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Posts by Gaspar Anastasi

Christmas socks

It’s the little things that matter

My car was only two years old when I hit a pothole crossing the George Washington Bridge in New York. The vehicle immediately shut off, and my family and I were suddenly stranded on the side of the road. However, the problem wasn’t something big like the engine or transmission like I thought. A little pothole had caused a big jolt that tripped a tiny switch connected to the fuel line and sidelined my vehicle for hours—not to mention our family vacation. By design, this little safety feature shut off the entire engine to potentially prevent a fire.

In the same way, it’s often the little things that determine the course of our relationships. It’s not always a huge problem that has your mate sleeping in a separate room from you or dreading coming home at all. I’m talking about small issues that could be fixed by a slight adjustment in our attitude… a tiny tweak in our actions… a minor modification in our mindset. Yet, we are so prone to focus on major stumbling blocks that we may overlook the tiny action that started it all.

marriage counseling/coaching
Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Beware of little foxes

God tells us in Song of Songs 2:15 “You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” (TPT)

According to the Lord, when we overlook seemingly insignificant issues, we set up our relationship for failure. And we unknowingly allow the same things to repeat themselves again and again. Just because something is not in your face at this moment doesn’t make it insignificant.

Little foxes are hidden weaknesses and character flaws that we all have. We may have successfully covered them up for years or maybe even a lifetime. They went undetected because our focus has always been on the current big problem.

A storm, high winds or even an unexpected cold snap can destroy in a moment a garden we’ve nurtured for years. Even so, these natural disasters may not do nearly the damage as tiny insects we can barely see. Are you letting pests devastate your precious vegetation while you stand guard against a hurricane? Ask the Lord to show you the little things.

Time for a recall?

Car companies test their vehicles for safety before they sell them on the market. Even so, every now and then manufacturers must recall a certain model. A little thing that went undetected or underestimated when the vehicle was built now creates great consequences for the driver or others on the road.

Our marriages are the same way. God is recalling many of us to fix issues that could cause our relationship to crash and burn. Going back to Solomon’s metaphor, what are the little foxes that are eating away at our intimacy and romance? What tiny thing has come between you and your mate and keeps them at odds with you? These little foxes may create big problems for us, but the solution may be surprisingly small. Ask your Father to show you and help you.

Take the keys

Just like the keys God gives us to His kingdom, the solution to your marriage problem may be something very small compared the doors it will open. God wants to make an adjustment in you to bring peace in your marriage. The question is: Will you let Him? Will you allow God to do a recall in your life? Or will you let pride keep you from submitting to His alterations?

How many people actually bring their car back to the dealership when they get a recall letter? Not many. Your marriage is more precious and important than any car. So take some time to reflect and hear God’s voice when you’re in the midst of what you consider a BIG problem. Ask Him to show you the little things. Something you consider insignificant; some slight adjustment or minor change may alter the course of your marriage for the better. Remember it’s the little things that matter.


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seasons of marriage

Understanding the seasons of marriage

Everything in life grows, changes, moves and matures according to seasons. This includes your marriage. Depending on the season your marriage is in, you can do things that you couldn’t do at other times. Once you understand this principal, you can find a place of peace and prosperity regardless of all the benefits and limitations of this present moment.

To everything, a season

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven” (AMP). In other words, if you are trying to accomplish something in your marriage and it isn’t the right season, your efforts will likely end in frustration and anger. For example, you want to increase intimacy with your spouse. Trying to force open that door will only delay the change you seek.

Too often couples find themselves out of season with their desires, and they wind up living continually out of season. They dress for winter and feel its chill all their life; meanwhile spring, summer and fall come and go unnoticed. It takes a sensitive heart to know when the cycle changes.

Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

The danger of offense

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life. It’s easy to feel hurt when your mate doesn’t respond to your likes and desires. Then bitterness sets in when you try to force them to change against their will.

Bitterness can blind you to change. But it doesn’t have to. Ask God to forgive you for not recognizing the seasons of your marriage. Then commit to be on the alert for the periodic changes that signal the start of a new cycle. It’s possible to live your whole marriage out of season. It’s like trying to dance to a song you like but you have no rhythm, and you feel and look awkward.

Like a beautiful dance, each marriage has its own rhythm. When you discover it, this rhythm will bring you both into a place of unity and wholeness. Here are a few signs to look for that signal the start of a new marriage season. However, realize that once the season begins to change, it’s up to you to enter it and do what you couldn’t do before.

