Maintain a well-oiled marriage

Without God at the center, a successful, prosperous marriage is impossible. His presence is the oil that makes everything run smoothly. His strength and courage help us keep on keeping on even when things seem impossible. Without His presence being manifested, we are left trying to have a successful relationship—guided only by our faults, limitations, and past failures. 

Without His presence being manifested, we are left trying to have a successful relationship—guided only by our faults, limitations, and past failures.

You and I are like Adam and Eve who walked away from God’s presence after choosing to do things their own way. Right away, this first couple recognized their nakedness and tried to hide behind fig leaves. This represents the shame of living in sin and apart from God. 

Time for an oil change

God’s presence is like the engine oil that constantly lubricates all the various moving parts of your car. You see, when we’re dating and during the honeymoon phase of marriage, there’s plenty of natural oil flowing to help us overlook each other’s faults. All our moving parts (our quirks and unique differences) just work together—even creating joy, happiness, and great expectations for the future.

Once the oil runs low, however, all we can see is each other’s faults and imperfections. At best, married life becomes a struggle. At worst, it comes to a grinding halt. That annoying, fault-filled person lying next to you is the same one you fell in love with. But over time, our fig leaves wear thin, and we start seeing each other the way we’ve always been—flawed. 

So are you rubbing each other the wrong way, creating friction that makes a breakdown inevitable? Most of us check our car’s engine oil regularly because we value our automobile and fear the price of letting it run out. Well, your marriage is much more valuable than your car (or should be). 

Over time, our fig leaves wear thin, and we start seeing each other the way we’ve always been—flawed. 

Like I said before, the oil of God’s presence is key to the success of your marriage, and it’s available free of charge 24/7 to all of us who recognize Him as a necessity. You can stop your marriage from coming to a screeching halt. Pouring in fresh oil will give your relationship new life and stoke the motivation to go higher and fulfill God’s purpose as a couple. But just like your car, you must be aware and intentional about giving your marriage the regular maintenance it needs. 

Schedule maintenance

1. Recognize your need for God’s presence. Just think about how quick you are to dwell on your mate’s faults and how easily they annoy you. That’s a sure sign you need a fresh oil change. 
2. On purpose, fill your marriage with God’s anointing. Set aside time to thank and praise Him for who He is and for your mate. You can do this alone or together. Suddenly, the oil will start flowing, and it won’t be long before the honeymoon returns. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. 
3. Put God first by praying together and attending a corporate gathering where others value God’s oil in their lives. There’s just something special about getting filled with His presence corporately. 
4. Keep a fresh supply on hand. Again, like your car, your marriage can die from friction. Fortunately, God’s oil is free and available. All you have to do is open up your heart and your marriage and invite Him in. 

With God’s presence, nothing will be impossible for your marriage to overcome or accomplish. So why not add it today? It’s never too late to experience a revival in your relationship. In fact, this could be your best year ever! Your children and everyone else in your sphere of influence will be blessed by it!

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Leaving the past behind you

Most marriage conflicts arise from one of three sources: 1) Past incidents that happened between you and your mate; 2) Things that offended you and never got resolved; or 3) Things that happened before you even met, but resurface repeatedly to torment you. It’s like having a deep cut in your hand that never fully heals. And, every time you bump it against something, it gets reinjured. Not only does the wound never heal properly, but it gets worse. 

A stumbling block to growth

As I said, some past hurts didn’t even happen between you and your mate. They might have taken place before you met, but they were never resolved in your heart. As long as these offenses stay there, the devil will continually bring them back up. He will taunt you that your marriage can’t succeed or—worse—that you married the wrong person. Other times, your mate will remind you of someone who hurt you before. Regardless of where they originated, hurts from the past will always present a stumbling block that keeps your marriage from growing stronger. 

As long as these offenses stay there, the devil will continually bring them back up.

Spot the source

Recognizing the source of your marriage conflicts will help you overcome them. But you must be transparent and let the Holy Spirit show you the roots of what you’re feeling during a conflict. Let Him show you why you feel angry, or betrayed, or rejected by your mate. I know that sounds risky. 

We automatically think, “I’m blaming myself and letting him/her off the hook!” But a little self-examination allows the Holy Spirit to check your heart—just in case part of the problem is hurts you suffered in the past.  

Share ownership

In all marital conflicts, we must both share ownership of the problem. When we point the finger at our spouse as the ultimate perpetrator, it never ends well. It will always put your mate on the defensive, causing more rejection and deep inner hurts.

It only takes one of you to recognize the warfare you’re in and trust the Lord to fight the battle.

Instead of finding a solution, instead of approaching the conflict together, it divides you more and creates a negative atmosphere going forward. The problem was only made worse—not resolved. As couples, we need to look inside ourselves with the help of the Holy Spirit, instead of just looking at our mate and finding fault with them.

When one or both of you humble yourself and listen to the Holy Spirit’s counsel—not only will there be hope for the conflict to end, but—healing to start between you both. I say “one or both” because it only takes one person to recognize the warfare he or she is in and trust the Lord to fight the battle.

Spend more time with the Solution

Spending more personal time with the Lord will give Jesus a chance to express His unconditional love through you.Being aware of your words and weighing them before you speak will give the Holy Spirit in you the advantage to overcome the devil’s plan. Realize that satan wants to sabotage your happiness and healing.

Spending more personal time with the Lord will give Jesus a chance to express His unconditional love through you.

Remember that your mate isn’t your enemy. You must break the habit of the dysfunctional way you both resolve conflict in your marriage. These are learned behaviors, picked up by watching your parents or others solve conflict ineffectively.

Get on the same team

Make a decision, along with your mate, to start over with conflict resolution. Agree that how you do it now doesn’t produce healing results or bring you any closer together. Then give each other the grace to make mistakes, ask forgiveness, and keep trying with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Remember you are on the same team. In just a few months, if you’ll both commit to see change (or if just one of you commits to it), you will start to see great peace in your marriage. Don’t give up! Nothing is impossible with Jesus. He equipped you to be successful and have dominion over your real enemy, satan. As a couple, decide to break the dysfunctional way you solve conflicts—and you will see change.

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