Drama in the airport

April 23, 2022 Michele Anastasi

The rude couple

A couple of weeks ago we were in the airport waiting for a flight. I can’t help it, but I’m an incurable people-watcher. Sitting directly across from us was a couple, mid to late thirties.

The husband went to get something to eat and a coffee for his wife. As she placed the coffee on the floor near her bag, he started ravenously eating his food—seriously, like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. Food was falling everywhere and splattered her pants. As she tried to clean the food off of her, he just kept munching away.

I couldn’t help myself and my mother instinct said, “You better say sorry, or the rest of your day isn’t going to go well.” He ignored me and, shifting his weight in his seat, kicked her coffee all over her feet. She jumped up and headed to either the ladies room or to call her attorney. Can you believe he just looked at the mess and continued eating!

I was so upset I started writing about it in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew.

It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Another passenger, also watching, went for some paper towel… Finally the husband got the hint, stopped eating and attended to what was left of the mess. Wow! Where has care, kindness and even simple manners gone in today’s marriages?

If this were an isolated incident I probably wouldn’t be writing this. But being a people-watcher and traveling a lot, I see such bad behavior and downright rudeness in couples. I was so upset I started writing about what happened in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew and He already had the ending planned out.

The desperate couple

Several days later, there we were in the airport again. The last thing you want to hear after two flights and a long trip is that your bags are on another plane, and there will be a slight delay. So back to people-watching… You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

I didn’t hear this couple say a word, but I knew they were Christians. We started talking about the delay, making small talk. They were returning from a trip to see a new grandbaby. Asked if we had been on vacation, Gaspar shared about the church and that we were away writing new material for our Sacred Marriage group. That’s when they shared their story.

Then, struck by a series of painful events and with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord.

Up until a few years ago their marriage had been in deep trouble. They were going in separate directions, totally shut down to each other. Then, struck by a series of painful events with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord. They leaned on Him, sought His will and, most of all, reconnected to Him as a couple. And in the process, Jesus transformed their troubled marriage into an awesome one.

What a different story from the other couple! I suddenly felt very sad that we hadn’t had the chance to tell them about the Lord. But since then, we’ve prayed for God to put believers in their path.

Every couple’s greatest need

The only way to have a healthy, thriving marriage is with Jesus. He is what every marriage needs at its center. If you let Him, God will give you the relationship you’ve always longed for. He will make a good marriage great; get a struggling marriage back on track; and bring a dead marriage back to life. He does what no one and nothing else can.

Marriages are hurting today more than ever. My husband and I feel the Lord leading us to take a slight detour with this blog and focus on marriage for awhile. We would love to hear your thoughts. Are marriages today changing? If so, why? Do you see changes in your own marriage?

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.…

Your marriage wins with a good coach!

April 16, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Marriage, Success & victory

We recently added Marriage Coaching to the services we offer at our Breaking Free Wellness Center. When I (Michele) received my certification as a Life Coach in November 2020, we realized life coaching is a perfect tool to assist people in learning how to live well, especially in marriage.

Of course, there’s nothing better than inner healing prayer and counseling. Why? It helps couples break free from past hurts and negative behaviors they brought into the marriage.

Two become one — It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Miracles happen every day

We see miracles every day! Couples come in on the verge of divorce. Then, after receiving Stop Hurting Start Healing prayer and counseling, their hearts amazingly soften and change. Husband and wife develop a renewed desire to forgive each other and work at their marriage. It’s at this point that marriage coaching becomes so beneficial!

I (Gaspar) am also excited about the marriage coaching program we’re now offering. It’s the next step and follow-up for a couple who have gone through Stop Hurting Start Healing. In our sessions, Michele and I diagnose the couple’s problems, pray for inner healing, counsel them and prescribe solutions.

Go “all in”

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills. That way, husbands and wives can use those learned skills outside of the coaching sessions to develop their own solutions. However, marriage coaching serves only couples who want to grow and change. These are husbands and wives who are willing to work the process together in order to accomplish something they both want.

The couple doesn’t have to come to the coaching session knowing exactly what changes they want to make. As coaches, we help them to clarify how they want to grow by asking insightful questions that can draw out their thoughts, feelings and desires. We then take them through exercises that help them communicate to each other what they want.

