fbpx

How to conquer conflict

October 21, 2023 Michele Anastasi
0 Comment
Anger management, unity in marriage

Don’t you hate it when you accuse someone of something, only to find out later they didn’t do it… and that someone is your spouse? Yes, guilty as charged! Gaspar and I were cleaning out our home office, which has four floor-to-ceiling bookshelves overflowing with books. We knew it was time to either move or pare down. We started going through the books and making piles: keep… give away… throw away. 

Everything went smoothly until a week later when I realized our family photo album was gone. It had been on one of those bookshelves which was now greatly pared down. I looked everywhere, to no avail. So I knew the culprit had to be my darling husband… He must’ve mistakenly thrown it out, I thought.  And the moment he walked in the door, the thought became an accusation. Oh yes, an argument ensued! …well, it was mostly me accusing him.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have…..

James 4:1

What really causes arguments?

James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have…..”

That’s right, James, I do not have my photo album, and I want it back! All my husband said was, “That doesn’t even make sense. Why would I throw out a photo album?”

My response? “You were probably rushing and didn’t even notice.” End of discussion. My husband (bless his heart) doesn’t argue. Several days later (I’m ashamed to say), I found the album and sheepishly apologized. But on the lighter side, my motto is: “Never let a good problem go to waste. Turn it into a blog post!“

Breaking Free Inner Healing
Do you or someone you know need Counseling or Life Coaching? Healing may be closer than you think. Call (239) 244.3912 or go to BreakingFreecc.com

Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

Proverbs 19:11, NLT

How to fix fights

So, my advice is: The next time you feel an argument coming on, stop and ask yourself if it’s worth undermining your relationship? Maybe it’s time to learn a better way. Here are a few points to consider:

1. Remember your spouse is not your enemy

Satan is a master of deception and, by getting you and your spouse at odds with each other, he hurts your relationship with God. Plus, he hurts your testimony with those who don’t believe in God yet.

2. Check your own actions

Before you blame your spouse, take a good look at your own words and actions. Consider how God would have you respond. “Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs” (Proverbs 19:11, NLT).

3. Make peace a priority

When the love and unity of your marriage is at stake, no argument is worth it. Consider Hebrews 12:14: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”

4. Walk in Grace

Grace is all about overlooking wrongs. When we do that, we earn our spouse’s respect. They begin to think of us as generous and forgiving, which makes it easier for them to be generous and forgiving in return.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Hebrews 12:14

If it really bothers you…

You might be wondering how you can overlook something that really bothers you. You can’t… and shouldn’t. The key is how you speak and what you say. Remember, this isn’t an enemy you’re confronting with accusations. This is the person you love and chose to spend your life with. 

Work at creating an atmosphere of peace in your home. Learn to overlook little annoyances. Not every issue has to be a major catastrophe. Focus on preventing conflict before it even starts. Talk to each other; encourage and praise each other. Let grace abound, and you’ll find you’re creating an atmosphere where conflict doesn’t grow.

We would love to hear what steps you agreed on to bring life back to your marriage! Please comment below.

…

How to conquer conflict

July 23, 2022 Michele Anastasi
2 Comments
Anger management, unity in marriage

Don’t you hate it when you accuse someone of something, only to find out later they didn’t do it… and that someone is your spouse? Yes, guilty as charged! Gaspar and I were cleaning out our home office, which has four floor-to-ceiling bookshelves overflowing with books. We knew it was time to either move or pare down. We started going through the books and making piles: keep… give away… throw away. 

Everything went smoothly until a week later when I realized our family photo album was gone. It had been on one of those bookshelves which was now greatly pared down. I looked everywhere, to no avail. So I knew the culprit had to be my darling husband… He must’ve mistakenly thrown it out, I thought.  And the moment he walked in the door, the thought became an accusation. Oh yes, an argument ensued! …well, it was mostly me accusing him.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have…..

James 4:1

What really causes arguments?

James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have…..”

That’s right, James, I do not have my photo album, and I want it back! All my husband said was, “That doesn’t even make sense. Why would I throw out a photo album?”

