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Posts by Gaspar Anastasi

wrecked home and teddy bear

A season of repositioning

October 22, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
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Marriage, unity with God

We are recovering from a major hurricane that hit Southwest Florida three weeks ago. The storm changed so many things that it made me take a closer look at my life. I think the same thing happens when we hit a wall in our marriage. You could call it a marriage hurricane. During a season like this, there is no place to go but forward. 

Everything that happens in our lives comes through the hands of God— whether good or bad. The most important thing to concentrate on at this time is how we can cooperate with God to fulfill His destiny for our marriage. 

Everything that happens in our lives comes through the hands of God— whether good or bad.

A lesson from Isaiah

I think of the prophet Isaiah who ministered to four kings of Judah during his lifetime. In Isaiah 6:1, the prophet tells us that King Uzziah died. As God’s voice to the nation, Isaiah would guide kings into God’s will. But at this moment there is no king to serve, none to guide. At this moment, this godly man gets a fresh revelation of the God he would speak for for years. He sees the Lord “sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple (v. 4).” Judah lost their king, but in the process Isaiah rediscovered THE KING.

He had a new vision of the same God he had been serving for years—and a new vision of himself. The storm in his life caused him to seek God like never before. 

That’s what we need to do when we hit a wall in our marriages. We can’t solve our problems by our wisdom, intellect, or natural ability alone. It’s only through the Lord. You and I need to see Him in a different way, even in a different form. We get used to putting God in a box, expecting Him to do the same things he did in our marriage in past seasons.  

Judah lost their king, but in the process Isaiah rediscovered THE KING.

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See God anew

How big and powerful is your God? Too often we make wrong decisions in marriage because we haven’t seen God clearly enough in our own lives—much less in our relationship. God will sometimes allow storms to come into our marriage to get us to rethink our position with Him. That is His way of pushing us to seek Him deeper. Problems give us that option. Now I say “option” because it’s a choice. Each of us must choose to put aside everything and pursue God with all our heart. 

Usually, life is filled with more pleasant options and distractions the devil conveniently provides. Storms remove those options. God might move out of your life ungodly counselors for a period. In their place, He may insert a new desire to cry out to God for help. He might close the door to the escape plan you prepared in case your marriage failed. Our loving Father could allow you to lose a job and suffer financial loss. He may simply put a new desire and passion for your mate. 

No matter what storms bring into your marriage, God’s hand is in it. He wants you to seek Him and get a fresh revelation of who He is in your life and marriage. He wants you to really know that if God is for you, no enemy can proper against you (Rom. 8:31) and greater is He that’s in you than he that’s in the world (I John 4:4). 

God wants you to know that you can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens you (Phil. 4:13). 

 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

God’s plan for your marriage

Once you have a new outlook concerning God and who you are in Him, your marriage can be repositioned for a great turnaround. It’s never too late to make your marriage great. And a great marriage is our God’s plan for the both of you. But if the storm doesn’t rage and our backs aren’t against the wall, would we be willing to reposition ourselves for greater blessings? The very thing we think is a curse may turn out to be a great blessing! Do the right thing in the season of trouble. Let God reposition you. And the best is yet to come!

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Loving couple

Priority number two

October 15, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

Marriage should be the second highest priority in our lives as Christians. “What is my first priority?” you ask. That’s simple. It’s found in Mark 12:30: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.”

The second highest priority is found in verse 31: “And the second, like it, is this:‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” These two commandments—and notice they are commandments—represent the cross.

The geometry of the cross

The perpendicular beam of the cross represents our relationship and intimacy with God. The horizontal part corresponds to our relationship with our mate. Notice that our horizontal relationship between each other depends on our vertical connection to God. Both are important and necessary if we desire to please and serve God acceptably.

When you fight your mate, you fight the wrong battle.

Unfortunately in today’s church, working at our marriages is given lower priority. Meanwhile church involvement, our careers and our own self-interests are encouraged moreso. No wonder there are so many troubled marriages today!

Yes, marriage is made in heaven—meaning, ordained by God—but it must be worked out here on earth. Notice I used the word “work” because that’s what it takes (and a lot of it) to not only have a good marriage, but just to stay married. So let’s talk about what kind of effort it will take once you decide to make your marriage priority #2. Below I list a few things that will improve your marriage, and you can both start as soon as you finish reading this blog.