“We” wins

In time, couples start to focus on the “we” in their relationship. That’s one of the most important things that marriage coaching accomplishes. Husbands and wives emerge, no longer as two individuals just living for self. They become a team embarking on a journey to fulfill the purpose God has for them as a couple. And, make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together! Sometimes winning takes a good coach.

If you are interested in getting coached personally or as a couple, please visit the Breaking Free Wellness Center website or call 239.244.3912. Feel free to share your thoughts below.…

Sometimes it takes three

April 9, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage

I had lunch with a dear friend last week, and she shared that she and her husband have separated. This isn’t the first time. They’ve been down this painful road before… but they keep trying because they really do love each other. Sometimes the people we love the most are the hardest to live with. She assured me this time is the last, that the marriage is over. Even as she said it, we both knew it wasn’t. What she was really saying is “I want the pain to stop.”

The dreams and hopes you shared when you got married are still worth fighting for.

How can something God Himself designed be surrounded by so much pain? God never instituted anything to make us miserable, so the problem must lie with us. And probably at the root of it is the fact that one or both of you have drifted away from your relationship with God.

More than a promise

Marriage is a covenant, which is much more than a promise. God’s plan is for marriage to last until death do you part. The covenant goes three ways—not just between you and your spouse, but—between you, your spouse, and God.

It’s no secret that Gaspar and I have been separated and on the verge of divorce a couple of times. So when I say the dreams and hopes you shared when you got married are still worth fighting for, I speak from experience. You married each other because you were in love. Your heart’s desire was a marriage that made you both happy. What happened to that dream? What went wrong, and what can you do to get it back?

Believe in resurrection

Your marriage can live again, but not without work. Some of you may be thinking like my friend, We’ve tried before… It won’t work. Or maybe you’re thinking I’m not even sure if I want this marriage anymore.

We serve an awesome God who is in the business of turning messes into miracles for His glory.

Before I go any further, let me say: If there is any abuse at all in your marriage, separate immediately and don’t even think of reconciliation until the abusing spouse gets professional help.

For other marriages where sin makes staying together more damaging than being apart, a temporary separation might help. Keep in mind that the goal of separation is always reconciliation—not to go back to the way things were. The “way things were” contributed to where you are now.

Don’t go it alone

A failing marriage is not something you should walk through alone. Before deciding anything, get some counsel. Talk to your pastor or a qualified Christian marriage counselor and agree on a plan you’ll both work on. It’s fine if you meet separately for a time, but it’s critical for you both you to commit to regular counseling—even if you think you’ve done nothing wrong, and your spouse is the problem. You both need to learn new ways of relating to each other. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

A failing marriage is not something you should walk through alone. Before deciding anything, get counsel.

After a difficult season in your marriage, the peace and calm of living alone can feel wonderful. Don’t take that as a sign from God that you should divorce. See it for what it really is: a time of healing and growth. A time to draw closer to the Lord. A time to get into His Word and pray. A time where God can reveal areas of your life that you need to surrender to Him.

God wants to heal your marriage, but He also wants you to become more like Jesus in the process. We serve an awesome God who is in the business of turning messes into miracles for His glory. He did it for us; He can do it for you.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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Slaying your marital Goliaths

April 2, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Marriage, Success & victory

When God created you and me, He didn’t form us with failure in mind. Our God who has never failed nor lost a battle created us in His likeness and image. His DNA flows through our veins. Now that doesn’t mean that you will never fail. It does mean, however, that failing doesn’t make you a failure. But that’s the lie our enemy satan always tries to sell us.

Obedience attracts conflict

Old made new — It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Whenever you take hold of God’s promises and determine to live them out, your obedience will always attract conflict. First Peter 4:12 says (and I paraphrase) “We shouldn’t be so shocked when big problems or trials arise.” When you finally decide to love each other unconditionally, that’s when the battle seems to come out of nowhere.

Jesus says it this way in His parable of the sower (Matt. 13:1-23): When you allow God’s words of faith to be planted in your heart and you commit to walk them out, satan comes immediately to steal that seed. The moment you believe God’s promise for your marriage, that seed will be challenged by another seed — satan’s.

