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Posts by Gaspar Anastasi

wife embracing husband

Hope in the face of failure

A setback is not a failure

I developed a saying over the years that you’ll hear me use often: “Don’t let your setback cause you to step back”. What I mean is: Just because a certain plan failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.


Every marriage experiences setbacks from time to time. Sometimes, you as a couple will set goals, dreams and visions that fail miserably. That’s what I call a major setback, and I see too many couples give up at this point. Meanwhile, quitting is the failure—not the initial setback.

The fact that your plans failed doesn’t mean your dreams failed.

For instance, maybe together you decided to take quarterly time away as a couple/family. But because of unexpected circumstances, your plans fell apart. Or maybe you both agreed to put money aside each week for future investments. But one of you spent what you both agreed to save. Regardless of the disappointment, setbacks aren’t a signal to quit and give up on your dreams. 

Now prepare to succeed

Here are some pointers to help you both overcome the temptation to step back from your dreams and, instead, stay focused and hopeful. 

1). Be clear about your dreams and visions. One or both of you may not be convinced in your heart that this is what you really want to do or the direction to take. Sometimes we say “yes” just to avoid conflict. In other words, we’re not always honest about our feelings. Maybe that decision seemed great at the time, but you didn’t count the cost. You didn’t know what it would take to see it through. Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts. 

Your dreams and visions must become a burning passion inside both of your hearts.

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A good idea or a GOD idea?

2). Be sure it’s what God wants for your marriage. There are three entities in marriage: you, your spouse and the marriage itself. Sometimes a certain choice isn’t convenient for one or the other spouse, but it is what’s best for the marriage. It might appear to be a great idea, but make sure it’s a God idea. As Michele said in her 2-part blog post “You, me and Him”, the point of couple’s devotions is to hear from God together—not just one of you. Yes, take the time to hear the heart of God individually, but wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions. 

Take the time to hear the heart of God individually. But wait until there is unity before planning strategies to accomplish your dreams and visions.

3). Be prepared for your enemy to test your marriage dreams and visions. Satan will always challenge your marriage destiny. However, your flesh can also get in the way, but it must be denied. In order for God’s dreams and visions to come to pass, you both have to live a disciplined life. So count the cost before you go forward. God doesn’t always change your challenges, but He will often change the both of you to meet those challenges. That’s what it means to live by faith. 

4). Finally above all, trust God—not your mateto make it come to pass. Ultimately, only He can navigate our marriage safely through all of the land mines of life and bring it to its destiny. Remember this: Things aren’t always as they appear. Don’t make quick decisions based on your circumstances. That opens the door for the devil to convince you to step back from your marriage dreams and visions.


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wilted flowers

Scars that speak

Michele and I celebrated 58 years of marriage last month. And though there have been a lot of great times, we have had our share of hurt and suffering as well. Two becoming one takes a lot of God’s grace and hard work on both of our parts. Blending our lives together so that we can become a blessing to each other and the people we serve has been a great challenge and blessing. 

We have become more aware of the power of the cross and more grateful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.

We have become more aware of the power of the cross and more grateful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Without His presence and power, we never would have been able to overcome the many obstacles our marriage faced. Living life always presents great challenges and opportunities to see ourselves the way God sees us and to see God for who He is. Each of us has learned to run to Jesus when our differences caused pain, rather than to take things into our own hands. 

Out of our hands and into His

We’ve tried enough to fix our problems ourselves to know it doesn’t bring any real solutions. In fact, our efforts drive us back into a self-centered, selfish life. We have come to understand, with our Father’s help, that pain isn’t our enemy. Rather, it is His voice letting us know that there is a deeper issue at the root of our problems. 

No, pain isn’t the main problem. Even though our words and actions sometimes cause hurt, the pain is just a symptom of something that goes deeper. It’s God’s way of saying you need to look deeper into yourself so that I could heal you at your core. When couples take their eyes off each other and stop blame-shifting and condemning each other, our Father is able to work on us personally. 

It’s hard to admit that we are damaged goods and that we need to be repaired. It takes a willingness to admit that we are still under construction. God our creator is the only one Who can fix us and make us whole. He is the only One—not your mate, not yourself. 

Fixing the foundation

Jesus not only died on the cross for our sins; He bore our sufferings. As a couple, knowing that should give us hope and strength to know “this too shall pass”. 

In times of pain and suffering, we need to run to the cross—not our mate or somebody outside of our marriage. When Jesus resurrected, He still bore the scars in His hands and the wound in His side. Those injuries became His identifying marks. So we can relate to them.

