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Posts by Michele Anastasi

Stranger waiting at the door

When stress comes knocking

A while back, a super stressful period hit the Anastasi house. You know the kind I’m talking about… where everything that could go wrong, does. But I think we would all agree that, starting with COVID outbreaks throughout our country and world, stress levels have risen in most families and marriages. 

It happens to the best of us

Every marriage faces stress on a regular basis. In fact, the strongest couples you know are probably the ones who have endured the most challenges together. 

The pandemic just added to our already stressful lives by closing down schools, putting people out of work, stripping away many of our regular stress outlets like church services, getting together with friends, going out to dinner and a movie—all the things that gave us a sense of well-being and normalcy in life. So there we were housebound, lives turned upside down, with nothing left to do but get on each other’s nerves.

At this time more than ever, we need to take a more relaxed stance toward things. Overlook petty annoyances and be patient and kind to each other. Make an effort to appreciate the little things in each other that we may have taken for granted.

There will always be stress in marriage. Every season and stage brings challenges.

Popular stressors

When Gaspar and I were first married, we dealt with in-law stress. Merging two families with different backgrounds is always challenging. But together we worked through it. 

For years, with a growing family, there was always financial stress making ends meet. Too much week and not enough paycheck. But with God’s help, we always managed to have enough. 

Working at our jobs is demanding and brings stress. Being in ministry is no different. Sometimes I think the stress is greater. It’s difficult not sharing the burden when you see people hurting and with so many needs.

Couple smiling
Need help with your marriage? Visit BreakingFreeCC.com or call (239) 244-3912 and tap into the kind of wisdom that will put you both back on the right track!

I know best

Add to that, the stress of parenting today. It’s unbelievable! So glad ours are all adults now. But whether small or grown, our precious gifts from God bring stress—probably because we want so badly to do right by them.

I remember more than one disagreement when our kids were small, and it was usually my fault. I didn’t agree with the way my husband disciplined the children. I thought, because I was with them more, I knew better than he did (and told him so over and over and over again). Then one day while I was in prayer probably complaining to God about my husband, the Lord stopped me in my tracks: “Michele, your children don’t need two mothers. So let Gaspar be the father I’ve called him to be.” Wow! That was the end of me telling him, “I know best”.

Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.

In sickness and in health

The stress I mentioned at the beginning of the blog had to do with an accident I had and then a health issue. It made me think of our wedding vows… “in sickness and health.” When you or your spouse face health challenges and stress knocks at your door, it’s a time to give your love and support to each other more than ever.

So where am I going with this blog? I just want to encourage you. We’re living in the most stressful of times, and stress comes in all sizes and shapes. Keep God in the center of your marriage. He’ll never fail you. Face every challenge with faith, patience, teamwork, and—most important— unconditional love. With that combination you can’t fail.


We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

Lessons in rebellion, pt. 2

A while ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. What started out as rejection grew into outright rebellion. Read part 1 here. Now, here’s how to recognize rebellion in your own life.

Do you have these traits of rebellion?

  1. Faithlessness. You have trouble being loyal to God, so you keep falling away.
  2. Hostility. You have a chip on your shoulder. You cause turmoil and strife wherever you go.
  3. Superiority. You think you know it all. You’re arrogant.
  4. Controlling. You’re strong-willed; it’s got to be your way.
  5. Rigid. You won’t bend or compromise.
  6. Bitter and resentful.
  7. Critical. You always have something negative to say, always find fault.
  8. Unteachable. You know it all, so you set yourself up as judge and final
    authority…as God. No one can teach you anything.These aren’t very nice qualities. Hopefully, if you see yourself in them, it will give you the desire to repent, and ask God to forgive you and change you.

P-R-I-D-E

The root sin of rebellion is pride. You have so much pride you don’t think you even need God. If you look at the word  P R I D E, what’s in the middle of it?  ” I “.  That’s exactly what’s in the middle of  S I N,  ” I “……..”SELF.”  “I’m going to do it my way.”

