Rejecting rejection: part 2

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. So why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

Forty years ago, emotional healing was rarely spoken of. Somehow, I came across a book by John and Paula Sandford, pioneers on the subject of inner healing. Being the mess I was, it spoke to my heart. And Gaspar and I started our quest to learn more.

Thus began our prayer counseling ministry—which more than 3 decades later has grown into Breaking Free Wellness Center. It’s my number one solution for rejection and other emotional healing. To have a trained prayer minister guide you through painful issues from the past is invaluable. Often the journey takes you along such dark, dismal paths that—without help—many of us would give up.

When people reject you, without realizing it, you feel betrayed by God. “Where was He in my pain?” you ask. Of course, Satan uses that opportunity to plant seeds of deception in your heart about yourself, about others and especially about God.

Expose inner vows

Growing up with an abusive mom, I believed I was bad. I couldn’t be any good for her to treat me the way she did. I thought God must not love me either to let me hurt like this. As a child, I remember thinking When I grow up, no one is ever going to hurt me or tell me what to do again. I had no idea I was making a vow that would profoundly affect my life.

You may not even realize that you’ve made vows. But think back to all the times you said, “I’ll never do this…” or “I’ll never do that….” We make vows because we think we can protect ourselves from future hurt. In actuality, these inner vows harden our hearts to the point that we can never fully give or receive love. Can you relate to this?

Ungodly beliefs are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God.

Maybe it wasn’t a parent who hurt you. It could have been a failed marriage—and you vowed you’d never trust again, marry again or let anyone get close to you. As a teen, you might have been betrayed by a group of girls and vowed never to trust females.

Lies are always at the root of such inner vows, forming ungodly beliefs. Every one of us holds some beliefs that aren’t true. When these beliefs are contrary to God’s Truth, we call them “ungodly beliefs.” They are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God. They affect our entire lives: every relationship we have; every decision we make; how we act and react; our very destiny.

God created you on purpose with a purpose! Sit down with Michele, our certified Life Coach, and uncover yours! Call for a free consultation at 239.244.3912 or BreakingFreeCC.com

Reject the lies

Hurt, rejection, negative experiences and trauma create ungodly beliefs in us. The child whose father walks out on his family can grow up believing I’m not important or dad wouldn’t have left… People will always fail me.

Being made fun of, called names by siblings or peers, being criticized by a teacher or authority figure—all these can form the ungodly beliefs: No one will ever want me…I’m fat, I’m stupid…I’ll never amount to anything. These ungodly beliefs follow us right into adulthood and become assignments against us.

In the healing process, it’s very important to renounce these lies and break agreement with them. By believing lies, you forge an alliance with the enemy, giving him easy access to your life.

Start by forgiving

After renouncing Satan’s lies, it’s even more important to agree with what God says about you.

  1. Start by forgiving those who contributed to forming the ungodly belief in you.
  2. Ask God to forgive you for believing a lie and for judging those who hurt you. Pray and break the power of the lies from your life.
  3. Find scripture that speaks Truth to these areas. This is the last and most important step to forgiving. Read those verses daily. Meditate on them. Memorize them until your mind becomes renewed with the Truth. Stick with it. Renewing your mind takes time.

Often, that’s why people don’t maintain their healing. Getting prayer is just one part of it. The most important part is renewing our mind with God’s Word.

Get to know the Healer

The next strategy is to develop intimacy with the Lord. I can hear you saying, “Yeah, I know that already.” But really spend time in His Word the Bible daily. Hear what He has to say to you through His word. Then pray, bringing Him your needs. Jealously guard this devotional time. Otherwise, other things will take its place.

Attend a good Bible-believing church where you can receive strength and support for your journey. Find a place where the uncompromised Word of God is taught.

Man praying with Bible
Spend time in the Bible daily. Hear what God has to say through His word. Then bring Him your needs.

Identify with the cross

Let me explain what I mean by identifying with the cross. Often we have a very limited concept of the cross. We know that Jesus died on the cross for our sin. He took our place and, when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord, when we die we go to Heaven. Yes, that’s true, but it doesn’t end there. That’s only one aspect of the cross. To identify with the cross, everything about the old me can and should die there. The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

When Jesus hung on the cross He said, “It is finished.” It’s at the cross that all the power Satan had over us is broken. When you take what you’re still struggling with to the cross, it will be finished in your life too. Keep in mind that when you bring something to the cross, everything isn’t automatically fixed.