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How to build a better marriage

  1. Realize that you are not each other’s enemy. When you fight your mate, you are fighting the wrong battle. You should be fighting for and not against each other. Often the Goliaths we need to confront are inside of us—not outside. Fear of rejection, anger, unforgiveness or even feeling put down and condemned—these are the real enemies that God is exposing. Once exposed, you can fight the right battle in Jesus. Notice that I didn’t mention satan. Even though he is our enemy he isn’t directly attacking us but through some of the open doors that i mentioned above.
  2. Give and receive forgiveness. You have both made mistakes. But more than anything, humbling yourself in this way gives God permission to enter your relationship. Meanwhile, unforgiveness blocks His presence and gives satan greater access to create turmoil.
  3. Pray for your marriage. Set aside time every day to agree together, even for just a few minutes. “Where two or three are gathered together God is in the midst of you”. What a great promise that is!
  4. Lastly, hold each other in your arms. Embrace for just 30 seconds at various times during each day without saying anything. This simple act allows your spirit and your mate’s to connect in a very special way. Walls will come down, and God’s love will begin to flow supernaturally.

For where two or three are gathered in my name, I’m there with them.

Matt. 18:20 (CEB)

Now the challenge is to take these simple but profound steps, and put them into action—whether you feel like it or not. I am telling you that miracles will start happening in your marriage—even after just one week! Send me your testimonies and I will announce them in my next blog.

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house fallen into water

How to outlast storms and still stand

October 1, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
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Marriage, Success & victory

There is one key that—not only holds marriages together, but—brings them into the fullness of God’s glory. That one key is comprised of at least five core values. Values are those things that you have deep convictions about in your heart. Values are non-negotiable. They govern the direction your marriage takes and form its walls of protection. 

Values are like the fence around your house. That fence defines, protects and identifies your house and its property. That’s what having at least five core values does for your marriage. Now we all have values individually but, most of the time, we don’t recognize them. These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day. Sadly, those same principles—when brought into your marriage—often cause conflict. 

These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day.  

Conflicting values

One spouse may place high value on their social life, and he or she pursues social interactions all the time. Meanwhile, the other mate values the opposite. They desire personal intimacy and that is their major focus. Both are good values, but they oppose each other and will eventually bring conflict in the marriage.  

Couples need to decide what values are most important for their marriage, even if certain ones are unimportant to the other. The marriage needs to be the major focus and not our own selfish needs and desires. Remember there are three entities in a marriage: You, your spouse and your marriage itself. Ultimately, a couples’ decisions should always come down to what’s best for their marriage—not what’s best for either individual.

Define, define, define

So take the time to identify what your marriage values should be, and discuss them with your mate. Talk about whether or not those ideals are already in place and, if not, what you can do as a couple to build them in. 

These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. 

Identifying your current values will help you to decide which ones to let go of and which ones to embrace. These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. You will never reach that place of marriage wholeness unless you have at least 5 core values that become the foundation of your marriage.

Maybe you need vision or clarity for your life. We’re here to help. Go to BreakingFreeCC.com or call 239.244.3912.

A tale of two marriages

Matthew 7:24-27 describes two kinds of houses (we’ll say marriages). One marriage is built on a foundation of sand (having no defined core values). The other is built on a solid rock (having very well-defined values). Both couples face the same troubles in life, but the marriage without a strong foundation is destroyed. The one built on the rock survived the same storms that took the other one out, but didn’t collapse. Rather, that marriage stood firm in the midst of all the problems it faced. 

Your values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection.

Let me suggest a few marriage values that you and your spouse might like to build upon. Though values are necessary for success, this list is by no means a guarantee for achieving success. Values must come from both of your hearts. These values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection. It is definitely worth taking the time to discover what those ideals need to be for you as a couple. 

Suggested values

  1. Loving God. This one is a no-brainer, and every marriage needs to stand on it as a foundational principle. Whenever you put God first, everything just seems to work out better—no matter what storms come. I believe that we really don’t have financial or relationship problems. We have lordship problems. But when both mates pursue God as the number one value, the best is yet to come—and always will be! 
  2. Honesty is another value I highly recommend. You could define honesty as a willingness to be transparent with one another without having to pay a price. Most marriages fail because of poor communication. However, if you both establish honesty as a marriage value, your communication level will increase exponentially.
  3. Happiness is a core value I would NOT recommend. It sounds funny to say it, but if you make happiness a foundation for your marriage, you will be very disappointed… and your marriage will fail. Happiness is a fruit of having core values—but not a value itself. Yes, we all want happiness, but it will only result from a lot of hard work and living out our marriage values. If you read my blog from 2 weeks ago, you know that a good marriage requires self-sacrifice. But in the end, it will produce the fruit of happiness. 

