up. Remember: What God has put together, let no man (and that includes you, your husband and your wife) put asunder. In other words, choose NOT to give up on your marriage.

Sometimes, we have to hit rock bottom before we start the climb back up, with God’s help. Of course, if you exchange the formula for disaster for the formula for success, you are bound to win. For your marriage to work, you both must choose the right priorities and the right principles.

As I said in the beginning, it is God’s will that you have a great marriage. But He leaves the choice up to you. Keep in mind that, at some future time, He will ask you what you did with His Word and with His Son Jesus. As a Christian, giving up is not an option because God has given you all the tools you need to succeed. Start your greatest comeback as a couple. God is with you!

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The Master’s plan for you as a couple

May 28, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage, Relationship with God

I had to laugh when a good friend read last week’s blog about Gaspar and me making a Vision Board. She said, “That’s fine for you ‘crafty’ people, but my husband and I aren’t the creative types.” Little did she know that the vision board we made was just one of the things we did at our annual Marriage Retreat. And 20 couples—both creative and non-creative types—had a blast doing it.

Gaspar & Michele’s vision board created during the 2021 marriage retreat

Maybe making a vision board isn’t your thing, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from coming up with a vision statement for your marriage.

Few couples ever think about their life vision or articulate it. In our society, life visions usually sound something like this: Get an education. Get a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Make more money. Buy a bigger house. Enjoy a nice retirement. These aren’t bad things to want and may very well be a part of God’s plan for you, but it’s not all He wants.

Wait, there’s more!

The Bible teaches us that we have a God who created each of us, then brought us together for a purpose—more than for just our own happiness. What would your marriage be like if you asked, “Father, what do you want our lives to accomplish for You?” Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Simply put, your life vision is what you’re living for. Your ultimate purpose. What your life is all about. It can be summed up in one sentence, or it may be an entire page. The important thing is that it clearly states the purpose and goals of your life together.

Your vision can be summed up in one sentence or one page. The important thing is that it clearly states the purpose and goals of your life together.

Where to begin?

Talk

Start by talking about your mutual goals and dreams. I know, it can be a little difficult to be open about something so personal, even to a spouse. One partner may feel the other won’t understand or may be critical. But you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Pray

Finding A life vision obviously must involve prayer since we are seeking God’s plan for us. There are so many things that we can do and many things that need to be done. So we need God‘s guidance in what His plan is for us. Just ask Him and He’ll show you—maybe not the full plan all at once, but He’ll show you.

Write

There’s something about writing a life vision that solidifies it in your mind and lends it added importance. It also helps keep you on track when life gets hectic. Read it often and it will bring you back to your priorities and what you really want to spend your time on.

As you talk, pray and write, two questions may help:

1) Does this vision speak to who we are? (Does it fit our gifts and strengths?)

2) If we focus on these areas, will we feel that we’ve fulfilled our destiny? Your life vision starts out with who you are and the gifts and interests God has put in both of you. But it needs to end by benefiting and helping others.

One constant in the lives of couples with strong marriages is their mutual devotion to a cause or purpose beyond themselves.

Yours, mine and ours

You may be wondering, “How do we combine our interests when we have two very different calls?” Combining two life visions into one calls for creative give and take. It’s sort of a yours-mine-and-ours approach.

In our marriage, Gaspar does a wide variety of things in the ministry that I’m not involved in. Likewise, I do women’s ministry, Bible Studies and Life Coaching—things that he isn’t involved in. But then, together, we share this blog, our weekly marriage group, and marriage counseling and coaching.

Christian couples can make an impact in many places: Community programs, schools, businesses, hospitality, encouraging—and, of course, the church—to name a few.

His plan is bigger than you

Studies have shown that one constant in the lives of couples with strong marriages is their mutual devotion to a cause or purpose beyond themselves. This was God’s original plan, and following His plans and principles will always lead to happiness and success.

If you would like more details on how to make a Vision Board or write a Vision Statement, just leave your request and email in the comment box, we’ll be happy to send it to you.

We love hearing from you. Please leave a message below if this blog has been a blessing to you.

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When God speaks

May 14, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Faith, Marriage, Relationship with God

Years ago when I was into reading women’s magazines, there was a monthly article called “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” I wasn’t a Christian at the time and didn’t realize that everything I needed to know about life and marriage could be found in the Bible.

I came to Christ when Gaspar and I separated after five long, painful years of arguing and making each other absolutely miserable. That’s when I turned to the Word of God to make sense of my life.

The first time I opened the Bible, my eyes fell on Hebrews 13:5: “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” I had felt so alone and abandoned, but suddenly it was like God was speaking directly to me…. I didn’t need magazine articles anymore. I had the God of the Universe talking to me.

