Sometimes it takes three

April 9, 2022 Michele Anastasi

I had lunch with a dear friend last week, and she shared that she and her husband have separated. This isn’t the first time. They’ve been down this painful road before… but they keep trying because they really do love each other. Sometimes the people we love the most are the hardest to live with. She assured me this time is the last, that the marriage is over. Even as she said it, we both knew it wasn’t. What she was really saying is “I want the pain to stop.”

The dreams and hopes you shared when you got married are still worth fighting for.

How can something God Himself designed be surrounded by so much pain? God never instituted anything to make us miserable, so the problem must lie with us. And probably at the root of it is the fact that one or both of you have drifted away from your relationship with God.

Two become one — It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

More than a promise

Marriage is a covenant, which is much more than a promise. God’s plan is for marriage to last until death do you part. The covenant goes three ways—not just between you and your spouse, but—between you, your spouse, and God.

It’s no secret that Gaspar and I have been separated and on the verge of divorce a couple of times. So when I say the dreams and hopes you shared when you got married are still worth fighting for, I speak from experience. You married each other because you were in love. Your heart’s desire was a marriage that made you both happy. What happened to that dream? What went wrong, and what can you do to get it back?

Believe in resurrection

Your marriage can live again, but not without work. Some of you may be thinking like my friend, We’ve tried before… It won’t work. Or maybe you’re thinking I’m not even sure if I want this marriage anymore.

We serve an awesome God who is in the business of turning messes into miracles for His glory.

Before I go any further, let me say: If there is any abuse at all in your marriage, separate immediately and don’t even think of reconciliation until the abusing spouse gets professional help.

For other marriages where sin makes staying together more damaging than being apart, a temporary separation might help. Keep in mind that the goal of separation is always reconciliation—not to go back to the way things were. The “way things were” contributed to where you are now.

Don’t go it alone

A failing marriage is not something you should walk through alone. Before deciding anything, get some counsel. Talk to your pastor or a qualified Christian marriage counselor and agree on a plan you’ll both work on. It’s fine if you meet separately for a time, but it’s critical for you both you to commit to regular counseling—even if you think you’ve done nothing wrong, and your spouse is the problem. You both need to learn new ways of relating to each other. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

A failing marriage is not something you should walk through alone. Before deciding anything, get counsel.

After a difficult season in your marriage, the peace and calm of living alone can feel wonderful. Don’t take that as a sign from God that you should divorce. See it for what it really is: a time of healing and growth. A time to draw closer to the Lord. A time to get into His Word and pray. A time where God can reveal areas of your life that you need to surrender to Him.

God wants to heal your marriage, but He also wants you to become more like Jesus in the process. We serve an awesome God who is in the business of turning messes into miracles for His glory. He did it for us; He can do it for you.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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Slaying your marital Goliaths

April 2, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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Marriage, Success & victory

When God created you and me, He didn’t form us with failure in mind. Our God who has never failed nor lost a battle created us in His likeness and image. His DNA flows through our veins. Now that doesn’t mean that you will never fail. It does mean, however, that failing doesn’t make you a failure. But that’s the lie our enemy satan always tries to sell us.

Obedience attracts conflict

Old made new — It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Whenever you take hold of God’s promises and determine to live them out, your obedience will always attract conflict. First Peter 4:12 says (and I paraphrase) “We shouldn’t be so shocked when big problems or trials arise.” When you finally decide to love each other unconditionally, that’s when the battle seems to come out of nowhere.

Jesus says it this way in His parable of the sower (Matt. 13:1-23): When you allow God’s words of faith to be planted in your heart and you commit to walk them out, satan comes immediately to steal that seed. The moment you believe God’s promise for your marriage, that seed will be challenged by another seed — satan’s.

God’s word (seed) has all power to change a bad situation into a great one.

God’s word (seed) has all power to change a bad situation into a great one. The promise in God’s word is the very power that He uses to—not only create all things but— uphold all the things He creates (Heb. 1:3). Satan’s seeds (lies) have no power except the power we give them. By believing a lie, you empower the liar.