The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

Let’s say you fly into a rage, start throwing things and kick over the trash can. All of a sudden you catch yourself and run to the cross. “Lord, help me. Forgive me for this anger. Cleanse me.” God says, “Of course you’re forgiven.” What a relief! But guess what? There’s still garbage and broken stuff all over the place. Who has to clean it up? You do! But God gives you the grace and the strength to do it. One by one you pick up the pieces. It’s all a part of identifying with the cross. It’s finished the moment you take it there. The rest is clean-up.

You have to take it there and let it die. Often, that’s where we get discouraged because we think it isn’t working. Satan is whispering in your ear, “I’m back. You’re not free. This doesn’t work.” He wants to scare you into giving up.

Keep your eyes on Jesus

Jesus heals the brokenhearted
Help and healing could be closer than you think! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Stop looking at the junk and look at Jesus! He set you free to live that way forever. Not just free from sin, but free from rejection, a wounded spirit, depression, self-hatred, anger—and the list goes on and on. Galatians 5:1 tells us: “Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

“Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

Galatians 5:1

So when Satan brings back those old feelings of rejection, pain, or bad memories, tell him where to go. Say, “Shut up, in Jesus’ name. You’re a liar! I am crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Rejection doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. It’s nailed to the cross, and it died there.” Remember, healing is yours. Christ set you free. Keep standing firm!


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You must go back to go forward.

Our past influences us in one way or another: How we were raised, our parents’ weaknesses and strengths, the culture we were raised in, our past memories, the belief systems we were taught, etc. Of course some of those influences were positive. On the other hand, others were destructive. They may have already sabotaged relationships, finances, lifestyles and especially our walk with God!

Understanding this fundamental truth equips us to begin breaking out of the boundaries set by past influences. These hindrances keep us from experiencing the kind of success for which God created us.

Sins of our fathers

The Bible has a lot to say about these things. It teaches us in Exodus 34:7 that the iniquities of our fathers are carried down from generation to generation, even up to the fourth generation. Have you ever said, “I never want to be like my father or mother” because of their destructive habit patterns? But then you wound up doing or saying the same things? Do you realize you probably think, cook, keep house, work, act, believe and relate to others the same way your parents did?

Two things from my childhood stand out to show me the need to go back… in order for me to go forward.

My backstory

  1. Because my father, his father and his 3 brothers operated a 24-hour, 7 days a week family business, our family life was completely enmeshed with our work life. Everything in our lives was intertwined with operating the business. Holidays, birthdays and everyday life incorporated work. There was no separation. I learned early in life that family and work were one and the same.

    As a result, I became a workaholic. That didn’t change even after I was born again. I sought to keep every family member involved in the work of the ministry. It just seemed natural to tie together family and work. I embraced this way of life as a child—along with many other faulty beliefs. It pulsated in my DNA, affecting me even after I accepted Jesus as Lord.
  1. My mother was a great woman, but an absolute perfectionist. Therefore, mom unknowingly instilled in me a performance mentality. She showed me great love when I performed in ways that pleased her. But she withheld love when I didn’t live up to her expectations. (My mother thought she was helping me by controlling me in this way.)

    Because of this, I became not only a workaholic, but one who worked hard for approval and acceptance. I was one driven, performance-oriented person! You can imagine the trouble that caused in every area of my life—including my family and my marriage.

Stuck in the past

When I gave my life to Jesus, I still lived under the same influences and suffered the same problems as I had before I became a Believer. Unfortunately, I was taught early in my Christian walk that if I wanted to move forward I should never look back. I was stuck!

You probably have a similar story. We need to break that religious tradition by having the courage to look back and honestly examine our family and cultural upbringing. Our emotional healing and future success as children of God depend on it.

Free yourself to go forward

We have to go back before we go forward and here’s how:

  1. Get out of denial and break the religious myth that after we’re saved, we don’t have to deal with our past. 2 Corinthians 5:17 is talking about our spirit, not our soul.
  2. Don’t deny your feelings. Listen to them because they reveal where and who you are on the inside.
  3. Break ties to your family culture. Remember, you’re in God’s family now. So adopt His culture. Jesus said if you don’t love Him more than your mother and father, you aren’t one of His.
  4. As the Holy Spirit reveals past things, crucify them by repenting and denying them access to your life again.
  5. Finally, embrace your new family’s culture and beliefs. YOU CAN’T GO FORWARD UNTIL YOU FIRST GO BACK!

