How to reap the right rewards

June 17, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

When you were growing up, somebody taught you how to ride a bike and drive a car. But I bet they never showed you how to live happily ever after. Yet God desires that you and I live—not just a good marriage—but a GREAT one. And, fortunately, He hasn’t left it up to us to accomplish. He yearns to co-labor with you to make it happen… if you’ll let Him.

Even though as Christians we can access God’s help, we mostly go it alone. So after a while, some of us conclude that a successful marriage is a myth. But I have good news for you: A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality!

A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality!

An amazing spiritual law

God has set into motion the amazing spiritual law of sowing and reaping, which can radically change your relationship for the better. When applied the right way, the law of sowing and reaping guarantees marriage success. Misapply it and it could actually make your marriage worse.

Notice we sow first, then reap. Sowing requires giving something—whether words spoken or deeds done. Every time we sow we are assured a result. Of course, if you plant something bad or ungodly, you can expect the same in return. So mishandling the law works against you.

The law of sowing and reaping was meant for us to increase in peace, harmony, joy, love, romance, understanding and prosperity. But a failure to understand this law has caused catastrophic results for many married couples. So let’s get it straight today.

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Fruit in action

Here’s how to use this law on purpose in a positive way. Let’s say you want your mate to show you more respect and honor than they presently do. Through your words and good deeds, you would start sowing seeds of respect and honor into your mate—whether or not they reciprocate. Now you have just planted seeds that God will water; and He guarantees that it will bring you a 30, 60, or 100-fold harvest of fruit, the same kind you sowed. Blessings of respect and honor will begin to flow out of your mate toward you.

Wow! It’s that simple with every good seed that we sow. God wants to co-labor with you in your marriage. Why not let Him by putting this spiritual law into practice on purpose in a positive way?

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
‑ Galatians 6:7

On the other hand, you may have been sowing negative seeds, unaware that this powerful spiritual law was at work. Now that you know, you can turn it around and work this law for the benefit of your marriage. Start right now planting love, peace, affection, encouragement and good deeds into your mate.

A due season harvest

Be patient. Whether your relationship is good or “borderline hopeless”, diligently apply God’s law, and in due season you will begin to see amazing results working in your marriage. With God nothing is impossible! Patiently sow good, and within a month’s time your marriage can become all that you dreamed.

Start by asking God to forgive you for sowing bad seeds like criticism, unforgiveness, bitterness, coldness, etc. into your mate in the past. With that kind of seed, your marriage can’t grow better, only worse.

Discover the power of one

All it takes is one of you to begin using this spiritual law the right way to turn your whole marriage around for the better. All the things you complain about, things your mate does or doesn’t do that irk you will turn around and become a blessing—in less than a month.

Why wait for your husband or wife to make the first move? Start sowing into your marriage right now! You’ll see the power of one that God has offered to you. He wants to co-labor with you in your marriage to bring true fulfillment for the both of you. It only takes one to start the process. Why not you? Why not now?

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When stress comes knocking

June 3, 2023 Michele Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage

It’s been a super stressful couple of weeks at the Anastasi house. You know the kind I’m talking about… where everything that could go wrong, does. I think we could all say that the past few years starting with COVID outbreaks throughout our country and world raised the stress level in most families and marriages.

It happens to the best of us

Every marriage faces stress on a regular basis. In fact, the strongest couples you know are probably the ones who have endured the most challenges together.

The pandemic just added to our already stressful lives by closing down schools, putting people out of work, stripping away many of our regular stress outlets like church services, getting together with friends, going out to dinner and a movie—all the things that gave us a sense of well-being and normalcy in life. So there we were housebound, lives turned upside down, with nothing left to do but get on each other’s nerves.

At this time more than ever, we need to take a more relaxed stance toward things. Overlook petty annoyances and be patient and kind to each other. Make an effort to appreciate the little things in each other that we may have taken for granted.

There will always be stress in marriage. Every season and stage brings challenges.

Popular stressors

When Gaspar and I were first married, we dealt with in-law stress. Merging two families with different backgrounds is always challenging. But together we worked through it.

For years, with a growing family, there was always financial stress making ends meet. Too much week and not enough paycheck. But with God’s help, we always managed to have enough.

