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Posts by Michele Anastasi

couple standing close

Who says it’s over?

August 28, 2021 Michele Anastasi
2 Comments
Marriage, Success & victory

After a few years of marriage, Gaspar and I were ready to call it quits! We went to a counselor who told us we were the two most incompatible people he had ever met, and we had two choices: Either divorce, or stay together and make each other miserable for the rest of our lives.

Wow! And we paid good money for that advice.

Today we’ve been married 54 years, no divorce. And, yes, we make each other miserable at times. Most couples do.

I think that’s why we have such a heart for marriages and have always made ministry to couples a big part of the church.

What is God’s opinion?

In over 40 years of ministry, we’ve had the opportunity to counsel many married couples, newlyweds, oldie-weds and everything in between. Unfortunately, like Gaspar and I, couples don’t usually come for counsel until they’ve just about given up on their marriage.

Every time we talk with a couple on the verge of divorce, I can’t help but think… One day these two were madly in love with each other. They couldn’t wait to say, “I do.” And now they can hardly stand being in the same room.

When couples reach the conclusion that they should have never married… It was a mistake… They need to just end it… that’s when I want to blow a whistle and say, “Time-out guys! Who said it’s a mistake?” Your feelings? Your best friend who thinks your husband’s a jerk? Or his mother who thinks you’re a terrible wife? Where’s my whistle!

Okay, before you pack your bags and call the attorney, let me ask you a question: “Does God think your marriage is a big mistake?”

Usually one of the them will say, “I don’t know, but I’m sure a loving God doesn’t want us to stay in this painful, miserable marriage.”

I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard various versions of that response.

I agree, God doesn’t enjoy seeing His children suffer. He hurts when we hurt, but that doesn’t mean He believes your marriage is a mistake. It means you’re unhappy (very unhappy) and you “feel” like your marriage is a mistake.

A lie many couples have bought into is: If they’re unhappy and suffering, they obviously married the wrong person.

A higher plan maybe?

Sometimes I’ll ask the wife if she suffered during childbirth? The answer is obvious.

To her husband, “Were you in the delivery room?” Most husband’s are nowadays. And most men admit they’ve never seen such tremendous pain and suffering.

Can you both agree the suffering was worth the end result? If you can accept that, then just maybe the pain you’re in right now isn’t proof that you married the wrong person.

The pain is telling you that something is wrong and needs to be addressed in your marriage. That’s different from saying your marriage is a mistake.

C.S. Lewis said (and I paraphrase): “Pain is God’s megaphone. It gets our attention.” God may be using this difficult time to change and mature you. You may not realize it, but just maybe God has a higher plan, an unseen purpose for your marriage. And that’s why the enemy is trying so hard to destroy it.

When Gaspar and I were ready to call it quits because we were the two most incompatible people ever, little did we know that God had a bigger plan.

About five years later Gaspar was ordained, and Word of Life Ministries was born. Just a couple of years after that, the New Life Dream Centers were started. So many lives touched and changed! Was it worth the suffering and pain of our early years? Most definitely.

End of self, beginning of God

If you’re willing to take a step of faith and believe that God is bigger than your current problems, you may discover that He has so much more for you together. What seems like a big mistake may turn out to be a part of His master plan.

We usually ask couples to give us 6-8 weeks to pray and counsel with them. In cases where there’s been physical threats or abuse, separation is necessary–and much deeper counseling. Even when there is no abuse, some couples may benefit from a short period of separation for emotions to calm down, to stop arguing and saying things that make matters worse.

Fighting for your marriage may be the hardest thing you ever do. At some point you’ll probably feel like you can’t do it. When you come to the end of yourself you can come to the beginning of God. In Him all things in this world are held together. Let Him hold you and your marriage together.…

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married couple smiling

Understanding God’s plan for you

August 14, 2021 Michele Anastasi
7 Comments
Finding direction, Marriage, Success & victory

I had to laugh when a good friend read last week’s blog about Gaspar and me making a Vision Board. She said, “That’s fine for you ‘crafty’ people, but my husband and I aren’t the creative types.” Little did she know that the vision board we made was just one of the things we did at our annual Marriage Retreat in May. And 20 couples—both creative and non-creative types—had a blast doing it.

Gaspar & Michele’s vision board created during the 2021 marriage retreat

Maybe making a vision board isn’t your thing, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from coming up with a vision statement for your marriage.

