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Posts by Michele Anastasi

Couple in black and white

Who says it’s over?

October 8, 2022 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Healing in marriage, unity in marriage

After a few years of marriage, Gaspar and I were ready to call it quits! We went to a counselor who told us we were the two most incompatible people he had ever met, and we had two choices: Either divorce, or stay together and make each other miserable for the rest of our lives.

Wow! And we paid good money for that advice.

Today we’ve been married 55 years, no divorce. And, yes, we make each other miserable at times. Most couples do. I think that’s why we have such a heart for marriages and have always made ministry to couples a big part of the church.

What is God’s opinion?

In over 40 years of ministry, we’ve had the opportunity to counsel many married couples, newlyweds, oldie-weds and everything in between. Unfortunately, like Gaspar and I, couples don’t usually come for counsel until they’ve just about given up on their marriage.

Every time we talk with a couple on the verge of divorce, I can’t help but think… One day these two were madly in love with each other. They couldn’t wait to say, “I do.” And now they can hardly stand being in the same room. When couples reach the conclusion that they should have never married… It was a mistake… They need to just end it… that’s when I want to blow a whistle and say, “Time-out guys! Who said it’s a mistake?” Your feelings? Your best friend who thinks your husband’s a jerk? Or his mother who thinks you’re a terrible wife? Where’s my whistle!

A lie many couples buy into is: “If I’m unhappy and suffering, I obviously married the wrong person.”

Okay, before you pack your bags and call the attorney, let me ask you a question: “Does God think your marriage is a big mistake?” Usually one or the other will say, “I don’t know, but I’m sure a loving God doesn’t want us to stay in this painful, miserable marriage.” I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard various versions of that response.

I agree, God doesn’t enjoy seeing His children suffer. He hurts when we hurt, but that doesn’t mean He believes your marriage is a mistake. It means you’re unhappy (very unhappy) and you “feel” like your marriage is a mistake. One lie many couples have bought into is: “If I’m unhappy and suffering, I obviously married the wrong person.”

Need marriage or personal counseling? Come to the right place: BreakingFreeCC.com or call 239.244.3912.

A higher plan maybe?

Sometimes I’ll ask the wife, “Did you suffer during childbirth?” The answer is obvious. To her husband: “Were you in the delivery room?” Most husband’s are nowadays. And most men admit they’ve never seen such tremendous pain and suffering.

“Can you both agree the suffering was worth the end result?” If you can accept that, then just maybe the pain you’re in right now isn’t proof that you married the wrong person. The pain is telling you that something is wrong and needs to be addressed in your marriage. That’s different from saying your marriage is a mistake.

C.S. Lewis said (and I paraphrase): “Pain is God’s megaphone. It gets our attention.” God may be using this difficult time to change and mature you. You may not realize it, but just maybe God has a higher plan, an unseen purpose for your marriage. And that’s why the enemy is trying so hard to destroy it.

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

C.S. Lewis

When Gaspar and I were ready to call it quits because we were the two most incompatible people ever, little did we know that God had a bigger plan! About five years later Gaspar was ordained, and Word of Life Ministries was born. Just a couple of years after that, the New Life Dream Centers were started. So many lives touched and changed! Was it worth the suffering and pain of our early years? Most definitely.

End of self, beginning of God

If you’re willing to take a step of faith and believe that God is bigger than your current problems, you may discover that He has so much more for you together. What seems like a big mistake may turn out to be a part of His master plan.

We were the two most incompatible people ever. Little did we know that God had a bigger plan!

We usually ask couples to give us 6-8 weeks to pray and counsel with them. In cases where there’s been physical threats or abuse, separation is necessary—and much deeper counseling. Even when there is no abuse, some couples may benefit from a short period of separation for emotions to calm down, to stop arguing and saying things that make matters worse.

Fighting for your marriage may be the hardest thing you ever do. At some point you’ll probably feel like you can’t do it. When you come to the end of yourself you can come to the beginning of God. In Him all things in this world are held together. Let Him hold you and your marriage together.

