Think about such things
Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)
While reading this verse the other day, I (Michele) sensed the Holy Spirit whisper that this command is especially important in marriage.
Thousands of thoughts enter our minds every day. Unfortunately, most are negative. From the time we’re born, the enemy relentlessly bombards us with ungodly thoughts and hurtful experiences that attack our character, our ability, our relationships and our lives in general. His goal is to form a false identity in us that we’re worthless, insecure, defensive and angry. That’s not who God created us to be.
Dwell on the good
God is love and He created us to be loving, kind, patient, secure. We have to choose every day to dwell on what God says about us, our spouse, our marriage… and cast down the rest.
We have to, on purpose, notice and appreciate the good things our spouse brings into our life. When we get into the habit of doing that, it becomes easier to overlook the negative. I know it sounds simplistic but, honestly, by changing your thoughts and the way you see things, you can change your life and your marriage.
We have to choose every day to dwell on what God says about us, our spouse, our marriage… and cast down the rest.
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Our brain is an amazing organ. It likes patterns and connecting similar thoughts. When you focus on positive qualities in your spouse, your brain searches for more positive things to attach to the first thought. Likewise, if you focus on something negative, your brain begins to dig up more negative thoughts to build a story upon.
Choose your narrative
Every marriage has two stories.
Story one: A wife sees her husband as a workaholic who pays her little attention. He’s in his own little world, doesn’t communicate, and is distracted when she talks to him.
Story two: Same wife, but in this story she sees her husband as a hard worker, a good provider for his family, a caring father, a man who loves the Lord.
When a wife lives from the first story, she’s miserable, depressed and feels unloved. She thinks, “If he would just change and pay more attention to me, we’d have a better marriage and I’d be happy.” When you think like that, your actions toward your spouse are probably cold and distant.
But, when you live out of story two, you see your spouse as the good man he is. You’re grateful for his good qualities, and you act loving, patient and supportive of him.
Change your thoughts
We can’t change our spouse or anyone else, for that matter. We can only change ourselves by changing our thinking. Our thinking affects how we feel about our spouse, and our feelings affect how we treat our spouse. Surprisingly, when we change, those around us begin to change.
Let me assure you that every need your spouse isn’t fulfilling, Jesus will.
Our first thought is usually, “But what about me?” Let me assure you that every need your spouse isn’t fulfilling, Jesus will. He’ll pour into you everything you need, plus everything you need to love your spouse unconditionally.
Focusing on the positive qualities in each other is a discipline we all need to develop. Just because a negative thought enters your mind doesn’t mean you have to agree with it and let it affect you. Reject it as fast as it came and replace it with something that is “…noble, pure, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy….” It’s the positive ways we speak and act toward each other daily that keep our marriages strong and loving.
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