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Posts by Michele Anastasi

man on swing

Discover the true you

January 16, 2021 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Finding direction, Uncategorized

Our blog on Life Coaching stirred a lot of interest. A number of you were curious about what kind of tools a coach uses. Actually, that depends on what area the client desires to work on. One tool we use if the client is unsure of where they’d like to start is the Wheel of Life Assessment. This exercise helps you see areas where your life is out of balance and where there’s need for change.

Life wheel assessment

The first step is to rank your satisfaction in each of these areas of life from one to ten. The categories together create a picture of a balanced life for you. If necessary, you can split a category segment to add something that’s missing, or re-label an area to make the Wheel more applicable to your life.

 8 Most Common Life Areas:

  • God: Your spiritual life
  • Family: Spouse, children, significant other
  • Work: Your career, ministry, volunteering
  • Finances: Budget, income, investments, retirement 
  • Living Environment: Home, apartment, office, car, etc.
  • Personal Growth: What you do to learn and improve yourself 
  • Health: Everything you do to take care of yourself
  • Community: Friends, social life, recreation 

Using the Assessment: 

Once the assessment is filled out your coach would discuss some of the following general questions with you and see which area you’d like to work on.

  • How do you feel about your life as you look at your Wheel?
  • Are there any surprises for you?
  • Which of these categories would you most like to improve? 
  • What would make a lasting difference, not just a temporary one?
  • If making this change was easy, you would have done it already. What makes it difficult?

More specific questions if you chose one of these areas:

God

  • Describe your relationship with God. What is it like?
  • What do you aspire to in this area? What is your ideal? 
  • What is the gap? What’s missing?

Family

  • What’s best about your marriage/family life? What would you most to like to see change?
  • Paint me a picture of what a great marriage or family life would look like to you.
  • What are you committed to in this area?

Work

  • What makes you satisfied/dissatisfied with your work?
  • What’s most important to you in a job? How well does your current job supply that?
  • What needs to change?

Finances

  • What led you to rank ‘Finances’ as a_______?
  • Give me a quick overview of what’s going on in your financial life. What’s got your attention?
  • What would you like to see change this year in your finances?

Living Environment 

  • How do the things you own enhance your life? How do they detract from it?
  • What in your environment bothers you or drains your energy? 
  • If you could make one change in your living environment what would it be?

Personal Growth

  • Where are you motivated to improve yourself or your abilities right now?
  • What one new skill would make all the difference right now in reaching your dreams?
  • What skills, attributes or areas do you want to develop this year?

Health (Self Care)

  • How’s your health?
  • What are you tolerating or coping with in this area?
  • Where do you need to take better care of your body, mind, or emotions?

 Community 

  • Describe your social life. How satisfied are you with that?
  • What do you want in a friend? Where are those kind of people in your life?
  • Tell me about the last time you planned some fun time?

Seeing these areas laid out before you with the ratings you’ve given them, should give you some idea of where you’d like to focus your efforts for change. Of course, many people come to coaching already knowing what they want to work on. Setting boundaries, dealing with obstacles, how to detox a toxic relationship, to name a few.

A take away assignment could be to brainstorm some actions to raise your satisfaction in the areas you scored lowest in, or would most like to improve.

I hope this was helpful and gave you some further insight into coaching. Maybe even some things to think about in your own life. If you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box. I’ll be happy to answer.…

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BFLW-LIFE-COACHING

Do you know who you are?

December 26, 2020 Michele Anastasi
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Finding direction, Finding significance in life

Today’s Blog is a little different than usual. We want to take this time to introduce the new Breaking Free Living Well offices in Fort Myers, FL. At Word of Life, we’ve counseled and prayed inner healing for thousands of people over the past 35 years, and God said it was time to take this very special ministry into the community and beyond. 

We’re also adding a new component of Life Coaching which ties in perfectly helping people to, “Live Well.” We’ve wanted to do this for a long time, and I’m excited to share that we’ve recently received our Life Coaching certification. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Life Coaching let me explain what it’s all about.

Why would someone want Life Coaching?

  • Coaches help people to set and reach specific goals.
  • Coaches help in developing a closer walk with God.
  • Coaches walk with people through life transitions and other changes.
  • Coaches help stimulate and clarify vision.

Often a person may feel like something is missing in their life, but not know what that something is. One of the coach’s first tasks is to help a counselee become aware of what is creating that sense of dissatisfaction.

How is Coaching different from counseling?