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Rejected woman at a cafe

Rejecting rejection, pt 2

September 24, 2022 Michele Anastasi
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Rejection, Success & victory

Last week in Part 1, I told my story of rejection. If you didn’t already, read it here.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. So why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

Forty years ago, emotional healing was rarely spoken of. Somehow, I came across a book by John and Paula Sandford, pioneers on the subject of inner healing. Being the mess I was, it spoke to my heart. And Gaspar and I started our quest to learn more.

Thus began our prayer counseling ministry—which more than 3 decades later has grown into Breaking Free Wellness Center. It’s my number one solution for rejection and other emotional healing. To have a trained prayer minister guide you through painful issues from the past is invaluable. Often the journey takes you along such dark, dismal paths that—without help—many of us would give up.

When people reject you, without realizing it, you feel betrayed by God. “Where was He in my pain?” you ask. Of course, Satan uses that opportunity to plant seeds of deception in your heart about yourself, about others and especially about God.

Expose inner vows

Growing up with an abusive mom, I believed I was bad. I couldn’t be any good for her to treat me the way she did. I thought God must not love me either to let me hurt like this. As a child, I remember thinking When I grow up, no one is ever going to hurt me or tell me what to do again. I had no idea I was making a vow that would profoundly affect my life.

You may not even realize that you’ve made vows. But think back to all the times you said, “I’ll never do this…” or “I’ll never do that….” We make vows because we think we can protect ourselves from future hurt. In actuality, these inner vows harden our hearts to the point that we can never fully give or receive love. Can you relate to this?

Ungodly beliefs are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God.

Maybe it wasn’t a parent who hurt you. It could have been a failed marriage—and you vowed you’d never trust again, marry again or let anyone get close to you. As a teen, you might have been betrayed by a group of girls and vowed never to trust females.

Lies are always at the root of such inner vows, forming ungodly beliefs. Every one of us holds some beliefs that aren’t true. When these beliefs are contrary to God’s Truth, we call them “ungodly beliefs.” They are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God. They affect our entire lives: every relationship we have; every decision we make; how we act and react; our very destiny.

Breaking Free Inner Healing
Do you suffer from rejection? We’re here to help. Go to BreakingFreeCC.com or call 239.244.3912.

Reject the lies

Hurt, rejection, negative experiences and trauma create ungodly beliefs in us. The child whose father walks out on his family can grow up believing I’m not important or dad wouldn’t have left… People will always fail me.

Being made fun of, called names by siblings or peers, being criticized by a teacher or authority figure—all these can form the ungodly beliefs: No one will ever want me…I’m fat, I’m stupid…I’ll never amount to anything. These ungodly beliefs follow us right into adulthood and become assignments against us.

In the healing process, it’s very important to renounce these lies and break agreement with them. By believing lies, you forge an alliance with the enemy, giving him easy access to your life.

Start by forgiving

After renouncing Satan’s lies, it’s even more important to agree with what God says about you.

  1. Start by forgiving those who contributed to forming the ungodly belief in you.
  2. Ask God to forgive you for believing a lie and for judging those who hurt you. Pray and break the power of the lies from your life.
  3. Find scripture that speaks Truth to these areas. This is the last and most important step to forgiving. Read those verses daily. Meditate on them. Memorize them until your mind becomes renewed with the Truth. Stick with it. Renewing your mind takes time.

Often, that’s why people don’t maintain their healing. Getting prayer is just one part of it. The most important part is renewing our mind with God’s Word.

Get to know the Healer

The next strategy is to develop intimacy with the Lord. I can hear you saying, “Yeah, I know that already.” But really spend time in His Word the Bible daily. Hear what He has to say to you through His word. Then pray, bringing Him your needs. Jealously guard this devotional time. Otherwise, other things will take its place.

Attend a good Bible-believing church where you can receive strength and support for your journey. Find a place where the uncompromised Word of God is taught.

