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Posts by Michele Anastasi

Woman fighting wind

Why the storm won’t win

December 16, 2023 Michele Anastasi
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Healing in marriage

Are you in a difficult place in your marriage? Don’t think that you’re alone. Every marriage goes through hard, dry times. You may feel stuck and distant from your spouse, arguing more than communicating. Sometimes it’s just a passing season of busyness and misunderstanding. Other times, it can span years.

How do you stay strong and weather bad times when everything in you wants to give up? When all hope is lost? When you feel your spouse has said and done hurtful things and doesn’t even want to make it better? Here are a few suggestions we hope you’ll find helpful. 

How to keep standing

1. Press into God. This is first and most important. You need Him now more than ever. Seek time with Him daily. Read your Bible, fill your mind with His truths. Talk to Him. When your heart hurts and anger rises, cry out to Him. 

2. Know your value. Your value is found in Him and Him alone—not anything your spouse says or does. Receive and rest in His love for you. God sees what you’re going through, and your marriage is important to Him. (Psalm 59:9-10 “You are my strength, I watch for You, God my fortress, my God on whom I can rely….”)

You are my strength, I watch for You, God my fortress, my God on whom I can rely…

Psalm 59:9-10
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3. Surround yourself with mature Christians who will encourage and pray for you. Be very careful not to disparage your spouse. Your words have power and will literally bring results. Now it’s only human to want people’s compassion. But, honestly, human compassion won’t help you or your marriage. It’s much better to seek godly counsel from your Pastor or a Christian marriage counselor or coach. Ask your spouse if they would be willing to go with you. Even if they choose not to, go alone. You’ll receive godly counsel and learn some helpful tools.

4. Focus on the positive. And try with all your might to ignore the negative. I can hear you saying, “But that’s the problem. There isn’t any positive.” Think back to the traits that drew you to your husband/wife? Try to find something about your spouse to be grateful for every day—one small thing you can thank them for. And don’t be hurt if you don’t get a positive response. Just do it as unto the Lord. Thank God throughout the day for helping you and being by your side.

Only God can give you the strength to resist temptation—to stand and believe for healing in your marriage.

A word of caution

When you’re lonely and discouraged in your marriage, it’s easy to seek comfort from unhealthy pleasures. Satan loves to tempt us when we’re at our lowest point. An affair, pornography, drugs, alcohol, overeating, and overspending are all ungodly escapes that will only make matters worse. That’s why it’s so important to press into the Lord. Only God can give you the strength to resist temptation—to stand and believe for healing in your marriage.

Please know that our hearts and prayers are with you. If you need help individually or as a couple, please reach out to us at Breaking Free Wellness Center.

We would love to hear from you! If this blog has been a blessing to you, please comment below.

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Couple cleaning house

More fluent in love

December 2, 2023 Michele Anastasi
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Marriage, Success & victory

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”. Since then, a number of spouses said to me they wish I had included specific suggestions for each one of the love languages. 

Taking the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved and then intentionally loving them in that way is a great gift. My first suggestion is, when you take the Love Language Quiz and get the results, spend some time discussing it together. (Just because you know your spouse’s love language doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know what they personally need to feel loved.)

Physical touch

“We know and love each other better because of it.”

When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, don’t think only of the act of love making. Physical touch includes so much more! Don’t let the day go by without touching them in a meaningful way. Some suggestions:

  1. Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before getting up.
  2. Always kiss hello and goodbye.
  3. Hold hands often.
  4. Give them a shoulder, neck or foot massage.
  5. Cuddle while watching a movie together.
  6. Hold hands and pray together.
  7. Hug often.
  8. Don’t forget at least one passionate kiss daily.
  9. Put on some romantic music and dance together.
  10. Cuddle before falling asleep.

Acts of service

For this love language, you’ll want to know what your spouse would like you to do. Acts of service require thought and effort. Some ideas:

  1. Do a chore your spouse hates to do.
  2. Ask what they need help with at the beginning of the week.
  3. Respond to requests in a positive way rather than acting put off.
  4. Make up a goody basket with their favorite treats.
  5. Fill the car with gas.
  6. Help prepare dinner or help clean up.
  7. Make their coffee or tea in the morning.
  8. Polish their shoes.
  9. Make a coupon book of things you’ll do for them.
  10. Make their favorite meal and dessert.
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Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy.