  • Coaching is not for people who need to overcome painful influences from the past. That’s where inner healing prayer and counseling are invaluable.
  • Coaching helps you build vision and move toward the future.
  • Coaching is not about looking back; it’s about looking ahead.
  • Coaching is not about healing; it’s about growing.

What happens in Coaching?

Coaching is client-centered and goal-directed. Every coaching situation is unique, but usually coaches will begin by exploring the issues the person wants to change. In what areas do they want to grow? Christians in coaching may seek to determine where God appears to be leading them.

There is also the need for awareness of where the person is at present.

What are their strengths, weaknesses, abilities, spiritual gifts, interests, passions, values and hopes? Often the coach will use assessment tools to enable people to learn more about themselves.

Then comes vision. Coaches might assist in helping the person in formulating their life-vision or mission statement. Without a clear vision, people tend to drift with no direction. 

Coaches will also help people set  goals and plan ways to reach these goals.

When obstacles get in the way, coaches challenge, encourage and give accountability so the person can get past the obstacles and experience success. A coach can help you remove the blinders, allowing you to see what you may not recognize and give support as you move forward. 

A Christian coach is there for you, prayerfully listening to your concerns and asking questions that will give you clarity on your situation, get you past roadblocks, realize your God-given potential, and challenge you to be your best. So let’s get started!

Location is no obstacle. We can counsel or coach you online using Zoom. Call (239) 244.3912 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com for more information on how you can benefit from Life Coaching or Counseling from our experienced and compassionate. team.…

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rebellion

Lessons in Rebellion

August 8, 2020 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Anger management, Rejection, Success & victory

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. I’d like to share the flip side of rejection: Rebellion.

Rebellion: the result of rejection

Rebellion often results from rejection. If you get hurt in some way—any kind of emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or abandonment—it opens the door to rejection in your life.  If you don’t turn to God and let Him heal you, you sink deeper and deeper into pain and depression; and, eventually, rebellion kicks in.

You can even see this in some children who’ve been hurt over and over again. One day something snaps inside of them, and they vow: “I’m never going to cry again…. You can beat me to a pulp, but I won’t shed a tear.” A hardness grows inside of them.

That’s what I did as a child and, over the years, the anger and rebellion grew. I used my anger and defensiveness as a form of protection. It wasn’t until I came to Christ, that I started to realize what was going on inside of me.

Destruction: the result of rebellion

God tells us in Proverbs 29:1, “Whoever remains stiff-necked [rebellious] after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed without remedy.”

It’s not that God’s grace doesn’t extend to you anymore, or that He wouldn’t forgive you if you turned to Him. Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear Him anymore.

That’s what happened to the children of Israel in the Old Testament. God would tell them what to do, and they wouldn’t do it. Of course, they felt they had good reason for refusing: They were full of fear and unbelief. They actually  believed if they did what God said, they would be destroyed. They didn’t trust Him.

“I just can’t do it, God… It’s too hard… I hurt too much… You don’t understand…   I’m so lonely… Yes, I know but….” It doesn’t matter how good you think your excuses are. Rebellion is going to cost you big time. It will harden your heart.

Wandering in your own personal wilderness

wilderness300x198The children of Israel ignored God’s leading so often, that finally He just sent them into the wilderness. They were so rebellious He couldn’t lead them into the blessings He had planned for them. We need to learn from that. When God tells you what to do, don’t put it off, just do it.

The longer you stay in sinful habits, the more they become a part of you; the more your heart becomes calloused to the fact that it’s sin. The first time you blow up in a rage, you know it’s wrong and you’re sorry. The second time, it doesn’t bother you quite so much. The sixth time, you’re pretty sure you’re justified. Your heart hardening. That’s how strongholds form in people’s lives.

Wrong choices, wrong results

If you go against what God says, it won’t go well for you. You’re headed for destruction, because wrong choices always bring wrong results. God can’t bless what’s contrary to His Word.

The root sin of rejection is unbelief, a  lack of  trust in God. That’s why rejection will eventually lead to rebellion. If you believe that God cares about you, if you know He wants to bless you, then you’ll obey Him. But if you don’t trust Him, you’ll rebel.

I Samuel 15:23, tells us that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Why? Because you’re making something else God, namely yourself. You’re saying, “I’ll do it my way, I’ll be the god of my life.… Yes Lord, I know what You want me to do, but I’m going to do it my way.” That’s rebellion!  The thing that guides your life–even if it’s you–is your god.

Do you have these traits of rebellion?