Can you name at least 3 more core values that you think should be added to a marriage? I would be interested in hearing from you.

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Eagle soaring

How to be unoffendable

September 10, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
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Healing in marriage

In marriage, it’s easy to get offended practically every day, maybe several times a day. Even though we usually shake it off and go about our lives, over time offense builds walls between us. Hurt feelings subtly change our attitudes and behaviors toward one another. It happens slowly, almost imperceptibly until you wake up one day and think I don’t love you anymore. I don’t know why I married you in the first place. 

Let me encourage you: It’s never too late to make your marriage great! The principles I’m about to share with you could radically change your heart to believe the best is yet to come. Remember that what seems impossible for us is possible with God. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all of our heart and do not lean on our own understanding but acknowledge him in all of your ways and he will direct your paths.” 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT

Discover the power of forgiveness

1. Realize they’re not wicked

Recognize that your mate isn’t wicked, but weak. See them through God’s eyes and recognize that, like you and me, they are flawed human beings. And the main weakness is selfishness. They only think of themselves. However, your partner is not your enemy. Satan is, and he tempts us to see our mates as wicked. He wants to make you bitter, because bitterness will ultimately destroy your marriage. If not dealt with immediately, it defiles you and your mate. Like Michele said in a previous blog, it’s like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Offense turns into unforgiveness and then bitterness. Children and animals are the perfect picture of an unoffendable spirit. Animals kill prey, but only to satisfy their hunger. A child cries when they are corrected, but moments later, will crawl into their parent’s lap, hugging and kissing them like nothing happened. They don’t live with bitterness and hatred. Oh, to be like a little child…  

2. Seek mercy

Seek mercy instead of justice. The Word tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:13). We are to live that way with everyone who has offended us. Justice demands that God punish our partner for their bad behavior. Well guess what… We have all behaved badly, but God didn’t judge you. Instead, He had mercy on you and forgave you by sending Jesus to die for all your weaknesses. Don’t ask for justice, but show your mate mercy like Jesus gives you every day by forgiving you of your weaknesses. 

3. Stop eating dead things

Eating dead things is binging on offenses that happened in the past. Chickens walk around eating dead things—even their own feces. Chickens flap their wings, but they can’t fly. Don’t let the enemy bring “dead” hurts to mind over and over. Rather, throw off those offenses and let God raise you up to soar above them like an eagle. 

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They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Forsake offense

Too many of us feed on dead things (past offenses that have occurred in our marriages). Offense bars us from getting into the spirit realm and receiving God’s revelation that would set us free. Stop walking around like a chicken, flapping our wings but never rising up. 

Right now, forgive your husband or wife. Forgiveness will get you out of the chicken coup and soaring in the wind like an eagle (Isaiah 40:31). When you forgive, God’s presence will be released immediately into your heart. Rediscover your first love for your partner. Nursing an offended spirit will undo all that’s good in your marriage. Remember: Forgiving one another isn’t a suggestion. It’s God’s command.

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Man being pushed off cliff

Marriage pushes you into your destiny

August 27, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
2 Comments
Finding direction, Marriage

I am a better pastor because of my marriage. As discussed in past blogs, we tend to marry our opposite. Michele and I are so different that, early in our marriage, we both thought we had missed God and married the wrong person. In fact, the reverse was true. We couldn’t have known it then but, looking back, both she and I see how we have grown in the Lord by staying together. Our marriage has made us better people. 

Our marriage has made us better people. 

Lessons learned

I would have never been the kind of pastor I am today if I hadn’t learned to be patient and understanding with my wife. I learned empathy by putting myself in her place and seeking to understand her needs. Marriage made me a good listener, helped me give good, godly counsel and show compassion. 

It didn’t look like it at first, but God had a destiny for us individually and as a team. We were pushed into our destiny. Because we were so very different, we each needed to change just to make our marriage successful and pleasing to God. 

