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Posts by Michele Anastasi

Couple looking in the distance

Understanding God’s plan for you

August 3, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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Finding direction, Marriage, Success & victory

I had to laugh when a good friend read last week’s blog about Gaspar and me making a Vision Board. She said, “That’s fine for you ‘crafty’ people, but my husband and I aren’t the creative types.” Little did she know that the vision board we made was just one of the things we did at our annual Marriage Retreat in May. And 20 couples—both creative and non-creative types—had a blast doing it.

Gaspar & Michele’s vision board created during the 2021 marriage retreat

Maybe making a vision board isn’t your thing, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from coming up with a vision statement for your marriage.

Few couples ever think about their life vision or articulate it. In our society, life visions usually sound something like this: Get an education. Get a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Make more money. Buy a bigger house. Enjoy a nice retirement. These aren’t bad things to want and may very well be a part of God’s plan for you, but it’s not all He wants.

Wait, there’s more!

The Bible teaches us that we have a God who created each of us, then brought us together for a purpose—more than for just our own happiness. What would your marriage be like if you asked, “Father, what do you want our lives to accomplish for You?” Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Simply put, your life vision is what you’re living for, your ultimate purpose, what your life is all about. It can be summed up in one sentence, or it may be an entire page. The important thing is that it clearly states the purpose and goals of your life together.

God’s plans for you are so much greater than your own for yourself!

Where to begin?

Talk

Start by talking about your mutual goals and dreams. I know, it can be a little difficult to be open about something so personal, even to a spouse. One partner may feel the other won’t understand or may be critical. But you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Pray

Finding A life vision obviously must involve prayer since we are seeking God’s plan for us. There are so many things that we can do and many things that need to be done. So we need God‘s guidance in what His plan is for us. Just ask Him and He’ll show you—maybe not the full plan all at once, but He’ll show you.

Write

There’s something about writing a life vision that solidifies it in you mind and lends it added importance. It also helps keep you on track when life gets hectic. Read it often and it will bring you back to your priorities and what you really want to spend your time on.

As you talk, pray and write, two questions may help:

1) Does this vision speak to who we are? (Does it fit our gifts and strengths?)

2) If we focus on these areas, will we feel that we’ve fulfilled our destiny? Your life vision starts out with who you are and the gifts and interests God has put in both of you. But it needs to end by benefiting and helping others.

Your life vision starts with you, but it should end with helping others.

Yours, mine and ours

You may be wondering, “How do we combine our interests when we have two very different calls?” Combining two life visions into one calls for creative give and take. It’s sort of a yours-mine-and-ours approach.

In our marriage, Gaspar does a wide variety of things in the ministry that I’m not involved in. Likewise, I do women’s ministry, Bible Studies and Life Coaching—things that he isn’t involved in. But then, together, we share this blog, our weekly marriage group, and marriage counseling and coaching.

Christian couples can make an impact in many places: Community programs, schools, businesses, hospitality, encouraging and, of course, the church, to name a few.

It’s bigger than you.

Studies have shown that one constant in the lives of couples with strong marriages is their mutual devotion to a cause or purpose beyond themselves. This was God’s original plan, and following His plans and principles will always lead to happiness and success.

If you would like more details on how to make a Vision Board or write a Vision Statement, just leave your request and email in the comment box, we’ll be happy to send it to you. 

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drama in the airport

Drama in the airport

July 6, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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Marriage

The rude couple

A couple of weeks ago we were in the airport waiting for a flight. I can’t help it, but I’m an incurable people-watcher. Sitting directly across from us was a couple, mid to late thirties.

The husband went to get something to eat and a coffee for his wife. As she placed the coffee on the floor near her bag, he started ravenously eating his food—seriously, like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. Food was falling everywhere and splattered her pants. As she tried to clean the food off of her, he just kept munching away.

I couldn’t help myself and my mother instinct said, “You better say sorry, or the rest of your day isn’t going to go well.” He ignored me and, shifting his weight in his seat, kicked her coffee all over her feet. She jumped up and headed to either the ladies room or to call her attorney. Can you believe he just looked at the mess and continued eating!

I was so upset I started writing about it in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew.

Another passenger, also watching, went for some paper towel… Finally the husband got the hint, stopped eating and attended to what was left of the mess. Wow! Where has care, kindness and even simple manners gone in today’s marriages?

If this were an isolated incident I probably wouldn’t be writing this. But being a people-watcher and traveling a lot, I see such bad behavior and downright rudeness in couples. I was so upset I started writing about what happened in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew and He already had the ending planned out.