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Then he showed them the wounds of his hands and his side—they were overjoyed to see the Lord with their own eyes! …One of the twelve wasn’t present when Jesus appeared to them—it was Thomas, whose nickname was “the Twin.” So the disciples informed him, “We have seen the Lord with our own eyes!”

John 20:20, 24 & 25 (TPT)

Though he suffered the same hurts that we suffer, He also overcame them. That’s great news! It means we too can overcome our pain with His help. So run to the cross!

The scars on Jesus’ resurrected body say that He is committed to us long-term. He continues to restore and heal us. His scars tell us that He not only identifies with our sufferings, but He also participates in them.

Make the cross the center of your marriage, and happiness will become its by-product.

Run to the cross

Here are some choices that have helped me in my personal times of pain.

  1. It required courage and determination on my part to face my own weaknesses and failures and not blame my wife. Jesus’ death and resurrection brought encouragement to me to “keep on keeping on”.   
  2. I had to make a conscious choice to run after the cross and make the way of the cross a lifestyle, accepting Father God’s unconditional love rather than denying it. 
  3. I chose not to take satan’s bait and believe his lie that God doesn’t really care; that it’s my problem to fix—not His. 
  4. I needed to confront myself by listening to the voice of my hurts and ask God to show me the real cause of my pain. I had to choose to take my eyes off my mate as the cause of my suffering and begin to look deep into myself with the help of the Holy Spirit. Most often we conceal the roots of our suffering and prolong the healing of our own lives and our marriage. 
  5. I chose to shut out all the other options the enemy provided. The road to hell is paved with many lies and selfish options that, if you accept them, will leave you worse off than when you started. 
  6. I reminded myself that happiness isn’t my main purpose in marriage. It’s holiness. Once I got that fact into my heart, true happiness became a fruit of my marriage. If happiness is your main goal in marriage, you will always avoid self-examination and godly change. 

Make the cross the center of your marriage, and happiness will become its by-product. This year, bring your marital hurts to the cross. Make that a goal. I did, and happiness and fulfillment have become a way of life for me.


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little girl planting

How to reap the right rewards

When you were growing up, somebody taught you how to ride a bike and drive a car. But I bet they never showed you how to live happily ever after. Yet God desires that you and I live—not just a good marriage—but a GREAT one. And, fortunately, He hasn’t left it up to us to accomplish. He yearns to co-labor with you to make it happen… if you’ll let Him. 

Even though as Christians we can access God’s help, we mostly go it alone. So after a while, some of us conclude that a successful marriage is a myth. But I have good news for you: A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality! 

A great marriage is not a pipe dream. It can be your reality! 

An amazing spiritual law

God has set into motion the amazing spiritual law of sowing and reaping. And it can radically change your relationship for the better. When applied the right way, the law of sowing and reaping guarantees marriage success. Misapply it and it can actually make your marriage worse. 

Notice we sow first, then reap. Sowing requires giving something—whether words spoken or deeds done. Every time we sow we are assured a result. Of course, if you plant something bad or ungodly, you can expect the same in return. So mishandling the law works against you. 

The law of sowing and reaping was meant for us to increase in peace, harmony, joy, love, romance, understanding and prosperity. But a failure to understand this law has caused catastrophic results for many married couples. So let’s get it straight today. 

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Fruit in action

Here’s how to use this law on purpose in a positive way. Let’s say you want your mate to show you more respect and honor than they presently do. Through your words and good deeds, start sowing seeds of respect and honor into your mate—whether or not they reciprocate. Now you have just planted seeds that God will water. And He guarantees that it will bring you a 30, 60, or 100-fold harvest of fruit, the same kind you sowed. Blessings of respect and honor will begin to flow out of your mate toward you. 

Wow! It’s that simple with every good seed that we sow. God wants to co-labor with you in your marriage. Why not let Him by putting this spiritual law into practice on purpose in a positive way?  

 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

‑ Galatians 6:7

On the other hand, you may have been sowing negative seeds, unaware that this powerful spiritual law was at work. Now that you know, you can turn it around and work this law to benefit your marriage. Start right now planting love, peace, affection, encouragement and good deeds into your mate. 

A due season harvest

Be patient. Whether your relationship is good or “borderline hopeless”, diligently apply God’s law. In due season, you will begin to see amazing results working in your marriage. With God nothing is impossible! Patiently sow good, and within a month’s time your marriage can become all that you dreamed.  

Start by asking God to forgive you for sowing bad seeds like criticism, unforgiveness, bitterness, coldness, etc. into your mate in the past. With that kind of seed, your marriage can’t grow better—only worse. 