Few couples ever think about their life vision or articulate it. In our society, life visions usually sound something like this: Get an education. Get a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Make more money. Buy a bigger house. Enjoy a nice retirement. These aren’t bad things to want and may very well be a part of God’s plan for you, but it’s not all He wants.

Wait, there’s more!

The Bible teaches us that we have a God who created each of us, then brought us together for a purpose—more than for just our own happiness. What would your marriage be like if you asked, “Father, what do you want our lives to accomplish for You?” Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Simply put, your life vision is what you’re living for, your ultimate purpose, what your life is all about. It can be summed up in one sentence, or it may be an entire page. The important thing is that it clearly states the purpose and goals of your life together.

Where to begin?

Talk

Start by talking about your mutual goals and dreams. I know, it can be a little difficult to be open about something so personal, even to a spouse. One partner may feel the other won’t understand or may be critical. But you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Pray

Finding A life vision obviously must involve prayer since we are seeking God’s plan for us. There are so many things that we can do and many things that need to be done. So we need God‘s guidance in what His plan is for us. Just ask Him and He’ll show you—maybe not the full plan all at once, but He’ll show you.

Write

There’s something about writing a life vision that solidifies it in you mind and lends it added importance. It also helps keep you on track when life gets hectic. Read it often and it will bring you back to your priorities and what you really want to spend your time on.

As you talk, pray and write, two questions may help:

1) Does this vision speak to who we are? (Does it fit our gifts and strengths?)

2) If we focus on these areas, will we feel that we’ve fulfilled our destiny? Your life vision starts out with who you are and the gifts and interests God has put in both of you. But it needs to end by benefiting and helping others.

Yours, mine and ours

You may be wondering, “How do we combine our interests when we have two very different calls?” Combining two life visions into one calls for creative give and take. It’s sort of a yours-mine-and-ours approach.

In our marriage, Gaspar does a wide variety of things in the ministry that I’m not involved in. Likewise, I do women’s ministry, Bible Studies and Life Coaching—things that he isn’t involved in. But then, together, we share this blog, our weekly marriage group, and marriage counseling and coaching.

Christian couples can make an impact in many places: Community programs, schools, businesses, hospitality, encouraging and, of course, the church, to name a few.

It’s bigger than you.

Studies have shown that one constant in the lives of couples with strong marriages is their mutual devotion to a cause or purpose beyond themselves. This was God’s original plan, and following His plans and principles will always lead to happiness and success.

If you would like more details on how to make a Vision Board or write a Vision Statement, just leave your request and email in the comment box, we’ll be happy to send it to you. …

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couple in airport

Drama in the airport

July 31, 2021 Michele Anastasi
0 Comment
Marriage, Success & victory

The rude couple

A couple of weeks ago we were in the airport waiting for a flight. I can’t help it, but I’m an incurable people-watcher. Sitting directly across from us was a couple, mid to late thirties.

The husband went to get something to eat and a coffee for his wife. As she placed the coffee on the floor near her bag, he started ravenously eating his food—seriously, like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. Food was falling everywhere and splattered her pants. As she tried to clean the food off of her, he just kept munching away.

I couldn’t help myself and my mother instinct said, “You better say sorry, or the rest of your day isn’t going to go well.” He ignored me and, shifting his weight in his seat, kicked her coffee all over her feet. She jumped up and headed to either the ladies room or to call her attorney. Can you believe he just looked at the mess and continued eating!

Another passenger, also watching, went for some paper towel… Finally the husband got the hint, stopped eating and attended to what was left of the mess. Wow! Where has care, kindness and even simple manners gone in today’s marriages?

If this were an isolated incident I probably wouldn’t be writing this. But being a people-watcher and traveling a lot, I see such bad behavior and downright rudeness in couples. I was so upset I started writing about what happened in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew and He already had the ending planned out.

The desperate couple

Several days later, there we were in the airport again. The last thing you want to hear after two flights and a long trip is that your bags are on another plane, and there will be a slight delay. So back to people-watching… You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

I didn’t hear this couple say a word, but I knew they were Christians. We started talking about the delay, making small talk. They were returning from a trip to see a new grandbaby. Asked if we had been on vacation, Gaspar shared about the church and that we were away writing new material for our Sacred Marriage group. That’s when they shared their story.