The desperate couple

Several days later, there we were in the airport again. The last thing you want to hear after two flights and a long trip is that your bags are on another plane, and there will be a slight delay. So back to people-watching… You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

I didn’t hear this couple say a word, but I knew they were Christians. We started talking about the delay, making small talk. They were returning from a trip to see a new grandbaby. Asked if we had been on vacation, Gaspar shared about the church and that we were away writing new material for our Sacred Marriage group. That’s when they shared their story.

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Then, struck by a series of painful events and with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord.

Up until a few years ago their marriage had been in deep trouble. They were going in separate directions, totally shut down to each other. Then, struck by a series of painful events with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord. They leaned on Him, sought His will and, most of all, reconnected to Him as a couple. And in the process, Jesus transformed their troubled marriage into an awesome one.

What a different story from the other couple! I suddenly felt very sad that we hadn’t had the chance to tell them about the Lord. But since then, we’ve prayed for God to put believers in their path.

Every couple’s greatest need

The only way to have a healthy, thriving marriage is with Jesus. He is what every marriage needs at its center. If you let Him, God will give you the relationship you’ve always longed for. He will make a good marriage great; get a struggling marriage back on track; and bring a dead marriage back to life. He does what no one and nothing else can.

Marriages are hurting today more than ever. My husband and I feel the Lord leading us to take a slight detour with this blog and focus on marriage for awhile. We would love to hear your thoughts. Are marriages today changing? If so, why? Do you see changes in your own marriage? 

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.…

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Couple holding hands

You, me and Him—pt. 2

June 22, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

To recap last week’s blog post: Having devotions as a couple is very important. I’m convinced that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. Unlike them however, you and I don’t need to be afraid to face the Father because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.

Matthew 18:19-20

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced to us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer.

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Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

Newlywed Couple’s Devotional by Chris & Jamie Bailey
Preparing Your Heart for Marriage by Gary Thomas
Christian Marriage Devotional for Couples by Teri Reeves

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Couples devotion time

You, me and Him—pt. 1

June 8, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is difficult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reflect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctified is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed off.

God knows exactly what we need to grow and get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because the were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

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God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Set a goal

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left off.

Be sure to look for next week’s blog post. I’ll shed more light on this important topic and share a good sample devotional. In the meantime, why not discuss doing devotions as a couple with your husband or wife and carve out a time to make it happen! [Continued next week]

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Couple looking at computer

Kick off a successful partnership

April 27, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage

In my last blog post, I (Michele) shared all the benefits of having a regular date night and how much it will improve your marriage. Another discipline that Gaspar and I recently added to our weekly schedule is a marriage meeting. (We never suggest couples do something that we haven’t first tried ourselves and find valuable.)

So we’ve been having a weekly marriage meeting for a while now. And to be honest, I don’t know how we functioned for so many years without one. All I can say is, life in our household is running so much smoother.

To be honest, I don’t know how we functioned for so many years without a marriage meeting.

I can already hear some of you saying, “That’s crazy, having a formal weekly meeting with my spouse. I don’t need to make life any more difficult.”

My response: “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” Think of it as investing time and energy in your marriage to keep it working well. We promise: If you give it a try, after a very short time, you’ll see the benefits. 

The business of marriage

Imagine if you and a partner were running a successful business. I’m sure you’d meet together at least once a week to discuss the goals and priorities for that week. Well you and your spouse are partners together in running a family business, your household, your finances, your children…. Isn’t that at least as important as running any company? 

Until my husband and I started having weekly meetings, often we were going in opposite directions, which caused many frustrating issues.

What does a marriage meeting look like? We like to open our meeting in prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit’s Presence. You and your spouse are partners in this company, but God is the CEO.

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A helpful meeting agenda

Our meeting consists of 5 parts: Appreciation, Catch-up questions, Chores, Good Times, and Problems and Challenges.

1. Appreciation

Each partner shares something they appreciate about the other person. Don’t skip this part thinking it’s silly. Appreciation is like a healing balm for a relationship. It heals hurts and softens difficult issues. It starts the meeting off on a positive note.

2. Catch-up questions

Be sure and have your calendar with you. You’re going to be scheduling things you’ll have to write down. Some suggestions for questions: What brought you joy this week? What was difficult for you this week? Is there anything I can do to help you this week? During this time you would discuss upcoming events that will take place between now and your next meeting. Also, review future dates on your calendar that might need extra planning like Birthdays, Holidays, out of town guests. This is also a good time to discuss work schedules, kids’ activities, church functions, appointments that need to be made and other commitments.

3. Chores

Chores and Finances: No one is looking for more work to do. But think of chores as tasks worth investing energy in to have a pleasant environment to live in. Discuss and agree on what needs to get done this week and who will do each task. It isn’t necessary to discuss chores that you’ve already established a routine for and are working well. Discuss chores and errands that aren’t getting done. Repairs that need to be made. Writing out a “to do” with specific deadlines is very helpful. Don’t demand your spouse do a certain chore.

