How to be unoffendable

In marriage, it’s easy to get offended practically every day, maybe several times a day. Even though we usually shake it off and go about our lives, over time offense builds walls between us. Hurt feelings subtly change our attitudes and behaviors toward one another. It happens slowly, almost imperceptibly until you wake up one day and think I don’t love you anymore. I don’t know why I married you in the first place. 

Let me encourage you: It’s never too late to make your marriage great! The principles I’m about to share with you could radically change your heart to believe the best is yet to come. Remember that what seems impossible for us is possible with God. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all of our heart and do not lean on our own understanding but acknowledge him in all of your ways and he will direct your paths.” 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT

Discover the power of forgiveness

1. Realize they’re not wicked

Recognize that your mate isn’t wicked, but weak. See them through God’s eyes and recognize that, like you and me, they are flawed human beings. And the main weakness is selfishness. They only think of themselves. However, your partner is not your enemy. Satan is, and he tempts us to see our mates as wicked. He wants to make you bitter, because bitterness will ultimately destroy your marriage. If not dealt with immediately, it defiles you and your mate. Like Michele said in a previous blog, it’s like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Offense turns into unforgiveness and then bitterness. Children and animals are the perfect picture of an unoffendable spirit. Animals kill prey, but only to satisfy their hunger. A child cries when they are corrected, but moments later, will crawl into their parent’s lap, hugging and kissing them like nothing happened. They don’t live with bitterness and hatred. Oh, to be like a little child…  

2. Seek mercy

Seek mercy instead of justice. The Word tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:13). We are to live that way with everyone who has offended us. Justice demands that God punish our partner for their bad behavior. Well guess what… We have all behaved badly, but God didn’t judge you. Instead, He had mercy on you and forgave you by sending Jesus to die for all your weaknesses. Don’t ask for justice, but show your mate mercy like Jesus gives you every day by forgiving you of your weaknesses. 

3. Stop eating dead things

Eating dead things is binging on offenses that happened in the past. Chickens walk around eating dead things—even their own feces. Chickens flap their wings, but they can’t fly. Don’t let the enemy bring “dead” hurts to mind over and over. Rather, throw off those offenses and let God raise you up to soar above them like an eagle. 

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Forsake offense

Too many of us feed on dead things (past offenses that have occurred in our marriages). Offense bars us from getting into the spirit realm and receiving God’s revelation that would set us free. Stop walking around like a chicken, flapping our wings but never rising up. 

Right now, forgive your husband or wife. Forgiveness will get you out of the chicken coup and soaring in the wind like an eagle (Isaiah 40:31). When you forgive, God’s presence will be released immediately into your heart. Rediscover your first love for your partner. Nursing an offended spirit will undo all that’s good in your marriage. Remember: Forgiving one another isn’t a suggestion. It’s God’s command.

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