Hurt People Hurt People.

January 18, 2020 Gaspar Anastasi

Anger management, Getting past the past, Making positive change, Rejection, Success & victory

The greatest cause of divorce, church splits, family break ups and every kind of broken relationship is “hurt people”. What do I mean by hurt people? People with damaged emotions. They have been affected by family issues passed down by their ancestors; by hurtful things they experienced in childhood; and by their own wrong choices. I know that it’s impossible to go through life without some kind pain and suffering, but some people have had more than their share. These are the ones I classify as “hurt people”.

Hurt people are like time bombs waiting to implode or explode at the first sign of rejection.

Hurt people have certain traits in common such as: deep roots of rejection, low self-esteem, inferiority complexes, perfectionism, self-condemnation and a critical and judgmental spirit, to name a few. These ingredients are a recipe for troubled and broken relationships because the individual has an over-emphasized, magnified, self-centered awareness. An easily offended spirit dominates them.

It’s unintentional.

“Hurt people” hurt people, but not on purpose. The pain they suffer is beyond natural understanding and, because they are often misunderstood, they suffer rejection, adding to the pain they already carry. They look okay on the outside, so you can’t tell how deeply wounded they truly are. It’s like the old saying “you can’t judge a book by its cover”, but when you start reading a few chapters you can size up the whole book pretty quickly.

Hurt people are like time bombs waiting to implode or explode at the first sign of rejection and, if two hurt people are in a relationship together, it’s truly a formula for disaster! It’s just a matter of time until they’re at odds with each other and they’ll eventually separate. Or even worse, they may actually physically hurt/murder each other.

Both people are victims of their own hurts. So there are no winners… just losers. The wounds increase and the cycle just continues. Are you a hurt person?

Here are some identifying signs:

1. You have many broken relationships.

2. You control/manipulate your friends.

3. You’re critical and judgmental of people you are no longer in relationship with or who disagree with you.

4. The people you hang with think like you, so gossip is the foundation of the friendship.

5. Your friendships dwindle and your isolation grows.

Remember, many people carry deep wounds, so you are not alone. It wasn’t your choice to be hurt, but you can choose to get healed. To fix anything you need to first admit that it’s broken.

Here are some suggestions:

1. For a season, avoid intimate, personal relationships and just work on allowing God to heal you. God is a great physician who can go where no knife can go.

2. Ask God to heal you from the inside out. He’s waiting for you to ask. Without faith you can’t receive everything God has already supplied for you.

3. Make staying in God’s presence a priority. Read His word. Pray in the Spirit. Become a worshipper.

4. Finally, get prayer from the Healing Streams ministry. God wants you to stop being hurt and become healed!…

Winning Over Rejection, Part 2

December 21, 2019 Michele Anastasi

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Forgiveness, Rejection, Success & victory

Last week in Part 1, I told my story of rejection. If you would like to read it, go to http://www.gasparandmichele.com/winning-over-rejection-my-story.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted. So, why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

40 years ago, emotional healing was rarely spoken of. Somehow, I came across a book by John and Paula Sandford, pioneers on the subject of inner healing. Being the mess I was, it spoke to my heart, and we started our quest to learn more.

Thus began our Prayer Counseling Ministry–today known as Stop Hurting Start Healing. It’s my number one solution for emotional healing. To have a trained prayer minister guide you through painful issues from the past is invaluable. Often the journey takes you along such a dark and dismal path that, without help, many would give up.

Inner Vows

When people reject you, without realizing it, you feel betrayed by God. Where was He in my pain? you ask. Of course, Satan uses that opportunity to plant seeds of deception in your heart about yourself, about others and especially about God.

Growing up with an abusive mom, I believed I was bad; I couldn’t be any good, for her to treat me the way she did. I thought God must not love me either to let me hurt like this.

Like I mentioned last week, I can remember lying in bed thinking, “When I grow up no one is ever going to hurt me, or tell me what to do again.” I had no idea I was making a vow that would profoundly affect my life.

God is the only one Who can heal a wounded heart. Scripture tells us that Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted. So, why was I still so wounded and broken if I had Jesus in my life?

You may not even realize that you’ve made vows, but think back to all the times you said, “I’ll never do this…” or “I’ll never do that….”