Man praying with Bible
Spend time in the Bible daily. Hear what God has to say through His word. Then bring Him your needs.

Identify with the cross

Let me explain what I mean by identifying with the cross. Often we have a very limited concept of the cross. We know that Jesus died on the cross for our sin. He took our place and, when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord, when we die we go to Heaven. Yes, that’s true, but it doesn’t end there. That’s only one aspect of the cross. To identify with the cross, everything about the old me can and should die there. The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

When Jesus hung on the cross He said, “It is finished.” It’s at the cross that all the power Satan had over us is broken. When you take what you’re still struggling with to the cross, it will be finished in your life too. Keep in mind that when you bring something to the cross, everything isn’t automatically fixed.

The cross wasn’t just for Jesus. It is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

Let’s say you fly into a rage, start throwing things and kick over the trash can. All of a sudden you catch yourself and run to the cross. “Lord, help me. Forgive me for this anger. Cleanse me.” God says, “Of course you’re forgiven.” What a relief! But guess what? There’s still garbage and broken stuff all over the place. Who has to clean it up? You do! But God gives you the grace and the strength to do it. One by one you pick up the pieces. It’s all a part of identifying with the cross. It’s finished the moment you take it there. The rest is clean-up.

You have to take it there and let it die. Often, that’s where we get discouraged because we think it isn’t working. Satan is whispering in your ear, “I’m back. You’re not free. This doesn’t work.” He wants to scare you into giving up.

Keep your eyes on Jesus

Jesus heals the brokenhearted
Help and healing could be closer than you think! Call 239.244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com

Stop looking at the junk and look at Jesus! He set you free to live that way forever. Not just free from sin, but free from rejection, a wounded spirit, depression, self-hatred, anger—and the list goes on and on. Galatians 5:1 tells us: “Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

“Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

Galatians 5:1

So when Satan brings back those old feelings of rejection, pain, or bad memories, tell him where to go. Say, “Shut up, in Jesus’ name. You’re a liar! I am crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Rejection doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. It’s nailed to the cross, and it died there.” Remember, healing is yours. Christ set you free. Keep standing firm!

We love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing, please let us know by leaving a comment.…

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Rejecting rejection: My story

September 17, 2022 Michele Anastasi
4 Comments
Rejection, Success & victory

Rejection is one of the most painful wounds you could ever receive.  Not only does it damage your self-image and confidence, but rejection wounds your soul and spirit like nothing else can. Because God is Love, rejection is one of Satan’s weapons of choice. He works very hard using whatever and whomever he can to make us feel unloved and worthless.

Born unwanted

In my own life, seeds of rejection budded in me while still in my mother’s womb. As my tiny fingers and toes formed, so did the knowledge that I was unwanted. That might seem strange, but our spirit is fully formed at conception and can pick up on our mother’s feelings. Even medical science has proven that infants in utero are aware of and react to external stimuli.

In the 1940’s, many women who conceived out of wedlock used homemade remedies to try to abort unwanted pregnancy. Thankfully for me, none of those remedies did away with my physical existence. To add to my mother’s fear, doctors had warned her that giving birth could kill her because of a severe heart condition she had since childhood. I heard this sad story constantly growing up—reinforcing the fact that I was a mistake.

In my childhood and teen years, I endured physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. She too grew up in an abusive home. All this turned me into one rejected mess! It was etched onto my soul that I was unwanted, had no value, and shouldn’t even exist.

Rebellion takes hold

As it often does, rejection turned into rebellion. A hardness began to grow inside me. I remember lying in bed as a child and vowing that I would never let anyone hurt me again. Subconsciously I said, “No more” and put on a defensive front for self-protection.

When I came to Christ in my twenties, I brought all that ugly baggage. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

I loved God. I knew if I died I’d go to heaven, but I couldn’t get victory over the anger, rage, and rejection that controlled me. Yes, I let Christ touch and heal some areas. But in areas where I was most wounded, I remained unchanged. Healing takes time and commitment. It’s a process. After all these years, God is still working in me, still healing me.