Discover the power of one

All it takes is one of you to begin using this spiritual law the right way to turn your whole marriage around for the better. All the things you complain about, things your mate does or doesn’t do that irk you will turn around and become a blessing. In less than a month! 

Why wait for your husband or wife to make the first move? Start sowing into your marriage right now! You’ll see the power of one that God has offered to you. He wants to co-labor with you in your marriage to bring true fulfillment for the both of you. It only takes one to start the process. Why not you? Why not now? 


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Seasons of marriage

Understanding the seasons of marriage

Everything in life grows, changes, moves and matures according to seasons. This includes your marriage. Depending on the season your marriage is in, you can do things that you couldn’t do at other times. Once you understand this principal, you can find a place of peace and prosperity regardless of all the benefits and limitations of this present moment.

To everything, a season

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven” (AMP). In other words, if you are trying to accomplish something in your marriage and it isn’t the right season, your efforts will likely end in frustration and anger. For example, you want to increase intimacy with your spouse. Trying to force open that door will only delay the change you seek.

There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven..

Ecclesiastes. 3:1 (AMP)

Too often couples find themselves out of season with their desires, and they wind up living continually out of season. They dress for winter and feel its chill all their life; meanwhile spring, summer and fall come and go unnoticed. It takes a sensitive heart to know when the cycle changes.

The danger of offense

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life. It’s easy to feel hurt when your mate doesn’t respond to your likes and desires. Then bitterness sets in when you try to force them to change against their will.

Bitterness can blind you to change. But it doesn’t have to. Ask God to forgive you for not recognizing the seasons of your marriage. Then commit to be on the alert for the periodic changes that signal the start of a new cycle. It’s possible to live your whole marriage out of season. It’s like trying to dance to a song you like but you have no rhythm, and you feel and look awkward.

We can miss the changes that signal winter becoming spring if we let the spirit of offense rule our everyday married life.

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Like a beautiful dance, each marriage has its own rhythm. When you discover it, this rhythm will bring you both into a place of unity and wholeness. Here are a few signs to look for that signal the start of a new marriage season. However, realize that once the season begins to change, it’s up to you to enter it and do what you couldn’t do before.

Signs of change

1). Attitude changes. All of a sudden, you have a change of heart toward things that you once resisted or were set against. That’s one sign that your marriage is entering into a new cycle or season. 

2). Romance increases. One spouse becomes more attentive in touching, embracing and kissing for no special reason. That is another sure sign that your marriage is entering a new season.

3). Communication grows. When one spouse seeks to talk or openly share their thoughts and feelings more than ever before, this too signals a change in season.  

4). More time spent at home. Maybe your spouse stops avoiding being at home. Again, that’s a sure sign of a season change.

No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Set the right atmosphere

There are many other signs of change to look for. But the most important thing to remember is your attitude. Your positive response to these signals is imperative in order to benefit from each new cycle of life. No, you can’t change the season of your marriage, but you can set the atmosphere for it.

Free your heart from any anger and bitterness toward your mate. Instead exhibit patience and have faith that God’s plan for your marriage will come to pass. And, if you have missed or misinterpreted previous cycles in your marriage because of things I mentioned earlier, don’t worry. Life is cyclical. Those seasons will come around again.

Whatever season your marriage is in right now, it’s always the right time to sow patience and understanding. Only then you will succeed in reaping true happiness.


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Awaken the superhero in you

A healthy spirit enables us to communicate with God and one another. Spiritually healthy couples can meet each other through their spirit being—not just their emotions and physical body. Your human spirit, when healthy and fully awake, connects with your mate and demonstrates empathy for them.

That means your spirit can identify with your mate’s deep inner needs and actually feels what they feel. We become aware of our mate’s emotions beyond just our intellect. Being spiritually awake gives us the ability to know what he or she needs and how to meet the need without having to guess. Couples that are spiritually healthy can discern when their mate needs a hug; when they need to be left alone; and when it’s important to reach out and invade their space. 

Sleeping spirits and hurting hearts

Couples with slumbering spirits are relegated to guessing what’s right to do and what’s not. Most of the time, they miss prime opportunities to communicate the kind of love for each other that will keep them together. The inability to connect with each other’s spirit (where true life and love stem from), is one of the major causes of divorce. 

A husband’s slumbering spirit makes him selfish and self-centered, unable to connect with God and his mate as well. This husband thinks all is well, and he doesn’t understand why his wife is shutting down emotionally. He is disconnected from her heart because he is asleep spiritually. 

