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Posts by Gaspar Anastasi

2 babies hugging

We not me

April 29, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
1 Comment
Healing in marriage, unity in marriage

When we marry, we all must adjust our thinking from “me” to “we”. In the past, our decisions centered on what blessed me and what was better for my life. We didn’t think about what was good for our mate. Rarely did we ask ourselves “Will this decision work for the both of us?” It’s a natural human tendency to be selfish and self-centered. 

Remember, Jesus taught his disciples to pray “Our Father who art in heaven”. God is not only my Father, but your Father as well. In other words, if my prayers and desires are just about me, He won’t answer them! If what you are asking won’t bless your mate as well, He will turn a deaf ear. Why? Because selfishness is not the will of God. 

If my prayers are just about me, He won’t answer them!

It takes Him

It took a few years to change my view of marriage from how it could benefit me to how it could bless us. The closer God drew me to Himself, the more I recognized my own selfishness. Changing our thinking from “me” to “we” will drastically cut down on the many conflicts we face. In fact, I believe that many of our marriage problems would disappear completely. This adjustment in thought and lifestyle will also point out our need for more of God’s presence in our lives. 

This shift from me-thinking to we-thinking requires Him. Only the Holy Spirit can help you to accomplish this goal. Couples, after all, are more than roommates. Your partner must be included in every decision you make. When the Holy Spirit wakes us up to start making choices with our mate in mind, it creates an atmosphere where God’s presence can dwell. 

This is a powerful revelation you need to—not only grasp, but—live out. You don’t need to force your mate to join you. It will become a revelation to them when you consistently live the “we-not-me” married life. Just live it out, and watch how life changes for the better in a very short time. It doesn’t need to be a point of discussion, but a transformative action on your part. 

When the Holy Spirit wakes us up to make choices with our mate in mind, it creates an atmosphere where God’s presence can dwell. 

Keep your heart free of bitterness and hurt. Breaking Free Wellness Center can help! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Self in action

One husband I counseled had decided to buy a very expensive recreational vehicle—without first discussing it with his wife. He thought, “Now that I’m retired, I’m gonna travel and enjoy my life!” However, he didn’t want his wife’s opinion to influence his decision. And traveling the country in an RV was not her idea of a good time. In fact, it was the opposite of what she wanted to do. But he couldn’t see how self-centered his decision was.  

Obviously, his choice created a major conflict in their marriage. Not only that, his RV put them both in great financial debt. It wasn’t his wife’s choice, but he made that decision anyway and it created a great division. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it were just this one decision. But this choice is just one example of an on-going lifestyle of “me-not-we”. 

Unity starts with u

Now take a few minutes and reflect on how you have been living your married life. Has it been all about me—and not us? Do you have a lot of conflict because you’re not getting what you want or doing it your way? Has bitterness crept in because you feel your mate doesn’t care about your thoughts or feelings? 

Living like roommates isn’t what we sign up for when we marry, but many couples do just that. We…. It only takes one person to change, and he or she will cause the whole marriage to shift from me, myself and I. It is worth the effort to examine your heart, and let God make you more like Him. Your happiness and fulfillment as a married couple depends on it. 

One person can shift the whole marriage from me, myself and I.

This one revelation can change your life. Even though marriage is a team effort, this transformation must start with you. And it needs to start right now! Reading this blog should raise some conviction in your heart. Will you allow the Holy Spirit to take you to the next step: repentance? Repent of your selfishness in your marriage. Be honest, and let God help you become the best marriage partner your mate could ever have. You won’t be sorry, and neither will they. Start right now and don’t put it off until tomorrow. It’s never too late to make your marriage great!

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Older couple embracing

Make room for new!

April 15, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
3 Comments
Making positive change, Marriage, Success & victory

As you’ve heard me (Gaspar) say before, marriage requires a lot of adjustments. If you’re not aware or prepared for change, you could get stuck in a holding pattern and not growing. Maybe, like many couples, you think the honeymoon will last forever. If you’re newly married and “didn’t get the memo”— it won’t. For those of us who have been married more than a year, this is not news.