Rebellion and pride go way back to the Garden of Eden, to the first couple. Satan has been using the same old tricks since the beginning of time–trying to convince us that God is holding out on us. God can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Satan made Eve feel like God was holding out on her. That caused her to rebel, and Adam went along with her.

Rebellion and pride go way back to the first couple.

holy-bible300x197

Adam blamed Eve, said it wasn’t his fault. Eve blamed the serpent, said she was deceived, said “It’s not my fault.” If you’re deceived, it most certainly is your fault, because you should know what God’s Word says!

Don’t let rebellion destroy you. Get help.

Instead of blaming someone else, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. Are you rebellious? Are you bitter? Critical? Stubborn? Hard-hearted? Holding unforgiveness in your heart? Are you doing things your way, instead of God’s way? Because if you are, you’re deceived and it is your fault.

Rebellion brings destruction! The only way to prevent destruction is to admit the rebellion and quit it. Stop blaming others. Maybe others have sown a lot of bad seeds into your life. You’ve been hurt, rejected, abused… but God is saying today, “This is about you. You need to repent. Just do it.” So get alone with God and just do it.

Are you struggling with rejection, rebellion or another area of your life? Don’t go it alone. Seeing a trained counselor doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It means you’re wise enough to get help to become emotionally healthy. Growth comes when  things are brought out of the dark into the light. Let there be light!


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Lessons in rebellion, pt. 1

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. I’d like to share the flip side of rejection: Rebellion.

Rebellion: the result of rejection

Rebellion often results from rejection. If you get hurt in some way—any kind of emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or abandonment—it opens the door to rejection in your life.  If you don’t turn to God and let Him heal you, you sink deeper and deeper into pain and depression; and, eventually, rebellion kicks in.

You can even see this in some children who’ve been hurt over and over again. One day something snaps inside of them, and they vow: “I’m never going to cry again…. You can beat me to a pulp, but I won’t shed a tear.” A hardness grows inside of them.

That’s what I did as a child and, over the years, the anger and rebellion grew. I used my anger and defensiveness as a form of protection. It wasn’t until I came to Christ, that I started to realize what was going on inside of me.

Destruction: The result of rebellion

God tells us in Proverbs 29:1, “Whoever remains stiff-necked [rebellious] after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed without remedy.”

It’s not that God’s grace doesn’t extend to you anymore, or that He wouldn’t forgive you if you turned to Him. Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear Him anymore.

Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear God anymore.

That’s what happened to the children of Israel in the Old Testament. God would tell them what to do, and they wouldn’t do it. Of course, they felt they had good reason for refusing: They were full of fear and unbelief. They actually  believed if they did what God said, they would be destroyed. They didn’t trust Him.

“I just can’t do it, God… It’s too hard… I hurt too much… You don’t understand…   I’m so lonely… Yes, I know but….” It doesn’t matter how good you think your excuses are. Rebellion is going to cost you big time. It will harden your heart.

Wandering in your own personal wilderness

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The children of Israel ignored God’s leading so often, that finally He just sent them into the wilderness. They were so rebellious He couldn’t lead them into the blessings He had planned for them. We need to learn from that. When God tells you what to do, don’t put it off, just do it.

The longer you stay in sinful habits, the more they become a part of you; the more your heart becomes calloused to the fact that it’s sin. The first time you blow up in a rage, you know it’s wrong and you’re sorry. The second time, it doesn’t bother you quite so much. The sixth time, you’re pretty sure you’re justified. Your heart hardening. That’s how strongholds form in people’s lives.

Wrong choices, wrong results

If you go against what God says, it won’t go well for you. You’re headed for destruction, because wrong choices always bring wrong results. God can’t bless what’s contrary to His Word.

The root sin of rejection is unbelief, a  lack of  trust in God. That’s why rejection will eventually lead to rebellion. If you believe that God cares about you, if you know He wants to bless you, then you’ll obey Him. But if you don’t trust Him, you’ll rebel.

I Samuel 15:23, tells us that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Why? Because you’re making something else God, namely yourself. You’re saying, “I’ll do it my way, I’ll be the god of my life.… Yes Lord, I know what You want me to do, but I’m going to do it my way.” That’s rebellion!  The thing that guides your life–even if it’s you–is your god. (To be continued in next post.)