Quality time

The quality time love language centers around togetherness and giving your mate your undivided attention. Put your cell phone away. Shut down all electronics, and focus on your partner. When you do that, it touches their heart and makes them feel loved and important. Some suggestions to get you started:

  1. Plan a special date night.
  2. Take turns reading a book aloud together.
  3. Go for coffee or ice cream and leave your phone in the car.
  4. Cook dinner together.
  5. Go for a walk around your neighborhood.
  6. Start and end your day spending time talking.
  7. Discuss and plan some marriage goals together.
  8. Do a home project together.
  9. Look for and start a hobby you’d both enjoy.
  10. Once you make plans to do something, don’t cancel.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation include so much. Kindness. Encouragement. Empathy. And seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. Think about what they would want to hear. For example:

  1. “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.”
  2. “Thank you for all you do for me.”
  3. “I admire the way you ______________.”
  4. “I wouldn’t want to go through life without you.”
  5. “No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together.”
  6. “I love every minute we’re together.”
  7. “Thank you for being my best friend.”
  8. “The best day of my life was the day I married you.”
  9. “You make me feel safe.”
  10. “You’re the best _____________ ever!”

Receiving gifts

Store-bought gifts aren’t the only way to speak this love language. And it’s not about how much you spend either. It’s the thought that goes into the gift. One wife told me her husband buys her gifts she doesn’t really want. Here’s a suggestion: If your spouse is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, a box of candy wouldn’t be the ideal gift. The gift should have special meaning to them. Always keep an eye out for things they’d love to be surprised with. Some ideas:

  1. Place a small gift or love note in the bag they take to work or on a trip.
  2. Listen for hints of things they love and make special occasions a big deal.
  3. Give them a small gift every hour on the hour for their birthday.
  4. Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
  5. Fill a notebook with one thing you love about them every day for a year. Include pictures of the two of you.
  6. Order a favorite childhood candy or snack.
  7. Be willing to invest in something that matters to them.
  8. After a trip, bring home a souvenir that made you think of them.
  9. Make their favorite meal and dessert for no special reason.
  10. Make a playlist of songs that remind you of them.

Our marriages are always happier when we—on purpose—try to bring each other joy. Hope you find these ideas helpful! You can always discover more suggestions on the internet. Regardless, we’d love to hear how these love language tips worked out for you! 

If this blog has blessed you, leave a comment below and let us know. We love hearing from you! …

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Angry couple

Become fluent in love

November 18, 2023 Michele Anastasi
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Making positive change, Marriage

Twenty years ago, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote his bestseller “The Five Love Languages”. We read it back then and, over the years, have even taught the principles in our marriage groups. We found that Chapman’s insights are key to building intimacy and understanding in marriage. I highly recommend it if you’ve never read it.

The book explains five ways people give and receive love: 1. words of affirmation, 2. acts of service, 3. physical touch, 4. quality time, and 5. receiving gifts. Every person has at least one primary love language. But rarely does a couple share the same one which, of course, complicates things. It’s as if you speak English and your spouse only understands Portuguese. Because you express your love for them in your language, they can’t understand or receive it. 

Every person has at least one primary love language. But rarely does a couple share the same one…

The Five Love Languages

Commit to learning

My primary love language is words of affirmation, with acts of service running a close second. If Gaspar brings me flowers and candy, that’s nice. But they don’t touch my heart like him looking deep into my eyes and saying, “Michele, you’re amazing!”…and then helping me clean out the garage. Crazy right? But that’s what floats my boat.

So often in marriage, both partners feel a lack of intimacy. Each is frustrated that their needs aren’t being met. For instance, you can feel unloved even though your spouse thinks they’re lavishing affection on you. That’s because they are speaking their own love language, totally oblivious to yours.

Intimacy doesn’t come naturally. Couples need to become students of each other and never quit learning. The better you know your partner’s likes, dislikes, desires, frustrations, joys, and love language, the deeper and closer your intimacy becomes. 

Do you battle failure? Rejection? Loneliness? Loss of identity? Register today for this great new workshop at (239) 537-7112 or visit BreakingFreeCC.com. $25 Registration includes continental breakfast.

Intimacy takes time

Developing intimacy takes spending quality time together, sharing your hearts, your feelings, thoughts and needs with each other. It doesn’t happen amid texts and rushed conversations. Before long and without considerable effort, problems arise and rejection creeps in. 

Couples need to become students of each other and never quit learning.

Do everything you can to develop and protect the intimacy in your marriage. Putting in the work to better understand each other is the ultimate labor of love and will benefit every part of your relationship. I always want to share resources with you that have helped our marriage, and “The Five Love Languages” certainly has. We know and love each other better because of it. Thank you, Dr. Chapman.

We love hearing from you! If you were blessed by this blog, why not leave a comment below?…

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Tea cup on top of books

How to conquer conflict

October 21, 2023 Michele Anastasi
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Anger management, unity in marriage

Don’t you hate it when you accuse someone of something, only to find out later they didn’t do it… and that someone is your spouse? Yes, guilty as charged! Gaspar and I were cleaning out our home office, which has four floor-to-ceiling bookshelves overflowing with books. We knew it was time to either move or pare down. We started going through the books and making piles: keep… give away… throw away. 

