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Posts by Michele Anastasi

couple in shadow

Married to a stranger?

September 21, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

We’re often asked “What is the key to a happy marriage?” There are many, but if we had to choose one, it would be good communication. I would say that 90% of the couples who join our Sacred Marriage class ask if we’re going to discuss communication. Communication seems to be an area where couples struggle.

Can you believe that, according to statistics, most married couples spend as little as 5 minutes a day in meaningful conversation!

Can you believe that, according to statistics, most married couples spend as little as 5 minutes a day in meaningful conversation! If that’s anywhere near true, no wonder marriages are struggling!

As a mother of 3 boys (now all grown men), I’ve observed that most men see communication as a by-product of a shared activity. Whereas, women see communication as the main event. I know this may sound simplistic, but I promise you we’ve witnessed this stark contrast in numerous couples.

The way forward

The way to begin rebuilding your communication is to start doing things together. For instance, Gaspar and I are big proponents of a weekly date night. I’ll share more about that in a future blog.

Just think back to your courting days. Your best conversations probably happened during dates where you were doing things together. Your communication grew out of shared activities. What things did you enjoy? Make time for those activities again. Find something new you’d both like to do or take turns planning. What matters most is that you’re together.

Emotional Freedom Workshop
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Never stop talking

Unfortunately, when the everyday stresses of life and marriage hit us, the very first thing to go is time together. We stop talking. We stop sharing. We stop being each other’s friend and having fun together—enjoying “you and me” time. After all, laughter, is the best medicine.

Of course, more serious conversations must take place, and there will be time for that. But for the moment, enter into a rebuilding process. Reconnect and open up to each other. Remove walls that you have built. Restore trust that you have lost.

Learning about one another and discovering how to meet each other’s needs are a big part of being married.

Learn each other

Probably no one ever told you this, but… A big part of marriage is learning about one another and discovering how to meet each other’s needs. Marriage requires learning your husband/wife’s likes and dislikes. And that never ends, no matter how many years you’re married. That’s because we are ever changing and growing—or at least we should be. Not one of us wants to wake up one day and find ourselves married to a stranger.


Question for today: What can you do to become a more effective communicator with your spouse?

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Who says it’s over?

August 17, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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Relationship with God

After a few years of marriage, Gaspar and I were ready to call it quits! We went to a counselor who told us we were the two most incompatible people he had ever met, and we had two choices: Either divorce, or stay together and make each other miserable for the rest of our lives.

We went to a counselor who told us we were the two most incompatible people he had ever met.

Wow! And we paid good money for that advice.

Today we’ve been married 57 years, no divorce. And, yes, we make each other miserable at times. Most couples do.

I think that’s why we have such a heart for marriages and have always made ministry to couples a big part of the church.

What is God’s opinion?

In over 40 years of ministry, we’ve had the opportunity to counsel many married couples, newlyweds, oldie-weds and everything in between. Unfortunately, like Gaspar and I, couples don’t usually come for counsel until they’ve just about given up on their marriage.

Every time we talk with a couple on the verge of divorce, I can’t help but think… One day these two were madly in love with each other. They couldn’t wait to say, “I do.” And now they can hardly stand being in the same room.

When couples reach the conclusion that they should have never married… It was a mistake… They need to just end it… that’s when I want to blow a whistle and say, “Time-out guys! Who said it’s a mistake?” Your feelings? Your best friend who thinks your husband’s a jerk? Or his mother who thinks you’re a terrible wife? Where’s my whistle!

Who said your marriage is a mistake?” Your feelings? Your best friend who thinks your husband’s a jerk?

Okay, before you pack your bags and call the attorney, let me ask you a question: “Does God think your marriage is a big mistake?”

Usually one of the them will say, “I don’t know, but I’m sure a loving God doesn’t want us to stay in this painful, miserable marriage.” I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard various versions of that response.

I agree, God doesn’t enjoy seeing His children suffer. He hurts when we hurt, but that doesn’t mean He believes your marriage is a mistake. It means you’re unhappy (very unhappy) and you “feel” like your marriage is a mistake.