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couple finger-holding

How to heal what’s broken

Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? You may have even thought it was impossible. The hurt and pain went so deep that you didn’t even want to think about forgiving. I know. I’ve been there and, if you’re married, I’m sure you have too.

My own struggle

Right from the start, let me say I (Michele) have struggled with forgiveness. It hasn’t come easy. And my heart goes out to those of you who have been wounded and are struggling too. It’s especially difficult when it’s your own spouse that has failed you somehow. You know, the one who promised to love and cherish you?

Over the years, we found that unforgiveness and past hurts are at the root of most marital problems.

Having been raised by a very wounded and abusive parent, I came into marriage with a lot of unresolved anger. I stumbled onto a long road toward inner healing. Along the way, I uncovered the resentment and anger I was carrying in my soul. In fact, that’s one of the reasons Gaspar and I got into inner healing so many years ago. It’s because of the past hurts we each carried. So what does healing have to do with forgiveness?

testimonial
Breaking Free Wellness Center will help you heal from past hurts and look forward to a productive tomorrow. Visit our website or call to schedule an appointment with one of our amazing counselors and coaches or Call (239)244-3912.

We must go back to move forward

When a couple comes into the Breaking Free office for counseling, we often suggest that they both go through inner healing prayer. And that’s before they even start counseling. Why? Over the years, we found that unforgiveness and past hurts are at the root of most marital problems.

Uncovering and identifying past wounds from childhood begins to open the couple’s eyes. They start to see how these hurts have—not only affected them individually, but still are—affecting their marriage. Often, we must go back before we can go forward (Gaspar just wrote a great blog about that). Looking to the past to understand the present gives us a new perspective and, hopefully, more compassion for each other.

Looking to the past to understand the present gives us a new perspective and, hopefully, more compassion for each other.

In marriage, we hurt each other.  It’s inevitable. And forgiveness is the most effective way to heal. If you’re still thinking “But you don’t know what he/she did,” no, I don’t. And like I said before, my heart hurts for the pain you’re going through. But my prayer is to see you freed from that pain. I know from my own personal experience and years of counseling others. The only way that pain will go away is by forgiving them.

Stop killing yourself

Trying to punish your partner by hanging on to anger and bitterness only hurts you. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. (You’ve heard that before right?) Forgiving an offending spouse isn’t a sign of weakness. Nor does it mean you’re condoning your husband or wife’s actions. Forgiving means that you want to let go of the pain and start to heal. You want to please God and move forward.

Hanging on to bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Think about it. The greatest gift God gave us is the gift of forgiveness—through Jesus giving His life for us. He liberally pours out His unconditional forgiveness on us and in us so that we, in turn, can forgive others.

Choosing to forgive is one of the healthiest, most transformative decisions you can ever make for your marriage—and for yourself. Please know that you can forgive. Make the choice, and God will give you the help you need to heal what’s broken.

For more on this topic, read Gaspar’s blog post Forgiveness: The breakfast of champions or mine When forgiving is hard….


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boy and girl bride

Going back to go forward

In our Sacred Marriage group, we hold a session we call Going Back to Go Forward. That’s because the childhood wounds and experiences of one or both partners often resurface in our marriage relationship. They certainly did in ours. In fact, it was our own brokenness that brought us into inner healing ministry. Way back then, there was very little information on healing damaged emotions. But we absorbed whatever we could find, and the Holy Spirit taught us the rest.

The past isn’t always behind us

One thing we came to realize is that our marital problems didn’t start at the altar. Our difficulties were rooted in childhood wounds that were never healed or dealt with. Our patterns of relating to each other were formed in those early experiences and the way our parents related to us and to each other.

We all lug around emotional baggage we aren’t aware of.

We tend to think that what happened to us in the past is just that—the past. Why should it affect us today? And why our marriage? The truth is: We all lug around emotional baggage that we aren’t even aware of.

Most everything we learn about life, we learn from our parents or whoever raised us. Their issues are automatically passed down and ingrained in us. If your parents didn’t live godly, committed lives, you probably weren’t exposed to the presence of God or taught His ways. Therefore, during our formative years, we learned how to cope and survive without Him. 