Accepting satan’s lies about our marriage, ourselves or our partner is crippling. God’s truth is always founded on His word. Satan’s deceptions are based on half-truths and out-and-out lies. It’s up to you to cast them down and strip them of power. The longer you entertain his thoughts, the greater the likelihood they will produce bad fruit in your home and marriage.

Know the reason why

Again, failing doesn’t make you a failure. But worse than failing is not knowing why. Why did I get offended and blow up at my wife/husband? Why did I slam the door and yell, “I never want to talk to you again!”? How could I break our marriage covenant and get caught up in an extramarital affair?

Failing to understand the why will keep your Goliath lording it over you the rest of your life.

So many marriages fall apart—not because you and I fail, but—because we continually do the same things over and over without identifying why. Failing to understand the why will keep your goliath lording it over you the rest of your life. You can defeat your own personal goliath (and trust me we all have one) by being honest with yourself and not blaming each other.

God is always there to help you recover from any failure or mistake. He is not your problem. Even your goliath (whatever it might be) isn’t your problem. You become your worst enemy when you believe satan’s lies about yourself and your marriage. You wind up with too big a devil and too small a God.

Choose these 3 smooth stones

Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes. For some of you that’s a hard thing to do, but it’s necessary to come out of defeat and get on the road to greater and greater victories. You’ll come to the same conclusion that we all do when we’re honest before God: I’ve found the problem and it’s not my mate, my God or even my goliath. It’s me.
Take responsibility. Facing yourself and being honest about why you’ve failed to be the marriage partner you could be is a major step toward victory. It will keep you from repeating the same mistakes again.
Forgive yourself and ask God to refill your heart with His love and compassion for your mate. Ask Him for refreshed desire to see your marriage succeed. You see, the goliath we fight is in us. But greater is the other He in you than he that’s in this world.

Go ahead and have a great marriage! It’s God’s design and purpose for you.

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take a moment to comment below.

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Your way or the High way

February 19, 2022 Gaspar Anastasi

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God's love, Marriage

A lot of things can go wrong in marriage, but there is one sure solution to every problem we face: God’s love. It is the supernatural power of God that has been deposited in every born again Christian’s heart. Then why are there so many divorces in the Church? Sad to say, but there are statistically as many divorces among us as there are among non-Christians. So what is the problem?

God’s love sees only good

For one thing, many of us aren’t living out of our spirit where God’s power dwells. Instead, we act and react primarily out of our soul (feelings and emotions). We get offended easily and are quick to build walls between us. Many of our marriages have become like the Dead Sea in Israel: totally stagnant and lifeless. The Dead Sea lets water in, but not out. So every living thing in it dies. Likewise, many Christian couples received God’s love shed abroad in their heart the moment they accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. But they are not releasing His love to each other, and in many cases their marriages are dying.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
—Isaiah 55:9

Let me define this all-powerful agape love, God’s love. Notice it’s, first of all, Father God’s love—not yours or mine. We don’t produce it, but we carry it in our born again spirits. Secondly, it’s supernatural in the sense that it is unconditional and unlimited. That means it is not determined by your mate’s behavior, responses and mistakes. Agape love only sees the good in your spouse and their God-given value. Agape love can’t be turned off.

God’s love heals

When released toward one another, agape love brings healing wherever needed. The word of God says His love, whenever applied, never fails to bring healing, unity, peace, forgiveness and wholeness to marriage. Remember, it can only flow from your born again spirit, which means we must be aware of living out our daily lives from our spirit not just our soul (feelings and emotions).

This supernatural love is available to every Christian marriage. But, sadly, very few of us tap into it. One reason is that we don’t know we have it. But there is another more sinister reason we don’t love like God loves, and that’s selfishness. The husband and the wife each want their own way. We lose sight of God’s plan for us which is true oneness and unity, and which occur whenever we as a couple release God’s presence and power. However, many of us are willing to forgo this wonderful gift of unity just to have our own way.

