If you work it—it will work

As you’ve heard me say before, a good marriage takes hard work. What you put into it is what you get out of it. Nevertheless, so many people are deceived into thinking Love is all you need. But they soon find out that love alone won’t keep them together. 

You may have heard people complain (as they dial up their divorce attorney), “We just fell out of love.” Yes, a successful marriage does produce joy, fulfillment and happiness. But there’s one important principal that we accept in every other area of life except our marriages: Success requires hard work.  

Smarter, not harder

Ask any accomplished person—a businessman, an athlete, an artist or anyone successful in their chosen field. They will tell you that they worked very hard to get where they are and continue to do so to maintain their success. 

So let’s get this truth established once and for all. If you want a lasting, successful marriage that will leave a great legacy for the next generation to follow, you will have to work at it. Now, for some who read this blog, that statement will automatically turn you off. For others of us who are willing to put in the sweat equity to see our marriage succeed, here are some smart tips that will pay great dividends in the end. Working hard is good, but working smart is better.

If you want a lasting, successful marriage that leaves a great legacy for the next generation, you will have to work at it.

1. Listen to each other

Focus on the areas of your marriage that are the most needful first. For most couples, that’s the area of communication. So schedule at least one hour a week where you can give your undivided attention to one another, talking about hot button issues. Be intentional about the topics, giving your mate the first opportunity to share their heart. Listen with the intent of hearing your husband or wife’s heart cry. Then you share while they listen. 

2. Empathize with each other

The key is to develop empathy for one another. Listen then speak without being judgmental, critical, or condemning. Agree beforehand that this will be a time of transparency. The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather to listen to your mate’s heart. This will help you both to develop a greater ability to walk in God’s grace towards one another. 

Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (AMP)

The purpose is not to give advice or counsel one another, but rather listen to your mate’s heart.  

3. Pray for each other

Pray together once a week. This too will take planning. Pray for your mate’s needs and then conclude by praying a blessing over them. Yes, we should pray for each other more than once a week, but do so individually. Every day, take time to lift up your husband or wife in prayer. Keep a prayer journal with a list of needs they have as God shows them to you. That way, you can mark off each one as God answers your requests. Don’t allow a week to go by without doing that.

The Holy Spirit will help you

I know we are all busy. But this is more important than most of the things we put before our marriages. Learning to share does take work, but doesn’t everything that we want to be successful at? Working these few items into your marriage will bring great fruitfulness in a very short time. Start today, and trust the Holy Spirit to help you. It will work if you work it!

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