Signs of change

1). Attitude changes. All of a sudden, you have a change of heart toward things that you once resisted or were set against. That’s one sign that your marriage is entering into a new cycle or season. 

2). Romance increases. One spouse becomes more attentive in touching, embracing and kissing for no special reason. That is another sure sign that your marriage is entering a new season.

3). Communication grows. When one spouse seeks to talk or openly share their thoughts and feelings more than ever before, this too signals a change in season.  

4). More time spent at home. Maybe your spouse stops avoiding being at home. Again, that’s a sure sign of a season change.

Set the right atmosphere

There are many other signs of change to look for. But the most important thing to remember is your attitude. Your positive response to these signals is imperative in order to benefit from each new cycle of life. No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Free your heart from any anger and bitterness toward your mate. Instead exhibit patience and have faith that God’s plan for your marriage will come to pass. And, if you have missed or misinterpreted previous cycles in your marriage because of things I mentioned earlier, don’t worry. Life is cyclical. Those seasons will come around again.

Whatever season your marriage is in right now, it’s always the right time to sow patience and understanding. Only then you will succeed in reaping true happiness.


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smiling couple at window

Hope in the face of failure

First, a setback is not a failure

I developed a saying over the years that you’ll hear me use often: “Don’t let your setback cause you to step back”. What I mean is: Just because a certain plan failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.


Every marriage experiences setbacks from time to time. When the strategies and plans that you make as a couple to see your goals, dreams and visions come to pass fail miserably—that’s what I call a major setback. However, I see too many couples give up at this point. Quitting—that’s the failure, not the setback.

For instance, maybe together you decided to take quarterly time away as a couple/family. But because of unexpected circumstances, your plans fell apart. Or maybe you both agreed to put money aside each week for future investments. But one of you spent what you both agreed to save. Regardless of the disappointment, setbacks aren’t a signal to quit and give up on your dreams. 

Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

Now prepare for success

Here are some pointers to help you both overcome the temptation to step back from your dreams and, instead, stay focused and hopeful. 

1). Be clear about your dreams and visions. One or both of you may not be convinced in your heart that this is what you really want to do or the direction to take. Sometimes we say “yes” just to avoid conflict. In other words, we’re not always honest about our feelings. Maybe that decision seemed great at the time, but you didn’t count the cost. You didn’t know what it would take to see it through. Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts. 

Is it a good or GOD idea?

2). Be sure it’s what God wants for your marriage. There are three entities in marriage: you, your spouse and the marriage itself. Sometimes a certain choice isn’t convenient for one or the other spouse, but it is what’s best for the marriage. It might appear to be a great idea, but make sure it’s a God idea. As Michele said in her 2-part blog posts “You, me and Him”, the point of couple’s devotions is to hear from God together—not just one of you. Yes, take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions. 

3). Be prepared for your enemy to test your marriage dreams and visions. Satan will always challenge your marriage destiny. However, your flesh can also get in the way, but it must be denied. In order for God’s dreams and visions to come to pass, you both have to live a disciplined life. So count the cost before you go forward. God doesn’t always change your challenges, but He will often change the both of you to meet those challenges. That’s what it means to live by faith. 

4). Finally above all, trust God to make it come to pass—not your mate. Ultimately, only He can navigate our marriage safely through all of the land mines of life and bring your marriage into its destiny. Remember this: Things aren’t always as they appear. Don’t make quick decisions based on your circumstances. That opens the door for the devil to convince you to step back from your marriage dreams and visions.


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Couple kissing

If you work it—it will work

As you’ve heard me say before, a good marriage takes hard work. What you put into it is what you get out of it. Nevertheless, so many people are deceived into thinking Love is all you need. But they soon find out that love alone won’t keep them together

You may have heard people complain (as they dial up their divorce attorney), “We just fell out of love.” Yes, a successful marriage does produce joy, fulfillment and happiness. But there’s one important principal that we accept in every other area of life except our marriages: Success requires hard work.  

Smarter, not harder

Ask any accomplished person—a businessman, an athlete, an artist or anyone successful in their chosen field. They will tell you that they worked very hard to get where they are and continue to do so to maintain their success. 