A wife whose spirit is asleep might not recognize when her husband needs a word of encouragement instead of judgment. Therefore, she misses her opportunity to connect her love to his. We pay a lot of attention to the physical and emotional parts of us but very little to the spiritual. 

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Life that makes us one

Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.”

“Life” in this scripture refers to the God-kind of life that, when released in and through us, will bring the two of you into true oneness. As husband and wife, you will never reach true oneness unless you live your marriage out of a healthy spirit. True oneness is a place of joy, peace and fulfillment in your marriage. You can tell your spirit is slumbering when your love for one another is stale, stuck in the past or the romance/passion is gone. 

Thankfully, there is something you both can do to revitalize your marriage and protect it from collapsing: Wake up your spirit. Here are a few suggestions. 

How to awaken your spirit

1).     Get out of denial and recognize that you need a new fire for your mate lit in your heart. 

2).     Recognize that you are a spirit, have a soul and live in a body. Ask God to forgive you for not nurturing your spirit. You nurture your spirit by feeding it the word of God and watching what enters your ear and eye gates. 

3).     Let your mate know that you desire a closer relationship with them. And whether they do or not, you will pursue oneness with your whole heart. That’s when your faith in God will be released in and through your spirit to remove the mountains of indifference and slumber in your spirit. 

4).     Don’t give up. God’s life will be pumped into your spirit as you reconnect with His Spirit through His word. You will begin to discern your mate’s needs and navigate through their mood swings. You’ll begin to meet them right where they are and connect with their hearts. 

It won’t be long before your husband or wife is inspired to awaken their slumbering spirit. I will give you more tips in my next blog. God bless you and thank you for reading our blogs. I hope they are helpful. If they are, I would like to hear from you.


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Woman on beach looking ahead

Don’t look back

Every day that God blesses you to be married is a gift. But if you are always looking back on yesterday’s failures, how can you fully enjoy this wonderful gift of God? Failure is not the biggest problem we face in life, but not understanding why we failed is. Not knowing will keep us repeating the same mistakes over and over, which leads to boredom and stagnation.

The great news is that your marriage has a purpose! But if you’re both going around and around like a ferris wheel, you’re not growing and fulfilling the purpose for which God brought you together. If you’re just going through the motions and the fire you once had has gone out, you’re not alone. But don’t worry or give up. Let’s talk about how to restart the fire and feel fulfilled again. 

God didn’t make a mistake

Start by recognizing that God didn’t make a mistake by putting the two of you together. He knew that you were a world apart, and yet He brought you into each other’s lives by design. Accept your mate’s differences instead of trying to change them into a little version of you. That is a major first step in re-lighting the fire in your marriage. 

In our early years of marriage, I tried to make Michele more like me—and she did the same thing. That didn’t work out so well. In fact, our efforts brought us to the brink of divorce. Eventually, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and He revealed that it takes two to become one. You need what your spouse has, and it’s something you could never attain alone. 

Seeing your differences as a plus and not a minus, a blessing and not a curse, will revolutionize the way you look at your marriage. Just think: You never could have fulfilled God’s ultimate purpose for your life alone. You need your marriage partner, and he or she needs you. That revelation alone should radically change your view of your mate from one of resentment or annoyance to great appreciation and thankfulness. 

God designed us so that we need someone different from ourselves or even completely opposite. Every day you both have an opportunity to fulfill God’s purpose: To change and be more Christ-like. You can thank your mate’s differences for helping you accomplish that. 

Eventually, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and He revealed that it takes two to become one.

I will give you rest.
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Celebrate God’s gift

Instead of rejecting your better half and complaining about how much trouble they cause you, celebrate them by expressing your love to them and thanksgiving for them. No matter what they do or don’t do, focus on the fact that God designed them as a gift specially you. 

So what! You’ve made mistakes along the way. Like I said, failing doesn’t make you a failure. The strongest, most successful couples you know experience moments of failure in marriage. Giving up is simply not an option, especially because we have Jesus living in us and the Holy Spirit empowering us to see our marriages correctly. 

Choose to see your mate through the eyes of God.

Choose to see your mate through the eyes of God. That might just cause you to repent and ask their forgiveness for the way you have treated them and taken him or her for granted. Remember, your marriage partner is your best asset to fulfill God’s plans and purposes for your life—something you couldn’t have done yourself. 

So stop looking back and letting the devil tell you that your marriage was a mistake and your life is ruined because of it. Close the door on satan, and open the doorway of your mind to God. Now take hold of the precious gift God has given you, and love them with all your heart.


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