A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”. Since then, a number of spouses said to me they wish I had included specific suggestions for each one of the love languages. 

Taking the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved and then intentionally loving them in that way is a great gift. My first suggestion is, when you take the Love Language Quiz and get the results, spend some time discussing it together. (Just because you know your spouse’s love language doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know what they personally need to feel loved.)

Physical touch

When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, don’t think only of the act of love making. Physical touch includes so much more! Don’t let the day go by without touching them in a meaningful way. Some suggestions:

1. Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before getting up.
2. Always kiss hello and goodbye.
3. Hold hands often.
4. Give them a shoulder, neck or foot massage.
5. Cuddle while watching a movie together.
6. Hold hands and pray together.
7. Hug often.
8. Don’t forget at least one passionate kiss daily.
9. Put on some romantic music and dance together.
10. Cuddle before falling asleep.

Acts of service

For this love language, you’ll want to know what your spouse would like you to do. Acts of service require thought and effort. Some ideas:

1. Do a chore your spouse hates to do.
2. Ask what they need help with at the beginning of the week.
3. Respond to requests in a positive way rather than acting put off.
4. Make up a goody basket with their favorite treats.
5. Fill the car with gas.
6. Help prepare dinner or help clean up.
7. Make their coffee or tea in the morning.
8. Polish their shoes.
9. Make a coupon book of things you’ll do for them.
10. Make their favorite meal and dessert.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy.

Quality time

The quality time love language centers around togetherness and giving your mate your undivided attention. Put your cell phone away. Shut down all electronics, and focus on your partner. When you do that, it touches their heart and makes them feel loved and important. Some suggestions to get you started:

1. Plan a special date night.
2. Take turns reading a book aloud together.
3. Go for coffee or ice cream and leave your phone in the car.
4. Cook dinner together.
5. Go for a walk around your neighborhood.
6. Start and end your day spending time talking.
7. Discuss and plan some marriage goals together.
8. Do a home project together.
9. Look for and start a hobby you’d both enjoy.
10. Once you make plans to do something, don’t cancel.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation include so much. Kindness. Encouragement. Empathy. And seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Think about what they would want to hear. For example:

1. “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.”
2. “Thank you for all you do for me.”
3. “I admire the way you ______________.”
4. “I wouldn’t want to go through life without you.”
5. “No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together.”
6. “I love every minute we’re together.”
7. “Thank you for being my best friend.”
8. “The best day of my life was the day I married you.”
9. “You make me feel safe.”
10. “You’re the best _____________ ever!”

Receiving gifts

Store-bought gifts aren’t the only way to speak this love language. And it’s not about how much you spend either. It’s the thought that goes into the gift. One wife told me her husband buys her gifts she doesn’t really want. Here’s a suggestion: If your spouse is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, a box of candy wouldn’t be the ideal gift. The gift should have special meaning to them. Always keep an eye out for things they’d love to be surprised with. Some ideas:

1. Place a small gift or love note in the bag they take to work or on a trip.
2. Listen for hints of things they love and make special occasions a big deal.
3. Give them a small gift every hour on the hour for their birthday.
4. Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
5. Fill a notebook with one thing you love about them every day for a year. Include pictures of the two of you.
6. Order a favorite childhood candy or snack.
7. Be willing to invest in something that matters to them.
8. After a trip, bring home a souvenir that made you think of them.
9. Make their favorite meal and dessert for no special reason.
10. Make a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy. Hope you find these ideas helpful! You can always discover more suggestions on the internet. Regardless, we’d love to hear how these love language tips worked out for you! 

If this blog has blessed you, leave a comment below and let us know. We love hearing from you! …

A lot of things can go wrong in marriage, but there is one sure solution to every problem we face: God’s love. It is the supernatural power of God that has been deposited in the heart of every born-again Christian. Then why are there so many divorces in the Church? Sad to say, but there are statistically as many divorces among us as there are among non-Christians. So what is the problem? 

God’s love sees only good

For one thing, many of us aren’t living out of our spirit where God’s power dwells. Instead, we act and react primarily out of our soul (feelings and emotions). We get offended easily and are quick to build walls between us. Many of our marriages have become like the Dead Sea in Israel: totally stagnant and lifeless. The Dead Sea lets water in, but not out. So every living thing in it dies. Likewise, many Christian couples received God’s love shed abroad in their heart the moment they accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. But they are not releasing His love to each other and, in many cases, their marriages are dying. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

—Isaiah 55:9

Let me define this all-powerful agape love, God’s love. Notice it’s, first of all, Father God’s love—not yours or mine. We don’t produce it, but we carry it in our born-again spirits. Secondly, it’s supernatural in the sense that it is unconditional and unlimited. That means it is not determined by your mate’s behavior, responses and mistakes. Agape love only sees the good in your spouse and their God-given value. Agape love can’t be turned off.

God’s love heals

When released toward one another, agape love brings healing wherever needed. The word of God says His love, whenever applied, never fails to bring healing, unity, peace, forgiveness and wholeness to marriage. Remember, it can only flow from your born again spirit, which means we must be aware of living out our daily lives from our spirit not just our soul (feelings and emotions). 

This supernatural love is available to every Christian marriage. But, sadly, very few of us tap into it. One reason is that we don’t know we have it. But there is another more sinister reason we don’t love like God loves, and that’s selfishness. The husband and the wife each want their own way. We lose sight of God’s plan for us which is true oneness and unity, and which occur whenever we as a couple release God’s presence and power. However, many of us are willing to forgo this wonderful gift of unity just to have our own way. 

Many of us are willing to forgo this wonderful gift of unity just to have our own way.

God’s love is unbeatable

It does take crucifying our flesh, dying to our own ways and choosing God’s way. There is nothing that arises in your marriage that God’s love flowing through you can’t overcome. You must choose to be in touch with your spirit every day. And that can happen only by connecting with God by reading His word and praising Him daily. 

There is one other major factor to successfully walking in God’s agape love: Being baptized in the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit who sheds God’s love in our heart, and it is the Holy Spirit that empowers us to release His unconditional love to our mates every day. Loving someone unconditionally and continuously without the baptism of the Holy Spirit is like trying to put out a five-alarm fire with a bucket of water. By contrast, the baptism of the Holy Spirit is like a forceful stream of water from a high-powered hydrant. 

God’s love comes only from Him

You can’t produce the God-kind-of-love with your own willpower. Only the Holy Spirit can effectively release it through your life. You have it, but are you letting it flow every day? Or are you letting the little foxes spoil the vine of your marriage? Do you find that, instead of overcoming daily problems and enjoying each other, you’re steeped in bitterness… on the verge of separation… even divorce? 

Don’t live married single lives! Start tapping into God’s unconditional agape love. It will radically alter your attitude, behavior and even your desires when it comes to your marriage. It’s up to you, because God has given you the greatest power known to mankind, and that is His own love. Instead of fighting for your own way, choose HIS way.

Please leave a comment below. We love to hear from you!