My response? “You were probably rushing and didn’t even notice.” End of discussion. My husband (bless his heart) doesn’t argue. Several days later (I’m ashamed to say), I found the album and sheepishly apologized. But on the lighter side, my motto is: “Never let a good problem go to waste. Turn it into a blog post!“

Breaking Free Inner Healing
Do you or someone you know need Counseling or Life Coaching? Healing may be closer than you think. Call (239) 244.3912 or go to BreakingFreecc.com

Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

Proverbs 19:11, NLT

How to fix fights

So, my advice is: The next time you feel an argument coming on, stop and ask yourself if it’s worth undermining your relationship? Maybe it’s time to learn a better way. Here are a few points to consider:

1. Remember your spouse is not your enemy

Satan is a master of deception and, by getting you and your spouse at odds with each other, he hurts your relationship with God. Plus, he hurts your testimony with those who don’t believe in God yet.

2. Check your own actions

Before you blame your spouse, take a good look at your own words and actions. Consider how God would have you respond. “Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs” (Proverbs 19:11, NLT).

3. Make peace a priority

When the love and unity of your marriage is at stake, no argument is worth it. Consider Hebrews 12:14: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”

4. Walk in Grace

Grace is all about overlooking wrongs. When we do that, we earn our spouse’s respect. They begin to think of us as generous and forgiving, which makes it easier for them to be generous and forgiving in return.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Hebrews 12:14

If it really bothers you…

You might be wondering how you can overlook something that really bothers you. You can’t… and shouldn’t. The key is how you speak and what you say. Remember, this isn’t an enemy you’re confronting with accusations. This is the person you love and chose to spend your life with. 

Work at creating an atmosphere of peace in your home. Learn to overlook little annoyances. Not every issue has to be a major catastrophe. Focus on preventing conflict before it even starts. Talk to each other; encourage and praise each other. Let grace abound, and you’ll find you’re creating an atmosphere where conflict doesn’t grow.

We would love to hear what steps you agreed on to bring life back to your marriage! Please comment below.

…

Drama in the airport

April 23, 2022 Michele Anastasi
3 Comments
Anger management, God's love, Marriage

The rude couple

A couple of weeks ago we were in the airport waiting for a flight. I can’t help it, but I’m an incurable people-watcher. Sitting directly across from us was a couple, mid to late thirties.

The husband went to get something to eat and a coffee for his wife. As she placed the coffee on the floor near her bag, he started ravenously eating his food—seriously, like a man who hadn’t eaten in a week. Food was falling everywhere and splattered her pants. As she tried to clean the food off of her, he just kept munching away.

I couldn’t help myself and my mother instinct said, “You better say sorry, or the rest of your day isn’t going to go well.” He ignored me and, shifting his weight in his seat, kicked her coffee all over her feet. She jumped up and headed to either the ladies room or to call her attorney. Can you believe he just looked at the mess and continued eating!

I was so upset I started writing about it in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew.

It’s never too late (or too early) to make your marriage great! Call (239)244-3912 or visit our website.

Another passenger, also watching, went for some paper towel… Finally the husband got the hint, stopped eating and attended to what was left of the mess. Wow! Where has care, kindness and even simple manners gone in today’s marriages?

If this were an isolated incident I probably wouldn’t be writing this. But being a people-watcher and traveling a lot, I see such bad behavior and downright rudeness in couples. I was so upset I started writing about what happened in my journal. I didn’t really think it would end up in this blog, but God knew and He already had the ending planned out.

The desperate couple

Several days later, there we were in the airport again. The last thing you want to hear after two flights and a long trip is that your bags are on another plane, and there will be a slight delay. So back to people-watching… You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

I didn’t hear this couple say a word, but I knew they were Christians. We started talking about the delay, making small talk. They were returning from a trip to see a new grandbaby. Asked if we had been on vacation, Gaspar shared about the church and that we were away writing new material for our Sacred Marriage group. That’s when they shared their story.

Then, struck by a series of painful events and with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord.

Up until a few years ago their marriage had been in deep trouble. They were going in separate directions, totally shut down to each other. Then, struck by a series of painful events with nowhere else to turn, they turned to the Lord. They leaned on Him, sought His will and, most of all, reconnected to Him as a couple. And in the process, Jesus transformed their troubled marriage into an awesome one.