Up until a few years ago their marriage had been in deep trouble. They were going in separate directions, totally shut down to each other. Then, struck by a series of painful events with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord. They leaned on Him, sought His will and, most of all, reconnected to Him as a couple. And in the process, Jesus transformed their troubled marriage into an awesome one.

What a different story from the other couple! I suddenly felt very sad that we hadn’t had the chance to tell them about the Lord. But since then, we’ve prayed for God to put believers in their path.

Every couple’s greatest need

The only way to have a healthy, thriving marriage is with Jesus. He is what every marriage needs at its center. If you let Him, God will give you the relationship you’ve always longed for. He will make a good marriage great; get a struggling marriage back on track; and bring a dead marriage back to life. He does what no one and nothing else can.

Marriages are hurting today more than ever. My husband and I feel the Lord leading us to take a slight detour with this blog and focus on marriage for awhile. We would love to hear your thoughts. Are marriages today changing? If so, why? Do you see changes in your own marriage? …

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Life wins coaching

Your marriage wins with a good coach!

July 24, 2021 Michele Anastasi
2 Comments
Making positive change, Success & victory

We recently added Marriage Coaching to the services we offer at our Breaking Free Living Well Counseling Center. When I (Michele) received my certification as a Life Coach this past November, we realized life coaching is a perfect tool to assist people in learning how to live well, especially in marriage.

Of course, there’s nothing better than inner healing prayer and counseling. Why? It helps couples break free from past hurts and negative behaviors they brought into the marriage.

Miracles happen every day

We see miracles every day! Couples come in on the verge of divorce. Then, after receiving Stop Hurting Start Healing prayer and counseling, their hearts amazingly soften and change. Husband and wife develop a renewed desire to forgive each other and work at their marriage. It’s at this point that marriage coaching becomes so beneficial!

I (Gaspar) am also excited about the marriage coaching program we’re now offering. It’s the next step and follow-up for a couple who have gone through Stop Hurting Start Healing. In our sessions, Michele and I diagnose the couple’s problems, pray for inner healing, counsel them and prescribe solutions.

Go “all in”

Coaching facilitates conversations between couples and teaches them useful skills. That way, husbands and wives can use those learned skills outside of the coaching sessions to develop their own solutions. However, marriage coaching serves only couples who want to grow and change. These are husbands and wives who are willing to work the process together in order to accomplish something they both want.

The couple doesn’t have to come to the coaching session knowing exactly what changes they want to make. As coaches, we help them to clarify how they want to grow by asking insightful questions that can draw out their thoughts, feelings and desires. We then take them through exercises that help them communicate to each other what they want.

“We” wins

In time, couples start to focus on the “we” in their relationship. That’s one of the most important things that marriage coaching accomplishes. Husbands and wives emerge, no longer as two individuals just living for self. They become a team embarking on a journey to fulfill the purpose God has for them as a couple. And, make no mistake, God indeed has a plan for you and your marriage. Let’s discover it together! Sometimes winning takes a good coach.

If you are interested in getting coached personally or as a couple, please visit the Breaking Free Living Well Counseling Center website or call 239.244.3912. Feel free to share your thoughts below.…

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Refuting the 3 BIG LIES

March 27, 2021 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Success & victory

LIE #1: I am what I do. 

Every day, our culture fosters the belief that our value is based on what we do. However, the Bible says just the opposite. Our value is based—not on what we do, but—on whose we are!

Before Jesus performed a single miracle or did anything noteworthy, His heavenly Father said of Him: “This is My beloved Son in whom I am well pleased (Matthew 3:17).” He was well pleased simply because Jesus was His Son.

I’m so grateful that God’s love for me and you isn’t based on our performance. That’s a fact we each need to remind ourselves of several times a day. As children of God, He loves us just the way we are—the good, the bad and the ugly!  Yet, churches are filled with people performing religious duties, longing to earn God’s love, acceptance and approval.

LIE #2: I am what others think about me. 

People’s opinions can affect our behavior until we lose sight of who we really are. We end up burying the real us, the authentic us created by God, and we live a false identity.

We do everything we can to become who the important people in our lives think we should be. You and I may live a big lie, never truly satisfied and fulfilled. Living life based on other people’s expectations is stressful and sets us up for rejection and failure.

When each of us lives to impress other people, we behave like the religious leaders of Jesus’ day. They performed rituals to gain honor among the people and to attract attention to themselves. How empty!