Many of us are willing to forgo this wonderful gift of unity just to have our own way.

God’s love is unbeatable

It does take crucifying our flesh, dying to our own ways and choosing God’s way. There is nothing that arises in your marriage that God’s love flowing through you can’t overcome. You must choose to be in touch with your spirit every day. And that can happen only by connecting with God by reading His word and praising Him daily.

There is one other major factor to successfully walking in God’s agape love: Being baptized in the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit who sheds God’s love in our heart, and it is the Holy Spirit that empowers us to release His unconditional love to our mates every day. Loving someone unconditionally and continuously without the baptism of the Holy Spirit is like trying to put out a five-alarm fire with a bucket of water. By contrast, the baptism of the Holy Spirit is like a forceful stream of water from a high-powered hydrant.

God’s love flows from the Holy Spirit

You can’t produce the God-kind-of-love with your own willpower. Only the Holy Spirit can effectively release it through your life. You have it, but are you letting it flow every day? Or are you letting the little foxes spoil the vine of your marriage? Do you find that, instead of overcoming daily problems and enjoying each other, you’re steeped in bitterness… on the verge of separation… even divorce?

Don’t live married single lives! Start tapping into God’s unconditional agape love. It will radically alter your attitude, behavior and even your desires when it comes to your marriage. It’s up to you, because God has given you the greatest power known to mankind, and that is His own love. Instead of fighting for your own way, choose HIS way.

Please leave a comment below. We love to hear from you!

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Does a habit have you?

April 21, 2019 Gaspar Anastasi

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Getting past the past, Making positive change, Success & victory

Everyone has habits, both good and bad. A habit is a behavior acquired by frequent repetition. An addiction, on the other hand, is a compulsive dependence on an object, an action or a feeling, resulting in major life problems.

Good habits reflect God’s character and strengthen our character. Bad habits lead us astray, drag us down and affect our lives in negative ways.

Scripture uses words like bondage, slavery and stronghold to describe what it means to be a prisoner of sin. Maybe you aren’t enslaved to something as destructive as drugs or alcohol, but you may be held captive to some seemingly harmless activity or attitude. “….For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him, (2 Peter 2:19b, NIV).”

Heart attitudes like anger, criticism, greed and prejudice can be just as damaging as hard-core addictions to drugs, pornography, gambling and eating disorders. Only when our habits move from pleasurable to painful, do we desire and maybe even get ready for change.

The first step

The first step is to acknowledge what’s fueling your negative habit. God created us with a desire for a loving, personal relationship with Him, one in which He meets all our deepest needs. Bad habits and addictions develop when we attempt to meet our God-given needs for love, security and significance through an unhealthy dependence on people, things and activities. With the help of the enemy, wrong thinking takes root in us and things become idols that take the place of God.

Satan uses shame and condemnation to keep us in bondage. He makes us think that God is fed-up and disgusted with us, so we won’t turn to Him for help.

No condemnation

In John chapter 8, when a woman caught in adultery was brought before Jesus, He didn’t condemn her. He showed her that even her would-be executioners weren’t without sin. He simply said, “Go and sin no more.”

As her sin lay bare before the Lord, I believe something supernatural happened in her heart. She sensed His love, forgiveness and acceptance and was set free from the lies she believed. No longer defined by her behavior, she received a new beginning. Get the picture?

Stop throwing stones at yourself and turn to Jesus, and keep turning every minute of every day. God brings conviction which brings repentance, rooted in right thinking and the power to change—not condemnation.

From bondage to freedom

How do we move from bondage to freedom? It takes faith and trust. Believe that God has not condemned you for your bad behavior. Trust His love for you, and the truth of His word. His truth sets you free!

Will power alone ultimately brings failure. But, if your desire is to surrender to God and let Him change you, you’ll find incredible peace, power and freedom.

If you’re feeling defeated, put down your stones and turn to Jesus. He loves you and He alone can give you the power to walk away from anything that holds you in bondage. Let go and take His hand!

If this blog post has been a blessing to you, please let us know by leaving a comment below!…