What a different story from the other couple! I suddenly felt very sad that we hadn’t had the chance to tell them about the Lord. But since then, we’ve prayed for God to put believers in their path.

Every couple’s greatest need

The only way to have a healthy, thriving marriage is with Jesus. He is what every marriage needs at its center. If you let Him, God will give you the relationship you’ve always longed for. He will make a good marriage great; get a struggling marriage back on track; and bring a dead marriage back to life. He does what no one and nothing else can.

Marriages are hurting today more than ever. My husband and I feel the Lord leading us to take a slight detour with this blog and focus on marriage for awhile. We would love to hear your thoughts. Are marriages today changing? If so, why? Do you see changes in your own marriage? 

We love hearing from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.…

Lessons in Rebellion

August 8, 2020 Michele Anastasi
1 Comment
Anger management, Rejection, Success & victory

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my struggle to overcome rejection. I’d like to share the flip side of rejection: Rebellion.

Rebellion: the result of rejection

Rebellion often results from rejection. If you get hurt in some way—any kind of emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or abandonment—it opens the door to rejection in your life.  If you don’t turn to God and let Him heal you, you sink deeper and deeper into pain and depression; and, eventually, rebellion kicks in.

You can even see this in some children who’ve been hurt over and over again. One day something snaps inside of them, and they vow: “I’m never going to cry again…. You can beat me to a pulp, but I won’t shed a tear.” A hardness grows inside of them.

That’s what I did as a child and, over the years, the anger and rebellion grew. I used my anger and defensiveness as a form of protection. It wasn’t until I came to Christ, that I started to realize what was going on inside of me.

Destruction: the result of rebellion

God tells us in Proverbs 29:1, “Whoever remains stiff-necked [rebellious] after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed without remedy.”

It’s not that God’s grace doesn’t extend to you anymore, or that He wouldn’t forgive you if you turned to Him. Rebellion hardens your heart until you can’t hear Him anymore.

That’s what happened to the children of Israel in the Old Testament. God would tell them what to do, and they wouldn’t do it. Of course, they felt they had good reason for refusing: They were full of fear and unbelief. They actually  believed if they did what God said, they would be destroyed. They didn’t trust Him.

“I just can’t do it, God… It’s too hard… I hurt too much… You don’t understand…   I’m so lonely… Yes, I know but….” It doesn’t matter how good you think your excuses are. Rebellion is going to cost you big time. It will harden your heart.

Wandering in your own personal wilderness

wilderness300x198The children of Israel ignored God’s leading so often, that finally He just sent them into the wilderness. They were so rebellious He couldn’t lead them into the blessings He had planned for them. We need to learn from that. When God tells you what to do, don’t put it off, just do it.

The longer you stay in sinful habits, the more they become a part of you; the more your heart becomes calloused to the fact that it’s sin. The first time you blow up in a rage, you know it’s wrong and you’re sorry. The second time, it doesn’t bother you quite so much. The sixth time, you’re pretty sure you’re justified. Your heart hardening. That’s how strongholds form in people’s lives.

Wrong choices, wrong results

If you go against what God says, it won’t go well for you. You’re headed for destruction, because wrong choices always bring wrong results. God can’t bless what’s contrary to His Word.

The root sin of rejection is unbelief, a  lack of  trust in God. That’s why rejection will eventually lead to rebellion. If you believe that God cares about you, if you know He wants to bless you, then you’ll obey Him. But if you don’t trust Him, you’ll rebel.

I Samuel 15:23, tells us that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Why? Because you’re making something else God, namely yourself. You’re saying, “I’ll do it my way, I’ll be the god of my life.… Yes Lord, I know what You want me to do, but I’m going to do it my way.” That’s rebellion!  The thing that guides your life–even if it’s you–is your god.

Do you have these traits of rebellion?