That was the beginning of the Lord healing my heart, changing me from the inside out, and giving me the faith to believe for the restoration of my marriage. I was blessed to find a good church where I was loved and nurtured in the Word, and surrounded by sisters-in-Christ who prayed for and encouraged me.

I didn’t need magazine articles anymore. I had the God of the Universe talking to me.

Two become one — It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! For marriage counseling, coaching and pre-marital counseling, call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

What every marriage needs most

Your partner as top priority

Have you ever had a plant that you accidently ignored and forgot to water? Before long it shriveled up and died. The same thing can happen to a marriage. From my own experience and years of counseling hurting couples, I see many marriages falter because we put our relationship on the back burner. With all the demands of life, it’s all too easy to forget that our marriage needs care and nurturing to thrive.

Yours may be in a bad place right now because of neglect. To save or revive your marriage, you need to make your partner your top priority and give them some much-needed attention. The ingredients for a healthy, thriving marriage are time, touch, attention, appreciation, and affirmation. Whether your marriage is totally withered or barely breathing, it can be revived and restored!

A date night on the calendar

When couples are married for a while, they begin to take each other for granted. They lose touch with their partner, and their connection is broken. So the first step (and I’ve said this in more than a few blogs) is to schedule a regular date night. And don’t let anything get in the way of keeping it. When you do this, it speaks volumes. It says that your marriage is a priority. Having a regular date night will help you to reconnect again.

Reconnecting takes time and effort. We give the couples in our Sacred Marriage group questions to talk about on their date night. They all agree that the questions stir up conversation that helps them feel more connected.

Positive vibes in the heart

Another hinderance in marriage is focusing on all our partner’s negative points. It’s an easy habit to fall into, and it consumes our thinking, which affects our attitude and actions.

Healthy marriages thrive because the couples give more attention to praise and appreciation. Sharing words of affirmation does wonders.When something good happens, take notice and tell your spouse. It doesn’t have to be huge; the point is to change how you relate to each other. Changing the way we think changes the way we feel, which changes the way we act.

Changing the way we think changes the way we feel, which changes the way we act.

Outreach for help

When we marry, no one tells us how to make it work. No one teaches us how to be a good husband or wife. It’s no wonder most couples just muddle through until they hit a brick wall. Every marriage can use some help navigating rough patches. Thank God for Pastors, counselors, and marriage coaches. Their help can guide you through issues that seem insurmountable. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help.

Saving a marriage takes a lot of unconditional love, patience, forgiveness, patience, time, patience, dying to self, patience, kindness, and a big dose of patience.

Up-reach to God

Even if your spouse has left or shows no interest in making things better, what’s stopping you from working on yourself? You become the person and spouse God wants you to be! When someone asks me, “Can I save my marriage alone?” I tell them, “You aren’t alone. God is with you and He’s on your side, fighting for your marriage.” When you change, everything around you will change. Working on who God created you to be can change your marriage. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Did I mention patience?

Saving a marriage takes a lot of unconditional love, patience, forgiveness, patience, time, patience, dying to self, patience, kindness, and a big dose of patience. You can’t do it in your own strength but, with God, all things are possible.

As you’re standing and believing for your marriage, don’t be discouraged. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Know that all the good seeds you’re planting will take time to sprout. Be patient and hold on to Galatians 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

God is speaking directly to you. Do you hear Him?

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Help for the struggling & ecstatically happy

March 26, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage, Relationship with God, Success & victory

A couple in our marriage group asked me to recommend a book they could read together. Without a second thought I said “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. Yes, this is the book we named our couples mentorship class after. It’s an all-time favorite of both Gaspar and I. This book truly impacted our marriage when we were going through a rough time. Sacred Marriage is a must read for every couple—dating, engaged, married, struggling, ecstatically happy…. It’s for everyone.

You can find *Sacred Marriage* at Lifeway, Faith Gateway, Christianbook, Amazon and others. Even Audible if you’re more of a listener.

Sacred Marriage is very different from most marriage books. For one thing, it puts forth the idea that the challenges in marriage are meant to draw us closer to God and mature us spiritually. But for marriage to grow us spiritually, we must be brutally honest with ourselves and each other. We need to do some soul-searching and fess-up to bad attitudes, selfishness, and unrealistic expectations. We also must rid ourselves of the notion that if we could just change our spouse to be more like us and maybe learn a few marriage principles, everything would be just fine. Been there… done that… It doesn’t work.

