Posts by Gaspar Anastasi

wrapped gifts

Learn to move in divine favor

As we discussed at the time, 2023 was a year of Divine Favor. But God’s favor is always available to His precious children who make Him a priority. Nowhere is divine favor more abundant and needed than in marriage. Let’s face it: Two people becoming one is impossible in our own strength. As couples, we have missed out on this crucial and rich heritage of divine favor that God set aside especially for us. So many of us have either been unaware of it or have lived without expectation that His favor will work in our marriage.

Divine favor is defined as unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do. Amazingly, you and I can be empowered by the Holy Spirit to both give divine favor to our mate and to receive divine favor from them. And when we do so, our marriages prosper exponentially.

Divine favor is unfair partiality (given by God), special privilege, and the supernatural capacity to accomplish things that you don’t have the ability or strength to do.

Favor in action

Here’s an example. Let’s say you have an argument with your mate, and it is severe enough that you want to separate. But suddenly, grace from God comes upon you to forgive with no strings attached! Not only do you close the door on satan to hurt your marriage further, but you open the door to reconciliation. You must recognize that something supernatural just happened. That was God releasing divine favor in you to accomplish what you couldn’t!

Or let’s say… you plan a much-needed getaway, but when the time comes, you don’t have enough money. Then, miraculously, the vacation destination lowers their rates for the time period you planned to go, and now you can make it. That is divine favor! In reality, you and I have been living with God’s unearned kindnesses all along, but without recognizing what it was and where it came from.

God makes His favor readily available for you every day of your life—multiple times a day. And don’t say, “I wish that were true” because it is! Below, I have listed steps that will secure your heritage of divine favor our Father intended for our marriages. Maybe you’ve been living outside of His abundant blessing and realize it’s time for a turnaround.

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How to secure divine favor

  1. Ask the Lord to forgive you for taking for granted His favor in your life and marriage. Too many of us live with an entitlement attitude—not being sufficiently grateful and humbled by God’s goodness.
  2. Expect God’s favor to manifest in your home daily. His favor is your heritage as a believer in Christ. Rather than expecting trouble, anticipate goodness instead.
  3. Recognize where divine favor comes from. It’s not your own doing. That’s pride. Just take note of the grace God gives you every day to live a successful marriage.
  4. Get a bigger vision than just being happily married. Think about God’s kingdom and His purposes for your union. Recognize the much-needed example of marriage fulfillment you can provide to struggling couples.  
  5. Seed favor into your mate and watch God multiply His abundance back to you through your mate.
  6. Give your tithes and offerings. Keep your heart close to God by sharing with Him the fruits of your labor. Where your money is, that’s where your heart is (Matt. 6:21). Giving is especially key if you want God’s favor released in your finances.

Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality.

There it is! A strategy to receive God’s abundant favor in your marriage. Although God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” (2 Cor. 1:20), it takes our faith to make them a reality. I have lived married life with the abundance of favor that God made available for me… and I’ve also lived without it. Guess which I like best!


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Ship in a storm

Making miracles from mistakes

Every marriage on planet earth is made up of people like you and me who make  a lot of mistakes. None of us is perfect. God knew that when He created us. In Isaiah 46:9-11, our loving Heavenly Father says He knows the end of our life before it begins. That means, every day, He wants to direct us onto the right path to travel. Even though, we often go our own way, He never gives up offering us opportunities for miracles in place of our mistakes. 

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.  I will call a swift bird of prey from the east— a leader from a distant land to come and do my bidding. I have said what I would do, and I will do it.

Isaiah 46:9-11 (NLT)

Admit your mistakes

In marriage, we often fail to admit our mistakes to God. Instead, we blame our mate or someone else for why we didn’t do the right thing. I know from experience that, if I get out of denial and admit my error (with the help of our mutual enemy satan), I might feel like a failure in the sight of God. And worse, that God would never work in the mess I made. Sound familiar?

However, the Lord, in His awesome love and understanding knows we aren’t perfect and has already made ways of escape for us. You could call them “premeditated miracles”.  When Jesus was dying on the cross, long before you and I ever knew Him or accepted Him as Lord and Savior, He prayed, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing”. Jesus understood that our human nature, corrupted by sin, would lead us to rebel against His plans for us. 

God has premeditated miracles waiting for you.

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Master of storms

So when you find yourself angry at your mate (who seems to bring out the worse in you), know that God is in the midst of your storm. Sometimes He allows the storm to come your way. Why do I say that? 

Jesus sent His disciples out on a boat, into a storm, and then walked on the water to meet them where they were. According to Mark 6:48, He intended to go past them because they were not expecting Him. 