The key to more and better 

If you’re not prepared for change, you will likely fail and drop out of the marriage. Make room for the new! That’s the key to success when faced with continual change. Making room for the new is also necessary for growth, peace and joy in your marriage. 

Now that doesn’t mean that what you two had before was wrong or bad. But for God to give you something better, you have to make room for better. Getting to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses helps to develop a deeper, more lasting love. Though that might be uncomfortable at times—let’s be real, all the time—the dividends will far surpass the price you pay. 

For God to give you better, you have to make room for better.

As I always say, the best is yet to come. Holding on to yesterday’s victories and blessings will hinder God from releasing greater ones. So how do you make room for the new in your marriage? I’m glad you asked. 

Where growth ends, death begins

1. You need what I call a “holy dissatisfaction”. That means you are grateful for all the victories you have won and the love and respect that you have for one another—but you are not satisfied. Thankful, yes! But satisfied? No, because you know there is more. God has much more for you both, but He can’t bring it if you are not expecting anything better. Satisfaction with the status quo is often the greatest hinderance to receiving the new and better. 

2. Ask God to give you a greater passion for growth. Many of us have stopped growing in our love for God, and that fact is reflected in our love for our mate. Ask forgiveness for your indifference and apathy. When we—and therefore, our marriage—stop growing, then the opposite will happen. Our union will start dying. 

Meekness is not a quality the world celebrates—only God. Let Breaking Free Counseling help you gain your spiritual inheritance in Him! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Could it be that, even though you have had some really good times together, your marriage is actually dying? There is so much more God wants for your marriage! He brought you together as a couple so that you could experience greater fruitfulness in life than you could individually. Often,  what our Father wants for us is more than we want or expect for ourselves!  

Ask your wife (just kidding)

3. Talk to your mate. Discover the ideas, dreams and thoughts God has given him or her for this next season of life. You might be surprised at how many new things God has placed in their heart. But they never get revealed because you don’t open yourselves up to each other. Sometimes we are afraid to rock the boat. Other times, we fear that our mate will think we “lost it”. 

It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage.

Sometimes couples get stuck trying to recreate the honeymoon phase, when that was only the starting gate—not the finish line. It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage. And make room for the new He has in store. It can never happen until we let go of the old. 

What blessings from yesterday do you still hold on to? You see, that’s where the new must start: In your heart. Don’t chase the blessing; start chasing after God. Yes, make room in your heart for the new. But trying to change your mate won’t make it happen. Stay focused on you, and ask God to help you let go of the good so He can give you better. Your destiny awaits. 

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wilted flowers

Scars that speak

April 1, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
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Forgiveness, healing, Marriage

Michele and I celebrated 56 years of marriage this past February. And though there have been a lot of great times, we have had our share of hurt and suffering as well. Two becoming one takes a lot of God’s grace and hard work on both of our parts. Blending our lives together so that we can become a blessing to each other and the people we serve has been a great challenge and blessing. 

We have become more aware of the power of the cross and more grateful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.

We have become more aware of the power of the cross and more grateful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Without His presence and power, we never would have been able to overcome the many obstacles our marriage faced. Living life always presents great challenges and opportunities to see ourselves the way God sees us and to see God for who He is. Each of us has learned to run to Jesus when our differences caused pain, rather than to take things into our own hands. 

Out of our hands and into His

We’ve tried enough to fix our problems ourselves to know it doesn’t bring any real solutions. In fact, our efforts drive us back into a self-centered, selfish life. We have come to understand, with our Father’s help, that pain isn’t our enemy. Rather, it is His voice letting us know that there is a deeper issue at the root of our problems. 

No, pain isn’t the main problem. Even though our words and actions sometimes cause hurt, the pain is just a symptom of something that goes deeper. It’s God’s way of saying you need to look deeper into yourself so that I could heal you at your core. When couples take their eyes off each other and stop blame-shifting and condemning each other, our Father is able to work on us personally. 