When our relationship with Christ is strong, we won’t put unrealistic demands on each other to compensate for our spiritual emptiness.

Why romance is not enough

Romance is not enough. Why? Because God created marriage for a much deeper purpose than romance. He designed marriage, as Thomas says, “to make us holy more than to make us happy.” God is using our earthly marriage to prepare us to be the Bride of Christ. Unfortunately, we’ve all been influenced by the Hollywood version of love, romance, and marriage. Yes, love and romance are important to a healthy marriage, but romantic love alone doesn’t have what it takes to get you through the challenges marriage brings.

When the honeymoon phase fades as it always does, some couples think their marriage is over, they divorce and try to find that exhilarating passion with someone new. Only to find that, in time, it fades again.

Other couples fall into an adversarial relationship—arguing, blaming each other for their unhappiness…. Instead of working together, they treat each other like enemies. Some couples become married singles, living a peaceful coexistence of separate lives. Determined couples that refuse to give up buy a copy of Sacred Marriage, read it together, get real, and get to work.

Why this mutual pursuit of Christ

This work has as much to do with your relationship with Christ as it does with each other. Only as we grow in Christ do we develop what it takes to grow deeper in our marriages. Marriage calls us to an extremely selfless way of life, impossible without Christ living big in us.

Just as Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden each day, we can find even more meaning in our marriage by pursuing Him together. Recognize that He alone can fill the emptiness in our souls. We can try to make our marriages as happy and fulfilling as possible, but what we both crave more than anything, only God can give us. When our relationship with Christ is strong, we won’t put unrealistic demands on each other to compensate for our spiritual emptiness.

This might sound strange for a marriage book, but the ultimate purpose of Sacred Marriage is not to make you love your spouse more. But that will happen. Its purpose is to equip you to love your God more. And thankfully that will happen too.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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How to heal what’s broken

December 4, 2021 Michele Anastasi

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Forgiveness, Marriage, Relationship with God

Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? You may have even thought it was impossible. The hurt and pain went so deep that you didn’t even want to think about forgiving. I know. I’ve been there and, if you’re married, I’m sure you have too.

My own struggle

Right from the start, let me say I (Michele) have struggled with forgiveness. It hasn’t come easy, and my heart goes out to those of you who have been wounded and are struggling too. It’s especially difficult when it’s your own spouse that has failed you somehow—you know, the one who promised to love and cherish you?

Over the years, we found that unforgiveness and past hurts are at the root of most marital problems.

Having been raised by a very wounded and abusive parent, I came into marriage with a lot of unresolved anger. I stumbled onto a long road toward inner healing and, along the way, uncovered the resentment and anger I was carrying in my soul. In fact, one of the reasons Gaspar and I got into inner healing so many years ago was because of the past hurts we each carried. So what does healing have to do with forgiveness?

old and new — Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

We must go back to move forward

When a couple comes into the Breaking Free office for counseling, we often suggest that they both go through inner healing prayer before they even start counseling. Why? Over the years, we found that unforgiveness and past hurts are at the root of most marital problems.

Uncovering and identifying past wounds from childhood begins to open the couple’s eyes to how these hurts have—not only affected them individually, but still are—affecting their marriage. Often, we must go back before we can go forward (Gaspar wrote a great blog about this). Looking to the past to understand the present gives us a new perspective and, hopefully, more compassion for each other.

Looking to the past to understand the present gives us a new perspective and, hopefully, more compassion for each other.

In marriage, we hurt each other. It’s inevitable. And forgiveness is the most effective way to heal. If you’re still thinking “But you don’t know what he/she did.” No, I don’t. And like I said before, my heart hurts for the pain you’re going through, and my prayer is to see you freed from that pain. But I know from my own personal experience and years of counseling others, that the only way that pain will go away is by forgiving them.

Stop killing yourself

Trying to punish your partner by hanging on to anger and bitterness only hurts you. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiving an offending spouse isn’t a sign of weakness. Nor does it mean you’re condoning your husband or wife’s actions. Forgiving means that you want to let go of the pain and begin to heal. You want to please God and move forward.

Forgiving means that you want to let go of the pain and begin to heal.
You want to please God and move forward.

Think about it. The greatest gift God gave us is the gift of forgiveness—through Jesus giving His life for us. He liberally pours out His unconditional forgiveness on us and in us so that we, in turn, can forgive others.

Choosing to forgive is one of the healthiest, most transformative decisions you can ever make for your marriage—and for yourself. Please know that you can forgive. Make the choice and God will give you the help you need to heal what’s broken.

For more on this topic, read Gaspar’s blog post Forgiveness: The breakfast of champions or mine When forgiving is hard….

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