So let’s get this truth established once and for all. If you want a lasting, successful marriage that will leave a great legacy for the next generation to follow, you will have to work at it. Now, for some who read this blog, that statement will automatically turn you off. For others of us who are willing to put in the sweat equity to see our marriage succeed, here are some smart tips that will pay great dividends in the end. Working hard is good, but working smart is better.

If you want a lasting, successful marriage that leaves a great legacy for the next generation, you will have to work at it.

Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

1. Listen to each other

Focus on the areas of your marriage that are the most needful first. For most couples, that’s the area of communication. So schedule at least one hour a week where you can give your undivided attention to one another, talking about hot button issues. Be intentional about the topics, giving your mate the first opportunity to share their heart. Listen with the intent of hearing your husband or wife’s heart cry. Then you share while they listen. 

2. Empathize with each other

The key is to develop empathy for one another. Listen then speak without being judgmental, critical, or condemning. Agree beforehand that this will be a time of transparency. The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather to listen to your mate’s heart. This will help you both to develop a greater ability to walk in God’s grace towards one another. 

Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (AMP)

The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather listen to your mate’s heart.  

3. Pray for each other

Pray together once a week. This too will take planning. Pray for your mate’s needs and then conclude by praying a blessing over them. Yes, we should pray for each other more than once a week, but do so individually. Every day, take time to lift up your husband or wife in prayer. Keep a prayer journal with a list of needs they have as God shows them to you. That way, you can mark off each one as God answers your requests. Don’t allow a week to go by without doing that.

The Holy Spirit will help you

I know we are all busy. But this is more important than most of the things we put before our marriages. Learning to share does take work, but doesn’t everything that we want to be successful at? Working these few items into your marriage will bring great fruitfulness in a very short time. Start today, and trust the Holy Spirit to help you. It will work if you work it!


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couple on glider

It takes courage.

Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires two people to become one, and that takes a lot of hard work and commitment. Most of us were never taught line by line, principal by principal, how to live a happy and fulfilled marriage. Someone taught you how to ride a bicycle… how to drive a car…. operate a computer…. But very few of us learned how to live a happy, successful marriage.

Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart.

No perfect spouse

Nobody told us to expect trouble either—except God. Through the Apostle Paul, He warned, “Nevertheless [the married] will have trouble in the flesh” (1 Cor.7:28). We all have the idea that, once we find the perfect mate who fills our every need, we will live the dream! Of course, it doesn’t take long to realize that isn’t true at all! 

The major problem stems from our faulty perception of the perfect mate. If you’re like me, you wanted somebody that loves the same things you love, does the same things you do, reacts the same way you react… so forth and so on. In truth, God puts us together with a partner opposite of ourselves. You have heard the old saying that opposites attract. Boy, is that true! 

old and new
Let Breaking Free Counseling help you get your marriage back on track! Call 239.244.3912 or visit our website.

But we don’t discover that fact right away. We call it the honeymoon stage—when our eyes are blinded to all our mate’s imperfections. During this period, our husband/wife can do no wrong in our eyes. It’s funny how what starts as little bumps in the road later grow into huge mountains! Little bumps like snoring, picking our teeth, leaving our clothes on the floor, forgetting to shower…. You get the picture. 

Marriage is more about God fulfilling His plan in your life than it is about your happiness.

God’s master plan

Every couple experiences trouble in the flesh—and God designed it that way. Why? So that we would see our need for Him. Every married couple eventually comes to realize that a healthy, successful union will take more of God and less of us… and a lot of hard work. Marriage is God’s design. His plan is to mature us as His children and to teach us along the way what true happiness and fulfillment is. All things are possible with God (Matt. 19:26). 

Unfortunately, too many people bail out of their marriage after the honeymoon stage is over and, therefore, never truly grow in their walk with God. They miss out on discovering who God is and who they really are. 

Change requires a backbone

It takes courage to allow God to change us. Yet that is the journey every Christian walks every day. It is a journey of transforming into the image of Jesus. Marriage is more about God fulfilling His plan in our lives than it is about our happiness. In reality, the kind of happiness most of us seek is self-centered and selfish. As long as the relationship meets our every need and desire and doesn’t require us to change, we’re good with it! True happiness involves working through all our intricacies, dying to self and living for God.

Self-centered happiness won’t last because your mate is wired differently from you. You were brought up differently, given different values and beliefs; and that’s the way God planned it. It takes courage to hang in there and let Him blend us together. It calls for a continued willingness to die to our own desires and put our marriage first—before ourselves.