God’s word (seed) has all power to change a bad situation into a great one.

God’s word (seed) has all power to change a bad situation into a great one. The promise in God’s word is the very power that He uses to—not only create all things but— uphold all the things He creates (Heb. 1:3). Satan’s seeds (lies) have no power except the power we give them. By believing a lie, you empower the liar.

Accepting satan’s lies about our marriage, ourselves or our partner is crippling. God’s truth is always founded on His word. Satan’s deceptions are based on half-truths and out-and-out lies. It’s up to you to cast them down and strip them of power. The longer you entertain his thoughts, the greater the likelihood they will produce bad fruit in your home and marriage.

Know the reason why

Again, failing doesn’t make you a failure. But worse than failing is not knowing why. Why did I get offended and blow up at my wife/husband? Why did I slam the door and yell, “I never want to talk to you again!”? How could I break our marriage covenant and get caught up in an extramarital affair?

Failing to understand the why will keep your Goliath lording it over you the rest of your life.

So many marriages fall apart—not because you and I fail, but—because we continually do the same things over and over without identifying why. Failing to understand the why will keep your goliath lording it over you the rest of your life. You can defeat your own personal goliath (and trust me we all have one) by being honest with yourself and not blaming each other.

God is always there to help you recover from any failure or mistake. He is not your problem. Even your goliath (whatever it might be) isn’t your problem. You become your worst enemy when you believe satan’s lies about yourself and your marriage. You wind up with too big a devil and too small a God.

Choose these 3 smooth stones

Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes. For some of you that’s a hard thing to do, but it’s necessary to come out of defeat and get on the road to greater and greater victories. You’ll come to the same conclusion that we all do when we’re honest before God: I’ve found the problem and it’s not my mate, my God or even my goliath. It’s me.
Take responsibility. Facing yourself and being honest about why you’ve failed to be the marriage partner you could be is a major step toward victory. It will keep you from repeating the same mistakes again.
Forgive yourself and ask God to refill your heart with His love and compassion for your mate. Ask Him for refreshed desire to see your marriage succeed. You see, the goliath we fight is in us. But greater is the other He in you than he that’s in this world.

Go ahead and have a great marriage! It’s God’s design and purpose for you.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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Help for the struggling & ecstatically happy

March 26, 2022 Michele Anastasi

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Finding direction, Marriage, Relationship with God, Success & victory

A couple in our marriage group asked me to recommend a book they could read together. Without a second thought I said “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. Yes, this is the book we named our couples mentorship class after. It’s an all-time favorite of both Gaspar and I. This book truly impacted our marriage when we were going through a rough time. Sacred Marriage is a must read for every couple—dating, engaged, married, struggling, ecstatically happy…. It’s for everyone.

You can find *Sacred Marriage* at Lifeway, Faith Gateway, Christianbook, Amazon and others. Even Audible if you’re more of a listener.

Sacred Marriage is very different from most marriage books. For one thing, it puts forth the idea that the challenges in marriage are meant to draw us closer to God and mature us spiritually. But for marriage to grow us spiritually, we must be brutally honest with ourselves and each other. We need to do some soul-searching and fess-up to bad attitudes, selfishness, and unrealistic expectations. We also must rid ourselves of the notion that if we could just change our spouse to be more like us and maybe learn a few marriage principles, everything would be just fine. Been there… done that… It doesn’t work.

When our relationship with Christ is strong, we won’t put unrealistic demands on each other to compensate for our spiritual emptiness.

Why romance is not enough

Romance is not enough. Why? Because God created marriage for a much deeper purpose than romance. He designed marriage, as Thomas says, “to make us holy more than to make us happy.” God is using our earthly marriage to prepare us to be the Bride of Christ. Unfortunately, we’ve all been influenced by the Hollywood version of love, romance, and marriage. Yes, love and romance are important to a healthy marriage, but romantic love alone doesn’t have what it takes to get you through the challenges marriage brings.

When the honeymoon phase fades as it always does, some couples think their marriage is over, they divorce and try to find that exhilarating passion with someone new. Only to find that, in time, it fades again.