So be encouraged. The thing you are struggling with today could very well be God pushing you into your destiny as a couple. Left to yourself, shifting your personality and outlook on life would never happen. You would be stuck in a prison seeing yourself, your mate, and life itself through your own limited understanding. 

Pushing is necessary. We get pushed into making right choices; pushed into surrounding ourselves with right people; and pushed into letting go of the wrong people (those no longer called to walk with us into our destiny). 

Be encouraged. The thing you are struggling with today could very well be God pushing you into your destiny.

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God’s creativity at work

Marriage is unique because It provides an atmosphere for God’s designs and plans to be accomplished in both your and your mate’s lives. Because of Michele’s and my differences, I recognized the value of reflecting and developing patience. For example, we were very dissimilar when it came to walking by faith and not by sight. Once I believe God is in something, I go for it immediately. Michele, on the other hand, is willing to wait as long as it takes for it to come to pass. 

We learned that sometimes she was right, and sometimes I was right. We got pushed into trusting God more and more. Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding”. I have been pushed into trusting the Lord so much more than I ever have. Remember God is your designer and He will push you throughout life to have you conformed to the destiny he has planned for you from the beginning of time. 

For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].

Ephesians 2:10, AMP

Ephesians. 2:10 says “We are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Instead of getting angry and bitter because you’re being forced to change because of your mate’s differences, thank the Lord for using those moments to push you into your God-given destiny.

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couple paddling in a kayak

Get on the same team

August 13, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi
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Making positive change, unity in marriage

The enemy’s job is to divide and conquer, and he is pretty good at it. As married couples, it is our job to be vigilant and stand strong against satan’s tactics. Allowing him to divide us as husband and wife is one of the most damaging things that can happen in a marriage. Even when you and your mate disagree, that conflict should never leave the house and be presented before other people. Satan is always looking for an open door. He knows that a house divided against itself will fall (Luke 11:17).

Don’t go public

When I was young, our family owned a wholesale Italian bakery, and I worked with my father in the business. It was a large company, very popular in the New York area. One important lesson I learned—besides how to run a business and how to work hard—was the importance of maintaining unity in the partnership. My father’s partners were his four brothers.

Being brothers, from time to time, they would get into disagreements about how the business should be run. I remember one time my father and his older brother were really going at it. The argument got so heated, I thought it might get physical. But just at that moment when their voices were at the highest decibel, a stranger walked in uninvited and took my uncle’s side.

I’ll never forget it. At that moment, my uncle immediately stopped fighting my father and turned on the stranger. Even though the man was on my uncle’s side, my uncle wouldn’t let him divide family, no matter how mad he was at my father. That was the unwritten law among the Anastasi brothers. Even though they had differences among themselves, no outsider was allowed to come between them. 

…Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.

— Luke 11:17
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Present a united front

My uncle’s response presents a valuable lesson for all married couples to embrace. No matter how bitterly you disagree, never let your differences be seen or heard outside of your home. Satan is always looking to divide you and, given the opportunity, he will enlist people to help him who have absolutely “no skin in the game”. Now I’m not suggesting that you ignore your differences, but rather always present a united front. You and your mate’s business is your business—no one else’s. When you solicit outsiders to take your side in marital conflicts, you invite the devil himself to war against your union. So many marriages are severely damaged by this very thing. 

You might say, “Pastor, you don’t know how much I’m hurting.” Maybe not, but you won’t get your conflict resolved by inviting people in. We’re not fighting against flesh and blood, but against demonic forces that are absolutely opposed to your marriage and looking for ways to help it fail (Eph. 6:12). Let me be clear that I’m not talking about counseling with a professional. If your marriage needs counseling, please get it. 

When you solicit outsiders to take your side in marital conflicts, you invite the devil himself to war against your union. 

Let unity attract God

So fight the temptation to expose your problems to the outside world. Instead, be a faithful team member and, at all cost, don’t take your marriage problems public.

Presenting a united front, even when there is conflict behind the scenes, will release the presence of God in the situation. God is attracted to unity. Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team. The help that you need to resolve conflict and go deeper in unity won’t come from the natural realm, but the spiritual. Your help comes from the Holy Spirit Himself. You, your mate, and the Holy Spirit are all on the same team, and a three-fold chord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). 

And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

—Ecclesiastes 4:12, AMP

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