How to Confront

Most people hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. When push comes to shove and they’re forced to confront, it is usually a negative experience. This leads to the ungodly belief that it’s better to just avoid conflict than to confront issues. But that is not true.

Unresolved conflict creates anger, which leads to bitterness. It ultimately poisons our marriages, friendships, church relationships, even employer/employee relations.

Words seasoned with God’s love become weapons that destroy Satan’s attempts to separate us.

Scripture strongly exhorts us to resolve conflict by confronting: “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother, (Matt. 18:15).” Biblical confrontation fosters healthier, more successful relationships. Here are a few steps I take to confront those who hurt me.

1. Have the right motives. Ask, What is my goal in confronting him/her? Is it to show that I’m right and they’re wrong? Is it to hurt them like they hurt me? Is it to control, intimidate, humiliate and dominate them? Your goal must be bigger than your personal differences.You should seek to love and honor him or her because they are as valuable and precious to God as you are. Seek to save your relationship and identify stumbling blocks in the way. The right motive will determine your success. Let the Holy Spirit cleanse you of selfish or faulty motives beforehand.

2. Own the problem. Since reconciliation is the goal, try to become the solution to the conflict. What can you do differently to help the other person react the same way? Even if that person’s actions were absolutely wrong, find a way to help them overcome their bad reactions. Listening to them, acknowledging their feelings and correcting their misperception of your intentions will go a long way toward resolving the conflict. Empathize with them and avoid being defensive or assigning blame.

Now here is the biggest part of owning the problem: Ask forgiveness for your part of the disagreement. This opens the door for the other person to acknowledge his/her wrong as well and reciprocate by asking your forgiveness.

3. Speak words of reconciliation. Make sure your words aren’t condemning, blaming, ridiculing or belittling, but healing. That disarms Satan, who was at the root of the conflict from the beginning. That person isn’t your enemy. See the real culprit and you’re well on your way to resolution. Words seasoned with God’s love become weapons that destroy Satan’s attempts to separate us. Guard your mouth.

4. Be a good listener. Listening attentively tells the other person you care. Let them tell their part of the story without interruption. Then ask him or her to listen to you.

Without the Holy Spirit’s guidance you won’t accomplish the right results. We need His presence to resolve any conflict. Before initiating the confrontation, ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to defeat Satan and give you His strategy to resolve the conflict. Don’t leave barriers between you and the people God has put in your life. Through confronting, unity is restored and releases God’s glory!

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