Are you expecting the Almighty God to show up during your storm? He called out to them, “Don’t be afraid. Take courage! I am here!” (Mark 6:50). The disciples weren’t expecting Jesus and thought He was a ghost.

Exactly what was God after, leading these men into a dangerous storm? He wanted them to change directions and follow the path to prosperity and freedom. The moment they invited Jesus into their boat, the storm ceased, and He led them to a totally different destination. 

“Don’t be afraid. Take courage! I am here!”

Mark 6:50

Instead of a household of anger, filled with threats of divorce, God wants to change your direction into one of peace, safety, and happiness. Our Father wants to turn your mistakes into   miracles—if you’ll let Him. 

Although Jonah clearly heard from God, he went in the opposite direction. The prophet also wound up on a boat, and the Lord sent a storm after him (Jonah 1:4). Once the captain woke him, Jonah admitted to the terrified sailors that he was running from God’s direction and plan. 

Own it

When the sailors asked Jonah what could be done, he said, “Throw me into the sea, and it will become calm again. I know that this terrible storm is all my fault” (Jonah 1:12). 

Like most of us, Jonah probably thought, since he messed up, God would have nothing to do with him. Once the sailors threw the man of God off the boat, the storm immediately stopped. This gives us a hint why some marriages are in constant storms. One or both of us haven’t admitted our mistakes. And until we do, storms continue to rage.

Until we admit our mistakes, storms will continue to rage.

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Now God sent a big fish to swallow Jonah and take him back to his destiny: Getting Nineveh to repent of their sins. Once Jonah repented of his own disobedience, “Then the Lord ordered the fish to spit Jonah out onto the beach” (Jonah 2:10). Finally, God gave him the same message to preach again. 

Steps to your miracle

All of us, at one time or another, have heard from God what we should do and how we should act toward our mate. But, like this obstinate prophet, we decided to go a different direction. And God, in His faithfulness, sent storms in our lives to get our attention. 

  1. The first step in getting your miracle out of your mistake is to get out of denial
  2. The second step is: Don’t quit! Go back, listen to God, and know that He has a great plan— even amid your mistakes. He hasn’t turned his back on you. In fact, He has been there all along saying, “I’m here. Trust me, and follow me.” 
  3. The third step is: Get a vision of where God wants to take you. Once they brought Jesus into the boat, the disciples changed direction and wound up in Gennesaret, a fruitful and prosperous place. 

God wants to take your marriage to a prosperous and fruitful place as well. Take the time to admit your mistakes to God and to your mate. This gets a release for the miracle in your marriage. Miracles are available to all of us if we will follow God’s plan. God’s love can never be turned off. He is always ready to turn your mistakes into miracles.


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man pulling up root

Just one thing

Most problems in marriage come down to just “one thing”. If only that “one thing”— the root of the disagreement—could be easily identified and dealt with, many arguments would cease. But the roots of trouble, much like actual tree roots in the ground, usually go unnoticed. We get so caught up with peripheral issues that we never spot the real culprit, the one thing that caused it from the start. For that reason, many marriages only obtain temporary peace and unity. We only deal with what we see and feel at that moment. Therefore, the root—the one thing—stays hidden and couples fight the same battles again and again. 

If the “one thing”— the root of the disagreement—could be easily identified and dealt with, many arguments would cease.

A case in point 

Let’s say, for example, you both have a financial issue. The one partner overspends. Meanwhile, the other partner is so tight with money, when they walk, their shoes squeak. This financial disparity creates much tension and even builds walls between the two. The wife accuses the husband of being selfish and spending money like a drunken sailor, not caring about their financial security and their future. On the other side, the husband calls the wife a control freak, saying she makes the marriage miserable by allowing no freedom to have fun. Here’s the question: Is spending money the real issue? Or is it something deeper? 

The root of the problem usually goes a lot deeper than it appears on the surface. In this real-life example, the wife is very frugal with money because she was raised in poverty. Growing up, she and her family had little to nothing. In fact, the lack of basic needs drove them from home to home throughout her childhood. Deep down, she lives in fear of being homeless and destitute again. This constant fear is the “one thing” that causes this couple’s marital issues. Sadly, if they never discover this hidden root, their financial disagreement will arise over and over again. It never goes away.

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It could be you

You can insert any marriage problem. It all comes down to the same thing. As individuals, we must be willing to look deep inside ourselves and answer the question: “Why I am reacting to my mate this way?” I’m sure if we would take the time to dig out the “one thing” that causes us to respond negatively when faced with a persistent problem, we could more constructively confront it. But it takes courage to face ourselves and risk discovering we are the cause of the problem. “I’ve found the enemy, and it’s me.”

Be willing to look deep inside yourself and answer the question: “Why I am reacting to my mate this way?”