When I came to Christ, I brought all that ugly baggage with me. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

Breaking Free Inner Healing
Do you suffer from rejection? We’re here to help. Go to BreakingFreeCC.com or call 239.244.3912.

God is still working

I shared all that because most people don’t like to admit that they deal with rejection. They’ve spent much of their lives trying to cover it up with all kinds of defense mechanisms. You might be thinking, I’m ok. This isn’t for me. Trust me, God isn’t finished with you either. We all need more healing.

If you carry hurt or offense; if you get defensive at times; if anger sometimes rises up from nowhere; if you blame-shift or gossip even once in a while—guess what?  You need more healing. Emotional healing is key to our spiritual growth. It’s key to breaking free and living well.  You can’t mature spiritually while wounded emotionally.

You can’t mature spiritually if you are wounded emotionally.

His plan is perfect

Couple with adopted child
In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents.

The way I grew up—and maybe you too—was the exact opposite of what God planned for us. In God’s perfect world, all children would be raised and nurtured by godly parents. Our earthly father would be a reflection of God Himself: loving, caring, protecting. In this ideal world, our parents would lead us into a personal relationship with Christ, teach us the Word, take us to church and live godly lives before us. That was God’s perfect plan.

Sadly, sin entered that beautiful picture and perverted everything. Parents are more likely to pass on to their children the same brokenness and dysfunction in which they were raised. You can’t give what you don’t receive. Satan is a very real enemy, and he wants to destroy you any way he can. The younger the victim, the better he likes it.

When we don’t receive unconditional love and nurturing but get the exact opposite—abuse, criticism, anger, sarcasm, rejection—these things sink their roots deep into our souls. When you hear daily: “You always mess up… You can’t do anything right… You’re stupid… clumsy… ugly…(you fill in the blank)”—hear it enough and you begin to believe it. Inferiority, self-hatred, fear, and depression set in.

Rejection causes you to live life by your feelings. Your emotions control you. You make wrong choices to accommodate your fears and insecurities, and life keeps getting worse.

Your Father yearns to fill up all of your empty, broken places. He longs to make you whole.

It’s time you win

The Father yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. He longs to make you whole.

Know this: God has healing for you! Not only does He want to heal you, the Lord wants to be that perfect, loving Daddy to you. He desires to love you with a pure, healthy love.  He yearns to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. The Father longs to make you whole.

You may still carry pain from things you experienced many years ago. Satan was the one in control of those bad situations or people who hurt you. I think it’s time to take back what’s been stolen! Don’t you? It’s time you and I win! That’s what we’ll talk about next week: Solutions and strategies in the healing process.

We would love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.

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Lighthouse in a storm

Why the storm won‘t win

September 3, 2022 Michele Anastasi
2 Comments
Healing in marriage

Are you in a difficult place in your marriage? Don’t think that you’re alone. Every marriage goes through hard, dry times. You may feel stuck and distant from your spouse, arguing more than communicating. Sometimes it’s just a passing season of busyness and misunderstanding. Other times, it can span years.

How do you stay strong and weather bad times when everything in you wants to give up? When all hope is lost? When you feel your spouse has said and done hurtful things and doesn’t even want to make it better? Here are a few suggestions we hope you’ll find helpful. 

How to keep standing

1. Press into God. This is first and most important. You need Him now more than ever. Seek time with Him daily. Read your Bible, fill your mind with His truths. Talk to Him. When your heart hurts and anger rises, cry out to Him. 

2. Know your value. Your value is found in Him and Him alone—not anything your spouse says or does. Receive and rest in His love for you. God sees what you’re going through, and your marriage is important to Him. (Psalm 59:9-10 “You are my strength, I watch for You, God my fortress, my God on whom I can rely….”)

You are my strength, I watch for You, God my fortress, my God on whom I can rely…

Psalm 59:9-10
Breaking Free Wellness Center ad
Get your joy back! Counseling and Coaching available at BreakingFreeCC.com or by calling 239.244.3912.