God’s opinion of you is the same as His opinion of His Son. You are His beloved son or daughter and He is well pleased with you. Whether or not you’ve done anything significant, His love for you is unshakeable.

LIE #3: I am what I own.

The American dream says that the more stuff I have, the more valuable and successful I am. In that case, the reverse is also true. If I don’t have the big house, two cars and the latest electronic bells and whistles I am an absolute failure, because our self-worth is based on outward appearances.

How to defeat these three lies:

Admit that you have been influenced by these three lies, but have the courage to resist them. Soak yourself daily in the knowledge that God loves you just the way you are. Throughout the Bible, He expresses who you are in Him. Find some of those scriptures and read them every day until you believe them for yourself and not just believe in them.

To cultivate self-awareness of who you truly are and who God truly is, worship Him for one minute three times a day (without music). You can’t know who God is until you know the authentic you and the depth of His love for you.

Remember the words God said to His Son Jesus in Matthew 3:17. In Jesus, you are His son or daughter too, and He is well pleased with you!…

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man on swing

Discover the true you

January 16, 2021 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Finding direction, Uncategorized

Our blog on Life Coaching stirred a lot of interest. A number of you were curious about what kind of tools a coach uses. Actually, that depends on what area the client desires to work on. One tool we use if the client is unsure of where they’d like to start is the Wheel of Life Assessment. This exercise helps you see areas where your life is out of balance and where there’s need for change.

Life wheel assessment

The first step is to rank your satisfaction in each of these areas of life from one to ten. The categories together create a picture of a balanced life for you. If necessary, you can split a category segment to add something that’s missing, or re-label an area to make the Wheel more applicable to your life.

 8 Most Common Life Areas:

  • God: Your spiritual life
  • Family: Spouse, children, significant other
  • Work: Your career, ministry, volunteering
  • Finances: Budget, income, investments, retirement 
  • Living Environment: Home, apartment, office, car, etc.
  • Personal Growth: What you do to learn and improve yourself 
  • Health: Everything you do to take care of yourself
  • Community: Friends, social life, recreation 

Using the Assessment: 

Once the assessment is filled out your coach would discuss some of the following general questions with you and see which area you’d like to work on.

  • How do you feel about your life as you look at your Wheel?
  • Are there any surprises for you?
  • Which of these categories would you most like to improve? 
  • What would make a lasting difference, not just a temporary one?
  • If making this change was easy, you would have done it already. What makes it difficult?

More specific questions if you chose one of these areas:

God

  • Describe your relationship with God. What is it like?
  • What do you aspire to in this area? What is your ideal? 
  • What is the gap? What’s missing?

Family

  • What’s best about your marriage/family life? What would you most to like to see change?
  • Paint me a picture of what a great marriage or family life would look like to you.
  • What are you committed to in this area?

Work

  • What makes you satisfied/dissatisfied with your work?
  • What’s most important to you in a job? How well does your current job supply that?
  • What needs to change?

Finances

  • What led you to rank ‘Finances’ as a_______?
  • Give me a quick overview of what’s going on in your financial life. What’s got your attention?
  • What would you like to see change this year in your finances?

Living Environment 

  • How do the things you own enhance your life? How do they detract from it?
  • What in your environment bothers you or drains your energy? 
  • If you could make one change in your living environment what would it be?

Personal Growth

  • Where are you motivated to improve yourself or your abilities right now?
  • What one new skill would make all the difference right now in reaching your dreams?
  • What skills, attributes or areas do you want to develop this year?

Health (Self Care)

  • How’s your health?
  • What are you tolerating or coping with in this area?
  • Where do you need to take better care of your body, mind, or emotions?

 Community 

  • Describe your social life. How satisfied are you with that?
  • What do you want in a friend? Where are those kind of people in your life?
  • Tell me about the last time you planned some fun time?

Seeing these areas laid out before you with the ratings you’ve given them, should give you some idea of where you’d like to focus your efforts for change. Of course, many people come to coaching already knowing what they want to work on. Setting boundaries, dealing with obstacles, how to detox a toxic relationship, to name a few.

A take away assignment could be to brainstorm some actions to raise your satisfaction in the areas you scored lowest in, or would most like to improve.

I hope this was helpful and gave you some further insight into coaching. Maybe even some things to think about in your own life. If you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box. I’ll be happy to answer.…

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