Working at our jobs is demanding and brings stress. Being in ministry is no different. Sometimes I think the stress is greater. It’s difficult not sharing the burden when you see people hurting and with so many needs.

I know best

Add to that, the stress of parenting today. It’s unbelievable! So glad ours are all adults now. But whether small or grown, our precious gifts from God bring stress—probably because we want so badly to do right by them.

I remember more than one disagreement when our kids were small, and it was usually my fault. I didn’t agree with the way my husband disciplined the children. I thought, because I was with them more, I knew better than he did (and told him so over and over and over again). Then one day while I was in prayer probably complaining to God about my husband, the Lord stopped me in my tracks: “Michele, your children don’t need two mothers. So let Gaspar be the father I’ve called him to be.” Wow! That was the end of me telling him, “I know best”.

Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

In sickness and in health

The stress I mentioned at the beginning of the blog had to do with an accident I had and then a health issue. It made me think of our wedding vows… “in sickness and health.” When you or your spouse face health challenges and stress knocks at your door, it’s a time to give your love and support to each other more than ever.

So where am I going with this blog? I just want to encourage you. We’re living in the most stressful of times, and stress comes in all sizes and shapes. Keep God in the center of your marriage. He’ll never fail you. Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork, and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

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Every good marriage starts with one

April 22, 2023 Michele Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage

Have you been waiting for your spouse to change… Praying for your spouse to change… Arguing with your spouse to change? Let me guess—you haven’t gotten anywhere.

Maybe it’s time for a new strategy—a godly strategy. If you want your spouse to change, start by accepting them for who they are. When a person feels criticized and unappreciated, they dig their heels in and go into protection mode.

Happiness is a choice

Instead of arguing with and criticizing your spouse to evoke change, remind yourself of their positive qualities, the things that made you fall in love with them in the first place. Believe it or not, they’re still that same person, even if they’ve been hiding deep inside themself.

If you want your spouse to change, try accepting them where they are.

In my last blog 2 weeks ago, I shared how changing your thinking has the power to change your marriage. When we improve our attitude and actions it makes all the difference in the world. Even when just one spouse alters their thinking and attitude, it can change their marriage for the better.

We look at the circumstances in our marriage and think they are what’s making us unhappy. The truth is it’s our attitude about the circumstances and how we choose to react to them that make us miserable. Happiness is a choice. Every day, you and I choose whether to focus on what we like or don’t like about our marriage.

The ball’s in your court

Really, it’s all a matter of how you see things. For instance, the wife can see all her problems as the husband’s fault. The husband would say he shuts her out because she constantly nags him. She says she nags him because he constantly shuts her out. With this kind of thinking, nothing ever changes.

Situations don’t determine the quality of your marriage. Your response does.

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Every marriage has its share of trials. All couples face difficult situations. Yet situations don’t determine the quality of your marriage. Your response does. The choice is yours. Choosing patience and understanding is always a better option than bitterness and despair.

You have the power to create an atmosphere of peace and acceptance, regardless of how your spouse acts. It takes two people to escalate any disagreement. And an environment of negativity and tension is difficult on the entire family.

Be the one

Why not make the decision to step up and be the one to change? When you change the way you see things, the way you think, your attitudes, the way you respond will change for the better. You can do it. I know you can. Why not commit to making the following two changes this year? Just between you and God.

Stop Complaining. It doesn’t change anything. Quite the opposite. Constant criticism destroys all feelings of love and affection between you. Instead, it provokes anger and defensiveness. A spouse who complains they aren’t getting what they want from their partner should stop and look at how often they disrespect and criticize their husband or wife. To see an immediate difference in your marriage, stop complaining and do the next thing.
Be Grateful. Showing gratitude transcends all circumstances. When was the last time you told your spouse you appreciate them? Happily married couples aren’t happy because the don’t have problems. We all do. They aren’t happy because they don’t argue. All couples do. What they do have is an attitude of gratitude for their spouse.

Couples with a positive outlook do much better than those who let negativity rule. We generally learn to be optimistic or pessimistic in childhood and carry it with us throughout life. You may not be able to change what happened in your past, but you can take steps to ensure a better tomorrow. You be the one to change.

If you need help, we offer help for troubled marriages. I invite you to contact us at the Breaking Free Wellness Center.