It’s hard to admit that we are damaged goods and that we need to be repaired. It takes a willingness to admit that we are still under construction. God our creator is the only one Who can fix us and make us whole. He is the only One—not your mate, not yourself. 

Fixing the foundation

Jesus not only died on the cross for our sins; He bore our sufferings. As a couple, knowing that should give us hope and strength to know “this too shall pass”. 

In times of pain and suffering, we need to run to the cross—not our mate or somebody outside of our marriage. When Jesus resurrected, He still bore the scars in His hands and the wound in His side. Those injuries became His identifying marks. So we can relate to them.

Sometimes God uses our pain to lead us to our purpose. Breaking Free Wellness Center can help you both overcome and triumph! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Then he showed them the wounds of his hands and his side—they were overjoyed to see the Lord with their own eyes! …One of the twelve wasn’t present when Jesus appeared to them—it was Thomas, whose nickname was “the Twin.” So the disciples informed him, “We have seen the Lord with our own eyes!”

John 20:20, 24 & 25 (TPT)

Though he suffered the same hurts that we suffer, He also overcame them. That’s great news! It means we too can overcome our pain with His help. So run to the cross!

The scars on Jesus’ resurrected body say that He is committed to us long-term. He continues to restore and heal us. His scars tell us that He not only identifies with our sufferings, but He also participates in them.

Make the cross the center of your marriage, and happiness will become its by-product.

Run to the cross

Here are some choices that have helped me in my personal times of pain.

  1. It required courage and determination on my part to face my own weaknesses and failures and not blame my wife. Jesus’ death and resurrection brought encouragement to me to “keep on keeping on”.   
  2. I had to make a conscious choice to run after the cross and make the way of the cross a lifestyle, accepting Father God’s unconditional love rather than denying it. 
  3. I chose not to take satan’s bait and believe his lie that God doesn’t really care; that it’s my problem to fix—not His. 
  4. I needed to confront myself by listening to the voice of my hurts and ask God to show me the real cause of my pain. I had to choose to take my eyes off my mate as the cause of my suffering and begin to look deep into myself with the help of the Holy Spirit. Most often we conceal the roots of our suffering and prolong the healing of our own lives and our marriage. 
  5. I chose to shut out all the other options the enemy provided. The road to hell is paved with many lies and selfish options that, if you accept them, will leave you worse off than when you started. 
  6. I reminded myself that happiness isn’t my main purpose in marriage. It’s holiness. Once I got that fact into my heart, true happiness became a fruit of my marriage. If happiness is your main goal in marriage, you will always avoid self-examination and godly change. 

Make the cross the center of your marriage, and happiness will become its by-product. This year, bring your marital hurts to the cross. Make that a goal. I did, and happiness and fulfillment have become a way of life for me.

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little fox

It’s the little things…

March 18, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
2 Comments
Making positive change, Marriage

My car was only two years old when I hit a pothole crossing the George Washington Bridge in New York. The vehicle immediately shut off, and my family and I were suddenly stranded on the side of the road. However, the problem wasn’t something big like the engine or transmission like I thought. A little pothole had caused a big jolt that tripped a tiny switch connected to the fuel line and sidelined my vehicle for hours—not to mention our family vacation. By design, this little safety feature shut off the entire engine to prevent a potential fire.

It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room or dreading coming home at all.

In the same way, it’s often the little things that determine the course of our relationships. It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room from you—or dreading coming home at all. I’m talking about small issues that could be fixed by a slight adjustment in our attitude… a tiny tweak in our actions… a minor modification in our mindset. Yet, we are so prone to focus on major stumbling blocks that we may overlook the tiny action that started it all.

Beware of little foxes

God tells us in Song of Songs 2:15 “You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” (TPT)

According to the Lord, when we overlook seemingly insignificant issues, we set up our relationship for failure. And we unknowingly allow the same things to repeat themselves again and again. Just because something is not in your face at this moment doesn’t make it insignificant.

You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship.