If couples could both agree to resolve conflicts in their marriage that way, they—not only gain greater respect for each other, but—become more merciful toward one another.  Sooner or later, it will be the other partner’s turn to fess up to the “one thing” that is the root problem. That way, couples gain a lot of respect and honor towards each other because we all want peace, joy and harmony at all cost. Right?

Put your marriage first

When we couples put our marriage first, before our own desires and the need to be right all the time, we pave the way for true unity. Just one thing could be the cause of so many other issues in marriage. 

Here are some other examples of marriage problems with hidden roots: 

  • Feeling rejected all the time
  • The need to control our mate
  • Fear of being alone
  • Constant mistrust of our husband/wife

When trouble rises, first, be still and know that He is God

~Psalm 46:10

These issues and many others can have devastating consequences in marriage, if not dealt with correctly. I encourage you to make an agreement with your mate that, when trouble rises, the first thing you both will do is be still and know that He is God(Psalm 46:10). 

What I mean is this. Let God show you both what the root of the problem you’re facing really is. You’ll probably discover that, most of the time, it’s not what you thought. Sometimes it’s just that one thing, when discovered and dealt with, can make the difference between divorce and a blessed, fulfilled marriage. 


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Couple making new home

Make room for the new!

As you’ve heard me (Gaspar) say before, marriage requires a lot of adjustments. If you’re not aware or prepared for change, you could get stuck in a holding pattern and not growing. Maybe, like many couples, you think the honeymoon will last forever. If you’re newly married and “didn’t get the memo”— it won’t. For those of us who have been married more than a year, this is not news.

The key to more and better 

If you’re not prepared for change, you will likely fail and drop out of the marriage. Make room for the new! That’s the key to success when faced with continual change. Making room for the new is also necessary for growth, peace and joy in your marriage. 

Now that doesn’t mean that what you two had before was wrong or bad. But for God to give you something better, you have to make room for better. Getting to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses helps to develop a deeper, more lasting love. Though that might be uncomfortable at times—let’s be real, all the time—the dividends will far surpass the price you pay. 

For God to give you better, you have to make room for better.

As I always say, the best is yet to come. Holding on to yesterday’s victories and blessings will hinder God from releasing greater ones. So how do you make room for the new in your marriage? I’m glad you asked. 

Where growth ends, death begins

1. You need what I call a “holy dissatisfaction”. That means you are grateful for all the victories you have won and the love and respect that you have for one another—but you are not satisfied. Thankful, yes! But satisfied? No, because you know there is more. God has much more for you both, but He can’t bring it if you are not expecting anything better. Satisfaction with the status quo is often the greatest hinderance to receiving the new and better. 

2. Ask God to give you a greater passion for growth. Many of us have stopped growing in our love for God, and that fact is reflected in our love for our mate. Ask forgiveness for your indifference and apathy. When we—and therefore, our marriage—stop growing, then the opposite will happen. Our union will start dying. 

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Could it be that, even though you have had some really good times together, your marriage is actually dying? There is so much more God wants for your marriage! He brought you together as a couple so that you could experience greater fruitfulness in life than you could individually. Often,  what our Father wants for us is more than we want or expect for ourselves!  

Ask your wife (just kidding)

3. Talk to your mate. Discover the ideas, dreams and thoughts God has given him or her for this next season of life. You might be surprised at how many new things God has placed in their heart. But they never get revealed because you don’t open yourselves up to each other. Sometimes we are afraid to rock the boat. Other times, we fear that our mate will think we “lost it”. 

It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage.

Sometimes couples get stuck trying to recreate the honeymoon phase, when that was only the starting gate—not the finish line. It’s time we wake up to the great, big, wonderful God who wants the best for our marriage. And make room for the new He has in store. It can never happen until we let go of the old. 

What blessings from yesterday do you still hold on to? You see, that’s where the new must start: In your heart. Don’t chase the blessing; start chasing after God. Yes, make room in your heart for the new. But trying to change your mate won’t make it happen. Stay focused on you, and ask God to help you let go of the good so He can give you better. Your destiny awaits. 


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fox

It’s the little things…

My car was only two years old when I hit a pothole crossing the George Washington Bridge in New York. The vehicle immediately shut off, and my family and I were suddenly stranded on the side of the road. However, the problem wasn’t something big like the engine or transmission like I thought. A little pothole had caused a big jolt that tripped a tiny switch connected to the fuel line and sidelined my vehicle for hours—not to mention our family vacation. By design, this little safety feature shut off the entire engine to prevent a potential fire.

It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room or dreading coming home at all.

In the same way, it’s often the little things that determine the course of our relationships. It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room from you—or dreading coming home at all. I’m talking about small issues that could be fixed by a slight adjustment in our attitude… a tiny tweak in our actions… a minor modification in our mindset. Yet, we are so prone to focus on major stumbling blocks that we may overlook the tiny action that started it all.