A lie many couples have bought into is this: If they’re unhappy and suffering, they obviously married the wrong person.

A higher plan maybe?

Sometimes I’ll ask the wife if she suffered during childbirth? The answer is obvious.

To her husband, “Were you in the delivery room?” Most husband’s are nowadays. And most men admit they’ve never seen such tremendous pain and suffering.

Can you both agree the suffering was worth the end result? If you can accept that, then just maybe the pain you’re in right now isn’t proof that you married the wrong person.

The pain is telling you that something is wrong and needs to be addressed in your marriage. That’s different from saying your marriage is a mistake.

The pain is telling you that something is wrong and needs to be addressed in your marriage.

C.S. Lewis said (and I paraphrase): “Pain is God’s megaphone. It gets our attention.” God may be using this difficult time to change and mature you. You may not realize it, but just maybe God has a higher plan, an unseen purpose for your marriage. And that’s why the enemy is trying so hard to destroy it.

When Gaspar and I were ready to call it quits because we were the two most incompatible people ever, little did we know that God had a bigger plan.

About five years later Gaspar was ordained, and Word of Life Ministries was born. Just a couple of years after that, the New Life Dream Centers were started. So many lives touched and changed! Was it worth the suffering and pain of our early years? Most definitely.

End of self, beginning of God

If you’re willing to take a step of faith and believe that God is bigger than your current problems, you may discover that He has so much more for you together. What seems like a big mistake may turn out to be a part of His master plan.

What seems like a big mistake may turn out to be a part of His master plan.

We usually ask couples to give us 6-8 weeks to pray and counsel with them. In cases where there’s been physical threats or abuse, separation is necessary—and much deeper counseling. Even when there is no abuse, some couples may benefit from a short period of separation for emotions to calm down, to stop arguing and saying things that make matters worse.

Fighting for your marriage may be the hardest thing you ever do. At some point you’ll probably feel like you can’t do it. When you come to the end of yourself you can come to the beginning of God. In Him all things in this world are held together. Let Him hold you and your marriage together.

We love hearing from you. Please leave a comment below!

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Couple looking in the distance

Understanding God’s plan for you

August 3, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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Finding direction, Marriage, Success & victory

I had to laugh when a good friend read last week’s blog about Gaspar and me making a Vision Board. She said, “That’s fine for you ‘crafty’ people, but my husband and I aren’t the creative types.” Little did she know that the vision board we made was just one of the things we did at our annual Marriage Retreat in May. And 20 couples—both creative and non-creative types—had a blast doing it.

Gaspar & Michele’s vision board created during the 2021 marriage retreat

Maybe making a vision board isn’t your thing, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from coming up with a vision statement for your marriage.

Few couples ever think about their life vision or articulate it. In our society, life visions usually sound something like this: Get an education. Get a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Make more money. Buy a bigger house. Enjoy a nice retirement. These aren’t bad things to want and may very well be a part of God’s plan for you, but it’s not all He wants.

Wait, there’s more!

The Bible teaches us that we have a God who created each of us, then brought us together for a purpose—more than for just our own happiness. What would your marriage be like if you asked, “Father, what do you want our lives to accomplish for You?” Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Simply put, your life vision is what you’re living for, your ultimate purpose, what your life is all about. It can be summed up in one sentence, or it may be an entire page. The important thing is that it clearly states the purpose and goals of your life together.

God’s plans for you are so much greater than your own for yourself!

Where to begin?

Talk

Start by talking about your mutual goals and dreams. I know, it can be a little difficult to be open about something so personal, even to a spouse. One partner may feel the other won’t understand or may be critical. But you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Pray

Finding A life vision obviously must involve prayer since we are seeking God’s plan for us. There are so many things that we can do and many things that need to be done. So we need God‘s guidance in what His plan is for us. Just ask Him and He’ll show you—maybe not the full plan all at once, but He’ll show you.

Write

There’s something about writing a life vision that solidifies it in you mind and lends it added importance. It also helps keep you on track when life gets hectic. Read it often and it will bring you back to your priorities and what you really want to spend your time on.

As you talk, pray and write, two questions may help:

1) Does this vision speak to who we are? (Does it fit our gifts and strengths?)