  1. Faithlessness. You have trouble being loyal to God, so you keep falling away.
  2. Hostility. You have a chip on your shoulder. You cause turmoil and strife wherever you go.
  3. Superiority. You think you know it all. You’re arrogant.
  4. Controlling. You’re strong-willed; it’s got to be your way.
  5. Rigid. You won’t bend or compromise.
  6. Bitter and resentful.
  7. Critical. You always have something negative to say, always find fault.
  8. Unteachable. You know it all, so you set yourself up as judge and final
    authority…as God. No one can teach you anything.These aren’t very nice qualities. Hopefully, if you see yourself in them, it will give you the desire to repent, and ask God to forgive you and change you.

P-R-I-D-E

The root sin of rebellion is pride. You have so much pride you don’t think you even need God. If you look at the word  P R I D E, what’s in the middle of it?  ” I “.  That’s exactly what’s in the middle of  S I N,  ” I “……..”SELF.”  “I’m going to do it my way.”

Rebellion and pride go way back to the Garden of Eden, to the first couple. Satan has been using the same old tricks since the beginning of time–trying to convince us that God is holding out on us. God can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Satan made Eve feel like God was holding out on her. That caused her to rebel, and Adam went along with her.

holy-bible300x197Adam blamed Eve, said it wasn’t his fault. Eve blamed the serpent, said she was deceived, said “It’s not my fault.” If you’re deceived, it most certainly is your fault, because you should know what God’s Word says!

Don’t let rebellion destroy you. Get help.

Instead of blaming someone else, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. Are you rebellious? Are you bitter? Critical? Stubborn? Hard-hearted? Holding unforgiveness in your heart? Are you doing things your way, instead of God’s way? Because if you are, you’re deceived and it is your fault.

Rebellion brings destruction! The only way to prevent destruction is to admit the rebellion and quit it. Stop blaming others. Maybe others have sown a lot of bad seeds into your life. You’ve been hurt, rejected, abused… but God is saying today, “This is about you. You need to repent. Just do it.” So get alone with God and just do it.

Are you struggling with rejection, rebellion or another area of your life? Don’t go it alone. Seeing a trained prayer minister doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It means you’re wise enough to get help to become emotionally healthy. Growth comes when  things are brought out of the dark into the light. Let there be light!

We love to hear from you! If this message has been a blessing to you, please comment!…

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When forgiving is hard…

May 30, 2020 Michele Anastasi
2 Comments
Forgiveness, Getting past the past

Recently I asked someone why they wouldn’t forgive a particular person.  The offending party had repented and asked for forgiveness, but still this person refused to forgive. When I asked why, the reply was: “Because I could tell they weren’t sincere. They really aren’t sorry, so they don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

Forgiving is hard, but so is reaping the results of not forgiving.

Is that what Jesus says?  Hardly.  “If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matt. 6:15)” Only those who truly recognize their own sin and the price Jesus paid for them to be forgiven can forgive those who sinned against them. (At least we hope so.)  Forgiving is hard, but so is reaping the results of not forgiving.

You received grace to give grace

Every one of us who has experienced God’s forgiveness is called to extend His love and forgiveness  to others.  He gives us grace to show grace to others.  He pours His love in us to love like He does. Often people say they’ve forgiven when they really haven’t.  They’ll say over and over: “Yes, I’ve forgiven them.” And then they tack on: “I just don’t want to have anything to do with them.” If they were really honest, they would admit that secretly they’d like to see that person pay a price for what they did.

Every one of us who has experienced God’s forgiveness is called to extend His love and forgiveness  to others.  He gives us grace to show grace to others.

Thankfully, that’s not how God forgives us.  When He forgives us, He wipes the slate clean and treats us like we never committed the act.  He doesn’t keep a record of it to bring up at some future time. What’s more, Jesus doesn’t just forgive—He restores what was lost.

Yeah, but how?

When we forgive others as Jesus commands us to, we receive healing. He takes away the pain of the offense.  To have the forgiveness worked in and through us, we must do the following:

1.  Pray for God to bless the one who hurt you, however He sees fit.

2.  Willingly choose to be a channel of God’s love flowing from you to them.

3.  Desire to see that person healed, restored and serving again in the call God has on their life.

In John 21:15-17, Jesus gives us His example of true forgiveness. Jesus’ dear friend and disciple Peter had to face the fact that he denied Christ—not once, but 3 times. Now, after His resurrection, Jesus confronts Peter:

“Simon son of John, do you love Me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love Me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time He said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love Me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him a third time, “Do you love Me?”