We make vows because we think we can protect ourselves from future hurt. In actuality, these inner vows harden our hearts to the point that we can never fully give or receive love. Can you relate to this?

Maybe it wasn’t a parent who hurt you. Maybe it was a failed marriage, and you vowed you’d never trust again or marry again or let anyone get close to you. Maybe as a teen you were betrayed by a group of girls and vowed never to trust females.

Lies are always at the root of such inner vows, forming ungodly beliefs. Every one of us holds some beliefs that aren’t true. When these beliefs are contrary to God’s Truth, we call them “ungodly beliefs.” They are lies we believe about ourselves, others and God. They affect our entire lives: Every relationship we have; every decision we make; how we act and react. Our very destiny.

Renounce the Lies

Hurt, rejection, negative experiences and trauma create ungodly beliefs in us. The child whose father walks out on his family can grow up believing: “I’m not important or Dad wouldn’t have left… People will always fail me.”

Being made fun of, called names by siblings or peers, being criticized by a teacher or authority figure—all these can form the ungodly beliefs: “No one will ever want me…I’m fat, I’m stupid…I’ll never amount to anything.” These ungodly beliefs follow us right into adulthood and become assignments against us.

In the healing process, it’s very important to renounce these lies and break agreement with them. By believing lies, you forge an alliance with the enemy, giving him easy access to your life.

Forgive

After renouncing satan’s lies, it’s even more important to come into agreement with what God says about you.

1). Start by forgiving those that contributed to forming the ungodly belief in you.

2). Ask God to forgive you for believing a lie and for judging those who hurt you. Pray and break the power of the lies from your life.

3). Find scripture that speaks Truth to these areas. This is the last and most important step to forgiving. Read those verses daily. Meditate on them. Memorize them until your mind becomes renewed with the Truth. Stick with it. Renewing your mind takes time.

Often, that’s why people don’t maintain their healing. Getting prayer is just one part of it. The most important part is renewing our mind with God’s Word.

Get to Know the Healer

The next strategy I would give is to develop intimacy with the Lord. I can hear some of you saying, “Yeah, I know that already.” But really, spend time in His Word, the Bible, daily. Hear what He has to say to you through His word. Then, pray bringing Him your needs. Jealously guard this devotional time. Otherwise, other things will take its place.

Attend a good Bible-believing church where you can receive strength and support for your journey, a place where the uncompromised Word of God is taught.

Identify with the Cross

Let me explain what I mean by identifying with the cross. Often we have a very limited concept of the Cross. We know that Jesus died on the Cross for our sin. He took our place and, when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord, when we die we go to Heaven. Yes, that’s true, but it doesn’t end there. That’s only one aspect of the Cross.

To identify with the Cross is to understand one thing: Everything about the “old me” can and should die there. The Cross wasn’t just for Jesus. The Cross is where we go daily to execute whatever needs to die in our lives.

When Jesus hung on the Cross He said, “It is finished.” It’s at the Cross that all the power Satan had over us is broken. When you take what you’re still struggling with to the Cross, it will be finished in your life, too. Keep in mind that when you bring something to the cross, everything isn’t automatically fixed.

Let’s say you fly into a rage, start throwing things and kick over the trash can. All of a sudden you catch yourself and run to the cross. “Lord, help me. Forgive me for this anger. Cleanse me.” God says, “Of course you’re forgiven.” What a relief! But guess what? There’s still garbage and broken stuff all over the place. Who has to clean it up? You do! But God gives you the grace and the strength to do it. One by one you pick up the pieces. It’s all a part of identifying with the Cross. It’s finished the moment you take it there, the rest is clean-up.

You have to take it there, and let it die. Often that’s where we get discouraged, because we think it isn’t working. Satan is whispering in your ear, “I’m back. You’re not free. This doesn’t work.” He wants to scare you into giving up.

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

Stop looking at the junk and look at Jesus! He set us free, to live free forever. Not just free from sin, but free from rejection, free from a wounded spirit, free from depression, self-hatred, anger, and the list goes on and on.

Galatians 5:1 tells us: “Therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. “

So when Satan comes back with feelings of rejection, pain, bad memories, tell him where to go. Tell him: “Shut up, in Jesus’ name. You’re a liar! I am crucified with Christ, I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Rejection doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. It’s nailed to the Cross. It died there.