3. Surround yourself with mature Christians who will encourage and pray for you. Be very careful not to disparage your spouse. Your words have power and will literally bring results. Now it’s only human to want people’s compassion. But, honestly, human compassion won’t help you or your marriage. It’s much better to seek godly counsel from your Pastor or a Christian marriage counselor or coach. Ask your spouse if they would be willing to go with you. Even if they choose not to, go alone. You’ll receive godly counsel and learn some helpful tools.

4. Focus on the positive. And try with all your might to ignore the negative. I can hear you saying, “But that’s the problem. There isn’t any positive.” Think back to the traits that drew you to your husband/wife? Try to find something about your spouse to be grateful for every day—one small thing you can thank them for. And don’t be hurt if you don’t get a positive response. Just do it as unto the Lord. Thank God throughout the day for helping you and being by your side.

Only God can give you the strength to resist temptation—to stand and believe for healing in your marriage.

A word of caution

When you’re lonely and discouraged in your marriage, it’s easy to seek comfort from unhealthy pleasures. Satan loves to tempt us when we’re at our lowest point. An affair, pornography, drugs, alcohol, overeating, and overspending are all ungodly escapes that will only make matters worse. That’s why it’s so important to press into the Lord. Only God can give you the strength to resist temptation—to stand and believe for healing in your marriage.

Please know that our hearts and prayers are with you. If you need help individually or as a couple, please reach out to us at Breaking Free Wellness Center.

We would love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.

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Couple cleaning house

More fluent in love

August 20, 2022 Michele Anastasi
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Marriage, Success & victory

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”. Since then, a number of spouses said to me they wish I had included specific suggestions for each one of the love languages. 

Taking the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved and then intentionally loving them in that way is a great gift. My first suggestion is, when you take the Love Language Quiz and get the results, spend some time discussing it together. (Just because you know your spouse’s love language doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know what they personally need to feel loved.)

Physical touch

“We know and love each other better because of it.”

When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, don’t think only of the act of love making. Physical touch includes so much more! Don’t let the day go by without touching them in a meaningful way. Some suggestions:

  1. Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before getting up.
  2. Always kiss hello and goodbye.
  3. Hold hands often.
  4. Give them a shoulder, neck or foot massage.
  5. Cuddle while watching a movie together.
  6. Hold hands and pray together.
  7. Hug often.
  8. Don’t forget at least one passionate kiss daily.
  9. Put on some romantic music and dance together.
  10. Cuddle before falling asleep.

Acts of service

For this love language, you’ll want to know what your spouse would like you to do. Acts of service require thought and effort. Some ideas:

  1. Do a chore your spouse hates to do.
  2. Ask what they need help with at the beginning of the week.
  3. Respond to requests in a positive way rather than acting put off.
  4. Make up a goody basket with their favorite treats.
  5. Fill the car with gas.
  6. Help prepare dinner or help clean up.
  7. Make their coffee or tea in the morning.
  8. Polish their shoes.
  9. Make a coupon book of things you’ll do for them.
  10. Make their favorite meal and dessert.
BF__Next level
Do you need spiritual healing? Come to the right place: www.BreakingFreeCC.com. Or call 239.244.3912.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy.

Quality time

The quality time love language centers around togetherness and giving your mate your undivided attention. Put your cell phone away. Shut down all electronics, and focus on your partner. When you do that, it touches their heart and makes them feel loved and important. Some suggestions to get you started:

  1. Plan a special date night.
  2. Take turns reading a book aloud together.
  3. Go for coffee or ice cream and leave your phone in the car.
  4. Cook dinner together.
  5. Go for a walk around your neighborhood.
  6. Start and end your day spending time talking.
  7. Discuss and plan some marriage goals together.
  8. Do a home project together.
  9. Look for and start a hobby you’d both enjoy.
  10. Once you make plans to do something, don’t cancel.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation include so much. Kindness. Encouragement. Empathy. And seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Think about what they would want to hear. For example:

  1. “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.”
  2. “Thank you for all you do for me.”
  3. “I admire the way you ______________.”
  4. “I wouldn’t want to go through life without you.”
  5. “No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together.”
  6. “I love every minute we’re together.”
  7. “Thank you for being my best friend.”
  8. “The best day of my life was the day I married you.”
  9. “You make me feel safe.”
  10. “You’re the best _____________ ever!”