He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”

Unlimited pardon

Interesting, isn’t it, that Peter denies Jesus 3 times, then Jesus  gives Peter 3 chances to reaffirm his love for Him.  Jesus is making a point here. No matter how many times we fall and deny Him, He’s there to pick us up, forgive and restore us.

Neither His forgiveness nor our service to Him depends on us. Rather, it has everything to do with what Jesus has done for us. He’s a God of restoration! And His instruction to us is the same as that He gave to Peter: “Follow Me.”  As followers of Christ, we’re to keep following Him and modeling His behavior—especially in forgiving others. Yes, forgive, even though it is hard and comes with a cost.

Share your Heart: What would it cost you to follow Jesus’ example and forgive someone who is hard to forgive?…

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Kick your past out of your present

May 16, 2020 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Getting past the past

Years ago, my mother used to say to me, “When you marry a man, you marry his family.” Meaning, with him, come relationships with a bunch of other people. Their family becomes yours, and yours becomes theirs.

That’s very true, but on a deeper level it also means that the person you marry is a product of their family’s culture, traditions, habits, weaknesses, strengths, the good, the bad and the ugly of their past generations. That’s why we see certain patterns carried down through the generations of families: Things like addiction, divorce, strife, chronic depression, betrayal. What happens in one generation often repeats itself in the next.

Patterns of the past

Our family’s traits—both good and bad—live inside us and have shaped who we are. They continue to influence how we feel about life, marriage, family, money, even what we think about God. We’ve been programmed with thousands of messages. The problem is, most of our family’s messages go contrary to God’s ways. We may not even be aware that these messages are keeping us in bondage to sinful habit patterns. It’s no wonder we try, but can’t seem to live the abundant life.

The good news is: Once we come to Christ, the traits of our biological family no longer have to determine our future. We’re adopted into God’s Family. We’re Born Again, with a new beginning and a new inheritance.

Look back

To take hold of our new inheritance and cancel out the old one, to kick our past out of our present it’s necessary to go back and take a look at where we came from. Looking back can be painful, and somehow, putting our family under a microscope of scrutiny seems disloyal. Let me say this to reassure you. Most parents did the best they could, but the fact is, all families are flawed by the effects of sin in the world. Because of that, none of us escape without some negative baggage. But remember, because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, we can get healed of our pasts and move forward into our future free. We don’t have to pass on to our children the old baggage we carried into adulthood.

Jesus said it very clearly in Matthew 10:37: “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” He didn’t mean, literally hate our parents, but hate their sinful habit patterns, and limiting culture we grew up with. He meant, let go all that negative baggage because now you’re a member of God’s family.

Take the time

God wants to heal you, even more than you want it. Spend time with Him each day. He made you and He loves you. Bring your burdens, your wounds, the bruises life has inflicted on you. He’ll heal you, free you, and fill you with new life. “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”   Matt. 11:28.

Take a minute to share: Think back to the family you grew up in. Was there any “baggage” you picked up that needed to, or still needs to be unpacked, in order to break free and live well?…

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Winning Over Rejection, Part 2

December 21, 2019 Michele Anastasi
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Forgiveness, Rejection, Success & victory

Last week in Part 1, I told my story of rejection. If you would like to read it, go to http://www.gasparandmichele.com/winning-over-rejection-my-story.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted. So, why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

40 years ago, emotional healing was rarely spoken of. Somehow, I came across a book by John and Paula Sandford, pioneers on the subject of inner healing. Being the mess I was, it spoke to my heart, and we started our quest to learn more.

Thus began our Prayer Counseling Ministry–today known as Stop Hurting Start Healing. It’s my number one solution for emotional healing. To have a trained prayer minister guide you through painful issues from the past is invaluable. Often the journey takes you along such a dark and dismal path that, without help, many would give up.

Inner Vows

When people reject you, without realizing it, you feel betrayed by God. Where was He in my pain? you ask. Of course, Satan uses that opportunity to plant seeds of deception in your heart about yourself, about others and especially about God.

Growing up with an abusive mom, I believed I was bad; I couldn’t be any good, for her to treat me the way she did. I thought God must not love me either to let me hurt like this.

Like I mentioned last week, I can remember lying in bed thinking, “When I grow up no one is ever going to hurt me, or tell me what to do again.” I had no idea I was making a vow that would profoundly affect my life.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted. So, why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

You may not even realize that you’ve made vows, but think back to all the times you said, “I’ll never do this…” or “I’ll never do that….”

