When we think of addiction we generally think of alcohol, drugs, pornography, etc. But there is an unspoken addiction that is even more common and just as destructive as all the others. It’s the need for approval. This addiction controls many people and impacts their behavior across all relationships.

People suffering with this addiction need a positive response to everything they do (or don’t do). Without this approval fix they go into withdrawal, resulting in angry outbursts, sulking, criticism, sarcasm or even violence. This need for approval, affirmation, a pat on the back… drives a person to become a people-pleaser. He or she says “yes” to every request in order to get their drug.

Clear-cut signs to look for

As in all addictive behavior, denial is the biggest hindrance to deliverance and healing. Our addiction is often obvious to others, yet invisible to us. But here are some clear-cut signs to look for:

1. You often do nice things for people but feel resentful afterwards when they don’t shower you with appreciation or love or affection.
2. You are controlling with your friends, wanting to keep them for yourself; and you get jealous of anyone else who enters the equation.
3. Your friendships are a revolving door. Friends feel pressured by your need for constant affirmation, so eventually they move on. Then you start all over with new friends, only to repeat the cycle.
4. Like most approval addicts, you tend to feel lonely and isolated. Isolation may even be your lifestyle. You feel rejected when you don’t receive the needed approval, so you give up trying.

What can you do about it?

1. Be honest. Admit that you need help. (Like so many of us, you may have developed this excessive need in childhood. You longed for the approval of your father, mother or someone important to you. Without it, you felt unwanted, unaccepted and incomplete, so you’ve spent the rest of your life looking for it. Yet, it always seems just out of your grasp.)
2. Recognize that only God can meet your need–not your friends, children or spouse. Take the pressure off of people and start trusting in God to meet all of your needs.
3. Check your motives. Why is it that you’re kind and generous to some people and cold and standoffish to others. Stop discriminating and give love, kindness and respect to everyone without expecting anything in return.
4. Get inner healing prayer to deal with the root of your addiction. For many people, their whole life is a vicious cycle of returning to the addiction again and again. Unfortunately, each new cycle of addiction is worse than the time before. That’s why I recommend the Stop Hurting Start Healing Ministry (more on that later).
5. You need to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have to really want to be made whole and not be dependent on other people to give you what only God can give.
6. Be patient with yourself. You are changing habit patterns that you probably developed in childhood.

Change is possible!

Don’t let this unspoken addiction control the rest of your life. You can be set free by facing your problem, being diligent in your efforts and being obedient to God and His word.

If you are dealing with approval addiction, I highly recommend the Stop Hurting Start Healing ministry because of its great success in freeing people from addictions. This program gets to the root of the problem and releases you to be free. It also equips you to live well for the rest of your life. Click the link above to go to the website and learn how this powerful ministry can bring restoration and wholeness to your life.

I love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please leave a comment and let me know.…

We’ve heard that the very definition of insanity is doing the same things you’ve always done, but expecting different results. The bottom line is: You and I can’t arrive at a place of productivity and destiny in our lives without making adjustments (changes) along the way. New and different results require change.

I guess that puts most of us in the insane category because we do just that. Even if they don’t work, we repeat the same patterns of behavior in our marriages, relationships, job, finances and our personal and even spiritual growth.

Then we wonder why we aren’t successful. But the truth is: We will never reach true success unless we embrace a lifestyle of change.

Change is here to stay.

We need to accept that we’ll never reach a point where we’re no longer confronted with it. Many of us reply, “But I’ve already changed!” Well, I have to tell you, but change is not a once-in-a-lifetime event. If you want to grow and advance, you must embrace it as a way of life.

The Journey to Significance.

You and I, every one of us, is on a journey to significance. God created us on purpose and with a purpose. For that reason, He is forever leading us into opportunities to change so that we will fulfill the destiny for which He created us. In fact, what you are going through right now is all about your need to change. These “bumps in the road” are giving you the perfect opportunity to see the areas where God wants you to make adjustments.

Sure, we talk a lot about change—the need for it, the promise to do it—but in reality we seldom really do. You and I are way too busy defending the status quo—even if only to ourselves. But this is how I’ve always done it… or I just want to hang on to what I have left… or I’m okay. I can make this work….

I’ve said many times: Change is not change until you change! People are in love with the image of success but they aren’t interested in the process of success. Success always includes change, so we have to break free from our old wineskins if we want God to give us His new wine. New revelation of who God is won’t fit into our old habit patterns.

I believe that by changing just one core habit for one month, we can radically change our lives. Change will lead to more change…it creates a chain reaction. We’ve talked about the negatives of change. Now let’s discuss the benefits.

An action plan to a life that matters:

1. Ask God what He created you for. It’s not a rude question. He had something very specific and significant in mind when He made you. And it wasn’t to just mindlessly mimic what other people are doing. Real change must be tied to God’s purpose and vision for your life—not someone else’s. Once you discover His destiny for you, you won’t just be a cheap copy of a great original!

2. Learn to color outside the lines. Many of us are so used to conforming, that we shut down our God-given creativity. Dare to dream again. Think outside the box that you have been forced into over the years. Get out of that stinking rut to which you’ve conformed.

3. Don’t fear the unknown. Be courageous enough to walk off your map. The fact that something is uncharted territory doesn’t make it impossible or even unrealistic. Like the fisherman who would later become the Apostle Peter, be willing to launch out into the deep at God’s word. The Lord is attracted to faith, not your feelings. Besides, your feelings will resist the unknown every time.

4. Take a Risk. Nothing significant ever happens without the possibility of failure. No significant change ever occurs without risk. Before David confronted Goliath, he stood face-to-face and toe-to-toe with the very real possibility that he would die. When Abraham left the comfort, familiarity and safety of his homeland to follow the Lord, he took a tremendous risk—to his own well-being and that of all the people who followed him.

Sure there’s a risk factor in every opportunity to change. However, if we continually avoid risk and try to maintain the status quo, we end up living a mediocre life. Simply put: The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of making a mistake will keep you away from your destiny. You were created for more.

You’re on a journey to significance. Don’t miss your opportunity to be a champion and world changer for Jesus. Don’t resist change. CHANGE IS A CHOICE! Choose it!…