Everything went smoothly until a week later when I realized our family photo album was gone. It had been on one of those bookshelves which was now greatly pared down. I looked everywhere, to no avail. So I knew the culprit had to be my darling husband… He must’ve mistakenly thrown it out, I thought.  And the moment he walked in the door, the thought became an accusation. Oh yes, an argument ensued! …well, it was mostly me accusing him.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have…..

James 4:1

What really causes arguments?

James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have…..”

That’s right, James, I do not have my photo album, and I want it back! All my husband said was, “That doesn’t even make sense. Why would I throw out a photo album?”

My response? “You were probably rushing and didn’t even notice.” End of discussion. My husband (bless his heart) doesn’t argue. Several days later (I’m ashamed to say), I found the album and sheepishly apologized. But on the lighter side, my motto is: “Never let a good problem go to waste. Turn it into a blog post!“

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Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

Proverbs 19:11, NLT

How to fix fights

So, my advice is: The next time you feel an argument coming on, stop and ask yourself if it’s worth undermining your relationship? Maybe it’s time to learn a better way. Here are a few points to consider:

1. Remember your spouse is not your enemy

Satan is a master of deception and, by getting you and your spouse at odds with each other, he hurts your relationship with God. Plus, he hurts your testimony with those who don’t believe in God yet.

2. Check your own actions

Before you blame your spouse, take a good look at your own words and actions. Consider how God would have you respond. “Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs” (Proverbs 19:11, NLT).

3. Make peace a priority

When the love and unity of your marriage is at stake, no argument is worth it. Consider Hebrews 12:14: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”

4. Walk in Grace

Grace is all about overlooking wrongs. When we do that, we earn our spouse’s respect. They begin to think of us as generous and forgiving, which makes it easier for them to be generous and forgiving in return.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Hebrews 12:14

If it really bothers you…

You might be wondering how you can overlook something that really bothers you. You can’t… and shouldn’t. The key is how you speak and what you say. Remember, this isn’t an enemy you’re confronting with accusations. This is the person you love and chose to spend your life with. 

Work at creating an atmosphere of peace in your home. Learn to overlook little annoyances. Not every issue has to be a major catastrophe. Focus on preventing conflict before it even starts. Talk to each other; encourage and praise each other. Let grace abound, and you’ll find you’re creating an atmosphere where conflict doesn’t grow.

We would love to hear what steps you agreed on to bring life back to your marriage! Please comment below.

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Couple finished exercise

Relax. It’s hard on purpose.

October 7, 2023 Michele Anastasi
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unity in marriage, unity with God

As I was reading John 17 the other morning, Jesus is at the end of His earthly ministry. The cross looms before Him. It’s the last time He will be alone with His chosen 12. The words He shares aren’t for the whole world. They are for those who left everything to follow Him.

Over and over, Jesus speaks of His love for His disciples and how they are to love one another. Our Savior prays for Himself; He prays for His followers; He prays for those who were yet to believe—you and me. In verse 11, He prays for us to be one with each other just as He and the Father are one. Oneness is unity. Oneness is being like Christ.

…Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, so that they may be one just as We are.

John 17:11 (AMP)

I couldn’t help but think how this applies to marriage. I wondered, Do people see Jesus in my marriage? Multitudes have accepted Christ without ever reading a Bible or setting foot in a church, all because they’ve seen the reality of God in the lives of His children.

The point of trouble

Why is unity in Christian marriages so important? Because it has the ability impact the world like nothing else. Believe me. People are watching—not only how we relate to each other, but—how we deal with everyday trials like big unexpected bills, inconsiderate family members, rebellious kids, a demanding boss, broken promises…. Funny isn’t it? 

Like me, you’ve probably thought If I didn’t have all these problems, I’d be able to serve God better, not realizing our Father uses those very difficulties to draw us closer to Him.

Just like Jesus, we’re here in this world to testify that God is real, that the change He makes in us is real. We can’t live this Christian life without the power of His Holy Spirit. We can’t have a strong, godly, loving marriage without the power of the Holy Spirit making us one in spirit. 

Trials and difficulties keep pulling us back to the cross (at least they’re suppose to).

Did you ever wonder why marriage is so difficult at times? Why it’s sometimes easier to be nice to friends and acquaintances than to your spouse and family? It’s probably because your mate often makes life difficult for you. Yet it’s through your spouse and closest relationships that God draws you into oneness with Him and each other. 

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Without the Holy Spirit, we can’t do it. We can’t keep loving unconditionally, keep forgiving and staying in unity in our own strength. Trials and difficulties keep pulling us back to the cross… (at least they are suppose to).

One thing God hates

While in the store the other day, I saw two mugs sold together. One said Mr. Right, and the other said Mrs. Always Right. It reminded me of how our marriage started out. We fell head-over-heels in love. Soon we were planning our wedding. I’m sure some friends or family warned us that marriage isn’t easy, that we would have big adjustments to make. But we tuned them out and tuned in to our song—“Happy Together” by the Turtles (stop laughing).