No experience in life works more effectively to build godly character than marriage.

The character builder

No experience in life works more effectively to build godly character than marriage. If you play it safe and stay single, you will only grow so much. Or you can take the challenge, draw on God’s courage and grow exponentially in your walk with Him. 

Take an orange tree, put it in a small pot and bring it to New York where temperatures get well below freezing. Even if you keep it in your house, it will only grow so much because it’s not in its proper environment. But plant it outdoors in Florida, take care of it and you will have bushels full of oranges every year. The same is true with your life.

Are you planted in the right environment to grow the way God intended? Do you have the courage to get married, stay married and work at your marriage with God’s help? If so, you’re in a good position to reach the spiritual destiny God has for you. Growth takes courage.


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sinking house

How to outlast storms and still stand

There is one key that—not only holds marriages together, but—brings them into the fullness of God’s glory. That one key is comprised of at least five core values by which you both live married life. Values are those things that you have deep convictions about in your heart. Values are non-negotiable. They govern the direction your marriage takes and form its walls of protection. 

Values are like the fence around your house. That fence defines, protects and identifies your house and its property. That’s what having at least five core values does for your marriage. Now we all have values individually but, most of the time, we don’t recognize them. These unseen, unspoken principles fence in your lifestyle and protect your destiny every day. Sadly, those same principles—when brought into your marriage—often cause conflict. 

That one key is comprised of at least five core values by which you live married life. 

Conflicting values

One spouse may place high value on their social life, and he or she pursues social interactions all the time. Meanwhile, the other mate values the opposite. They desire personal intimacy and that is their major focus. Both are good values, but they oppose each other and will eventually bring conflict in the marriage.  

Couples need to decide what values are most important for their marriage, even if certain ones are unimportant to the other. The marriage needs to be the major focus and not our own selfish needs and desires. Remember there are three entities in a marriage: You, your spouse and your marriage itself. Ultimately, a couples’ decisions should always come down to what’s best for their marriage—not what’s best for either individual.

Define, define, define

So take the time to identify what your marriage values should be, and discuss them with your mate. Talk about whether or not those ideals are already in place and, if not, what you can do as a couple to build them in. 

These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. 

Identifying your current values will help you to decide which ones to let go of and which ones to embrace. These principles become a road map for your success and fulfillment as a couple. You will never reach that place of marriage wholeness unless you have at least 5 core values that become the foundation of your marriage.

A tale of two marriages

Matthew 7:24-27 describes two kinds of houses (we’ll say marriages). One marriage is built on a foundation of sand (having no defined core values). The other is built on a solid rock (having very well-defined values). Both couples face the same troubles in life, but the marriage without a strong foundation is destroyed. The one built on the rock survived the same storms that took the other one out, but didn’t collapse. Rather, that marriage stood firm in the midst of all the problems it faced. 

Your values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection.

Let me suggest a few marriage values that you and your spouse might like to build upon. Though values are necessary for success, this list is by no means a guarantee for achieving success. Values must come from both of your hearts. These values will not only define your marriage, but will also lay a pathway for marital success and protection. It is definitely worth taking the time to discover what those ideals need to be for you as a couple. 

Suggested values

  1. Loving God. This one is a no-brainer, and every marriage needs to stand on it as a foundational principle. Whenever you put God first, everything just seems to work out better—no matter what storms come. I believe that we really don’t have financial or relationship problems. We have lordship problems. But when both mates pursue God as the number one value, the best is yet to come—and always will be! 
  2. Honesty is another value I highly recommend. You could define honesty as a willingness to be transparent with one another without having to pay a price. Most marriages fail because of poor communication. However, if you both establish honesty as a marriage value, your communication level will increase exponentially.
  3. Happiness is a core value I would NOT recommend. It sounds funny to say it, but if you make happiness a foundation for your marriage, you will be very disappointed… and your marriage will fail. Happiness is a fruit of having core values—but not a value itself. Yes, we all want happiness, but it will only result from a lot of hard work and living out our marriage values. If you read my blog from 2 weeks ago, you know that a good marriage requires self-sacrifice. But in the end, it will produce the fruit of happiness. 

Can you name at least 3 more core values that you think should be added to a marriage? I would be interested in hearing from you.…

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