Other couples fall into an adversarial relationship—arguing, blaming each other for their unhappiness…. Instead of working together, they treat each other like enemies. Some couples become married singles, living a peaceful coexistence of separate lives. Determined couples that refuse to give up buy a copy of Sacred Marriage, read it together, get real, and get to work.

Why this mutual pursuit of Christ

This work has as much to do with your relationship with Christ as it does with each other. Only as we grow in Christ do we develop what it takes to grow deeper in our marriages. Marriage calls us to an extremely selfless way of life, impossible without Christ living big in us.

Just as Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden each day, we can find even more meaning in our marriage by pursuing Him together. Recognize that He alone can fill the emptiness in our souls. We can try to make our marriages as happy and fulfilling as possible, but what we both crave more than anything, only God can give us. When our relationship with Christ is strong, we won’t put unrealistic demands on each other to compensate for our spiritual emptiness.

This might sound strange for a marriage book, but the ultimate purpose of Sacred Marriage is not to make you love your spouse more. But that will happen. Its purpose is to equip you to love your God more. And thankfully that will happen too.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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How to reap the right rewards

March 19, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Finding direction, Forgiveness, Making positive change, Marriage

When you were growing up, somebody taught you how to ride a bike and drive a car. But I bet they never showed you how to live happily ever after. Yet God desires that you and I live—not just a good marriage—but a GREAT one. And, fortunately, He hasn’t left it up to us to accomplish. He yearns to co-labor with you to make it happen… if you’ll let Him.

Even though as Christians we can access God’s help, we mostly go it alone. So after a while, some of us conclude that a successful marriage is a myth. But I have good news for you: A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality!

A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality!

An amazing spiritual law

God has set into motion the amazing spiritual law of sowing and reaping, which can radically change your relationship for the better. When applied the right way, the law of sowing and reaping guarantees marriage success. Misapply it and it could actually make your marriage worse.

Notice we sow first, then reap. Sowing requires giving something—whether words spoken or deeds done. Every time we sow we are assured a result. Of course, if you plant something bad or ungodly, you can expect the same in return. So mishandling the law works against you.

The law of sowing and reaping was meant for us to increase in peace, harmony, joy, love, romance, understanding and prosperity. But a failure to understand this law has caused catastrophic results for many married couples. So let’s get it straight today.

Bring your problems to the caring compassionate counselors and coaches at Breaking Free Wellness Center. We can help.

Fruit in action

Here’s how to use this law on purpose in a positive way. Let’s say you want your mate to show you more respect and honor than they presently do. Through your words and good deeds, you would start sowing seeds of respect and honor into your mate—whether or not they reciprocate. Now you have just planted seeds that God will water; and He guarantees that it will bring you a 30, 60, or 100-fold harvest of fruit, the same kind you sowed. Blessings of respect and honor will begin to flow out of your mate toward you.

Wow! It’s that simple with every good seed that we sow. God wants to co-labor with you in your marriage. Why not let Him by putting this spiritual law into practice on purpose in a positive way?

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
‑ Galatians 6:7

On the other hand, you may have been sowing negative seeds, unaware that this powerful spiritual law was at work. Now that you know, you can turn it around and work this law for the benefit of your marriage. Start right now planting love, peace, affection, encouragement and good deeds into your mate.

A due season harvest

Be patient. Whether your relationship is good or “borderline hopeless”, diligently apply God’s law, and in due season you will begin to see amazing results working in your marriage. With God nothing is impossible! Patiently sow good, and within a month’s time your marriage can become all that you dreamed.

Start by asking God to forgive you for sowing bad seeds like criticism, unforgiveness, bitterness, coldness, etc. into your mate in the past. With that kind of seed, your marriage can’t grow better, only worse.

Discover the power of one

All it takes is one of you to begin using this spiritual law the right way to turn your whole marriage around for the better. All the things you complain about, things your mate does or doesn’t do that irk you will turn around and become a blessing—in less than a month.

Why wait for your husband or wife to make the first move? Start sowing into your marriage right now! You’ll see the power of one that God has offered to you. He wants to co-labor with you in your marriage to bring true fulfillment for the both of you. It only takes one to start the process. Why not you? Why not now?

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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