So maybe like us, you became man and wife. Eventually, you had your first big fight. Disillusionment set in. Maybe those friends and family knew what they were talking about. Marriage began to put demands on you, and you weren’t so sure it was worth it. You started to wonder, Maybe we’re not as compatible as I thought… (and that Turtle’s song was stupid anyway).

We often agree to disagree and then totally support each other. 

As I’ve shared before, Gaspar and I are total day-and-night opposites. Our opinions differ on everything. But, with the Holy Spirit, we’re in complete unity. Now being in unity doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything. We often agree to disagree and then totally support each other. 

By contrast, I used to think Gaspar had to agree with me on everything because, after all, I was Mrs. Always Right. And I had to prove it to him one way or another. Oh, how God hates dissension! He hates anything that breaks unity. 

He’s using your spouse

If He hates dissension, then why does God put opposites together? Because He expects your infuriating incompatibility to keep drawing you back to the cross, to die to self, die to pride, die to self-will, die to control and realize yet again you can’t have peace or unity in your marriage without the Holy Spirit.

If you’re married, rest assured that your spouse is one of the tools God will use to make you more like Jesus. So SMILE BIG… really big, and say, “God, will use my spouse to make me more like Jesus.” 

I can’t hear you! “God will use my spouse to make me more like Jesus.”

Remember John 17. Jesus Himself is praying for us to be one. And, friends, it doesn’t get any better than that!

If this blog has been a blessing to you, please leave a comment below. We love hearing from you!

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boy and girl bride

Going back to go forward

September 23, 2023 Michele Anastasi
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Getting past the past, Marriage

In our Sacred Marriage group, we hold a session we call Going Back to Go Forward. That’s because the childhood wounds and experiences of one or both partners often resurface in our marriage relationship. They certainly did in ours. In fact, it was our own brokenness that brought us into inner healing ministry. Way back then, there was very little information on healing damaged emotions. But we absorbed whatever we could find, and the Holy Spirit taught us the rest.

The past isn’t always behind us

One thing we came to realize is that our marital problems didn’t start at the altar. Our difficulties were rooted in childhood wounds that were never healed or dealt with. Our patterns of relating to each other were formed in those early experiences and the way our parents related to us and to each other.

We all lug around emotional baggage we aren’t aware of.

We tend to think that what happened to us in the past is just that—the past. Why should it affect us today? And why our marriage? The truth is: We all lug around emotional baggage that we aren’t even aware of.

Most everything we learn about life, we learn from our parents or whoever raised us. Their issues are automatically passed down and ingrained in us. If your parents didn’t live godly, committed lives, you probably weren’t exposed to the presence of God or taught His ways. Therefore, during our formative years, we learned how to cope and survive without Him. 

Unrealistic expectations

In addition to emotional baggage, we bring into our union unrealistic expectations. Personally, I looked to my new husband to make up for everything my wounded childhood lacked. I thought if he loved me the right way, that would make me whole. We both desperately looked to each other like that. It took us years to learn that what we needed could only be found in Christ. 

The thing is, when we come to Christ, no one pushes the “clear” button to wipe away all the negative defense mechanisms we acquired to protect ourselves—things like blame-shifting, denial, anger, shutting down, etc. 

There’s a great quote by author Pete Scazzero: “Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.” That means Jesus saves us the moment we come to Him, but we still have a lifetime of experiences to work through. That’s where transformation takes place.

Jesus is in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones.

—Pete Scazzero
Break free from grief, anxiety & heartache at this amazing Healing Workshop! It features Bishop Anastasi at Breaking Free Wellness Center, 1520 Royal Palm Square Blvd, Suite 320, Fort Myers, FL. Call now to Register: (239)244-3912.

Overcoming strongholds

Growing up, both our environment and experiences erect strongholds in our minds. This results in deep-set patterns of behavior that remain with us until they’re broken through prayer and then continually worked out by the renewing of our mind in God’s Word. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 that we must no longer be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…

Romans 12:2

Beyond the blame game

Please keep in mind: The goal in exposing and healing childhood wounds isn’t to blame our parents. They, no doubt, suffered from their own wounded pasts. There are many ways we can be wounded in childhood: The death of a parent, divorce, learning disabilities, chronic childhood illness, being bullied, being given too much responsibility, poverty, all sorts of abuse… Life is not easy.

The good news is God can heal any wound—no matter how deep or painful. He just needs us to be honest and transparent with Him; to own up to the struggles that hold us hostage. It’s through our brokenness that God can bring healing. As we learn to forgive each other and those who have hurt us, we enable God to step in and give us beauty for ashes.

We pray that this blog has been blessing to you. Why not leave a comment below? We love hearing from you!…

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