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Make room for new!

April 15, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage, Success & victory

As you’ve heard me (Gaspar) say before, marriage requires a lot of adjustments. If you’re not aware or prepared for change, you could get stuck in a holding pattern and not growing. Maybe, like many couples, you think the honeymoon will last forever. If you’re newly married and “didn’t get the memo”— it won’t. For those of us who have been married more than a year, this is not news.

The key to more and better

If you’re not prepared for change, you will likely fail and drop out of the marriage. Make room for the new! That’s the key to success when faced with continual change. Making room for the new is also necessary for growth, peace and joy in your marriage.

Now that doesn’t mean that what you two had before was wrong or bad. But for God to give you something better, you have to make room for better. Getting to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses helps to develop a deeper, more lasting love. Though that might be uncomfortable at times—let’s be real, all the time—the dividends will far surpass the price you pay.

For God to give you better, you have to make room for better.

As I always say, the best is yet to come. Holding on to yesterday’s victories and blessings will hinder God from releasing greater ones. So how do you make room for the new in your marriage? I’m glad you asked.

Where growth ends, death begins

1. You need what I call a “holy dissatisfaction”. That means you are grateful for all the victories you have won and the love and respect that you have for one another—but you are not satisfied. Thankful, yes! But satisfied? No, because you know there is more. God has much more for you both, but He can’t bring it if you are not expecting anything better. Satisfaction with the status quo is often the greatest hinderance to receiving the new and better.

2. Ask God to give you a greater passion for growth. Many of us have stopped growing in our love for God, and that fact is reflected in our love for our mate. Ask forgiveness for your indifference and apathy. When we—and therefore, our marriage—stop growing, then the opposite will happen. Our union will start dying.

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Could it be that, even though you have had some really good times together, your marriage is actually dying? There is so much more God wants for your marriage! He brought you together as a couple so that you could experience greater fruitfulness in life than you could individually. Often, what our Father wants for us is more than we want or expect for ourselves!

Ask your wife (just kidding)

3. Talk to your mate. Discover the ideas, dreams and thoughts God has given him or her for this next season of life. You might be surprised at how many new things God has placed in their heart. But they never get revealed because you don’t open yourselves up to each other. Sometimes we are afraid to rock the boat. Other times, we fear that our mate will think we “lost it”.

It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage.

Sometimes couples get stuck trying to recreate the honeymoon phase, when that was only the starting gate—not the finish line. It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage. And make room for the new He has in store. It can never happen until we let go of the old.

What blessings from yesterday do you still hold on to? You see, that’s where the new must start: In your heart. Don’t chase the blessing; start chasing after God. Yes, make room in your heart for the new. But trying to change your mate won’t make it happen. Stay focused on you, and ask God to help you let go of the good so He can give you better. Your destiny awaits.

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It’s the little things…

March 18, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, Marriage

My car was only two years old when I hit a pothole crossing the George Washington Bridge in New York. The vehicle immediately shut off, and my family and I were suddenly stranded on the side of the road. However, the problem wasn’t something big like the engine or transmission like I thought. A little pothole had caused a big jolt that tripped a tiny switch connected to the fuel line and sidelined my vehicle for hours—not to mention our family vacation. By design, this little safety feature shut off the entire engine to prevent a potential fire.

It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room or dreading coming home at all.

In the same way, it’s often the little things that determine the course of our relationships. It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room from you—or dreading coming home at all. I’m talking about small issues that could be fixed by a slight adjustment in our attitude… a tiny tweak in our actions… a minor modification in our mindset. Yet, we are so prone to focus on major stumbling blocks that we may overlook the tiny action that started it all.

Beware of little foxes

God tells us in Song of Songs 2:15 “You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” (TPT)

According to the Lord, when we overlook seemingly insignificant issues, we set up our relationship for failure. And we unknowingly allow the same things to repeat themselves again and again. Just because something is not in your face at this moment doesn’t make it insignificant.

You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship.
Song of Songs 2:15 (TPT)

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Little foxes are hidden weaknesses and character flaws that we all have. We may have successfully covered them up for years or maybe even a lifetime. They went undetected because our focus has always been on the current big problem.