Unrealistic expectations

In addition to emotional baggage, we bring into our union unrealistic expectations. Personally, I looked to my new husband to make up for everything my wounded childhood lacked. I thought if he loved me the right way, that would make me whole. We both desperately looked to each other like that. It took us years to learn that what we needed could only be found in Christ. 

The thing is, when we come to Christ, no one pushes the “clear” button to wipe away all the negative defense mechanisms we acquired to protect ourselves—things like blame-shifting, denial, anger, shutting down, etc. 

There’s a great quote by author Pete Scazzero: “Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.” That means Jesus saves us the moment we come to Him, but we still have a lifetime of experiences to work through. That’s where transformation takes place.

Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.

—Pete Scazzero
Breaking Free Wellness Center will help you heal from past hurts and look forward to a productive tomorrow. Visit our website or call to schedule an appointment with one of our amazing counselors and coaches or Call (239)244-3912.

Overcoming strongholds

Growing up, both our environment and experiences erect strongholds in our minds. This results in deep-set patterns of behavior that remain with us until they’re broken through prayer and then continually worked out by the renewing of our mind in God’s Word. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 that we must no longer be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…

Romans 12:2

Beyond the blame game

Please keep in mind: The goal in exposing and healing childhood wounds isn’t to blame our parents. They, no doubt, suffered from their own wounded pasts. There are many ways we can be wounded in childhood: The death of a parent, divorce, learning disabilities, chronic childhood illness, being bullied, being given too much responsibility, poverty, all sorts of abuse… Life is not easy.

The good news is God can heal any wound—no matter how deep or painful. He just needs us to be honest and transparent with Him; to own up to the struggles that hold us hostage. It’s through our brokenness that God can bring healing. As we learn to forgive each other and those who have hurt us, we enable God to step in and give us beauty for ashes.


We pray that this blog has been blessing to you. Why not leave a comment below? We love hearing from you!…

couple walking on beach

Your marriage wins with a good coach

About five years ago, we added Marriage Coaching to the services we offer at Breaking Free Wellness Center. I received certification as a Life Coach in November 2020. We realized life coaching is a perfect tool to assist people in learning to live well, especially in marriage.

Of course, there’s nothing better than inner healing prayer and counseling. Why? It helps couples break free from past hurts and negative behaviors they brought into the marriage.

Miracles happen every day

We see miracles every day! Couples come in on the verge of divorce. Then, after receiving Stop Hurting Start Healing prayer and counseling, their hearts amazingly soften and change. Husband and wife develop a renewed desire to forgive each other and work at their marriage. It’s at this point that marriage coaching becomes so beneficial!

I (Gaspar) am also excited about the marriage coaching program we’re now offering. It’s the next step and follow-up for a couple who have gone through Stop Hurting Start Healing. In our sessions, Michele and I diagnose the couple’s problems, pray for inner healing, counsel them and prescribe solutions.

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills.

Couple smiling
God is the Healer. But Michele Anastasi, our amazing Marriage Coach, can train you for the winning marriage you always wanted. Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Go “all in”

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills. That way, husbands and wives can use those learned skills outside of the coaching sessions to develop their own solutions. However, marriage coaching serves only couples who want to grow and change. It’s for husbands and wives willing to work the process together to accomplish something they both want.

The couple doesn’t have to come to the coaching session knowing exactly what changes they want to make. Coaches help couples clarify how they want to grow by asking insightful questions. These questions draw out their thoughts, feelings and desires. As a coach, I take the couple through exercises that help them communicate to each other what they want.

Make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together!

“We” wins

In time, couples start to focus on the “we”. That’s one of the most important things that marriage coaching accomplishes. Husbands and wives emerge no longer as two individuals just living for self. They become a team embarking on a journey to fulfill the purpose God has for them as a couple. And, make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together! Sometimes winning takes a good coach.


If you are interested in getting coached personally or as a couple, please visit the Breaking Free Wellness Center website or call 239.244.3912. Feel free to share your thoughts below.

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