Beware of little foxes

God tells us in Song of Songs 2:15 “You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” (TPT)

According to the Lord, when we overlook seemingly insignificant issues, we set up our relationship for failure. And we unknowingly allow the same things to repeat themselves again and again. Just because something is not in your face at this moment doesn’t make it insignificant.

You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship.

Song of Songs 2:15 (TPT)
This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is BFLW-MARRIAGE2_1200X615-1024x525.jpg
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Little foxes are hidden weaknesses and character flaws that we all have. We may have successfully covered them up for years or maybe even a lifetime. They went undetected because our focus has always been on the current big problem.

In the same way, a storm, high winds or even an unexpected cold snap can destroy in a moment a garden we’ve nurtured for years. Even so, these natural disasters may not do nearly the damage tiny insects can that we barely see. Are you letting pests devastate your precious vegetation while you stand guard against a hurricane? Ask the Lord to show you the little things.

Time for a recall?

Car companies test their vehicles for safety before they put them on the market. Even so, every now and then manufacturers must recall a certain model. A little thing that went undetected or underestimated when the vehicle was built now creates great consequences for the driver or others on the road.

Our marriages are the same way. God is recalling many of us to fix issues that could cause our relationship to crash and burn. Going back to Solomon’s metaphor, what are the little foxes that are eating away at our intimacy and romance? What tiny thing has come between you and your mate and keeps you at odds with each other? These little foxes may create big problems for us, but the solution may be surprisingly small. Ask your Father to show you and help you.

God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. Will you let Him?

Take the keys

Just like the keys God gives us to His kingdom, the solution to your marriage problem may be something very small compared the doors it will open. God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. The question is: Will you let Him? Will you allow God to do a recall in your life? Or will you let pride keep you from submitting to His alterations?

How many people actually bring their car back to the dealership when they get a recall letter? Not many. Your marriage is more precious and important than any car. So take some time to reflect and hear God’s voice when you’re in the midst of what you consider a BIG problem. Ask Him to show you the little things. Something you consider insignificant; some slight adjustment or minor change may alter the course of your marriage for the better. Remember it’s the little things that matter.


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mixed couple embracing

If you work it—it will work

As you’ve heard me say before, a good marriage takes hard work. What you put into it is what you get out of it. Nevertheless, so many people are deceived into thinking Love is all you need. But they soon find out that love alone won’t keep them together

You may have heard people complain (as they dial up their divorce attorney), “We just fell out of love.” Yes, a successful marriage does produce joy, fulfillment and happiness. But there’s one important principal that we accept in every other area of life except marriage: Success requires hard work.  

Smarter, not harder

Ask any accomplished person—a businessman, an athlete, an artist or anyone successful in their chosen field. They will tell you that they worked very hard to get where they are. And continue to do so to maintain their success. 

So let’s get this truth established once and for all. If you want a lasting, successful marriage that will leave a great legacy for the next generation, you will have to work at it. Now, for some who read this blog, that statement will automatically turn you off. For those eager to invest effort into their marriage, here are some smart tips. They will pay great dividends in the end. Working hard is good, but working smart is better.

If you want a lasting, successful marriage that leaves a great legacy for the next generation, you will have to work at it.

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1. Listen to each other

Focus on the areas of your marriage that are the most needful first. For most couples, that’s the area of communication. Schedule at least one hour each week. During this time, give your undivided attention to one another. Talk about hot button issues. Be intentional about the topics, giving your mate the first opportunity to share their heart. Listen with the intent of hearing your husband or wife’s heart cry. Then you share while they listen. 

2. Empathize with each other

The key is to develop empathy for one another. Listen then speak without being judgmental, critical, or condemning. Agree beforehand that this will be a time of transparency. The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather to listen to your mate’s heart. This will help you both to develop a greater ability to walk in God’s grace towards one another. 

Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (AMP)

The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather listen to your mate’s heart.  

3. Pray for each other

Pray together once a week. This too will take planning. Pray for your mate’s needs and then conclude by praying a blessing over them. Yes, we should pray for each other more than once a week, but do so individually. Every day, take time to lift up your husband or wife in prayer. Keep a prayer journal with a list of needs they have as God shows them to you. That way, you can mark off each one as God answers your requests. Don’t allow a week to go by without doing that.

The Holy Spirit will help you

I know we are all busy. But this is more important than most of the things we put before our marriages. Learning to share does take work, but doesn’t everything that we want to be successful at? Working these few items into your marriage will bring great fruitfulness in a very short time. Start today, and trust the Holy Spirit to help you. It will work if you work it!


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