Receiving gifts

Store-bought gifts aren’t the only way to speak this love language. And it’s not about how much you spend either. It’s the thought that goes into the gift. One wife told me her husband buys her gifts she doesn’t really want. Here’s a suggestion: If your spouse is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, a box of candy wouldn’t be the ideal gift. The gift should have special meaning to them. Always keep an eye out for things they’d love to be surprised with. Some ideas:

  1. Place a small gift or love note in the bag they take to work or on a trip.
  2. Listen for hints of things they love and make special occasions a big deal.
  3. Give them a small gift every hour on the hour for their birthday.
  4. Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
  5. Fill a notebook with one thing you love about them every day for a year. Include pictures of the two of you.
  6. Order a favorite childhood candy or snack.
  7. Be willing to invest in something that matters to them.
  8. After a trip, bring home a souvenir that made you think of them.
  9. Make their favorite meal and dessert for no special reason.
  10. Make a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy. Hope you find these ideas helpful! You can always discover more suggestions on the internet. Regardless, we’d love to hear how these love language tips worked out for you! 

If this blog post has blessed you, please comment below.

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Angry couple

Become fluent in love

August 6, 2022 Michele Anastasi
0 Comment
Making positive change, Marriage

Twenty years ago, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote his bestseller “The Five Love Languages”. We read it back then and, over the years, have even taught the principles in our marriage groups. We found that Chapman’s insights are key to building intimacy and understanding in marriage. I highly recommend it if you’ve never read it.

The book explains five ways people give and receive love: 1. words of affirmation, 2. acts of service, 3. physical touch, 4. quality time, and 5. receiving gifts. Every person has at least one primary love language. But rarely does a couple share the same one which, of course, complicates things. It’s as if you speak English and your spouse only understands Portuguese. Because you express your love for them in your language, they can’t understand or receive it. 

Every person has at least one primary love language. But rarely does a couple share the same one…

“We know and love each other better because of it.”

Commit to learning

My primary love language is words of affirmation, with acts of service running a close second. If Gaspar brings me flowers and candy, that’s nice. But they don’t touch my heart like him looking deep into my eyes and saying, “Michele, you’re amazing!”…and then helping me clean out the garage. Crazy right? But that’s what floats my boat.

So often in marriage, both partners feel a lack of intimacy. Each is frustrated that their needs aren’t being met. For instance, you can feel unloved even though your spouse thinks they’re lavishing affection on you. That’s because they are speaking their own love language, totally oblivious to yours.

Intimacy doesn’t come naturally. Couples need to become students of each other and never quit learning. The better you know your partner’s likes, dislikes, desires, frustrations, joys, and love language, the deeper and closer your intimacy becomes. 

Intimacy takes time

Developing intimacy takes spending quality time together, sharing your hearts, your feelings, thoughts and needs with each other. It doesn’t happen amid texts and rushed conversations. Before long and without considerable effort, problems arise and rejection creeps in. 

Couples need to become students of each other and never quit learning.

Do everything you can to develop and protect the intimacy in your marriage. Putting in the work to better understand each other is the ultimate labor of love and will benefit every part of your relationship. I always want to share resources with you that have helped our marriage, and “The Five Love Languages” certainly has. We know and love each other better because of it. Thank you, Dr. Chapman.

Do you need inner healing? Come to the right place: www.BreakingFreeCC.com. Or call 239.244.3912.

We love hearing from you! If this blog post has blessed you, please comment below.

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