  1. Faithlessness. You have trouble being loyal to God, so you keep falling away.
  2. Hostility. You have a chip on your shoulder. You cause turmoil and strife wherever you go.
  3. Superiority. You think you know it all. You’re arrogant.
  4. Controlling. You’re strong-willed; it’s got to be your way.
  5. Rigid. You won’t bend or compromise.
  6. Bitter and resentful.
  7. Critical. You always have something negative to say, always find fault.
  8. Unteachable. You know it all, so you set yourself up as judge and final
    authority…as God. No one can teach you anything.These aren’t very nice qualities. Hopefully, if you see yourself in them, it will give you the desire to repent, and ask God to forgive you and change you.

P-R-I-D-E

The root sin of rebellion is pride. You have so much pride you don’t think you even need God. If you look at the word  P R I D E, what’s in the middle of it?  ” I “.  That’s exactly what’s in the middle of  S I N,  ” I “……..”SELF.”  “I’m going to do it my way.”

Rebellion and pride go way back to the Garden of Eden, to the first couple. Satan has been using the same old tricks since the beginning of time–trying to convince us that God is holding out on us. God can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Satan made Eve feel like God was holding out on her. That caused her to rebel, and Adam went along with her.

holy-bible300x197Adam blamed Eve, said it wasn’t his fault. Eve blamed the serpent, said she was deceived, said “It’s not my fault.” If you’re deceived, it most certainly is your fault, because you should know what God’s Word says!

Don’t let rebellion destroy you. Get help.

Instead of blaming someone else, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. Are you rebellious? Are you bitter? Critical? Stubborn? Hard-hearted? Holding unforgiveness in your heart? Are you doing things your way, instead of God’s way? Because if you are, you’re deceived and it is your fault.

Rebellion brings destruction! The only way to prevent destruction is to admit the rebellion and quit it. Stop blaming others. Maybe others have sown a lot of bad seeds into your life. You’ve been hurt, rejected, abused… but God is saying today, “This is about you. You need to repent. Just do it.” So get alone with God and just do it.

Are you struggling with rejection, rebellion or another area of your life? Don’t go it alone. Seeing a trained prayer minister doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It means you’re wise enough to get help to become emotionally healthy. Growth comes when  things are brought out of the dark into the light. Let there be light!

We love to hear from you! If this message has been a blessing to you, please comment!…

Quiet the storm within

June 27, 2020 Gaspar Anastasi
2 Comments
Anger management, Getting past the past, Making positive change

If we never receive the healing we need, the past can greatly affect our present and future course. Neglecting and ignoring these past hurts and bad memories creates what I call “hot buttons”. When these buttons are pushed, devastating storms get stirred up and then released!

These hurts and bad memories are often caused by deep rejections and disappointments we have suffered. They fester deep inside us and become like volcanoes, waiting to erupt under the right conditions. These eruptions are devastating to us and to the people around us.

Yet, we are often unaware of the causes of our angry outbursts, fits of rage, hurtful words, sarcasms and sometimes even our violent reactions. It seems out of character so we excuse it away by saying things like: “I’m just having a bad day.” “I wasn’t feeling well at that moment.” “I acted out of character.”

Sometimes we justify inappropriate behavior because we feel unfairly treated. But if we continue to make excuses without dealing with the root to the problem, we just keep the buttons for others to push.

And if the buttons remain, they will destroy our reputations, careers, marriages, family relationships, our walk with God and our personal testimony of God’s greatness!

Inappropriate and violent behavior are always the result of harboring feelings of anger, hatred and rage. They’re sure signs of a storm brewing inside of you that’s ready to be released. The storm is just waiting for someone to push the right “hot button” so it can erupt.

Here is some advice on how you can quiet those storms, assuring yourself and others that you will no longer be a volcano ready to erupt:

  1. Recognize that those feelings of anger, rage, and hatred are a sign of a deeper personal problem. Unfortunately it’s easier to look outside yourself than to look inside. It takes courage to be transparent because it makes us feel vulnerable. But, when we can begin to look at ourselves we will be on our way to getting free and to start quieting the storm inside. There is an absolute connection between what we feel and express when our button is pushed and what has happened in our past.

Start looking inside when the anger begins — not when it has already evolved into rage and is controlling you instead of you controlling it. By looking inside you’ll understand where these storms get their strength. If you get to the root you can get to the fruit.