2) If we focus on these areas, will we feel that we’ve fulfilled our destiny? Your life vision starts out with who you are and the gifts and interests God has put in both of you. But it needs to end by benefiting and helping others.

Your life vision starts with you, but it should end with helping others.

Yours, mine and ours

You may be wondering, “How do we combine our interests when we have two very different calls?” Combining two life visions into one calls for creative give and take. It’s sort of a yours-mine-and-ours approach.

In our marriage, Gaspar does a wide variety of things in the ministry that I’m not involved in. Likewise, I do women’s ministry, Bible Studies and Life Coaching—things that he isn’t involved in. But then, together, we share this blog, our weekly marriage group, and marriage counseling and coaching.

Christian couples can make an impact in many places: Community programs, schools, businesses, hospitality, encouraging and, of course, the church, to name a few.

It’s bigger than you.

Studies have shown that one constant in the lives of couples with strong marriages is their mutual devotion to a cause or purpose beyond themselves. This was God’s original plan, and following His plans and principles will always lead to happiness and success.

If you would like more details on how to make a Vision Board or write a Vision Statement, just leave your request and email in the comment box, we’ll be happy to send it to you. 

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below…

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drama in the airport

Drama in the airport

July 6, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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Marriage

The rude couple

A couple of weeks ago we were in the airport waiting for a flight. I can’t help it, but I’m an incurable people-watcher. Sitting directly across from us was a couple, mid to late thirties.

The husband went to get something to eat and a coffee for his wife. As she placed the coffee on the floor near her bag, he started ravenously eating his food—seriously, like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. Food was falling everywhere and splattered her pants. As she tried to clean the food off of her, he just kept munching away.

I couldn’t help myself and my mother instinct said, “You better say sorry, or the rest of your day isn’t going to go well.” He ignored me and, shifting his weight in his seat, kicked her coffee all over her feet. She jumped up and headed to either the ladies room or to call her attorney. Can you believe he just looked at the mess and continued eating!

I was so upset I started writing about it in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew.

Another passenger, also watching, went for some paper towel… Finally the husband got the hint, stopped eating and attended to what was left of the mess. Wow! Where has care, kindness and even simple manners gone in today’s marriages?

If this were an isolated incident I probably wouldn’t be writing this. But being a people-watcher and traveling a lot, I see such bad behavior and downright rudeness in couples. I was so upset I started writing about what happened in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew and He already had the ending planned out.

The desperate couple

Several days later, there we were in the airport again. The last thing you want to hear after two flights and a long trip is that your bags are on another plane, and there will be a slight delay. So back to people-watching… You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

I didn’t hear this couple say a word, but I knew they were Christians. We started talking about the delay, making small talk. They were returning from a trip to see a new grandbaby. Asked if we had been on vacation, Gaspar shared about the church and that we were away writing new material for our Sacred Marriage group. That’s when they shared their story.

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Then, struck by a series of painful events and with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord.

Up until a few years ago their marriage had been in deep trouble. They were going in separate directions, totally shut down to each other. Then, struck by a series of painful events with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord. They leaned on Him, sought His will and, most of all, reconnected to Him as a couple. And in the process, Jesus transformed their troubled marriage into an awesome one.

What a different story from the other couple! I suddenly felt very sad that we hadn’t had the chance to tell them about the Lord. But since then, we’ve prayed for God to put believers in their path.

Every couple’s greatest need

The only way to have a healthy, thriving marriage is with Jesus. He is what every marriage needs at its center. If you let Him, God will give you the relationship you’ve always longed for. He will make a good marriage great; get a struggling marriage back on track; and bring a dead marriage back to life. He does what no one and nothing else can.

Marriages are hurting today more than ever. My husband and I feel the Lord leading us to take a slight detour with this blog and focus on marriage for awhile. We would love to hear your thoughts. Are marriages today changing? If so, why? Do you see changes in your own marriage? 

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.…

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Couple holding hands

You, me and Him—pt. 2

June 22, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

To recap last week’s blog post: Having devotions as a couple is very important. I’m convinced that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. Unlike them however, you and I don’t need to be afraid to face the Father because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Power comes in pairs

Prayer is a very important part of your devotions. God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer. The Bible teaches us to pray on our own but also together.

Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.

Matthew 18:19-20

Years ago, Gaspar and I were praying individually for one of our children. It was a pretty serious situation, and we had been praying for about a year with no change. This was way before we started spending time with God together. I guess it was out of desperation that we started to cry out to God together. The answer we were believing for came one week later. That convinced to us that there was definitely greater power when we prayed together.

God speaks to us through His Word, and He also wants to hear from us in prayer.

Make your marriage all that God intended it to be. Call 239.244.3912 or BreakingFreeCC.com

Getting started

If you and your spouse haven’t prayed together before, it may take some time to feel comfortable. Start with each of you spending just a few minutes praying aloud and, before long, your prayer time will increase naturally.

Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage. Praying together reminds you that God is the source and center of your lives.

As you pray and come into agreement on issues, it builds trust and strength in your marriage.

And finally, as with all other spiritual disciplines you’re setting a positive example for your children. Prayer is a learned behavior, and your act of faith and trust in God is one that your children will learn by example. When your kids see their parents reading the Word and praying together, they will see the value you place on it and will practice the same habits.

Sample Devotion

This sample devotion was borrowed from author Michelle Peterson’s #Stay Married: A Couple’s Devotional (Althea Press, 2017) and edited for the purposes of this blog post.

Some recommended devotionals…

Newlywed Couple’s Devotional by Chris & Jamie Bailey
Preparing Your Heart for Marriage by Gary Thomas
Christian Marriage Devotional for Couples by Teri Reeves

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Couples devotion time

You, me and Him—pt. 1

June 8, 2024 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is difficult. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard work. Even the Apostle Paul told us “there’s trouble in marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:28).

Having said that, God created marriage to reflect His glory to the world. He also created it to help form us into the image of Christ. Here’s the shocker: Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. Dying to self and becoming sanctified is not easy. But God knows exactly what we need to grow, exactly what we need to get our rough edges smoothed off.

God knows exactly what we need to grow and get our rough edges smoothed off.

Naked and unafraid

All that was for free. What I want to talk about today is another spiritual discipline in marriage: Couple’s devotions. As Christians, we know the importance of daily devotions. In fact, some of you already have a personal devotion time each day, and that’s great. So what’s the point of couple’s devotions if each of you already have your own time with God?

Well, honestly that’s what I thought too until one day while I was reading Genesis 3:8. It says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden and hid themselves because the were afraid. They were afraid because they had just sinned, and now they had to face God “naked and ashamed.”

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity.

I have no proof, but it seems clear to me that Adam and Eve were quite used to God coming and meeting with them. I think it would be odd if God’s first visit came only after they had sinned. God walking with Adam and Eve suggests His close, intimate relationship with His children—which includes us. I got the revelation that God did this often, perhaps daily “in the cool of the day”. What was different this time is that they were afraid.

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God wants in

Personal time with God is very important, but let’s not neglect the fact that God was in the garden because He wanted to spend time with Adam and Eve together.

When couples spend time together with God, it opens the door to deeper spiritual conversations, grows our faith and helps keep us in unity. It gives you and your spouse a way to spend special time together, talking about things that matter.

Any good habit—whether eating healthy, making time to exercise or saving money—takes time to develop. But it needs to start somewhere. It doesn’t have to be complicated to be valuable. There are so many good marriage devotionals to choose from. They usually start with a little anecdote about marriage, a couple of verses of scripture to meditate on, maybe a question to discuss and prayer for each other.

Set a goal

Your devotional time can be in the morning or evening, whatever works best for the two of you. Be flexible. Setting the goal for every day may be too much to keep up with at first. Perhaps starting with once a week would be better. Try that for a couple of months, then add another day. If you miss a week, don’t get discouraged, give yourself some grace, and pick up where you left off.

Be sure to look for next week’s blog post. I’ll shed more light on this important topic and share a good sample devotional. In the meantime, why not discuss doing devotions as a couple with your husband or wife and carve out a time to make it happen! [Continued next week]

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