A storm, high winds or even an unexpected cold snap can destroy in a moment a garden we’ve nurtured for years. Even so, these natural disasters may not do nearly the damage as tiny insects we can barely see. Are you letting pests devastate your precious vegetation while you stand guard against a hurricane? Ask the Lord to show you the little things.

Time for a recall?

Car companies test their vehicles for safety before they put them on the market. Even so, every now and then manufacturers must recall a certain model. A little thing that went undetected or underestimated when the vehicle was built now creates great consequences for the driver or others on the road.

Our marriages are the same way. God is recalling many of us to fix issues that could cause our relationship to crash and burn. Going back to Solomon’s metaphor, what are the little foxes that are eating away at our intimacy and romance? What tiny thing has come between you and your mate and keeps them at odds with you? These little foxes may create big problems for us, but the solution may be surprisingly small. Ask your Father to show you and help you.

God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. Will you let Him?

Take the keys

Just like the keys God gives us to His kingdom, the solution to your marriage problem may be something very small compared the doors it will open. God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. The question is: Will you let Him? Will you allow God to do a recall in your life? Or will you let pride keep you from submitting to His alterations?

How many people actually bring their car back to the dealership when they get a recall letter? Not many. Your marriage is more precious and important than any car. So take some time to reflect and hear God’s voice when you’re in the midst of what you consider a BIG problem. Ask Him to show you the little things. Something you consider insignificant; some slight adjustment or minor change may alter the course of your marriage for the better. Remember it’s the little things that matter.

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Get on the same team

August 13, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Making positive change, unity in marriage

The enemy’s job is to divide and conquer, and he is pretty good at it. As married couples, it is our job to be vigilant and stand strong against satan’s tactics. Allowing him to divide us as husband and wife is one of the most damaging things that can happen in a marriage. Even when you and your mate disagree, that conflict should never leave the house and be presented before other people. Satan is always looking for an open door. He knows that a house divided against itself will fall (Luke 11:17).

Don’t go public

When I was young, our family owned a wholesale Italian bakery, and I worked with my father in the business. It was a large company, very popular in the New York area. One important lesson I learned—besides how to run a business and how to work hard—was the importance of maintaining unity in the partnership. My father’s partners were his four brothers.

Being brothers, from time to time, they would get into disagreements about how the business should be run. I remember one time my father and his older brother were really going at it. The argument got so heated, I thought it might get physical. But just at that moment when their voices were at the highest decibel, a stranger walked in uninvited and took my uncle’s side.

I’ll never forget it. At that moment, my uncle immediately stopped fighting my father and turned on the stranger. Even though the man was on my uncle’s side, my uncle wouldn’t let him divide family, no matter how mad he was at my father. That was the unwritten law among the Anastasi brothers. Even though they had differences among themselves, no outsider was allowed to come between them.

…Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.
— Luke 11:17

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Present a united front

My uncle’s response presents a valuable lesson for all married couples to embrace. No matter how bitterly you disagree, never let your differences be seen or heard outside of your home. Satan is always looking to divide you and, given the opportunity, he will enlist people to help him who have absolutely “no skin in the game”. Now I’m not suggesting that you ignore your differences, but rather always present a united front. You and your mate’s business is your business—no one else’s. When you solicit outsiders to take your side in marital conflicts, you invite the devil himself to war against your union. So many marriages are severely damaged by this very thing.

You might say, “Pastor, you don’t know how much I’m hurting.” Maybe not, but you won’t get your conflict resolved by inviting people in. We’re not fighting against flesh and blood, but against demonic forces that are absolutely opposed to your marriage and looking for ways to help it fail (Eph. 6:12). Let me be clear that I’m not talking about counseling with a professional. If your marriage needs counseling, please get it.

When you solicit outsiders to take your side in marital conflicts, you invite the devil himself to war against your union.

Let unity attract God

So fight the temptation to expose your problems to the outside world. Instead, be a faithful team member and, at all cost, don’t take your marriage problems public.

Presenting a united front, even when there is conflict behind the scenes, will release the presence of God in the situation. God is attracted to unity. Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team. The help that you need to resolve conflict and go deeper in unity won’t come from the natural realm, but the spiritual. Your help comes from the Holy Spirit Himself. You, your mate, and the Holy Spirit are all on the same team, and a three-fold chord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
—Ecclesiastes 4:12, AMP

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