Building blocks for a strong marriage (2)

Here’s another important building block to a strong marriage—one that most couples would agree is essential, but very few have mastered. Communication. I doubt anyone would disagree with me about how crucial good communication is in marriage. In fact some might place it before other building blocks I listed in last week’s blog. But again, very few of us have conquered this challenge. 

For some of us, our upbringing and poor role-modeling from our parents have hampered us. We bring their bad habits into our married lives and continue failing to relate well to each other. In fact, I believe the inability to communicate is responsible for most divorces today. Therefore, good communication must be a priority if we are going to see our marriages become successful. 

5. Work to communicate.

Good communication takes work both individually and collectively. One mate is usually better at it than the other. This can cause a sense of inferiority and shame in the one who struggles to express themselves. So partners must both work together, patiently letting each speak what’s on their heart without fear of ridicule or condemnation. 

Good communication takes work both individually and collectively.

In our marriage, I was the one who struggled to communicate. I grew up in a home where children were to be seen and not heard. So I learned to bottle up my emotions, unsure how to say what I really felt. My wife, on the other hand, was brought up differently and had no problem expressing her feelings to me. This created a lot of separation between us. Michele would always hound me to open up to her. But, until I got set free from my own sense of shame and inferiority, I would just shut down. 

For those of you who struggle like I did, I highly recommend Stop Hurting Start Healing, so that God can bring inner healing in your life. As a result, I have seen many married partners receive healing in this area and excel in their marriage with good— if not great—levels of communication. So be patient with each other and recognize that your investment in learning to communicate well will pay great dividends.

6. Labor to love.

Another important building block is unconditional love. The name is self-explanatory and underlines the difference from all other kinds of love. Conditional love (though no one calls it that) has conditions, dependent on behavior, performance and often a time line. 

The Holy Spirit in you will help you see your mate the same way God does.

That’s why it takes God Himself in the Person of the Holy Spirit to love unconditionally. The Holy Spirit in you will help you see your mate the same way that God does. Let me give you a brief description of how He sees us. 

He calls us the apple of his eye (Psalm 17:8) and views us with no fault, sin, bad attitudes, or destructive habit patterns (Hebrews 8:12) . He looks at you as His creation who is as valuable as He is, made with the same material (Genesis 1:26). That’s how we see our mates through eyes of unconditional love.

Yes, it takes the Holy Spirit in you to accomplish (Romans 5:5). But when you start treating each other that way, satan loses his power over you both. Why? The love of God is your greatest weapon against the devil.

It takes time and a labor of love to see these building blocks present and operational in your marriage. But it’s worth it. I know; I’m married 56 years and life is good!

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