Song of Songs 2:15 (TPT)
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Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

Little foxes are hidden weaknesses and character flaws that we all have. We may have successfully covered them up for years or maybe even a lifetime. They went undetected because our focus has always been on the current big problem.

A storm, high winds or even an unexpected cold snap can destroy in a moment a garden we’ve nurtured for years. Even so, these natural disasters may not do nearly the damage as tiny insects we can barely see. Are you letting pests devastate your precious vegetation while you stand guard against a hurricane? Ask the Lord to show you the little things.

Time for a recall?

Car companies test their vehicles for safety before they put them on the market. Even so, every now and then manufacturers must recall a certain model. A little thing that went undetected or underestimated when the vehicle was built now creates great consequences for the driver or others on the road.

Our marriages are the same way. God is recalling many of us to fix issues that could cause our relationship to crash and burn. Going back to Solomon’s metaphor, what are the little foxes that are eating away at our intimacy and romance? What tiny thing has come between you and your mate and keeps them at odds with you? These little foxes may create big problems for us, but the solution may be surprisingly small. Ask your Father to show you and help you.

God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. Will you let Him?

Take the keys

Just like the keys God gives us to His kingdom, the solution to your marriage problem may be something very small compared the doors it will open. God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. The question is: Will you let Him? Will you allow God to do a recall in your life? Or will you let pride keep you from submitting to His alterations?

How many people actually bring their car back to the dealership when they get a recall letter? Not many. Your marriage is more precious and important than any car. So take some time to reflect and hear God’s voice when you’re in the midst of what you consider a BIG problem. Ask Him to show you the little things. Something you consider insignificant; some slight adjustment or minor change may alter the course of your marriage for the better. Remember it’s the little things that matter.

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Delay not denial

God’s delay is not His denial

March 4, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
0 Comment
Relationship with God, unity in marriage

Waiting for God to answer our prayers is one of hardest things we face in life—and marriage. We all want Him to see our needs and respond immediately. But it rarely happens that way. When our “suddenly” doesn’t come, we may start to doubt God’s love. That’s because we base His love on the outcome rather than on who He is.

God is love, and everything He does (or doesn’t do) is because of that Love. We wrongly expect God to think and respond like us. Meanwhile, Isaiah 55:8 clearly tells us “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

Our Father’s love language

We all have a love language that makes us feel special and valued. My wife’s love language is words of affirmation. When I affirm her with my words, she feels my affection more strongly than a thousand I love you‘s.

God’s love language is trust. When you and I try to pull Him down into our understanding and our time frame to get the answers to our crisis situations, we reveal our lack of love for God. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us see what God the Father is doing or not doing in our marriage and line ourselves up with Him, instead of trying to fit Him into our natural understanding. God’s delay is not His denial.

When we patiently wait for God to answer our prayers, He receives our love.

Because God’s love language is trust, when you and I patiently wait for His answers to prayer, He receives our love.  And many times, His answers are delayed. What is God doing during those times?

Settle it in your heart that God’s love for you is unconditional. It’s always there being poured over us, even when we don’t feel or see it.

The power in waiting

When God does answer our prayer, the answer isn’t only to benefit us. It is to benefit our mate as well. Seeing prayer through His eyes helps us get out of our selfcenteredness. Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness. If we ever get past the “what’s in it for me” mentality, we may see how the answer to my prayer can and should  benefit my mate and our marriage. That transition is the beginning of your maturity as a husband or wife. And your value to your mate and your marriage increases exponentially.

Unfortunately, many of us live like married singles where it’s all about “me” —not us. We easily get annoyed with God when He doesn’t respond in our way and our timing. That causes a breach between us and Him. Our Father holds the key to our marital success. His love cannot be forced into our time frame and it cannot be manipulated for our own selfish purposes.

Often, God invests the “wait time” in changing our hearts and ridding us of selfishness.

Above all, God’s love should never be measured by the outcome. Because of His love, God may not answer your prayer at all. Or His answer may come when it seems “too late”. But that doesn’t change the fact that God loves you and wants to bless you, your mate, and ultimately your marriage.