We make vows because we think we can protect ourselves from future hurt. In actuality, these inner vows harden our hearts to the point that we can never fully give or receive love. Can you relate to this?

Maybe it wasn’t a parent who hurt you. Maybe it was a failed marriage, and you vowed you’d never trust again or marry again or let anyone get close to you. Maybe as a teen you were betrayed by a group of girls and vowed never to trust females.

Lies are always at the root of such inner vows, forming ungodly beliefs. Every one of us holds some beliefs that aren’t true. When these beliefs are contrary to God’s Truth, we call them “ungodly beliefs.” They are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God. They affect our entire lives: Every relationship we have; every decision we make; how we act and react. Our very destiny.

Renounce the Lies

Hurt, rejection, negative experiences and trauma create ungodly beliefs in us. The child whose father walks out on his family can grow up believing: “I’m not important or Dad wouldn’t have left… People will always fail me.”

Being made fun of, called names by siblings or peers, being criticized by a teacher or authority figure—all these can form the ungodly beliefs: “No one will ever want me…I’m fat, I’m stupid…I’ll never amount to anything.” These ungodly beliefs follow us right into adulthood and become assignments against us.

In the healing process, it’s very important to renounce these lies and break agreement with them. By believing lies, you forge an alliance with the enemy, giving him easy access to your life.

Forgive

After renouncing satan’s lies, it’s even more important to come into agreement with what God says about you.

1). Start by forgiving those that contributed to forming the ungodly belief in you.

2). Ask God to forgive you for believing a lie and for judging those who hurt you. Pray and break the power of the lies from your life.

3). Find scripture that speaks Truth to these areas. This is the last and most important step to forgiving. Read those verses daily. Meditate on them. Memorize them until your mind becomes renewed with the Truth. Stick with it. Renewing your mind takes time.

Often, that’s why people don’t maintain their healing. Getting prayer is just one part of it. The most important part is renewing our mind with God’s Word.

Get to Know the Healer

The next strategy I would give is to develop intimacy with the Lord. I can hear some of you saying, “Yeah, I know that already.” But really, spend time in His Word, the Bible, daily. Hear what He has to say to you through His word. Then, pray bringing Him your needs. Jealously guard this devotional time. Otherwise, other things will take its place.

Attend a good Bible-believing church where you can receive strength and support for your journey, a place where the uncompromised Word of God is taught.

Identify with the Cross

Let me explain what I mean by identifying with the cross. Often we have a very limited concept of the Cross. We know that Jesus died on the Cross for our sin. He took our place and, when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord, when we die we go to Heaven. Yes, that’s true, but it doesn’t end there. That’s only one aspect of the Cross.

To identify with the Cross is to understand one thing: Everything about the “old me” can and should die there. The Cross wasn’t just for Jesus. The Cross is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

When Jesus hung on the Cross He said, “It is finished.” It’s at the Cross that all the power Satan had over us is broken. When you take what you’re still struggling with to the Cross, it will be finished in your life, too. Keep in mind that when you bring something to the cross, everything isn’t automatically fixed.

Let’s say you fly into a rage, start throwing things and kick over the trash can. All of a sudden you catch yourself and run to the cross. “Lord, help me. Forgive me for this anger. Cleanse me.” God says, “Of course you’re forgiven.” What a relief! But guess what? There’s still garbage and broken stuff all over the place. Who has to clean it up? You do! But God gives you the grace and the strength to do it. One by one you pick up the pieces. It’s all a part of identifying with the Cross. It’s finished the moment you take it there, the rest is clean-up.

You have to take it there, and let it die. Often that’s where we get discouraged, because we think it isn’t working. Satan is whispering in your ear, “I’m back. You’re not free. This doesn’t work.” He wants to scare you into giving up.

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

Stop looking at the junk and look at Jesus! He set us free, to live free forever. Not just free from sin, but free from rejection, free from a wounded spirit, free from depression, self-hatred, anger, and the list goes on and on.

Galatians 5:1 tells us: “Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

So when Satan comes back with feelings of rejection, pain, bad memories, tell him where to go. Tell him: “Shut up, in Jesus’ name. You’re a liar! I am crucified with Christ, I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Rejection doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. It’s nailed to the Cross. It died there.

Remember, healing is yours. Christ set you free. Keep standing firm!

 

We love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing, please let us know by leaving a comment.…

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