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The secret to fulfilling your destiny

If you put an orange tree in a pot, bring it up to New York and keep it in a sunny, warm place year round, it will produce fruit—but not much. It may grow one or two oranges and that’s about it. Why? The tree prefers a tropical climate like Florida. Though it will bear fruit in Syracuse, it will be nowhere near the fruitfulness it would have borne in Sarasota.

Any good farmer knows that even good seed requires good soil to live up to its full potential. Good seed alone is not enough. In the same way, spiritual endowment is not enough if the environment we are planted in doesn’t allow us to grow and express those gifts. Eventhough you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, if your environment doesn’t encourage spiritual growth and your gifts aren’t welcomed and celebrated, you will yield less fruit.

Poor soil=scrawny fruit

I know many gifted Christian people who bear scrawny fruit compared to their great gifts because they have planted themselves in poor soil.

They missed their destinies all because they were rooted in the wrong church, married to the wrong person or stuck in a nothing job. Good seed, bad soil. Meanwhile, Psalm 92:13 tells us that “Those who are planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God.”

In other words, finding an environment where you can fully mature as a Christian is imperative to your success. Gifts and talents are not enough.

Change location

I know mighty men and women of God in full time ministry who are making little impact compared to the size of their giftedness. They are simply planted in the wrong place. Transplanting themselves to a better spiritual environment would make all of the difference in the world!

Many of us get stuck in religious structures and habit patterns that hinder the fruitfulness for which God created us. Changing location can mean the difference between producing one orange a year and bushels full every few months.

In the right spiritual atmosphere, you could reach your full God-given potential. Failing to recognize your spiritual environment could cost you your destiny which is to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis.1:26).

See God’s expected end

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine if you are planted in the right soil, or if you need to change your environment:

1. Am I being challenged to call upon God Who lives within me?

2. Are my gifts needed and do I have the freedom to express them?

3. Do I discern the presence of God around me?

4. Am I open to change the soil I’m planted in to see God’s expected end fulfilled in my life?

5. Are there people around me who celebrate my giftedness and encourage me to grow? And, finally…

6. Is my thirst for more of God increasing in my current environment and am I encouraged to go deeper? 

These questions will help you to decide whether you stay where you are or move on to where He is. God’s desire for us is to produce bushels full of fruit and glorify His name. Check your soil now and don’t miss your destiny!


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Become known by God.

There is only one thing more important in life than knowing God, and that is God knowing you.

Matthew 7:21-23 records Jesus’ response to one of His self-proclaimed servants who said he had healed the sick, prophesied and cast out devils in His name. However, this person obviously never opened himself up to be known by God; because Jesus said, “I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!

How scary is that! Yet, how many of us still have walls and barriers up in our lives that keep God from knowing us?

We put on our religious garb and act as though God and us are one, but in reality we never become transparent before Him. We never fully let the Lord into our inner world (our thoughts, feelings, disappointments, our fears, etc.). We have asked Him to be Savior, but we still haven’t given Him the freedom to be Lord in our lives. The problem is that we can’t have one without the other.

Take a moment out of your busy schedule and invite the Lord into your inner world today. Intentionally invite Him to invade your heart and all the secret places of your inner world. Then you will begin to experience true freedom. No longer keep God at arm’s distance. You can trust Him! He will never disappoint you. His love in you will change your whole outlook on life.

Make the choice to let Jesus know you. You will never regret it; but you will regret it if He doesn’t.


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The missing ingredient

The brain trust of Fortune 500 companies once did research to discover the reason behind the success of their top executives. They looked at each corporate leader’s education, family background and wealth, assuming their success was linked to their rank at the top of the class, coming from excellent family stock or wealth.

Amazingly, they found that 50% of the top executives finished in the middle of their college classes and 75% of all American presidents graduated at the bottom of their class. So what was the one common trait responsible for their great success?

They concluded that PASSION is the main ingredient that separates the ordinary from the extraordinary. Sadly, it’s the one ingredient missing in most of us today.

Identify your passion

I define passion as that intangible driving determination to see your dream or vision fulfilled. It is undeniable motivation that never gives up, no matter how bad or contrary things become. It’s the fire that seems to be shut up in a person’s bones that inspires them to “keep on keeping on” no matter what!