Remember, healing is yours. Christ set you free. Keep standing firm!

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Winning Over Rejection: My Story

December 14, 2019 Michele Anastasi

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Rejection, Success & victory

Rejection is one of the most painful wounds you could ever receive. Not only does it damage your self-image and confidence, but rejection wounds your soul and spirit like nothing else can.

Because God is Love, rejection is one of Satan’s weapons of choice. He works very hard using whatever, and whomever he can to make us feel unloved and worthless.

In my own life, seeds of rejection were planted in me while still in my mother’s womb. As my tiny fingers and toes were being formed, so was the knowledge that I was unwanted. To some, that might seem strange, but our spirit is fully formed at the time of conception, and is able to pick up on our mother’s feelings. Even medical science has proven that infants in utero are aware of and react to external stimuli.

In the 1940’s, many women who conceived out of wedlock used homemade remedies to try to abort unwanted pregnancy. Fortunately for me, none of those remedies did away with my physical existence. To add to my mother’s fear, doctors had warned her that giving birth could kill her because of a severe heart condition she had since childhood. I heard this sad story constantly growing up—reinforcing the fact that I was a mistake.

My childhood and teen years were marked by physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother, who also had been raised in an abusive home. All this turned me into one rejected mess! It was etched into my soul that I was unwanted, had no value, and shouldn’t even exist. As it often does, rejection turned into rebellion; and a hardness began to grow inside me, along with anger and bitterness. I can remember lying in bed as a child and vowing that I would never let anyone hurt me again. Subconsciously I said, “No more” and put on a defensive front for self-protection.

When I came to Christ in my twenties, I brought all that ugly baggage with me. Instead of surrendering it to the Lord, I thought it was up to me to fix myself (as if I ever could).

I loved God. I knew if I died I’d go to heaven, but I couldn’t get victory over the anger, rage, and rejection that were controlling me. Yes, there were areas I had allowed Christ to touch and heal; but in the areas where I was most wounded, I remained unchanged.

Healing takes time and commitment. It’s a process. After all these years, God is still working in me, still healing me.

I shared all that because most people don’t like to admit that they still deal with rejection. They’ve spent so much of their lives trying to cover it up with all kinds of defense mechanisms.

Some of you might be thinking, “Well, I’m ok, this isn’t for me.”

Trust me, God isn’t finished with you either. We all need more healing.

If you still get hurt or offended; if you get defensive at times; if anger sometimes rises up from nowhere; if you blame-shift or gossip even once in a while—guess what? You need more healing. Emotional healing is key to our spiritual growth. It’s key to breaking free and living well. You can’t mature spiritually if you are wounded emotionally.

The way I grew up—and maybe you too—was the exact opposite of what God planned for us. God’s perfect plan is for all children to be raised and nurtured by godly parents. Our earthly father was meant to be a picture of Himself: loving, caring, protecting. Our parents were to lead us into a personal relationship with Christ, teach us the Word, take us to church and live godly lives before us. That was God’s perfect plan.

Unfortunately, that’s not how most of us grew up. Sin entered that perfect picture and perverted everything. Parents are more likely to pass on to their children the same brokenness and dysfunction in which their parents raised them. You can’t give what you yourself haven’t received. Satan is a very real enemy and he wants to destroy you any way he can—the younger the victim, the better he likes it.

When we don’t receive unconditional love and nurturing; when we get the exact opposite—abuse, criticism, anger, sarcasm, rejection—these things sink their roots deep into our souls. When you hear daily: “You always mess up… You can’t do anything right… You’re stupid… clumsy… ugly…” you fill in the blank—hear it enough and you begin to believe it. Inferiority sets in, self-hatred, fear, depression.

Rejection causes you live life by your feelings. Your emotions control you. You make wrong choices to accommodate your fears and insecurities, and life keeps getting worse.

But know this: God has healing for you! Not only does He want to heal you, He wants to be that perfect, loving Daddy to you. He wants to love you with a pure, healthy love. He wants to fill up all of the empty, broken places inside of you. He wants to make you whole.

Some of you are still carrying pain from things you experienced many years ago. Satan won big-time. He was the one in control of those bad situations or people who hurt you. I think it’s time to take back what’s been stolen, don’t you? It’s time you and I win. That’s what we’ll talk about next week: Solutions and strategies in the Healing Process.

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