  1. Stop blame-shifting, because that places the responsibility for your feelings of anger and negative reactions on the person or things that pushed your hot button. Instead, look inside immediately and question why you feel this way. Why did their words cause you such hurt or torment?

I realize this isn’t our natural reaction to feeling hurt and pain, but the Holy Spirit is living in us and He will strengthen us and remind us to think before we talk. We can and must develop the habit of waiting a moment before responding irrationally. That leads me to my next point.

  1. Know that God loves you and wants you free from those storms inside. Many times He actually allows them to erupt in you. Why? Not to condemn you and make you feel bad. No! He wants to deliver the enemy of your soul so you can destroy it before it destroys you. The awareness of God’s love (not condemnation) is a critical step in quieting the storms in your life. God loves you unconditionally with no strings attached. And He is ever-present to help you follow His plans for success.
  1. Finally, forgive yourself and ask others to forgive you for those storms. There is no victory without the cross, meaning you must recognize and truly repent of your sin and acknowledge the price Jesus paid for your forgiveness. Forgiveness disarms our true enemy. Remember we are not fighting against flesh and blood but a spiritual enemy who wants to destroy you and those around you.

Let’s no longer be time bombs ready to explode because our hot buttons were pushed. Jesus quiets the storms of our hearts by healing us of our past hurts and bad memories. So, ask Him right now to come into those places in your heart (memories, feelings) that still hurt. Allow Him to quiet the storms in your life!

We love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please take the time to leave a comment. Thanks.…

Hurt People Hurt People.

January 18, 2020 Gaspar Anastasi
0 Comment
Anger management, Getting past the past, Making positive change, Rejection, Success & victory

The greatest cause of divorce, church splits, family break ups and every kind of broken relationship is “hurt people”. What do I mean by hurt people? People with damaged emotions. They have been affected by family issues passed down by their ancestors; by hurtful things they experienced in childhood; and by their own wrong choices. I know that it’s impossible to go through life without some kind pain and suffering, but some people have had more than their share. These are the ones I classify as “hurt people”.

Hurt people are like time bombs waiting to implode or explode at the first sign of rejection.

Hurt people have certain traits in common such as: deep roots of rejection, low self-esteem, inferiority complexes, perfectionism, self-condemnation and a critical and judgmental spirit, to name a few. These ingredients are a recipe for troubled and broken relationships because the individual has an over-emphasized, magnified, self-centered awareness. An easily offended spirit dominates them.

It’s unintentional.

“Hurt people” hurt people, but not on purpose. The pain they suffer is beyond natural understanding and, because they are often misunderstood, they suffer rejection, adding to the pain they already carry. They look okay on the outside, so you can’t tell how deeply wounded they truly are. It’s like the old saying “you can’t judge a book by its cover”, but when you start reading a few chapters you can size up the whole book pretty quickly.

Hurt people are like time bombs waiting to implode or explode at the first sign of rejection and, if two hurt people are in a relationship together, it’s truly a formula for disaster! It’s just a matter of time until they’re at odds with each other and they’ll eventually separate. Or even worse, they may actually physically hurt/murder each other.

Both people are victims of their own hurts. So there are no winners… just losers. The wounds increase and the cycle just continues. Are you a hurt person?

Here are some identifying signs:

1. You have many broken relationships.

2. You control/manipulate your friends.

3. You’re critical and judgmental of people you are no longer in relationship with or who disagree with you.

4. The people you hang with think like you, so gossip is the foundation of the friendship.

5. Your friendships dwindle and your isolation grows. 

Remember, many people carry deep wounds, so you are not alone. It wasn’t your choice to be hurt, but you can choose to get healed. To fix anything you need to first admit that it’s broken.

Here are some suggestions:

1. For a season, avoid intimate, personal relationships and just work on allowing God to heal you. God is a great physician who can go where no knife can go.

2. Ask God to heal you from the inside out. He’s waiting for you to ask. Without faith you can’t receive everything God has already supplied for you.

3. Make staying in God’s presence a priority. Read His word. Pray in the Spirit. Become a worshipper. 

4. Finally, get prayer from the Healing Streams ministry. God wants you to stop being hurt and become healed!…

Recent Posts

Categories

Follow us on

WP2Social Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com