Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is difficult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reflect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctified is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed off.

God knows exactly what we need to grow and get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because they were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left off.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.

Matthew 18:19-20

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer.

Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

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Most problems in marriage come down to just “one thing”. If only that “one thing”— the root of the disagreement—could be easily identified and dealt with, many arguments would cease. But the roots of trouble, much like actual tree roots in the ground, usually go unnoticed. We get so caught up with peripheral issues that we never spot the real culprit, the one thing that caused it from the start. For that reason, many marriages only obtain temporary peace and unity. We only deal with what we see and feel at that moment. Therefore, the root—the one thing—stays hidden and couples fight the same battles again and again. 

A case in point 

Let’s say, for example, you both have a financial issue. The one partner overspends. Meanwhile, the other partner is so tight with money, when they walk, their shoes squeak. This financial disparity creates much tension and even builds walls between the two. The wife accuses the husband of being selfish and spending money like a drunken sailor, not caring about their financial security and their future. On the other side, the husband calls the wife a control freak, saying she makes the marriage miserable by allowing no freedom to have fun. Here’s the question: Is spending money the real issue? Or is it something deeper? 

The root of the problem usually goes a lot deeper than it appears on the surface. In this real-life example, the wife is very frugal with money because she was raised in poverty. Growing up, she and her family had little to nothing. In fact, the lack of basic needs drove them from home to home throughout her childhood. Deep down, she lives in fear of being homeless and destitute again. This constant fear is the “one thing” that causes this couple’s marital issues. Sadly, if they never discover this hidden root, their financial disagreement will arise over and over again. It never goes away.

It could be you

You can insert any marriage problem. It all comes down to the same thing. As individuals, we must be willing to look deep inside ourselves and answer the question: “Why I am reacting to my mate this way?” I’m sure if we would take the time to dig out the “one thing” that causes us to respond negatively when faced with a persistent problem, we could more constructively confront it. But it takes courage to face ourselves and risk discovering we are the cause of the problem. “I’ve found the enemy, and it’s me.”

If couples could both agree to resolve conflicts in their marriage that way, they—not only gain greater respect for each other, but—become more merciful toward one another.  Sooner or later, it will be the other partner’s turn to fess up to the “one thing” that is the root problem. That way, couples gain a lot of respect and honor towards each other because we all want peace, joy and harmony at all cost. Right?

Put your marriage first

When we couples put our marriage first, before our own desires and the need to be right all the time, we pave the way for true unity. Just one thing could be the cause of so many other issues in marriage. 

Here are some other examples of marriage problems with hidden roots: 

• Feeling rejected all the time
• The need to control our mate
• Fear of being alone
• Constant mistrust of our husband/wife

These issues and many others can have devastating consequences in marriage, if not dealt with correctly. I encourage you to make an agreement with your mate that, when trouble rises, the first thing you both will do is be still and know that He is God(Psalm 46:10). 

What I mean is this. Let God show you both what the root of the problem you’re facing really is. You’ll probably discover that, most of the time, it’s not what you thought. Sometimes it’s just that one thing, when discovered and dealt with, can make the difference between divorce and a blessed, fulfilled marriage. 

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