Marriage Coaching
Take your marriage to the next level! Sit down with Pastor Michele Anastasi, our Certified Christian Life Coach, to gain new vision and direction for your marriage. Call (239) 244-3912 or go to BreakingFreeCC.com.

God gets the glory

When Lazarus was sick, his sister Martha called for Jesus to come right away, before he died. But because Jesus loved Lazarus, He waited two more days to come. “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was,” (John 11:5, 6). 

The God of the Universe finally showed up 4 days late! The Bible tells us “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). But His weeping had nothing to do with Lazarus’ death. God cried because Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary, whom He also loved, didn’t trust Him.

It was Jesus’ plan all along to raise Lazarus from the dead. His “delay” powerfully impacted—not just Lazarus and his sisters, but—all the people around them. Because Jesus lingered and didn’t come immediately, the people witnessed the glory of God. His delay caused many to believe and follow Him from that day on.

Never doubt the fact that God loves you. He honors your mate and your marriage. But it’s not just about you. Trust your Father to bring about the best possible outcome in His timing. God’s delay is not His denial.

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Seasons of marriage

Understanding the seasons of marriage

February 25, 2023 Gaspar Anastasi
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Finding direction, unity in marriage

Everything in life grows, changes, moves and matures according to seasons. This includes your marriage. Depending on the season your marriage is in, you can do things that you couldn’t do at other times. Once you understand this principal, you can find a place of peace and prosperity regardless of all the benefits and limitations of this present moment.

To everything, a season

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven” (AMP). In other words, if you are trying to accomplish something in your marriage and it isn’t the right season, your efforts will likely end in frustration and anger. For example, you want to increase intimacy with your spouse. Trying to force open that door will only delay the change you seek.

There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven..

Ecclesiastes. 3:1 (AMP)

Too often couples find themselves out of season with their desires, and they wind up living continually out of season. They dress for winter and feel its chill all their life; meanwhile spring, summer and fall come and go unnoticed. It takes a sensitive heart to know when the cycle changes.

The danger of offense

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life. It’s easy to feel hurt when your mate doesn’t respond to your likes and desires. Then bitterness sets in when you try to force them to change against their will.

Bitterness can blind you to change. But it doesn’t have to. Ask God to forgive you for not recognizing the seasons of your marriage. Then commit to be on the alert for the periodic changes that signal the start of a new cycle. It’s possible to live your whole marriage out of season. It’s like trying to dance to a song you like but you have no rhythm, and you feel and look awkward.

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life.

Marriage Coaching
Take your marriage to the next level! Talk with our certified Christian Life Coach: 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

Like a beautiful dance, each marriage has its own rhythm. When you discover it, this rhythm will bring you both into a place of unity and wholeness. Here are a few signs to look for that signal the start of a new marriage season. However, realize that once the season begins to change, it’s up to you to enter it and do what you couldn’t do before.

Signs of change

1). Attitude changes. All of a sudden, you have a change of heart toward things that you once resisted or were set against. That’s one sign that your marriage is entering into a new cycle or season. 

2). Romance increases. One spouse becomes more attentive in touching, embracing and kissing for no special reason. That is another sure sign that your marriage is entering a new season.

3). Communication grows. When one spouse seeks to talk or openly share their thoughts and feelings more than ever before, this too signals a change in season.  

4). More time spent at home. Maybe your spouse stops avoiding being at home. Again, that’s a sure sign of a season change.

No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Set the right atmosphere

There are many other signs of change to look for. But the most important thing to remember is your attitude. Your positive response to these signals is imperative in order to benefit from each new cycle of life. No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Free your heart from any anger and bitterness toward your mate. Instead exhibit patience and have faith that God’s plan for your marriage will come to pass. And, if you have missed or misinterpreted previous cycles in your marriage because of things I mentioned earlier, don’t worry. Life is cyclical. Those seasons will come around again.

Whatever season your marriage is in right now, it’s always the right time to sow patience and understanding. Only then you will succeed in reaping true happiness.

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