Work at compromise. Remember, you’re on the same team. Strive to be flexible, helpful, and reasonable. Of course, if one partner works outside the home and the other doesn’t, chore division will fall more, but not totally, on the stay-at-home partner.

Strive to be flexible, helpful and reasonable.

Couples and Finances: If you and your spouse have an established plan for dealing with finances, then just a brief update on current bills, expenses, and savings can be discussed at this time. One of you might bring up a large expense like school tuition, or a needed major repair, and discuss how it will be paid. The topic of money is often emotionally charged because money often symbolizes control, power and security. If this is a sensitive topic in your marriage, it’s best to discuss it at the end during the Problems and Challenges part of your meeting.

4. Good Times

Planning for Good Times: This is a fun section. In this part of the meeting, you make plans for your Date Night. Remember, even if you’re busy or feel you can’t afford a night out, you can always plan a romantic at-home date. Family fun time is also important. The family that plays together, stays together. It’s easy to talk about date night and family outings, but if you don’t decide on a specific activity and time and put it on your calendar, you’ll usually end up doing nothing. By intentionally making plans for couple and family times, you’ll end up with a lot more fun in your life.

5. Problems & Challenges

This is your opportunity to bring up anything on your mind that is an issue or problem. How you address this section of your meeting is critical. Approach it with kindness and a mindset to solve problems—not argue. Try to reach mutually agreed upon decisions. Don’t blame. Attack the problem, not each other. If you discover over time that you’re unable to resolve a conflict and it’s driving a wedge between you, seek help from your Pastor or a counselor.

Some tips for success:

  • Follow the recommended sequence: Appreciation, Catch-up questions/Calendar, Chores, Plan for Good Times, Problems and Challenges.
  • Bring your appointment book or calendar.
  • Keep meetings positive and upbeat.
  • Don’t meet when either of you are hungry or tired.
  • Don’t meet while eating a meal.
  • Meeting at home is best.
  • Don’t allow interruptions.
  • Schedule your next Marriage Meeting before your current meeting ends, unless you’ve already established a set day and time each week.

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Couple having fun at home

Make it a date

March 30, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

One of the many important topics we’ve discussed in our Sacred Marriage class is “marriage disciplines” or “marriage priorities” that will help strengthen and grow your relationship. One of those priorities is having a regular date night. 

I’m sure you’ve heard many times that date nights are important and valuable in marriage. Yet, you probably still don’t have one, right? We asked the couples in our class “Why?” Many said they were just “too busy to fit one more thing in” their schedule. When delving a little deeper, we saw that the couples were prioritizing their jobs, their children, church activities and just about everything else above their marriage!

When a couple is over-committed and under-connected, they begin to live their marriage in stress mode.

Schedule your priorities

Are you living with too many “attractive distractions” and “confused priorities”? The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule—but to schedule your priorities. When a couple is over-committed and under-connected, they begin to live their marriage in stress mode. This is not what God had in mind when he created marriage. So we gave the couples in Sacred Marriage an exercise to do. Why not try it yourself? 

  • First, list in order the 5 top priorities in your life, things that take up most of your time. 
  • Now re-order your list in a way that would honor your commitment to God in your marriage. Just a little hint: God should be number one, and your spouse should be number two. 
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Make a meaningful connection

The benefits you’ll receive from spending “couple time” together will far outweigh the benefits you receive from your over-scheduled calendar and taking each other for granted. Statistics show that couples who don’t have at least one mutually meaningful connection a week are at greater risk for divorce. 

The benefits you’ll receive from spending “couple time” together will far outweigh those from your over-scheduled calendar…

Having a regular date night helps build communication. It gives you the opportunity to stay current with each other’s lives and continue to grow together. It’s the perfect chance to relax and take a break from the daily grind—a time to draw closer together and remember why you fell in love in the first place. 

Here’s an advantage you may not have thought of. Going on dates is a great role model for your kids! It teaches them that the husband-and-wife relationship is important and separate from them. It was there before they were born and will be there long after they leave home to start their own lives. What an amazing gift to give your children! 

It’s not the what but the why

Planning a date night doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s spending the time together that counts. And these mate dates don’t necessarily have to involve going out. We know that couples raising young children don’t always have a reliable sitter or finances. So get creative. One idea may be to put the children to bed and get your favorite take-out delivered. Light some candles, put on romantic music and simply enjoy each other’s company. 

If you’re able to go out, make a list of fun activities you’d both enjoy. Maybe a picnic at the park, a concert, a flea market, browsing a bookstore, taking a day trip… (It’s important that you both contribute to the list). Now this is the fun part: Each of you, take turns choosing from the list and plan the date to surprise your partner.

So give it a try. Set up some weekly date nights with your spouse, get creative and most importantly: Enjoy!

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