Let me ask you these two questions:

  1. Can you identify that one thing you are passionate about in this season of your life?
  2. What could you give as tangible proof that you’re passionate about that one thing?

Just saying you’re passionate doesn’t make it so. For instance, the average Christian would say they’re passionate about their faith. In reality, there is very little tangible evidence to prove it. I say this because our neighborhoods, our culture and our world would be radically different if Christians were truly passionate about their faith.

If you want to see passionate people, go to a department store when they announce the sale of a limited number of a brand-name item. There’s a good possibility you’ll get trampled by a shopper rushing to be the first in line! That’s what passion looks like: totally focused, willing to take a risk at all cost and undeterred by circumstances and obstacles.

Time, talent and resources

Real passion is evidenced by three major components: your time, your talent and your resources. When a person says, “I’m a passionate Christian” the first question to ask them is how much time, talent, and resources do you invest in your Christian walk? Is reading your Bible and praying every day a priority or do you spend more time on other things?

Do you give weekly tithes and offerings, making up for them when you miss a corporate gathering? Or do you save your money for other priorities? Do you use your talent to serve as a team player in a corporate body, advancing the kingdom of God in your region? Or are you in it for yourself, committed only when it benefits you?

Less than 20% of all Christians tithe. Many hop from church to church, and some don’t go at all. It’s no wonder we have churches on every corner, yet our culture grows more and more evil.

Turn the world upside down!

Examine where you spend your time, talent and resources to correctly identify where your passion lies. We’re all passionate about something, but in spite of what we think, it might not be our Christian faith.

Let’s move from being ordinary, Sunday Christians to extraordinary, passionate men and women of God, bringing change to our world for God’s glory. The church of Acts turned the world upside down because of their passion!

The key to that kind of power is found only in having a passionate love for Jesus. So if you truly want a successful Christian life, see if you are missing the most important ingredient. Then pray for the Lord to give you more passion for His Son!


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Don’t quit too soon!

In Old Testament days, the anointing (the presence of God) rested on the priests, prophets and the kings.  The prophet Elisha carried such a strong presence of God that he did double the miracles of his predecessor, Elijah.

The story of how Elisha’s anointing impacted a certain Shunammite woman is recounted in 2 Kings 4:8-17. This woman is in the Bible because of her great hunger and thirst for God’s presence.

Stoke a hunger for God

This “notable woman”, as the Bible describes her, so desperately wanted God’s presence to rest in her home that she asked her husband to build a room for Elisha. That way, the prophet could stay there whenever he came to that area. She never selfishly tried to get things from God through Elisha. Simply and purely, she desired His presence in her life and home.

That should be the focus in our lives as well: A desire for His presence—not what He can do for us. He already knows our need, as demonstrated in this story.

Elisha was so blessed by the loving care this woman showed him that he asked her if she had any needs. She told the prophet that she was okay. But Elisha’s observant servant Gehazi saw that she was childless.

A principle to remember is this: If we make the Lord welcome in our heart and home, He will always meet our needs according to His riches in glory. And since His glory is His presence, we know that the key to having every need met is found in His presence.  It’s not that He doesn’t want us to ask. He does. But our priority is not to see what we can get from God. Our priority is to know Him and be known by Him!

Know the God of the impossible

This woman had buried her unfulfilled desire for a child so long that it may have been too painful to mention. She had put aside her dream. Fortunately for us, God never forgets what He places in our heart. He wants us to conceive the vision and bear fruit. 

Elisha told her that by that time next year she would have a child. The woman got upset, afraid of being disappointed again. She knew that both she and her husband were past the age of child-bearing. Therefore, Elisha’s prophecy was impossible in the natural.

God brings us to that place because He specializes in impossibilities. That is why we can’t give up too soon.  If God said it and we believe it, it will happen for us the way He meant it to. This woman almost gave up but, because she took care of God’s presence, He made her life fruitful. In verse 17, we read that she had her son exactly as Elisha had prophesied.

Yearn for His presence

Like the Shunammite woman, yearn for God’s presence and believe whatever He tells you. We all have a dream we can’t shake and Satan can’t steal. Natural circumstances make it seem impossible, but don’t give up! Yearn for more of God and He will fulfill His purposes in your life because His seed of greatness is in you. God will make sure you give birth to what He has invested in your life.

Psalm 37:4 & 5: “Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.”


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